The Soft Side Of D/s

[SubKekiLee]

Mmmhmmmm....yes...exactly. Without getting into specifics, there was a particular moment last night during our conversation where i felt the safest/warmest/most cherished that i have ever felt in my entire life. i can only imagine that feeling is going to be compounded when we're together IRL.

Someone hurry and get Bunny more insulin.

WOW you sound so lucky.... How long have you two been together? Are you collared to him? Sounds like my D.. I always feel so special and so cherished and it makes me happy when I can please him.... How many times have you been together as of now? Mine we have been together IRL 3 times and every day on the phone and internet... it is amazing I know how you feel...

My only wish would be 24/7 but that cant happen... at least not now..

 

[HottieMama]

WOW you sound so lucky.... How long have you two been together? Are you collared to him? Sounds like my D.. I always feel so special and so cherished and it makes me happy when I can please him.... How many times have you been together as of now? Mine we have been together IRL 3 times and every day on the phone and internet... it is amazing I know how you feel...

My only wish would be 24/7 but that cant happen... at least not now..

i am VERY lucky...and we haven't been "together" that long, but got to know each other as friends beforehand...through one of the crappiest times in my life. It was THEN that i got to see what type of person He is, and that has helped everything else fall in place rather effortlessly. i am a BLESSED woman.

Edited to add: It's both the "softer" and "harder" sides of my relationship that make me feel complete. Knowing that i am cherished and loved, makes me feel safe enough to be nothing more than a "fucktoy," that wants to be used, degraded, and "abused," because essentially i am a lot more than just that in His eyes. (Does that make any sense?)

(i'm not ignoring the rest of your questions, but i am learning that discretion is good, especially here on Lit. i'll shoot you a PM when i have a moment.)

 

[AndrewKay]

From my viewpoint, soft can be used to better define or remind her of hard.

It can be genuine or used as part of training in a more calculated way (classical conditioning-- positive re-enforcement).

When she knows that I can flog her, and walk her with her leash, gagged, naked, and with a tail plug, but rather I give her a deliberate look of caring while she is on her knees, and perhaps a gentle carress of her cheek and neck, the unwielded well of 'hard' sends ripples through both of our beings. The truth is, for me, a proper soft act, can reaffirm my own choice to treasure and cherish her, and yet create in me a sense of appreciation, that her submission is so complete out of her volition.

In my opinion, it is has been most beneficial when it was determined that soft would illuminate her own gratitude and committment to serve. It has to resonate in both the Dom/Domme and the sub, as a deliiberate pause in a musical score can resonate louder than any single note.

I guess what a few people are saying in their own ways is that 'soft' can be a source of much needed contrast, but much more than that-- it can also be an affirmation of choice, gratefulness, and power (or willfull powerlessness) through this contrast, that may not be easily accessed with the use of only 'hard'.

 

[GentleSub_Ivy]

Edited to add: It's both the "softer" and "harder" sides of my relationship that make me feel complete. Knowing that i am cherished and loved, makes me feel safe enough to be nothing more than a "fucktoy," that wants to be used, degraded, and "abused," because essentially i am a lot more than just that in His eyes. (Does that make any sense?)

It makes perfect sense. I have the fucktoy fantasy but it could only be with someone that didn't see me as only his fucktoy. He would have to cherish me enough to degrade me...LOL. I guess I mean that I couldn't submit completely in that situation if I wasn't sure there was love in the equation.

Ivy

 

[satindesire]

My Sir has only the barest streak of sadism in him, so our D/s is more soft than anything else. He is supremely affectionate and tells me all the time how much he loves me, how beautiful I am, etc...so being 'romantic' isn't at all strange. In fact, when the sadist DOES come out to play, -that's- what's strange!

 

[HottieMama]

He would have to cherish me enough to degrade me...LOL.

EXACTLY!!!!!!! Luckily for me, He has no problem with this.

 

[JupitersGirl]

I had to smile at this because it reminded me of a phrase that was pounded into my head time and time again by a mentor who took me under his wing for a time ...

"It's all about balance."

 

[Softouch911]

Soft is a part of SM. Don't know why it gets a bad rap.

I can torture with a bunny flogger as well as with the cat or nipple clamps. She is on her back, restrained, blindfolded ... what will be used? When? How? The bunny flogger can tease, seduce, and slap pretty effectively too w/o damaging the most tender bits. And works well when the cat is nearby to set a tempo before or after; better yet the heavy suede (thuddy) flogger.

Such soft seductive touches ... and no permission to come. So sweet!

Standing -- perhaps on the cross. A rapid series of circles that caress (the fur) and sting (the hide) her nipples.

Last week she is face down, tied off in every direction. Everything I can reach is rosy pink and some nice welts were across her bottom a good half hour ago and now some of them are starting to seep a little blood.

"Hold very still," I say. "It's time for the knife." (She loves cutting.) [Background sounds of blade tinkling on irrelevant stuff.] "Hold still" she is reminded again. She is anxious, starting to whimper. I run an old sharpening stone over an old knife, but she can't see so what's she know. I touch her with the cold blunt edge. She tenses even more. I'm at the spot on her back that shows if she bares her waist or just above. "I want this shallow," I say quietly. "If you move at all, I'm not going to touch you for the next month."

She inhales as if she could stay that way forever.

And I run the bunny flogger over the soles of her feet.

She is so focused on what she thought would happen that she doesn't recognize what it is at first. When I do it again, then up the backs of her calves, she moans. She laughs, but she is aroused.

It's just a mindfuck, but what fun! Her mascara is all over the place by then and it's a spontaneous, pretty good way to end an intense impact scene.

No one is going to the ER from soft touch play -- you might notice my nick, lol? But they may end up in the funny farm if I ever get it just right!

Respectfully, ST

 

[BiBunny]

The last time I went to go see B., he chained me to his ceiling and flogged away at my back. (Floggings make me very happy, and he knows it.) I found myself sobbing, not because it hurt, but because it felt sooooo good. He's not much of an impact play person unless he's in the right mood (lazy ass!), so I found a certain kind of peace in knowing he was doing it for me. The gentleness and the lovemaking I got after he finished was beyond words, too.

I can play hard with most anybody I trust not to cause bodily harm. I have a hard time allowing anyone to be tender with me because it scares the shit out of me for some reason. I have to really care for someone to crave a soft touch from them. Maybe that's why it's such a big deal in my mind.

 

[callinectes]

This is will probably cause much eye-rolling but what the hell. I crave soft caresses. I enjoy the rough impact play but I live for the times when I lie (lay?) my head in his lap and he gently strokes my face and hair. Those quiet times are when I feel safest and the most connected to him.

 

[BiBunny]

Those quiet times are when I feel safest and the most connect to him.

Same here, which is why I feel uncomfortable when casual play partners want to get all touchy-feely on me. One day, I was feeling bad and sent B. an email about how much I loved him. I said, "There's a rage in me, in the deepest, darkest place in my soul that no one knows about, that's only quieted when I'm close to you. I don't expect you to understand because I hardly understand it myself. People try to make love into some huge thing where you see fireworks and hear trumpets playing, but I'm smart enough to know that's not what love is. Love is that thing you feel in the quietest moments, that thing that seeps in between the silences, that thing that slips up when I'm curled up in your lap, and you're snoring on the couch."

So, yeah, I understand completely. Even if the above example was cheesy as hell and deserves an eye-roll in and of itself.

 

[HottieMama]

Same here, which is why I feel uncomfortable when casual play partners want to get all touchy-feely on me. One day, I was feeling bad and sent B. an email about how much I loved him. I said, "There's a rage in me, in the deepest, darkest place in my soul that no one knows about, that's only quieted when I'm close to you. I don't expect you to understand because I hardly understand it myself. People try to make love into some huge thing where you see fireworks and hear trumpets playing, but I'm smart enough to know that's not what love is. Love is that thing you feel in the quietest moments, that thing that seeps in between the silences, that thing that slips up when I'm curled up in your lap, and you're snoring on the couch."

So, yeah, I understand completely. Even if the above example was cheesy as hell and deserves an eye-roll in and of itself.

i actually think that example was wonderful, and VERY sweet.

 

[callinectes]

Same here, which is why I feel uncomfortable when casual play partners want to get all touchy-feely on me. One day, I was feeling bad and sent B. an email about how much I loved him. I said, "There's a rage in me, in the deepest, darkest place in my soul that no one knows about, that's only quieted when I'm close to you. I don't expect you to understand because I hardly understand it myself. People try to make love into some huge thing where you see fireworks and hear trumpets playing, but I'm smart enough to know that's not what love is. Love is that thing you feel in the quietest moments, that thing that seeps in between the silences, that thing that slips up when I'm curled up in your lap, and you're snoring on the couch."

So, yeah, I understand completely. Even if the above example was cheesy as hell and deserves an eye-roll in and of itself.

I don't think it is cheesy at all. What you wrote is beautiful.

 

[BiBunny]

*Blush* Thank you both, even if I have just totally ruined my uncompromising bitch reputation.

 

[HottieMama]

*Blush* Thank you both, even if I have just totally ruined my uncompromising bitch reputation.

Yep...i'm gonna call you...BiBunnyMushBall from now on!!!


(Please don't beat me....)

 

[BiBunny]

Yep...i'm gonna call you...BiBunnyMushBall from now on!!!


(Please don't beat me....)

*Screams* No, God, no, please not that!

 

[AndrewKay]

I'm really curious

Don't want to rock the boat, but I wonder who feels disgust or at least annoyance from "increasing mushiness" and think of themselves as all hard all the time? I don't mean this to be a rhetorical question, but rather I am hoping someone who avoids 'mushiness' at all costs will post and present the other side of this intersting discussion.

I love being both both for reasons of power and control, but also because I am naturally both nurturing and controlling/hard. And I'm not going to deny about how it makes me feel warm and loving and appreciative of her with me as her protector when I have complete trust and complete power, and choose to caress her gently.

Obviously there is going to be a bias in a thread like this as someone rolling their eyes excessively isn't going to be too inclined to stick around in the thread long enough post anything. But are there many Doms/Dommes disinclined to even get near any gentleness just out of natural disposition, or out of disgust of 'fakeness' or 'mushiness'?

 

[LadyAria]

Well, I feel safer in the hardcore arena. I have some pretty serious intimacy issues. Its not that I wouldn't like to be softer. I just feel foolish and contrived when I try.

I think the softest things I do is buy small gifts. I travel with business I always buy something to him know he was on my mind.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

This makes PERFECT sense to me. In my relationship, thankfully, there is a time/place for both and perhaps we're a bit "odd" because we work with both dynamics of Daddy/little girl and Master/slave. (i couldn't explain it if i tried other than to say it works extremely well for us and makes us both relaxed and comfortable.) i need both...and a lot of my fantasies/favorites involve doing "extreme" things and then being held afterward and told i am a "good girl" and that my Daddy/Master is proud of me. And truthfully, i am the type of person that all i need to hear is "Daddy loves you, little one," and anything is possible in terms of physical acts because those 5 words provide the safety that i need.

wow hottiemama, if i didn't know that i hadn't posted this, i would swear i had...LOL (did that make any sense at all??) what i'm trying to say is this sounds like ME...completely!

 

[HottieMama]

wow hottiemama, if i didn't know that i hadn't posted this, i would swear i had...LOL (did that make any sense at all??) what i'm trying to say is this sounds like ME...completely!

LOL...makes sense. It's comforting to know that i am not the only one that feels this way.

BTW..it's also wonderful to see you back around!!!!!