The Shy Exhibitionist

[Shankara20]

The Shy Exhibitionist - yes yes

I was doing a set of pics this morning to post in my thread and all of a sudden I got very shy about it, so shy in fact that I had to get a pair of panties on before i could take the pics. I had taken several yesterday naked with no trouble, but today I just needed some covering. I really would have liked more covering but any more would have been a problem with what I was trying to show.

Later I did some more pics that required my bits to be exposed and I was OK with that, but still a little shy...

go figure!

 

[raven_wish]

The Shy Exhibitionist - yes yes

I was doing a set of pics this morning to post in my thread and all of a sudden I got very shy about it, so shy in fact that I had to get a pair of panties on before i could take the pics. I had taken several yesterday naked with no trouble, but today I just needed some covering. I really would have liked more covering but any more would have been a problem with what I was trying to show.

Later I did some more pics that required my bits to be exposed and I was OK with that, but still a little shy...

go figure!

thank god you were ok cuz it wouldnt have been the same if you werent
keep up the brave work! i love that thread!
who knows you might inspire others to put up pics of themselves

 

[FurryFury]

Shy yes, but not really an exhibitionist at all.

I was raised in a repressive religion. The sort that says, you should only have sex to "people the earth." That women should not wear outward adornments, or pants or short skirts and so on.

My parents raised me to be "perfect." That meant not even looking out the window without full make up, hair and great clothes in place. Furthermore, picking your noise, brushing your teeth, all bathroom things were to be done in private. No one was to see your naked body ever.

I'm sure this is deep down part of why I am the way I am to this day.

Now as I grew up I was thin. So thin that's all I heard from people. Often it was disparaging stuff. Sometimes it was, "you should be a model," type of stuff. The fact was I couldn't gain weight. I was ranging in those years anywhere from 95-115 pounds at 5'10".

I couldn't please everybody but I tried because fear of being physically or emotionally hurt by people (which was a constant in my life) made me try. It was of course a fools errand. Resulting in a modicum of success. If I could figure out what people wanted from me or wanted me to be, I would try to become that for them. That please quite well most of the time.

I never gained weight until my first marriage. I was absolutely miserable in it. Drinking, video games and food were some of the many things that I tried to feel better. I got up to 145 pounds.

Later through my career I found a way to be happier with myself despite my then husband. I slimmed back down. He decided to leave me when he couldn't emotionally break me anymore and in the worse most compelling way he could arrange. His little way of "fixing" me perhaps. So there I was pregnant and again I got up to around 145 pounds.

Right now I am up a bit in weight, mostly because I've been sick a great deal for a while. During a lot of time exercising has seemed impossible to do while comfort eating has seemed like a good and at times healthy thing to do. I love food. I hate food. I love my body. I hate my body. It's all true at the same time.

I realized last year that I was buying size 12 pants and large shirts when I actually fit into size 8 pants and small shirts. My husband worries that I'm too thin when I think I'm too big. I want to be TONED damn it but I know my will power will not sustain me to let this happen.

All these years people have been mostly judging me by face and figure, not what was inside me. It really pissed me off. Sure most of them liked what they saw but I felt I was more than that.

Then a few years ago I said, holy shit, I'm getting old. Look at my little girl! It is her time now. I felt really dowdy.

Around that time I had a birthday. I had a serious image problem. I suddenly wanted to be hot. Though I didn't want to be so hot my girl felt she couldn't be her kind of hot too. (I went through that with my mom.) Guess what? I found out a lot of people see me as pretty damn hot. Who would have thought it?

On Lit I found people who liked my brain, my words and my body. What a wonderful thing!

But I still can't bring myself to get naked or even strip down to say bikini level clothing at play parties. Why?

I don't know. Maybe it's just not me. I have friend that will strip down and join right it. It blows my damn mind. Why can't I do that?

Well here is what I realized this week. It doesn't matter that my husband feels I'm too skinny. It's really about ME. I want to lose some weight. When I feel well I will do that. Until then I'm trying to pamper myself. I want to feel good about me in the now. That's always been elusive to me. I need a partner for that. Even if I have it though I recognize that for me, working out is always going to be a circular thing. That means I won't do it all the time.

Perhaps if my tummy were toned enough I'd be comfortable with getting naked in semi public. I doubt it.

I have no real answers here this is an exploration and possibly an evolution. I think I should go to bed. This probably makes no sense.

Fury

 

[Shankara20]

thank god you were ok cuz it wouldnt have been the same if you werent

hee hee - that last rope trick just would not have worked with panties...

 

[Shankara20]

This probably makes no sense.

Fury

It make a lot of sense, Fury. Thanks for telling it.

 

[FurryFury]

It make a lot of sense, Fury. Thanks for telling it.

Thank you.





Fury

 

[JMohegan]

I am neither shy nor an exhibitionist. My sexuality would best be described as one-on-one and intensely private. Play parties just aren't my thing.

I have a few questions for the exhibitionists here, which I will pose for general discussion on the thread. However, if you feel the questions are inappropriate or unhelpful, Shankara, please let me know and I'll delete the contents of this post.

My questions relate to the responses that an exhibitionist receives when posting photos in a public forum such as this one. Specifically, what types of comments do you expect or want to hear after posting personal images? If you receive too few does it bother you, or does it make you feel relieved? If you receive too many, or ones whose sincerity you doubt, does that make a difference in how you react to the experience? Do you appreciate general or specific responses, or both?

Several people on this thread have mentioned that their shyness stems from an aversion to being judged. But every comment made in response to every photo on this board is a judgment. Positive, negative, and everything in between. And every reaction to one photograph may be compared to the reactions to another. People are generally positive in this part of the board, but still I wonder. Do the reactions here deter the shy exhibitionist, or do they help her overcome her fear?

I have never posted a single response, complimentary or non, to a personal photo on this board. Not of a face, a body part, or a fully clothed head-to-toe. Why not?

I suppose the answer may be summed up with the phrase: good manners. That is, manners that are appropriate per the way I was raised. To wit: If a guy is standing among a group of women in bathing suits, he should compliment every female, or none at all. And any compliments given should be general in nature. "You all look great" is okay. "Look at all these pert nips" is not. This is not a question of prudishness. The idea is that no one gets her feelings hurt by being excluding from any public compliments you had out, and no one is made uncomfortable by what you have to say.

I realize that I sound hopelessly old-fashioned here. [Cut me some slack, folks. I *am* middle-aged!] I am not trying to tell other people what to do. I mention this good manners thing solely to explain my own silence in response to personal images posted on the board, and because I believe that at least the point behind good manners is germane to the questions posed above.

 

[Rox_shybutcurious]

I have no real answers here this is an exploration and possibly an evolution. I think I should go to bed. This probably makes no sense.

Fury

Fury, it absolutely makes sense. And I totally understand where you’re coming from. Being the oldest in a single parent household it was always emphasized how I had to be the example at home and at church, which is a pretty strict one as well. And I was slim in my youth as well, but always felt unattractive. Looks, beyond neatness of appearance weren’t something important in my home. I was much more likely to get praised for vacuuming the house or getting supper ready for my brother. It certainly didn’t make me very confident in anything outside of that area. Being shy and not making friends easily made it all that much harder.

I think those childhood things can sometimes be very difficult to even recognize let alone overcome. And it makes it all that much harder to reach out or let go, when learning about something society thinks is so far beyond the “norm”. Especially in an area that can make you feel vulnerable and exposed. But you sound like you’re making great strides and that’s wonderful to see. I’ve read so many of your posts welcoming people here, encouraging them, talking of your experiences, sharing your opinions. Maybe it doesn’t always seem like it to yourself, but I think to those of us here you sound like a pretty well put together lady.

Thanks for sharing yourself with us.

Rox.

 

[shy slave]

FF This makes a great deal of sense.

It also shows such alot of who you are.
Thank you for taking the time to post this and share with people here.
It seems to capture that dilemma of 'who we are verses who we are supposed to be,'

It is often a difficult journey to discover they are not always the same, and then we are faced with tackling how to get a balance between them

 

[Shankara20]

However, if you feel the questions are inappropriate or unhelpful, Shankara, please let me know and I'll delete the contents of this post.

great question and I welcome the discussion.

I'll attempt to add my responce later after I get home tonight
(yes, I'm stealing computer time at work )

 

[lena]

My questions relate to the responses that an exhibitionist receives when posting photos in a public forum such as this one. Specifically, what types of comments do you expect or want to hear after posting personal images? If you receive too few does it bother you, or does it make you feel relieved? If you receive too many, or ones whose sincerity you doubt, does that make a difference in how you react to the experience? Do you appreciate general or specific responses, or both?

I fight myself a lot with this - and yes, I do fall into the shy exhibitionist tendency. Not in that I am shy in my poses or what I show when I do, but just my general demeanor or in how I question myself after about such pictures.

I used to post, starting here at Lit, mostly for validation. It sounds very cheap and dirty, and it really was that. I had major body issues all throughout my teens and early 20s, because I thought I was not pretty enough and that I was fat/disgusting - since I never had a boyfriend or had never had anyone show a blatant interest in me to ask me out. Just crude disgusting dirty comments from people, most of the time. Made me feel so dirty.

It reached a certain point where I would stand in front of the mirror each morning and try to find "something" wrong with my face or body, and not quite really seeing anything. In 2001, I got a webcam .. and for whatever reason I started taking pictures with it. Really crappy pictures but pictures all the same .. which i put up on Lit's Am Pics board.

After the first few posts it helped immensely with my body image [I called it the "Body Love" project after that]. Something totally changed in me, that I wasn't delusional for thinking that I looked okay .. that truly there was nothing so wrong with me that a man wouldn't find me attractive. Then I just started taking beauty shots .. and it evolved from there. I know it's wrong to take pictures like that (in a way, the shyness/modesty bit that asserts itself in my everday life) but it's in a way amazing to see how I've changed .. year by year - not the physical changes really but from the way I express myself or the emotion that comes across in the pictures.

There's also a certain thrill in knowing that I am so .. contradictory. All shy/modest in real life but in private can be very naughty - and no one really knows about it.

About feedback. At first, in the validation stage .. feedback was very important but eventually, you understood that most people would say "Wow! Hot pic!" to almost any woman who'd post such pictures online no matter whether she was actually hot or not. So once I got past the validation with the first few shots, it wasn't so important any more.

It does help sometimes .. like a quick fix when I need to feel good (since i still at times feel very unbeautiful). Although I definitely have taken more tasteful, artful pictures in the past few years .. so would prefer a different kind of feedback - less "Wow! Hot!" and more about suggestions about the pose, lighting, feel of the shot. Those help me take better pictures, give me ideas .. so I prefer that type of feedback.

I hope that makes sense and answers your question.

 

[Shankara20]

I hope that makes sense and answers your question.

Thanks for your post, I found it very interesting and appreciate the insight you offered.


I am still pondering my response to JM's post and am looking for the energy to draft an answer.

 

[Shankara20]

My questions relate to the responses that an exhibitionist receives when posting photos in a public forum such as this one. Specifically, what types of comments do you expect or want to hear after posting personal images? If you receive too few does it bother you, or does it make you feel relieved? If you receive too many, or ones whose sincerity you doubt, does that make a difference in how you react to the experience? Do you appreciate general or specific responses, or both?

I want feed back in a general way, more or less to let me know it is still OK to continue posting. It did not take long of posting in AmPics to draw the conclusion that, in general, males do not receive feedback the same way as females and add to that the fact that I am an older male - and that is no surprise at all. Once I saw that I would not get run out on Lit for posting my bits I started adding some of the self-play and panty pics and I started to get a following, small but the feedback fed the part of me that craves acceptance. Then about this time last year Lit went through a massive photo dump, I lost over 550 posted pics and it had marking of Lit removing some and leaving some. I was devastated and old body/sex shame issues surfaced. Then I got pissed and started to look for ways to see just how far I could push Lit. A review on my Sneak-A-Peak will show a sort of history including looking for sites that would host the pics.

I enjoy the connection I feel with the few folks that take a look and say "Hi!". I don't need a "Wow you look great!" But I fear a "Go Away" sort of rejection. There have been times I have posts a set on Pics and receive no response at all, only to post that same set a few months later and then receive a few "cool" responses. To get my own good "they are looking at me" feeling I sorta track how many visits my thread gets to let me know people are taking a look-see.

Several people on this thread have mentioned that their shyness stems from an aversion to being judged. But every comment made in response to every photo on this board is a judgment. Positive, negative, and everything in between. And every reaction to one photograph may be compared to the reactions to another. People are generally positive in this part of the board, but still I wonder. Do the reactions here deter the shy exhibitionist, or do they help her overcome her fear?

Expressing judgement can be problematic and I am not as skilled as I would like to be at not making judgmental statements. I prefer to make supportive statements when someone takes the risk to show off a little something - saying something like "Oh MY!" or "Great".

That sort of encouragement helps me get past those times my fear is up and in my face.

I realize that I sound hopelessly old-fashioned here. [Cut me some slack, folks. I *am* middle-aged!] I am not trying to tell other people what to do. I mention this good manners thing solely to explain my own silence in response to personal images posted on the board, and because I believe that at least the point behind good manners is germane to the questions posed above.

I think your old-fashioned-ness is sorta cute most of the time...


Shank

 

[FurryFury]

Fury, it absolutely makes sense. And I totally understand where you’re coming from. Being the oldest in a single parent household it was always emphasized how I had to be the example at home and at church, which is a pretty strict one as well. And I was slim in my youth as well, but always felt unattractive. Looks, beyond neatness of appearance weren’t something important in my home. I was much more likely to get praised for vacuuming the house or getting supper ready for my brother. It certainly didn’t make me very confident in anything outside of that area. Being shy and not making friends easily made it all that much harder.

I think those childhood things can sometimes be very difficult to even recognize let alone overcome. And it makes it all that much harder to reach out or let go, when learning about something society thinks is so far beyond the “norm”. Especially in an area that can make you feel vulnerable and exposed. But you sound like you’re making great strides and that’s wonderful to see. I’ve read so many of your posts welcoming people here, encouraging them, talking of your experiences, sharing your opinions. Maybe it doesn’t always seem like it to yourself, but I think to those of us here you sound like a pretty well put together lady.

Thanks for sharing yourself with us.

Rox.

Aww, thanks so much Rox! It's affirmations like that I get now and then that just keep me posting here. Well, okay that and a problem keeping my hands off the keyboard and thoughts to myself. *L*

*hugs*

The funny thing is, I can remember actually liking certain parts of my body when I was skinny. If people had not been hounding me about my body all the time, it's possible I could have loved my body a little then and not only in retrospect.

I've tried to get my kids to appreciate the beauty and magic of their bodies NOW and all along in their development. I hope it's taking. Then again, God know how that will fuck em up.

Reading your excellent post about your experiences made me think about those years even more. Though some saw me as attractive that never made much of an impact with me because the people who were my caretakers would say something wonderful one minute and then do something horrible the next. In a constantly shifting world like that it's hard to find solid ground or a basis for self worth, sometimes survival is all we can do.

I do know that at some point I began taking men off on "picnics" to feel worthwhile, loved in the limited way I could understand it and always, in control. I had to be in control because I was the only one I trusted. Perhaps that was part of the reason I picked out such older men?

FF This makes a great deal of sense.

It also shows such alot of who you are.
Thank you for taking the time to post this and share with people here.
It seems to capture that dilemma of 'who we are verses who we are supposed to be,'

It is often a difficult journey to discover they are not always the same, and then we are faced with tackling how to get a balance between them

Thank you Shy Slave for your post. It means a lot to me. You are one of the people I read avidly here, because I trust you and admire you so much.

I am neither shy nor an exhibitionist. My sexuality would best be described as one-on-one and intensely private. Play parties just aren't my thing.

I have a few questions for the exhibitionists here, which I will pose for general discussion on the thread. However, if you feel the questions are inappropriate or unhelpful, Shankara, please let me know and I'll delete the contents of this post.

My questions relate to the responses that an exhibitionist receives when posting photos in a public forum such as this one.

1.) Specifically, what types of comments do you expect or want to hear after posting personal images?

2.) If you receive too few does it bother you, or does it make you feel relieved?

3.) If you receive too many, or ones whose sincerity you doubt, does that make a difference in how you react to the experience?

4.) Do you appreciate general or specific responses, or both?

Several people on this thread have mentioned that their shyness stems from an aversion to being judged. But every comment made in response to every photo on this board is a judgment. Positive, negative, and everything in between. And every reaction to one photograph may be compared to the reactions to another. People are generally positive in this part of the board, but still I wonder.

5.) Do the reactions here deter the shy exhibitionist, or do they help her overcome her fear?

I have never posted a single response, complimentary or non, to a personal photo on this board. Not of a face, a body part, or a fully clothed head-to-toe. Why not?

I suppose the answer may be summed up with the phrase: good manners. That is, manners that are appropriate per the way I was raised. To wit: If a guy is standing among a group of women in bathing suits, he should compliment every female, or none at all. And any compliments given should be general in nature. "You all look great" is okay. "Look at all these pert nips" is not. This is not a question of prudishness. The idea is that no one gets her feelings hurt by being excluding from any public compliments you had out, and no one is made uncomfortable by what you have to say.

I realize that I sound hopelessly old-fashioned here. [Cut me some slack, folks. I *am* middle-aged!] I am not trying to tell other people what to do. I mention this good manners thing solely to explain my own silence in response to personal images posted on the board, and because I believe that at least the point behind good manners is germane to the questions posed above.

I don't consider myself an exhibitionist though many might think I am based on my posts and my am pic threads. What I do has it's very concrete limits. It is also done with an approximation of anonyminity (or as close to it as you can get on the net.) Alternatively it is done with a great deal of trust in an individual. So while it may appear that I'm free and open in most if not all things, I'm actually a very compartmentalized buttoned up shy person believe it or not.

I did have some AM threads though. So I feel I can voice my experiences by answering these questions from my own perspective.

Before I do, let my say JM that I find politeness and old fashioned manners to be a plus. I think we've discussed that before. In the South it's still the way many of us behave.

1.) After first posting my images which to be brutally honest had to pass my critical eye first, I didn't know what to expect. I was extremely keyed up and fearful but buzzed as well about it. Given that I had looked a quite a few threads I though a positive response was likely as most if not all the threads get mostly wildly positive responses here. My thread however was not going to show "pink" parts. I thought that might piss some off. I expected it might bring out some derision. In any case I wanted some positive posts of course but not like cybering type posts. When you put yourself out like that you should be prepared for anything. I always expect the worst so I can be hopefully, pleasantly surprised.

2.) One good comment is enough. More good comments are better. No commenting is a sort of death. The old saying that the opposite of love is not hate but apathy fits my mind set about this. Of course now that I'm older and hopefully wiser apathy isn't as bad to my way of mind as it once was. Negative people are what I try to avoid now. In this case I was laying it out there for the possibility of all three. All my performances are that way. I take what I get. It helps to know your audience because you can play to them. In this case I'd set limits that might go against that though so I'd handicapped myself but it was my performance so only pictures I could stand would be included. I had to be me that way. Those are my boundaries creeping in the "picture" again.

3.) This next is going to sound bad. I am a broken thing in many ways. There aren't enough compliments, love or anything else in the world to fill me up until and unless I fix my internal self image. Each one helps a little and strangely that little also means a HUGE amount to me at times.

As a performer and as a previously constantly tricked (in emotional ways) child, I can never trust the sincerity of most people. People want to be polite. They want to make everything happy. They want to make you feel good in the moment. They lie for all kinds of reasons.

Given all that, I was somehow able to provisionally trust that people had little reason to post if they didn't like something all they had to do was not post or post negatively. Yes, I know this is all twisted up. Judging only from myself and those I know well, that's the way people often are.

So I tried to take the compliments gracefully and believe them sincere when they were good. When they were bad I resorted to other classic manipulation tactics.

4.) I appreciate both general and specific comments on a thread particularly if they are complimentary or positive. There are just not enough affirming things in the world IMO. That's why when I have the time I try to post things in threads to let others know I'm listening to them and appreciate them if I am and do. Back to that silence is death thing there you see. I try to do for others as I would want it done for me because I don't want someone to feel unheard, unappreciated. When I first came to this board it seemed no one ever responded to a damned thing I posted for the longest time. So I try to say at least hi to new people if I see them.

5.) For me the reactions here helped my body image for a while along with the exercise thread. I dearly miss you RJ, in that capacity! I even thought I might be able to get down to a bra and panty at a demo/play party at one time but that time passed with me paralyzed. It is I think, not my thing, public play. It pisses me off I am so shy and reticent in this way because it means I am passing up doing some things I'd like to do in what to me would be an acceptable venue with no fucking. *sighs* I'm working on it but I'm not at all sure that it's a work I will ever complete or that will ever change my basic shyness. Here I didn't show my face or my pink parts. There I'd be at least showing my face. Give me back my mask, my veil, my sweet partial fleeting anonymity or give me clothes, I say! (Hell I'm not sure I could do it even then. *L* The whole I need to be doing things for someone I care about and trust is a problem there too. ) God I do I "talk" to much or what?

*shakes head and head to bed*

I love you all.

Goodnight.

Fury

PS Lena, I liked your post.

PS Shank, thanks for starting this thread.

 

[Rox_shybutcurious]

The funny thing is, I can remember actually liking certain parts of my body when I was skinny. If people had not been hounding me about my body all the time, it's possible I could have loved my body a little then and not only in retrospect.

I remember those day. I liked my calfs. I think that was about it. Well and maybe my hair sometimes because it was long and blonde, but it was never enough to overcome the shyness and be more outgoing.

I had to be in control because I was the only one I trusted.

I think trust is a fragile thing. And while children will trust more easily, if that's repeatedly broken, the walls they learn to build can be the hardest to bring down. I know when things got overwhelming for my mother, without another adult in the household, I was the one she turned to for emotional support and to keep things going. It's made it hard for me to let myself lean on others or even ask for things I want/need.

But I try not to dwell on it too much. Mine is undoubtedly a very typical child of a divorce story and I know a lot of people have had it much worse. The bits and pieces you've shared show how much you've had to overcome. And you're determination to keep working on not letting your past hold you back. Maybe you'll never be able to get past all you inhibitions, but the fact that you're trying means you're continuing to step forward in your journey.

My questions relate to the responses that an exhibitionist receives when posting photos in a public forum such as this one. Specifically, what types of comments do you expect or want to hear after posting personal images? If you receive too few does it bother you, or does it make you feel relieved? If you receive too many, or ones whose sincerity you doubt, does that make a difference in how you react to the experience? Do you appreciate general or specific responses, or both?

Several people on this thread have mentioned that their shyness stems from an aversion to being judged. But every comment made in response to every photo on this board is a judgment. Positive, negative, and everything in between. And every reaction to one photograph may be compared to the reactions to another. People are generally positive in this part of the board, but still I wonder. Do the reactions here deter the shy exhibitionist, or do they help her overcome her fear?

I don't have any pictures posted and don't really believe I'm an exhibitionist, but I've thought about sending pictures so maybe that counts. I definitely consider myself very shy, especially in social situations, and don’t particularly like to bring attention to myself. On the other hand I like attention. Maybe one of the paradoxes of being shy. In posting pictures to a public board I think there’s an attempt to generate attention, and acceptance as well, while still maintaining some small degree of emotional distance that can’t be achieved in a more real time situation. Although maybe I’m way off base with that.

I know for me, if I posted any pictures I would be very anxious about how they were received and would be hopeful for positive responses. The more the better probably, indicative of my need for attention, although it’s something I try to always be aware of and not to go overboard with. As far as the supportiveness of the board here I feel that actually would be an encouragement for someone interested, but apprehensive about posting their pictures.

Rox.

 

[FurryFury]

I remember those day. I liked my calfs. I think that was about it. Well and maybe my hair sometimes because it was long and blonde, but it was never enough to overcome the shyness and be more outgoing.



I think trust is a fragile thing. And while children will trust more easily, if that's repeatedly broken, the walls they learn to build can be the hardest to bring down. I know when things got overwhelming for my mother, without another adult in the household, I was the one she turned to for emotional support and to keep things going. It's made it hard for me to let myself lean on others or even ask for things I want/need.

But I try not to dwell on it too much. Mine is undoubtedly a very typical child of a divorce story and I know a lot of people have had it much worse. The bits and pieces you've shared show how much you've had to overcome. And you're determination to keep working on not letting your past hold you back. Maybe you'll never be able to get past all you inhibitions, but the fact that you're trying means you're continuing to step forward in your journey.



I don't have any pictures posted and don't really believe I'm an exhibitionist, but I've thought about sending pictures so maybe that counts. I definitely consider myself very shy, especially in social situations, and don’t particularly like to bring attention to myself. On the other hand I like attention. Maybe one of the paradoxes of being shy. In posting pictures to a public board I think there’s an attempt to generate attention, and acceptance as well, while still maintaining some small degree of emotional distance that can’t be achieved in a more real time situation. Although maybe I’m way off base with that.

I know for me, if I posted any pictures I would be very anxious about how they were received and would be hopeful for positive responses. The more the better probably, indicative of my need for attention, although it’s something I try to always be aware of and not to go overboard with. As far as the supportiveness of the board here I feel that actually would be an encouragement for someone interested, but apprehensive about posting their pictures.

Rox.

Rox,

It sounds like you had it plenty rough.

*HUGS*

I see a lot of myself in your post particularly when you talk about your mother leaning on you. I always felt I had to be more of an adult than my parents who acted more like dangerous, talented, beautiful, unpredictable children.

I also have to add that I would have never thought I'd post pictures here. One of the reasons I did was that I was looking for some good head shots and actions shots for promotional materials relating to work. A photog I contacted sent me some lovely art shots of an older woman that showed a lot of skin among other things to show me his work.

I wanted the shots now (this was a couple of years ago) before I got older and disliked my appearance even more. His wonderful shots made me think about the rest of my body. I had "visions" as I often do (in various art forms) of art shots I'd like to see and have so that when I'm 100 I can say, "Hey I looked good in that shot."

So that lead to eventually taking my own shots and posting them. I am trying to appreciate my body, which most around me seem to think is pretty good now, just as I am trying to teach my kids to do. Of course I can't quite make them the art that I want them to be but some are okay.

Fury

 

[JMohegan]

great question and I welcome the discussion.

I'm glad.

Thanks to you and everyone else who responded to my questions here.

About feedback. At first, in the validation stage .. feedback was very important but eventually, you understood that most people would say "Wow! Hot pic!" to almost any woman who'd post such pictures online no matter whether she was actually hot or not. So once I got past the validation with the first few shots, it wasn't so important any more.

Though I've never posted pictures (or even visited that part of the board), this response is exactly what I would expect. Compliments that are primarily the equivalent of junk food rather than nourishing sustenance.

It does help sometimes .. like a quick fix when I need to feel good (since i still at times feel very unbeautiful). Although I definitely have taken more tasteful, artful pictures in the past few years .. so would prefer a different kind of feedback - less "Wow! Hot!" and more about suggestions about the pose, lighting, feel of the shot. Those help me take better pictures, give me ideas .. so I prefer that type of feedback.

This is a wonderful idea - to view your photography as art, and your body as part of your artistic expression.

I have been an athlete since Elementary School age. Long before I ever tried to mate with a female, I celebrated what my body could do. How fast I could run, how far I could throw, etc.

Whether you (general "you") view your body as part of your personal artistic expression, or part of your achievement in sport/dance/whatever, my guess is that this focus on your body as something other than simply an inspiration for sexual desire is a very positive way to boost your physical self esteem.

And by the way, yours is a *very* creative avatar, Lena. One of the few that makes me wish those things could be two or three times as large.

I want feed back in a general way, more or less to let me know it is still OK to continue posting. It did not take long of posting in AmPics to draw the conclusion that, in general, males do not receive feedback the same way as females and add to that the fact that I am an older male - and that is no surprise at all. Once I saw that I would not get run out on Lit for posting my bits I started adding some of the self-play and panty pics and I started to get a following, small but the feedback fed the part of me that craves acceptance.

I'm a straight guy, and not generally inclined to spend time viewing another guy's equipment.

But I'll tell you what I love about your thread, Shankara. It's like giving the finger to the establishment, but somehow doing it in a way that does not come off as rude or obnoxious.

It's a celebration of who you are, and what you do. Given the place and purpose, I also view your thread as a metaphorical celebration of what we *all* do. And by "all", I mean anyone who has ever done anything that would be mocked, scorned, criticized, or condemned by mainstream society.

Without any hesitation, and with complete sincerity, I will tell you that your posts on the Sneak-a-Peek body thread together constitute a compilation of images, thoughts, and attitudes for which I have the utmost respect.

 

[Rox_shybutcurious]

Rox,

It sounds like you had it plenty rough.

*HUGS*

I see a lot of myself in your post particularly when you talk about your mother leaning on you. I always felt I had to be more of an adult than my parents who acted more like dangerous, talented, beautiful, unpredictable children.

And sometimes I think driven to prove something to themselves and the rest world....

I wanted the shots now (this was a couple of years ago) before I got older and disliked my appearance even more. His wonderful shots made me think about the rest of my body. I had "visions" as I often do (in various art forms) of art shots I'd like to see and have so that when I'm 100 I can say, "Hey I looked good in that shot."

I had some of those posed, make over shots done in a mall in VA once. They didn't come out too bad, but were done many, many moons ago.

So that lead to eventually taking my own shots and posting them. I am trying to appreciate my body, which most around me seem to think is pretty good now, just as I am trying to teach my kids to do. Of course I can't quite make them the art that I want them to be but some are okay.

Fury

Sometimes others can see us better than we see ourselves and it can help to keep that positive image in our mind when we start doubting.

Oh, and I can't say I've never posted a picture anymore. I put one out on the face thread. Not the best, but I'm a lousy photographer.

I'm going to go check yours out Fury. I know they're great.

Rox.

 

[FurryFury]

And sometimes I think driven to prove something to themselves and the rest world....



I had some of those posed, make over shots done in a mall in VA once. They didn't come out too bad, but were done many, many moons ago.



Sometimes others can see us better than we see ourselves and it can help to keep that positive image in our mind when we start doubting.

Oh, and I can't say I've never posted a picture anymore. I put one out on the face thread. Not the best, but I'm a lousy photographer.

I'm going to go check yours out Fury. I know they're great.

Rox.

Actually, I took them down. Just about the time news stories started hitting about people being fired for "nude" shots and that sort of thing. It renewed my paranoia in that area.

Fury

 

[jadefirefly]

Reading posts like Fury's and others, are making me think.

What I can't figure out is -why- I'm so obsessed over what other people think of me. A shrink would probably argue that I seek validation because my dad wasn't around when I was a very young child. I think that's a load of hogwash, because frankly, I don't remember much before the age of 4, so I find it hard to believe that just 'cos he came and went a lot (an army brat was me!) it's permanently screwed me up.

My parents are still together. Sometimes their expectations are a little frustrating, but all in all, I'm very pleased to say that I've got a decent family.

I was encouraged to do well, but I don't recall ever having anything truly serious happen if I got bad grades, or didn't win a prize in a contest, or something.

I never had any really embarrassing boy-related problems in school.

I was a geek in a small town, which didn't help: the popular kids made it clear who was cool and who wasn't. It never really phased me, though.

Despite everything, for the most part, being fairly stable and pleasant in my life as a kid, my fear of what other people are thinking about me has only gotten worse. Maybe it's because I know exactly how nasty people can be behind other people's backs. I don't know.

I just know that being overweight, single, and somewhat lacking in fashion and hair sense, I just have this undying certainty that people who see me take note of every tiny thing I hate about myself -- everything, really, with very few exceptions.

And it's funny, because I know there's really no reason for this. Like I said, my childhood wasn't unhappy, there's no basis for it. And yet as much as I'd like to, I'm horribly shy about the idea of posting bits of myself for people to pick over -- because for every person who makes a nice comment, I just know there are a dozen out there wondering why I'm bothering.

 

[Shankara20]

But I'll tell you what I love about your thread, Shankara. It's like giving the finger to the establishment, but somehow doing it in a way that does not come off as rude or obnoxious.

It's a celebration of who you are, and what you do. Given the place and purpose, I also view your thread as a metaphorical celebration of what we *all* do. And by "all", I mean anyone who has ever done anything that would be mocked, scorned, criticized, or condemned by mainstream society.

Without any hesitation, and with complete sincerity, I will tell you that your posts on the Sneak-a-Peek body thread together constitute a compilation of images, thoughts, and attitudes for which I have the utmost respect.

Thank you so much. Keep that thread fresh as turned out to be a very healing experience for me. I love images and with the acceptance I have found here I can post a wide spectrum of expression. Your words here warm me.

 

[JMohegan]

Your words here warm me.

That's good to know.

 

[raven_wish]

I want feed back in a general way, more or less to let me know it is still OK to continue posting. It did not take long of posting in AmPics to draw the conclusion that, in general, males do not receive feedback the same way as females and add to that the fact that I am an older male - and that is no surprise at all. Once I saw that I would not get run out on Lit for posting my bits I started adding some of the self-play and panty pics and I started to get a following, small but the feedback fed the part of me that craves acceptance. Then about this time last year Lit went through a massive photo dump, I lost over 550 posted pics and it had marking of Lit removing some and leaving some. I was devastated and old body/sex shame issues surfaced. Then I got pissed and started to look for ways to see just how far I could push Lit. A review on my Sneak-A-Peak will show a sort of history including looking for sites that would host the pics.

I enjoy the connection I feel with the few folks that take a look and say "Hi!". I don't need a "Wow you look great!" But I fear a "Go Away" sort of rejection. There have been times I have posts a set on Pics and receive no response at all, only to post that same set a few months later and then receive a few "cool" responses. To get my own good "they are looking at me" feeling I sorta track how many visits my thread gets to let me know people are taking a look-see.




Expressing judgement can be problematic and I am not as skilled as I would like to be at not making judgmental statements. I prefer to make supportive statements when someone takes the risk to show off a little something - saying something like "Oh MY!" or "Great".

That sort of encouragement helps me get past those times my fear is up and in my face.


Shank

i think all of your pics of u r great but cant always find an appropriate comment being married and all, but i sure like em
so if i dont comment as much as others, that is why

photo dump, huh?
i have never looked at their pic standards/rules
maybe i should...

 

[FurryFury]

Reading posts like Fury's and others, are making me think.

What I can't figure out is -why- I'm so obsessed over what other people think of me. A shrink would probably argue that I seek validation because my dad wasn't around when I was a very young child. I think that's a load of hogwash, because frankly, I don't remember much before the age of 4, so I find it hard to believe that just 'cos he came and went a lot (an army brat was me!) it's permanently screwed me up.

My parents are still together. Sometimes their expectations are a little frustrating, but all in all, I'm very pleased to say that I've got a decent family.

I was encouraged to do well, but I don't recall ever having anything truly serious happen if I got bad grades, or didn't win a prize in a contest, or something.

I never had any really embarrassing boy-related problems in school.

I was a geek in a small town, which didn't help: the popular kids made it clear who was cool and who wasn't. It never really phased me, though.

Despite everything, for the most part, being fairly stable and pleasant in my life as a kid, my fear of what other people are thinking about me has only gotten worse. Maybe it's because I know exactly how nasty people can be behind other people's backs. I don't know.

I just know that being overweight, single, and somewhat lacking in fashion and hair sense, I just have this undying certainty that people who see me take note of every tiny thing I hate about myself -- everything, really, with very few exceptions.

And it's funny, because I know there's really no reason for this. Like I said, my childhood wasn't unhappy, there's no basis for it. And yet as much as I'd like to, I'm horribly shy about the idea of posting bits of myself for people to pick over -- because for every person who makes a nice comment, I just know there are a dozen out there wondering why I'm bothering.

I don't think you need a messed up childhood to have some of these issues at all. You post made a lot of sense to me.

I think we (in the states) are raised in a hyper sexual community where everything is sold using sex. At the same time we are generally told to be modest and all that. It's confusing and conflicting stuff.

There of course there are the control issues that go with food. Using food for comfort is another huge issue that has to do with my self image. Because I don't compare myself to other people I know. I compare myself to the models in those magazines or in other media, you know? That means I am never quite good enough.

Even knowing the model only looks like that for the frame to be snapped and that she is likely air brushed. Her clothes might pinned unattractively where you can see so that the outfit looks more fitted or they might even be sewed on. Her teeth could have already worn away from various unhealthy but skinny producing habits and been replaced by caps that look good. There are so many ways that perfect really, isn't and still I can't be completely okay with my body. I think there aren't many women who are? I mean what your brain knows your heart might not believe.

Fury

 

[lena]

I don't consider myself an exhibitionist though many might think I am based on my posts and my am pic threads. What I do has it's very concrete limits. It is also done with an approximation of anonyminity (or as close to it as you can get on the net.) Alternatively it is done with a great deal of trust in an individual. So while it may appear that I'm free and open in most if not all things, I'm actually a very compartmentalized buttoned up shy person believe it or not.

You managed to sum this up perfectly - I have trouble writing things down or expressing myself well. Part of my problem, that I've gotten heckled/ragged/flamed is that I like a certain sense of control over my pictures.

I know that when I used to post on AmPics that I'm exposing myself literally to hundreds of pairs of eyes all over the globe. Thinking of it like that makes me not be able to deal with it .. so when I do want to feel the 'thrill' or 'feel good' .. like a fix, I post .. and push that out of my mind. Until maybe a few days down the line when regrets show up .. with 'Did I show to much?' or 'Why did I do that?!". Then I yank everything off ..

After that I moved on to Flickr, and it's been all about control. Letting certain people see this. Letting others see more, some less. And like you said for yourself - it's a trust issue. If I trust someone not to turn it into something dirty or strange (by getting himself off on it and only that before moving on to the next nude woman), and see it as something else .. then I'll allow them to see more than me. It feels a little like someone has to prove themselves to me before they have the privilege .. but it thankfully weeds out quite a lot of the unwanteds who have no patience and will just easily move on to the next readily available woman.

I know that my pictures don't show enough of the 'good bits'. In the final thread it was like that .. always "more, more, more" - see more, show more, do more .. not enough, not enough. I just didn't feel like playing any more. It was just so .. tiresome and painful in a way because I always felt that I was 'never enough'. And to do all these things - i don't think anyone knows the amount of time it takes to set up a shot, take it etc. These pictures I thought were beautiful, artistically or not .. and then have people skip over them .. just to see 'pink bits' or a nipple here or there.

If by an off chance, there is a show of a bit of that .. everyone would be clamoring over it instead of a better shot. Essentially it doesn't matter .. who you are as a person (strange to say that but posting pictures you want people to *know* you) .. and not just some random woman on the 'net. Whatever the case at least I finally got that posting on AmPics was just a waste of time because things just went over everyone's heads.

One good comment is enough. More good comments are better. No commenting is a sort of death.

That's such a perfect description. No comments are horrible Makes you totally question the shot, why didn't anyone like it etc.

This next is going to sound bad. I am a broken thing in many ways. There aren't enough compliments, love or anything else in the world to fill me up until and unless I fix my internal self image. Each one helps a little and strangely that little also means a HUGE amount to me at times.

(((( HUGS )))) It didn't sound bad, although it was a little heartbreaking .. but thanks for your honesty.

And by the way, yours is a *very* creative avatar, Lena. One of the few that makes me wish those things could be two or three times as large.

Thank you Really love it when someone actually appreciates those kinds of shots instead.