The validity of online relationships.

[grant_s]

But here's the deal, speak from your own experience. Don't speak from a place of judgement (if you can). Own your own words. This, I expect will be heated. So if you can't take it, then walk away.

LI, fr33ks33k, Ahren and anyone else that wishes to answer frankly, when did this become a value game, if you read the topic, its about validity, not value, yet you like to change the rules to suit your arguement, yet no-one is willing to answer a simple question

 

[Ausus_girl13]

Alright, so I am one of those LI sometimes refers to as a friend. (Mostly I think I confuse him) But here's the deal. He's my friend, but given the choice between drinks with my friends and cybering with him?

Pass. I'm gone.

What we hear you saying Grant is that your online relationships are just as IMPORTANT as your RL ones.

Is this the case?

 

[dragonrazor]

Ponder this. What of online enemies? Are they important too?

 

[grant_s]

Alright, so I am one of those LI sometimes refers to as a friend. (Mostly I think I confuse him) But here's the deal. He's my friend, but given the choice between drinks with my friends and cybering with him?

Pass. I'm gone.

What we hear you saying Grant is that your online relationships are just as IMPORTANT as your RL ones.

Is this the case?

Like I said in my original post, I don't say I love you to someone I dont mean to.

 

[Light Ice]

LI, fr33ks33k, Ahren and anyone else that wishes to answer frankly, when did this become a value game, if you read the topic, its about validity, not value, yet you like to change the rules to suit your arguement, yet no-one is willing to answer a simple question

Your stupidity is awe-inspiring.

 

[Light Ice]

Alright, so I am one of those LI sometimes refers to as a friend. (Mostly I think I confuse him) But here's the deal. He's my friend, but given the choice between drinks with my friends and cybering with him?

Pass. I'm gone.

I'm crushed.

 

[grant_s]

Your stupidity is awe-inspiring.

You still can't answer a simple question, stop being a coward and avoiding the question

 

[Light Ice]

Which question did I fail to answer?

 

[fr33ks33k]

LI, fr33ks33k, Ahren and anyone else that wishes to answer frankly, when did this become a value game, if you read the topic, its about validity, not value, yet you like to change the rules to suit your arguement, yet no-one is willing to answer a simple question

Grant, value creates validity. If you hold more value in something it is more valid to you. No one here has said that you cannot have a friendship, nor a relationship, online with someone. All they've said is that it is not of the same level as a real-life interaction with someone. They're not questioning the validity, only the level of validity it holds. This is because they hold less value in an online friend than one in the real world.

 

[Ausus_girl13]

Like I said in my original post, I don't say I love you to someone I dont mean to.

Then from this we are to infer that indeed your relationships online are just as valid as your real life ones.

Interesting. I am sorry Grant.

I'm crushed.

Oh you know I love you fucker.

See there I go again, falling for another. Guess this means I have to change my sig and spray our love all over the lounges.

 

[grant_s]

Yes it is
Is friendship a relationship and what is it based on, its a simple enough question

LI, fr33ks33k, Ahren and anyone else that wishes to answer frankly, when did this become a value game, if you read the topic, its about validity, not value, yet you like to change the rules to suit your arguement, yet no-one is willing to answer a simple question

Which question did I fail to answer?

Its not just once I asked it

 

[Light Ice]

I'll be creating our hideaway soon. I'm entitling it, "Miracle".

 

[Light Ice]

Its not just once I asked it

friendship |ˈfrendˌ sh ip|
noun
the emotions or conduct of friends; the state of being friends.
• a relationship between friends : she formed close friendships with women.
• a state of mutual trust and support between allied nations.

 

[Ausus_girl13]

I'll be creating our hideaway soon. I'm entitling it, "Miracle".

I'mma gonna call you Hottie McSweet Cheeks.. and they is all mine. Don't play with anyone else, otherwise I will e-guilt them.

 

[grant_s]

Then from this we are to infer that indeed your relationships online are just as valid as your real life ones.

Interesting. I am sorry Grant.

I value my friends with equal measure, I don't believe in best friend. I give everything to all my friends.

As for love, I love wholeheartedly, I can't fake or pretend, its me and all of me.
I understand thats a hard concept for everyone to understand, but tough shit, its who I am.

 

[Light Ice]

I value my friends with equal measure, I don't believe in best friend. I give everything to all my friends.

As for love, I love wholeheartedly, I can't fake or pretend, its me and all of me.
I understand thats a hard concept for everyone to understand, but tough shit, its who I am.

You know what, nevermind. It's not worth it.

 

[grant_s]

friendship |ˈfrendˌ sh ip|
noun
the emotions or conduct of friends; the state of being friends.
• a relationship between friends : she formed close friendships with women.
• a state of mutual trust and support between allied nations.

Thank you, now, tell me you trust those you call friends here on lit.
Nice of you to bring out the dictionary, if I use too big a word, I can simplify it for you. I asked you to define friendship, I can read too.

 

[princesssexci]

Ponder this. What of online enemies? Are they important too?

To answer Dragon's question...


This is what I think of enemies

en·e·my
   /ˈɛnəmi/ Show Spelled [en-uh-mee] Show IPA noun, plural -mies, adjective
–noun
1.
a person who feels hatred for, fosters harmful designs against, or engages in antagonistic activities against another; an adversary or opponent.
2.
an armed foe; an opposing military force: The army attacked the enemy at dawn.
3.
a hostile nation or state.
4.
a citizen of such a state.
5.
enemies, persons, nations, etc., that are hostile to one another: Let's make up and stop being enemies.
6.
something harmful or prejudical: His unbridled ambition is his worst enemy.
7.
the Enemy, the Devil; Satan.

So uh, if you want them to feel important then this is why they are your enemies! ^_^

 

[Noon_Shadow]

Well, this all fell apart rather quickly and predictably....Pretty much all that needed to be said on this topic got out on the first page.

Of course, I could take the ultra-cynical view of questioning the validity of ANY relationship, rather than just online relationships, and drive this into a discussion of relativism. I'll refrain from going there, though.

 

[grant_s]

We all have them. Especially here. Tell me how real they are. How much you think it's stupid... or not.

But here's the deal, speak from your own experience. Don't speak from a place of judgement (if you can). Own your own words. This, I expect will be heated. So if you can't take it, then walk away.

This conversation, it seems.. needs to be had. Let's do it. Get dirty and get it over with.

Ready?
Deep breaths everyone.

Go.

You know what, nevermind. It's not worth it.

You right LI, unless you wish to add anything from your experience, and not judgement.

 

[dragonrazor]

Well, this all fell apart rather quickly and predictably....Pretty much all that needed to be said on this topic got out on the first page.

Of course, I could take the ultra-cynical view of questioning the validity of ANY relationship, rather than just online relationships, and drive this into a discussion of relativism. I'll refrain from going there, though.

Oh no, Peesychology, humanity's weakness (Sorry, Noon, couldn't resist)

 

[princesssexci]

Well, this all fell apart rather quickly and predictably....Pretty much all that needed to be said on this topic got out on the first page.

Of course, I could take the ultra-cynical view of questioning the validity of ANY relationship, rather than just online relationships, and drive this into a discussion of relativism. I'll refrain from going there, though.

Yay for cynicism! ^_^

 

[fr33ks33k]

Oh no, Peesychology, humanity's weakness (Sorry, Noon, couldn't resist)

Heh, one of humanity's weaknesses....

 

[Hikari]

I've actually discussed this several times before.

I think you can develop a connection online but only if it leads to regular real life dates and the person is living not too far from you. You know same continent, same general area without requiring obscene amounts of money to meet.

The most important thing to a relationship for me is chemistry. How well you guys work together when you're interacting face to face. Some relationships might work well online, but when you bring it face to face it may fall apart. Many marriage counselors cite lack of chemistry as one of the main causes of marital problems. People just not clicking past the honeymoon period.


This is the main problem with relationships that happen mostly online with few real life meetings, over the course of many years. You never exceed that phase of love where everything seems perfect. They never really stay with each other face to face long enough to determine overall chemistry and whether they will drive each other nuts after living together for a few months.


We're talking about relationships that wouldn't normally last a month in real life being drawn out for 4 years or more.


Then they think. "Oh we've been together four years or more. Time to get married!"

When really their amount of time together in real life may equate to about two months.


It's like watching a train wreck.

 

[Alana_]

Can I just try to clarify for me, how friendships and romantic/sexual relationships can be confusing for me.? And I admit it for me to try to explain is complicated.
I personally have friends online. Friends whose friendships mean as much to me as my RL ones, but can't be called equal. Not many friends, but I do have online friends. And I trust them. I trust their advice, what they tell and share with me.
But I know on either end of that friendship, neither can 'prove' what is said is the truth, that it's all based on that trust. I think that trust builds after a period of time, and consistency.
I watch what's being said to make sure what was said months before and still makes sense 'today', months after. I will watch out for that consistency as a means of assuring myself that I'm not being played with. It's about the only means of 'proving' that they are being honest in what they share. And it takes a long period of time. Not weeks, and certainly not by just scanning through their history of posts to see how they interact with others, or my friends list would be much smaller than my little list.

As for a 'romantic' relationship, I've no doubt that there can on rare occasions prove fruitful. I believe that the 'love' we all want to find is something we all have a right to. It's human nature. But I think what makes me very skeptical about that 'love' is coming to a site like Lit, and seeing all these threads or posts with who's wearing what collar for whom, and who loves who this week drains that need of it's validity.
It gets a bit tired. It cheapens the odd relationship that does happen online away from Lit like sites, because frankly seeing siglines ( which I have turned off for this very reason) baring the who owns who stuff, is just a little too childish, and on occasion pathetic for it to be treated by some onlookers with any respect. It's hard to respect something that is dragged through the ' who you want to do this to' threads, or similar; or others that you read about in detail when you want to post the lyrics to a song, and someone's posting a sad song because they got shafted the night before by another member of the site or someone else online the night before.

I'm sorry if this hurts anyones feelings, and I'm trying to find a way of explaining without being hurtful, but still being honest. I don't think I'd like to read that someone didn't respect my marriage, so I've been very hesitant on posting my own views, so try inflect tone and not just read words.

I just want to interact with people I find fun and interesting...and build on that if I think it's worth it. It's harder than RL friendships yes. It's harder to gauge. That's up to ME to look into in my conversations. But after time is given, a friendship can happen, but not to the extent of a face to face relationships. How can it?
Much as I'd love to meet online friends, I know it'll more than likely never will, so I settle for what I can, and consider myself lucky to have that much. But those friendships have their places in my life...but are not equal to those of the people i can physically reach out to.
For that reason I dont' believe an intimate relationship can flourish on a site like Lit, and if not on Lit, on the net, unless they are at least within touching distance.. I think you have to have touch, and the joy of contact for a healthy imtimate relationship to happen. I don't see that happening online. By nature I'm a nurturer. I can't help it. I need the feeling of someone in my arms to hold, before i can call it love. For me, and it's a personal analogy,- I don't need to log in to find burger meat waiting for a temporary thrill until I log off, when I have steak at home.

Again, this is my own view, but it's not been an easy one to spend the day thinking on, and searching into myself on.
I still agree with Ahrens post.
I still agree with LI's opinions on his view of his friendship with me from earlier back this evening. I think the world of him. I believe he does of me. But it's an online friendship that while is precious, can't possibly compare to the friendship of those we can physically reach out to. I have one friendship of almost 5 years old, with someone from another site, and I would grieve it's loss. But I'll never meet this person. So I look on it, respect it, but know it will never give me what I get from RL friends. Much as I wish it could.