Thunderstruck

[HotKittySpank]

Ouch. My brain started working.

"a parrot, in all her finery, fire engine red dress
and nails, her hair an architectural masterpiece."

fire engine red--cliche
Maybe some sort of red bird description?

architectural masterpiece? keep it about birds. Maybe something about plumage.

yep. that fire engine thing was bugging me too. i'm thinking screaming red but will sit on in a while. and plumage - i think the top feathers do have a specific name 'crown or crest?' i'll get it - thank you so much -

i love the new pic btw!

hugs, --j

 

[HotKittySpank]

timeless grains ?? . . . destined orbs ?? . . . infinite dark demands light past flows toward our teaming loud chaotic world ?? . . . seeded, marooned or moored ?? . . . viral destructive blight ?? . . . spewing spores ?? . . . we grow vortex drawn ??


don't try to defend words like that -- that is indefensible writing.

be clear when you write. that is the first thing anyone has to learn. there is beauty in simplicity, and in order to become sophisticated with words, you must first learn how to be simple.

(please) don't talk to me like that. it sort of freaks me out. ok? you have made me cry several times now. i'm really not as 'tough' as some people. i know there is a hard kernel inside me but the coating is all mush.

i'm not defending it. i said that it was from something old. and i know that old is not really 'old' for me - and i said that i would work on it - and i will.

i'm aware i have a long way to go. i totally get it. i've only been doing this for like, what, 3 months or so. i'm working on it - REALLY hard.

ok? sorry. now i'm shattered. gotta go regroup in the bathroom.

 

[TheRainMan]

(please) don't talk to me like that. it sort of freaks me out. ok? you have made me cry several times now. i'm really not as 'tough' as some people. i know there is a hard kernel inside me but the coating is all mush.

i'm not defending it. i said that it was from something old. and i know that old is not really 'old' for me - and i said that i would work on it - and i will.

i'm aware i have a long way to go. i totally get it. i've only been doing this for like, what, 3 months or so. i'm working on it - REALLY hard.

ok? sorry. now i'm shattered. gotta go regroup in the bathroom.

as you wish.

that was not harsh criticism, just truthful.

sorry you took it poorly. if your feelings were hurt, i apologize. really, it should take a lot more to hurt one's feelings than stern writing instruction, don't you think?

best of luck with your writing. you're doing well, for the most part (as i've said time and time again.)

 

[WickedEve]

as you wish.

that was not harsh criticism, just truthful.

sorry you took it poorly. if your feelings were hurt, i apologize. really, it should take a lot more to hurt one's feelings than stern writing instruction, don't you think?

best of luck with your writing. you're doing well, for the most part (as i've said time and time again.)

You're a sweet man. I remember being like HKS years ago. I was so easily devastated over certain comments. I've even reread some of those comments years later and laughed at how I reacted. I think the ones who upset me most were the ones I looked up to.
This is excellent advice: be clear when you write. that is the first thing anyone has to learn. there is beauty in simplicity, and in order to become sophisticated with words, you must first learn how to be simple.

 

[HotKittySpank]

as you wish.

that was not harsh criticism, just truthful.

sorry you took it poorly. if your feelings were hurt, i apologize. really, it should take a lot more to hurt one's feelings than stern writing instruction, don't you think?

best of luck with your writing. you're doing well, for the most part (as i've said time and time again.)

i'm sorry too. you are right that it was truthful but it was the way you wrote it out that was harsh. and perhaps it 'should' take more to hurt someone's feelings. its not the feelings that were hurt - it was just my initial shock over the way you spoke. (i'm aware that i have perception problems so perhaps that plays into this)

shit.

you need to be yourself and say what you are going to say, the way you want to say it and i just need to accept that and not get so freaked.

i do appreciate your honesty and encouragment and do wish you to continue. i told you these things were momentary. some moments just last longer than others. : |

--j

 

[HotKittySpank]

she made a splash

after drawing, bathing bird in crayon
over lunch while awaiting fried ravioli,
i looked across and there she sat,

a parrot, in all her finery, red plumage
and nails, her hair an excited crest.

 

[HotKittySpank]

he loves to get a package in the mail


but he decided to wait. save it especially
for his birthday.

it sat on the table, and he passed by it
several times each day,

the anticipation licking at his fingers.

oo the urge to sneak a peek grew in his mind,
an itch to tear just one corner of cardboard.

but he resisted, eyes slipping to the side,

just keepin an eye on it.

the night before he lingered in the door,
leg curled around the molding, chest inclined
toward temptation,

arm swinging dangerously close to the prize.

 

[HotKittySpank]

i was once too big for my britches
now i am swimming in them.

...

 

[HotKittySpank]

it took three days for anger to come home to roost,
and it perched on my chest as it filled up the room.


...

 

[HotKittySpank]

...
/
...

 

[HotKittySpank]

the best they can

it’s a dirty mess
this business

of cleaning shit from toilets.
stained and cracked,
the porcelain wants to be

refreshed.
jealous of the new
johns with their
shine

never having served
time

never having seen
the lines

of ass and piss stains
and the few retching mouths
hovered.

until the rubber gloves
slid the suds.

 

[HotKittySpank]

how we became

oh, i’ll take the blame
for flowers clutched
under your arm,

for the stars you wished
upon
.........for this.

how i took you from
delivery boy
to vase
to waste

cans filled with molding
petals
.........replaced

by the next bouquet.


...

 

[HotKittySpank]

the loreley

lived in a book by the bed
my mother slept alone in.
and i loved to look at her picture,
blonde hair wound up in her fingers.
and when i learned to read
she became a siren on the rocks,
my fingers curled around the book,
my mind encased the meaning.
and when i learned to sing
she became the voice that drove men
to their knees blind before my reef
as i smashed them on the rocks.

 

[HotKittySpank]

the closet reeks of clothes

overflowing in wrong sizes and odd colors
and shoes that cut into feet, pinching toes.

costumes and baubles hang amid the chaos
and beg to be tossed after the fittings are done,
after the selections are made,
and the proper attire has picked a life of its own
and overgrown the closet to fill the room.

and the closet may even empty itself
if it has the space to choose.

 

[HotKittySpank]

when i was

where he hovered over with his snake
in hand a dark spot spread like blood
in sands slipping through glass, squeezed by

the neck until it made its way through. even
the faded thought of snakes
............................... and hands
........................................ and necks
choked for breath makes the spot spread,

even though it is late now,
and the thought probably has taken on a life
of its own, a life of serpents
............................... and fiends
with their hands wrapped around my neck
wringing those thoughts to spread.


...

 

[HotKittySpank]

it slipped out of my fingers

and shattered into three distinct pieces on the floor.
stooped to pick up the ruined glass, i saw my reflection
thrice and cracked
and from three slightly different angles,
like looking at simultaneous photographs.
each time my eyes would focus on one image
my other eyes would move slightly to adjust.

catching their action in my peripheral view,
it made me laugh.

i gathered them together thinking about bad luck and glue
but realized it was a pointless task;
new mirrors are so inexpensive anyway.

but i would not be able to see my rear view
until i got a new one so i saved the largest piece
and held it at an angle to get the best vantage point to see most
of the back of my head being careful not to slice my finger,
and made sure that i was well rounded. well,
it would just have to do for now.


...

 

[HotKittySpank]

i should have gone back for it

foraging amid old teapots and tansu cabinets, a morsel caught my eye,
a tiny, framed black,

until i drew closer and saw eyes stared back, then the faint outline of a cat
on a slanted tree trunk, black on black, night stalking.

i was smitten as he watched me.
but he knew instantly that i was easy prey

as i stood unaware of the vulnerability in my bemused stare. i memorized every detail
because i could not afford it so wished to copy it, paint black on black rice paper, pretend
i was in Japan climbing over a moon bridge and spot him on the tree, perhaps startle him
as he was intent upon some foolish mouse,

the way he was looking at me now.

 

[HotKittySpank]

...
/
...

 

[HotKittySpank]

after drawing, bathing bird in crayon
over lunch while awaiting fried ravioli,
i looked across and there she perched
on a barstool in a neat row with all her
overdone biddies chirping away merrily,
my parrot, in all her finery, red plumage
and nails, with her hair in an excited crest.

the bartender poured another round
and she copied their raised glasses
in a toast cawed out across the crowded bar
before she washed it down, never noticing
my thrilled audience.

 

[My Erotic Trail]

i was once too big for my britches
now i am swimming in them.

...

I enjoyed your writes! <grin

 

[HotKittySpank]

I enjoyed your writes! <grin

i'm glad of that. : ) i have enjoyed making them. hugs.

 

[HotKittySpank]

for Linus

old cat,
how i love your fat belly when it swings to and fro
as you wander down the hall in search of your bowl.

i love it even more when you roll over on your back and let me pat it
like a Budda.
i feel the luck rubbing off on me with every jiggle.

and when i tickle between your toes
your claws stretch to let me get every spot before you bound off,
belly flopping between your short legs so low it nearly rubs the ground.

i will miss you when you go,
miss your good morning yawl, the drooling purr,
head knocking me as your own.

but your belly,

that i will miss the most,
my low-rider kitty.

for soon i know all the luck will be gone,
all the fluff and stuff i love the most, you will take with you
when you finally saunter off.


...

 

[HotKittySpank]

he collects the leaves
and presents them to me in a bouquet.


when you are four, cleats are good for climbing, so
his legs swing from the tree, game forgotten.
there are better things than practice, especially
when a good tree is within reach.

and so the coach is yelling
and the kids are running pell-mell around the field
in chase of a ball now long forgotten,
in the free swing of legs between the leaves.

and dads are yelling shoot! score!
while mommies sip their coffee and tend their babies
teetering along the green thinking,
some day soon, some day.

and i am enjoying the sun on my face
and the park full of excited screams and my child in the tree.

i close my eyes and feel the smile
spread in the cool breeze,

when he climbs down to chase a dragonfly,
jumping across the field,
trying to catch it with outstretched hands.

and i listen to the chatter along the long lawn stretching
into the distance as he’s making airplanes through the game, soaring
above the play.


...

 

[HotKittySpank]

i don’t know why babies make me cry
but its true, they do.

it could be the coochie-coos
that make me the fool. i don’t know

if it is their toothless grins
or their dimpled chins
or maybe its when i pick them up
to pat a hiccup.

and their mothers wonder what’s wrong with me
when my eyes leak while i’m holding them
and i try to explain it away as if it were not some
psychosomatic tendency – sometimes they believe me.

its not that i want another one,
lord knows i’ve had enough of them,

even though they are the light in me,
and i know i’ll never have another one.


but they sure are cute,
disarmingly so
and all the more alarming then that they make me weep
cause then i feel weak.

maybe i’m allergic to their powder smell
it might be that it makes my eyes well
up and overflow.

or it could be their toes
or their little fat rolls.

...

 

[normal jean]

how we became

oh, i’ll take the blame
for flowers clutched
under your arm,

for the stars you wished
upon
.........for this.

how i took you from
delivery boy
to vase
to waste

cans filled with molding
petals
.........replaced

by the next bouquet.


...

this is beautiful. truly enjoyable reading



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