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Tihmmnmmish's Cuddle-Friendly Fireside Threadcast

So I hear. They and the audios. Just find ways to not obsess over the time factor. Then the jitters flare and fly when it suddenly appears...
 
I still haven't and won't.

But whenever I see this stuff going on, I get this scenario going in my head, where I approach these people and all full of enthusiasm I say to them, "hey man you know what would be so cool? If we could get a worldwide war going and keep it going. Wouldn't that be fun? Heck, let's see if we can start one. Let's get an army together and invade someone. Or piss someone off enough to invade us. C'mon! Let's go do that."

They're looking at me like I'm crazy, back off, shaking their head. I continue, "oh come on, just picture it: we burn down villages and plunder and pillage and massacre innocent families, and just blow people up for fun. You seem like the type who would just really get into that. So let's go do it. Worldwide war all the time. Sweet huh? Don't tell me you wouldn't just love that?"

Then they'd be saying how much they hate war and want peace and all, and I'm giving them the 'I find that hard to believe' look and knowing wink. They insist they aspire to peace and want all peoples to get along. Then I finally can't contain it anymore and bust out laughing. Because I can't believe them and I can't believe they expect me to believe them. "come on, you're not fooling anybody, you can't even get along with basically cool and ordinary folks on a small one in a million internet forum. Now you're expecting me to believe you wouldn't want to go with me and watch a few wars, maybe get in on the action. Whatever. But I just don't believe you."

Hm. That could be essay material too. Maybe... you know I never explored the essay world before much.
 
peeked
oh yes
and discursive
penetrations
feel more preferable
in this context
 
hmmnmm said:
peeked
oh yes
and discursive
penetrations
feel more preferable
in this context
Click to expand...

you are an old softie
put on your shell before you go out there...
spikes and stone
spear and anvil
some think it keeps you sharp
I say just makes you sore.
What for?


Why am I soft in the middle
The rest of my life is so hard
I need a photo-opportunity
I want a shot at redemption
Don't want to end up a cartoon
In a cartoon graveyard
Bonedigger Bonedigger
Dogs in the moonlight
Click to expand...
 
just subbed one... I have a feeling it's going to look crappy. But when you're in the right environment, it's a less stressful feeling, putting up something that might look crappy. Hey, another essay! The differences...
 
Ping!
That's the whole difference. Isn't it? Just thought of and never did think of it this way before: I never did do well in formal learning settings, where there's the serious air, where the threat of judgment always looms low, and where everything you do is subject to being graded. Just thinking about it gives me the creeps.

But whenever I was among friends, a casual atmosphere, where there was comfortable exchange, I always learned, because it didn't feel like learning. Just hanging out with people you get along with and who have similar interests and everything. You see someone doing something you like, you can just watch, see what they do, maybe ask, how they do it, maybe they'll give up a pointer or part of a secret. Less fear to expose something that might just suck. "Hm, nah, that one sucked." okay. Maybe another won't suck so much. Who really cares? We shouldn't care. It should be the good kind of penetration all around. Really, some of us just can't tolerate the taking of this stuff too seriously. The moment that happens, it's like a bad penetration. An immediate poison injection. Interesting.
 
I should double dare you more often! let me know when it's up (as the actress said to the bishop!)
Goodnight sweet prince :heart:
 
hmmnmm said:
Ping!
That's the whole difference. Isn't it? Just thought of and never did think of it this way before: I never did do well in formal learning settings, where there's the serious air, where the threat of judgment always looms low, and where everything you do is subject to being graded. Just thinking about it gives me the creeps.

But whenever I was among friends, a casual atmosphere, where there was comfortable exchange, I always learned, because it didn't feel like learning. Just hanging out with people you get along with and who have similar interests and everything. You see someone doing something you like, you can just watch, see what they do, maybe ask, how they do it, maybe they'll give up a pointer or part of a secret. Less fear to expose something that might just suck. "Hm, nah, that one sucked." okay. Maybe another won't suck so much. Who really cares? We shouldn't care. It should be the good kind of penetration all around. Really, some of us just can't tolerate the taking of this stuff too seriously. The moment that happens, it's like a bad penetration. An immediate poison injection. Interesting.
Click to expand...


For me, it's just the opposite. I do well in formal education. I don't fear being judged for what I know. That's just what I know, not who I am. Besides, I know I'll get the A in the end. Even though I have a lot of schoolwork right now, at least one paper and two assignments due a week, I never really worry about it. It comes easy to me and it's impersonal.

Casual environments are much more threatening. Someone might see who I am.. and worse yet, they may judge me for it. The creative endeavors that I really care about.. the art, the poetry, a short story that I am particularly proud of.. those are the real stressors. Exposing myself like that makes me practically ill sometimes.
 
LadynStFreknBed said:
For me, it's just the opposite. I do well in formal education. I don't fear being judged for what I know. That's just what I know, not who I am. Besides, I know I'll get the A in the end. Even though I have a lot of schoolwork right now, at least one paper and two assignments due a week, I never really worry about it. It comes easy to me and it's impersonal.

Casual environments are much more threatening. Someone might see who I am.. and worse yet, they may judge me for it. The creative endeavors that I really care about.. the art, the poetry, a short story that I am particularly proud of.. those are the real stressors. Exposing myself like that makes me practically ill sometimes.
Click to expand...

Ah. One of the traits in which we are opposites. See, I cannot in any way grasp even a pinky into that concept, of being comfortable in formal surroundings/circumstances and uncomfortable in the informal and casual. In fact, I have to question whether you aren't pulling my leg, pretending to be the opposite. Because this conclusion of mine seems so obvious I hesitated to even express it so openly.

Oh and been meaning to thank you for your kind remarks about my little submission.

Fascinating ideas and learnings...
 
So if you were a regular at a bar where others who wrote poetry or made paintings were regulars, you wouldn't feel comfortable letting someone you're well acquainted with buy you a drink and ask to take a peek at something you're working on?
 
hmmnmm said:
Ah. One of the traits in which we are opposites. See, I cannot in any way grasp even a pinky into that concept, of being comfortable in formal surroundings/circumstances and uncomfortable in the informal and casual. In fact, I have to question whether you aren't pulling my leg, pretending to be the opposite. Because this conclusion of mine seems so obvious I hesitated to even express it so openly.

Oh and been meaning to thank you for your kind remarks about my little submission.

Fascinating ideas and learnings...
Click to expand...

Understanding my perspective is quite easy, actually. I've always been good at getting good grades. I have to laugh, cuz my daughter is just like me in that regard. She could miss way too many days of school, not study much, and still get straight A's. It reminds me of my early college years, drinking all night, experiencing my first psychotic episodes, showing up to class not even knowing a test was scheduled, and still walk away with at least a B.

Socially, I never was social really. I worked full-time from the time I was 16 yo. I went to school full-time and often worked over 40 hours a week. I always had one good friend that I spent most of my time with-- especially the few times that neither of us had boyfriends. But, other than that, I never wanted to be around many people. Yes, I went to parties, but it was more about alcohol than people at the time. I really never learned how to be a good friend. And, I'm really not motivated to know.

I spend about 99.9% of my time in my bedroom. The PTSD doesn't help my anti-social attitude. But still, I am alone, unexposed, relatively safe, and when I feel the need, I come here and interact with you fine folks. My computer, art supplies, easel, bed, coffee maker, books, journals, cigarettes, tv, mountains of videos and dvd's, and so forth are right here in my bedroom. What more could I need?

:rose:
 
hmmnmm said:
So if you were a regular at a bar where others who wrote poetry or made paintings were regulars, you wouldn't feel comfortable letting someone you're well acquainted with buy you a drink and ask to take a peek at something you're working on?
Click to expand...

At this point in my life, I would never be in a bar, much less a regular.

Remember, I do force myself to participate in art shows. So, yes, I do put myself out there. But, I will only attend the show if at least one person goes with me. My daughter and my aunt usually go with me. My sister and my mom & stepdad often show up too.
 
okay, I'm no Mr. Sociability these days either and I think the last time I had a drink in a bar was June or July 2007. That was just a hypothetical atmosphere that was free from formal judgments, yet having direct contact with fellow discriminating eyes and minds.

I bet you don't get hit with a bolt of nervous belly butterflies when one of your stories appears. Or it doesn't border on freakout to think that total strangers will look at. Judging it.
 
hmmnmm said:
okay, I'm no Mr. Sociability these days either and I think the last time I had a drink in a bar was June or July 2007. That was just a hypothetical atmosphere that was free from formal judgments, yet having direct contact with fellow discriminating eyes and minds.

I bet you don't get hit with a bolt of nervous belly butterflies when one of your stories appears. Or it doesn't border on freakout to think that total strangers will look at. Judging it.
Click to expand...

not as much as i used to. i still get a little nervous, but mostly just for the stories that i care the most about. And, the stories that i write by request from readers, i always get a little nervous-- hoping they will like it.

The artist group that i belong to recently had a group project. i couldn't do it. we would have all been working on paintings together. it's hard enough for me to be with people at all. but for them to see me work and for them to see my work at various stages of incompleteness... no thanks!
 
Damn.. I just had to go through my class team's paper and make like 20 corrections-- rewriting sentences, fixing sentence fragments and subject/verb agreement, and numerous missing commas. I usually do the editing for my team's papers. But no, this other chick wanted to do it this time-- so I end up doing another part of the paper AND have to edit it anyway. I warned her about that. I hate that. Next time, I'm editing the paper and doing the introduction and conclusion as usual. That's one thing I hate about University of Phoenix.. well, actually it is two things that I hate about it. The 1st is that we have to do several assignments in every class as team projects. The 2nd is that I am always stuck doing extra work in the teams cuz people's academic skills suck.

:mad:

Okay, I'm done venting.
 
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