TheAntiRebel's Hidey-hole

[TheAntiRebel]

(Clandestine Lit posting from work on iPad )

Song of the Day: "Hole in my Soul" - Aerosmith

Great underrated Aerosmith song.

I'm down a one way street
With a one night stand
With a one track mind
Out in no man's land
(The punishment sometimes don't seem to fit the crime)

Yeah there's a hole in my soul
But one thing I've learned
For every love letter written
There's another one burned
(So you tell me how it's gonna be this time)

Is it over?
Is it over?
'Cause I'm blowin' out the flame

Take a walk outside your mind
Tell me how it feels to be
The one who turns the knife inside of me
Take a look and you will find there's nothing there girl
Yeah I swear, I'm telling you girl yeah 'cause
There's a hole in my soul that's been killing me forever
It's a place where a garden never grows
There's a hole in my soul, yeah I should have known better
'Cause your love's like a thorn without a rose

I'm as dry as a seven year drought
I got dust for tears
And I'm all tapped out
(Sometimes I feel broke and can't get fixed)

I know there's been all kinds of shoes underneath your bed
Now I sleep with my boots on but you're still in my head
(And something tells me this time I'm down to my last licks)
'Cause if it's over
Then it's over
And it's driving me insane

Take a walk outside your mind
Tell me how it feels to be
The one who turns the knife inside of me
Take a look and you will find
There's nothing there girl yeah I swear
I'm telling you girl, yeah,
'Cause there's a hole in my soul
That's been killing me forever
It's a place where a garden never grows
There's a hole in my soul
Yeah, I should have known better
'Cause your love's like a thorn
Without a rose

Is it over?
Yeah it's over
And I'm blowin' out the flame

Take a walk outside your mind
Tell me how it feels to be
The one who turns the knife inside of me
Take a look and you will find
There's nothing there girl yeah I swear
I'm telling you girl, yeah,
'Cause there's a hole in my soul
That's been killing me forever
It's a place where a garden never grows
There's a hole in my soul
Yeah, I should have known better
'Cause your love's like a thorn
Without a rose

 

[TheAntiRebel]

Crap, it's a nice day and I didn't take the bike! What a waste.

"Wallflower" - Divalola

I'm thinking tonight is a good night to go out and get drunk! Anybody want to go to the club with me? Thinking Drop in Lincoln Park unless my pals want to go somewhere else. I don't dance but I'll stand in the corner and nod my head and wear blue-grey jeans and sip a whiskey neat. I generally pull off the "I'm too cool to dance but still having a good time and not asshole" thing well. Well, I think so anyway.

Later. Back to work before I get fired.

 

[TheAntiRebel]

For the one who got away.

"Without You" - Badfinger

All the lyrics pretty much apply to how I'm feeling.

Well, I can't forget this evening
And your face when you were leaving
But I guess that's just the way the story goes
You always smile, but in your eyes your sorrow shows
Yes, it shows

Well, I can't forget tomorrow
When I think of all my sorrow
I had you there, but then I let you go
And now it's only fair that I should let you know
What you should know

I can't live, if living is without you
I can't live, I can't give anymore
I can't live, if living is without you
I can't live, I can't give anymore

Well, I can't forget this evening
And your face when you were leaving
But I guess that's just the way the story goes
You always smile, but in your eyes your sorrow shows
Yes, it shows

I can't live, if living is without you.

We had a lot evenings I won't forget.

I still remember the time I was a dumb kid and suddenly you have that aching moment where every love song ever makes since.

This is another one of those moments.

Love you.

(I know you hate drama, so sorry for this. )

 

[TheAntiRebel]

I can't really believe you're gone. I know we've fought before and gotten back togethere but this time I know it's for real. I didn't mean what I said. I know that's a cop out and I still said them. I was hurt and lonely. The idea of losing you had always hurt. The truth is, despite everything you werever my dream girl. Every part of you was perfect. I thought about you all the time. I wish I had handled the final 48 hours differently. I wish a nap after work didn't take us down for good. Despite everything that was said and all the weird aspects of our relationship, I honestly did love and care about you. You have no idea how much my heart is breaking. How much the idea of never holding you again at night hurts. How much the idea of never dreaming about our future together hurts. How much the idea of you never laying your head on my chest again hurts. I looked up our first messages to each other. They were so fun and innocent. We were happy and in love. I miss those two people. I wonder where they went.

Good bye. I love you.

 

[TheAntiRebel]

Can't write what I need to write.

 

[TheAntiRebel]

Leaving her because I'm just making her worse is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.