Thunderstruck

[HotKittySpank]

the more i know
the less i know and
i know too much and
therefore, nothing.

the more i speak
the less i say and
i speak to much and
therefore, shush.

the more i grow
the less i am and
i grow too much and
therefore, fade.

...

 

[TheRainMan]

keep it up.

the progress is large.

 

[HotKittySpank]

keep it up.

the progress is large.

see, now i'm really scared. i thought i was before, but now...

 

[TheRainMan]

see, now i'm really scared. i thought i was before, but now...

learning can make anyone afraid.

there is a certain safety in ignorance, after all . . . and no one holds onto their beliefs more staunchly than the uninformed.

if you're too scared, you can always go back to writing mumbo jumbo like you were before.

i don't recommend it, though.

 

[HotKittySpank]

if you're too scared, you can always go back to writing mumbo jumbo like you were before.

i don't recommend it, though.

fuck, another gauntlet thrown! such a meanie to keep pushing - taunting with those little carrots. yeah, yeah, yeah... fear is a momentary thing - frozen - but i quickly thaw. ; )

...

 

[HotKittySpank]

i am not afraid to learn, i am
just afraid to be, let loose
those things i know and see.

...

 

[HotKittySpank]

...
/
...

 

[WickedEve]

after drawing, bathing bird in crayon
over lunch while awaiting fried ravioli,
i looked across and there she sat,

a parrot, in all her finery, fire engine red dress
and nails, her hair an architectural masterpiece.


...

Like the poem, spanky.

 

[HotKittySpank]

Like the poem, spanky.

if you wouldn't mind, tell me why you liked it.

was there anything that tripped you up? was it clear that she was like the bird - making a splash? i found the whole situation random and overlapping and tried to make this seem that way too. was it successful?

thx. : )

 

[HotKittySpank]

it was a happy birthday


Dad brought the drilled slate, lugged it
on the airplane all the way. and it sat
for a few days, eyed

suspiciously. then, he bought crocosmia
and gathered greens from the yard
and labored over half an hour
before presenting the stone
now alive.

...

 

[HotKittySpank]

i love La Perla as it slides
between my legs
so sexy, a satin glide of cloth
over that slick spot you laid.

...

...

 

[HotKittySpank]

Diablo


Diablo is a woman. i recognize
her blonde body reclined

languid in luscious range. she rolls
and folds around eruptions of life
caressed by whispers along her
rippled hair in sigh. she speaks

in shudders starved for water
in scorched patches torched
by motor men, pecked
by eagles, whipped
by wind, she lies
still and takes it

knowing

she will outlast them all.

 

[HotKittySpank]

nectar collectors


it is only a matter of time
till nectar collected turns,
till chewed spit becomes
wax, and that to little rounds
filled with sweet labors
in wait of hungry mouths.

it is only a matter of time
before those mouths chew
through to suck upon the feast,
become the next wave of bees
droning after queen in chase

of her twitching body dance
of directions toward that sweet
spot the nectar pulled from; flowers
pulled up from ground, complete
in that circle round.


...

 

[HotKittySpank]

we shared a laugh,

and in that glance
a lifetime passed
between our eyes.

 

[HotKittySpank]

...
/
...

 

[HotKittySpank]

the sun is mad at our siesta.

his fingers slip through the blinds
in effort to keep us awake.

but he is too late.

we are curled to one another,
a child and mother
cuddled up in sleep’s embrace.

 

[TheRainMan]

loops


timeless grains, bright sparks, those destined orbs
circle and expand in loops. infinite dark

demands light past flows toward our teaming
loud chaotic world. seeded, marooned or moored
we screaming wild life, viral destructive blight,
race eager toward flight. spewing spores again,

a siren viewed from any lens, the likeness frightful

defends our mirrored cycles.
we grow vortex drawn and view those echo’s
effect as we explode to see past before us
and stumble back toward future’s start.

way too many adjectives. they make this muddled and vague, some faux mystical circle that goes nowhere and means nothing.


but this:

the sun is mad at our siesta.

his fingers slip through the blinds
in effort to keep us awake.

but he is too late.

we are curled to one another,
a child and mother
cuddled up in sleep’s embrace.

. . . is much clearer. dominated by nouns and verbs, by clear images, not shadows.

read one after the other.

surely, you can tell the difference by now.

 

[WickedEve]

if you wouldn't mind, tell me why you liked it.

was there anything that tripped you up? was it clear that she was like the bird - making a splash? i found the whole situation random and overlapping and tried to make this seem that way too. was it successful?

thx. : )

I'll do that now. Let me read it again.

 

[HotKittySpank]

way too many adjectives. they make this muddled and vague, some faux mystical circle that goes nowhere and means nothing.

: ) funny! nothing mystical about it. its the universe and our threatened pollution of it - ok, will work on it some more. too funny - i love your interpretation!!! heee!

but this:

. . . is much clearer. dominated by nouns and verbs, by clear images, not shadows.

read one after the other.

surely, you can tell the difference by now.

well, sure, but i don't like to let old stuff die. it was one of my first assignments for myself before i had any clue - not that i have one now, mind you, and i wanted to revive it - still pumping. breath!!!!

thanks. ; )

 

[WickedEve]

I love the title of your drawing: bathing bird in crayon over lunch. It's poetic. Fried ravioli is interesting. Fried? Really? Nice description of the lady who looks like a parrot. I guess the only thing that didn't thrill me was "architectural masterpiece." I'd like something simpler, fresher... Not sure what.

 

[HotKittySpank]

I'll do that now. Let me read it again.

YEA!!! you are a doll! thanks!

 

[HotKittySpank]

I love the title of your drawing: bathing bird in crayon over lunch. It's poetic. Fried ravioli is interesting. Fried? Really? Nice description of the lady who looks like a parrot. I guess the only thing that didn't thrill me was "architectural masterpiece." I'd like something simpler, fresher... Not sure what.

ok. i will think on that - something to bring her back in with a SPLASH!
hmmm.
(and, the fried ravioli was amazing! i wasn't very good at sharing them with my kid - poor baby! i should have kept the drawing but the waiter loved it, so... ; )

THANK YOU!!!

 

[WickedEve]

ok. i will think on that - something to bring her back in with a SPLASH!
hmmm.
(and, the fried ravioli was amazing! i wasn't very good at sharing them with my kid - poor baby! i should have kept the drawing but the waiter loved it, so... ; )

THANK YOU!!!

It really is a good. But that one line "bathing bird in crayon over lunch" really does it for me.

 

[WickedEve]

Ouch. My brain started working.

"a parrot, in all her finery, fire engine red dress
and nails, her hair an architectural masterpiece."

fire engine red--cliche
Maybe some sort of red bird description?

architectural masterpiece? keep it about birds. Maybe something about plumage.

 

[TheRainMan]

: ) funny! nothing mystical about it. its the universe and our threatened pollution of it - ok, will work on it some more. too funny - i love your interpretation!!! heee!

timeless grains ?? . . . destined orbs ?? . . . infinite dark demands light past flows toward our teaming loud chaotic world ?? . . . seeded, marooned or moored ?? . . . viral destructive blight ?? . . . spewing spores ?? . . . we grow vortex drawn ??


don't try to defend words like that -- that is indefensible writing.

be clear when you write. that is the first thing anyone has to learn. there is beauty in simplicity, and in order to become sophisticated with words, you must first learn how to be simple.