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btw, I have a new story that posted tonight.. an anal one at that. Being an anal virgin poses some challenges for writing an anal story. lol So, I thought I would write at least one and get it out of the way. Critique, suggestions, comments, etc.. are very welcome!

Tamara's First Time
 
LadynStFreknBed said:
btw, I have a new story that posted tonight.. an anal one at that. Being an anal virgin poses some challenges for writing an anal story. lol So, I thought I would write at least one and get it out of the way. Critique, suggestions, comments, etc.. are very welcome!

Tamara's First Time
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I've read but am still thinking about comments that I would be willing to have stand alone amongst your literary friends that I don't know. One thing I might mention in here in passing ...... perhaps it's just me but you make the first time sound easy and pain free and unless it's a weensy cock it's not likely to be! If you get my drift!
 
Well Sheila, I think you can do better. I'm certain you can. But you did say you did it to get one out of the way for survivor and that it was your first. So for that I cut you lotsa slack. I suppose that's the nature of the Survivor? I liked the wet finger in the ass part. The first sentence almost put me off, except I saw what you were driving at, pounding home the anal sex theme throughout the opening paragraph. That can indeed be a wicked tool. But tricky. It's a risk, which I can always respect. If it works, it creates incredible tension. Does the reader dare proceed at the risk of meeting anal sex face to face yet again?

If I didn't know it was for Survivor I would be much harder on it, and you. I hope that if I post a link to something here, that you will be hard on me too. Like I say, if not for the Survivor, I'd say it reads like you were anticipating an audience of eighth grade dropouts. Then again, this is a porn site... so as a quick porn it probably succeeds.

If I was your agent/publisher/mentor/etc, I'd tell you to go deeper with it. Slower but steadier development, as in the nervousness within Tamara. How the curiosity slowly grows and how her fears of pain fight against that curiosity, but how the curiosity becomes a hunger that conquers her. I'd stretch that aspect out long and tight. In short, the potential is great, but as it is, if I didn't know you, I'd guess it was just someone trying to write for the crowd in hopes of getting on some top list. And it's probably top list potential, which I'm generally not a big fan of, so you should certainly consider the source of this review. And I hope you take these words from someone who has tremendous depth of respect and platonic affection for you.
 
yes, Annie. You are probably right. I totally glossed over the pain part this time. In the last anal story I did, I tried to be realistic about that, and people blasted me saying that my story sounded too technical. <shrug>

So, I think the anal category is just not my strongest. I walk by and hear laughter and music, but when I walk in, everyone stops and stares until I back away.
 
hmmnmm said:
Well Sheila, I think you can do better. I'm certain you can. But you did say you did it to get one out of the way for survivor and that it was your first. So for that I cut you lotsa slack. I suppose that's the nature of the Survivor? I liked the wet finger in the ass part. The first sentence almost put me off, except I saw what you were driving at, pounding home the anal sex theme throughout the opening paragraph. That can indeed be a wicked tool. But tricky. It's a risk, which I can always respect. If it works, it creates incredible tension. Does the reader dare proceed at the risk of meeting anal sex face to face yet again?

If I didn't know it was for Survivor I would be much harder on it, and you. I hope that if I post a link to something here, that you will be hard on me too. Like I say, if not for the Survivor, I'd say it reads like you were anticipating an audience of eighth grade dropouts. Then again, this is a porn site... so as a quick porn it probably succeeds.

If I was your agent/publisher/mentor/etc, I'd tell you to go deeper with it. Slower but steadier development, as in the nervousness within Tamara. How the curiosity slowly grows and how her fears of pain fight against that curiosity, but how the curiosity becomes a hunger that conquers her. I'd stretch that aspect out long and tight. In short, the potential is great, but as it is, if I didn't know you, I'd guess it was just someone trying to write for the crowd in hopes of getting on some top list. And it's probably top list potential, which I'm generally not a big fan of, so you should certainly consider the source of this review. And I hope you take these words from someone who has tremendous depth of respect and platonic affection for you.
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Well, you're right.. except it isn't my first anal.. it's my second. The first time that I wrote one, I read one of those Lit articles before I wrote it. Then, many people commented that my story sounded too technical. In this one, I glossed over the technical, and it feels like a flop. By the looks of the voting, it is far from top list potential. I don't expect to ever be on the top list in this category.

When I read your comment, it was like a lightbulb lit up. I think I get so wrapped up (and insecure) in writing an anal story that I forget the story part.
 
You might also take into account that I just got up and I'm trying to quit cigarettes, which I failed at, went and bought a pack. So my reading pace is quick and my mind is a bit antsy. Maybe I would see it differently at a later, more relaxed hour. So many possibilities to consider.
 
LadynStFreknBed said:
Well, you're right.. except it isn't my first anal.. it's my second. The first time that I wrote one, I read one of those Lit articles before I wrote it. Then, many people commented that my story sounded too technical. In this one, I glossed over the technical, and it feels like a flop. By the looks of the voting, it is far from top list potential. I don't expect to ever be on the top list in this category.

When I read your comment, it was like a lightbulb lit up. I think I get so wrapped up (and insecure) in writing an anal story that I forget the story part.
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Ah ha! So now you have an idea how the third one should go. Think fusion. I'd go back and use that first paragraph feel. The heroine becomes curious, and the inner war ensues. And like that first paragraph in which the reader finds him or herself surrounded by anal sex references, the heroine goes through a stretch of life where the anal sex suggestions are all around her. She finally gets to the point that it's all she wants and thinks about, but when she reaches for it, begins pursuit, it eludes. Maybe her boyfriend could be the hesitant one? On the traditional/conservative side... sees her as his fragile flower or something... he would not want to hurt her. But then the seed planted, his imagination begins to switch on too. See I think the buildup of arousal and then denying and teasing that arousal, is about the most powerful way to go. Tension man. Tension, tension tension, and more tension. But I think I'm in a serious minority camp on that...
 
Good suggestions, hmmnmmish. It was one of those things that I knew the story had problems, but didn't know what they were. And, after failing so miserably the first time, I think I over-corrected the issues. Nothing like bounces against extremes-- i'm a master at that.

Fusion.. yes.
 
Over-correction is one of my many middle names, so I do relate, 100%.

Man cigarettes are hard to quit. So easy to say No More... then reach for the next one. Love/hate for sure.
 
Just had a thought and a second glance confirmed it: I think it would be quite powerful and tons of fun and very stimulating in a more graphic context. And you being an artist... like a comic with big spashy explicit frames. Like when he's sucking her tits and fingering her. Gets me feeling things just visualizing it...oops.
 
hmmnmm said:
Although I did just finish watching something about these independent filmmakers. How they just do what they want and they remain beyond the reaches of the mainstream movie world. All these little encouraging signs coming along lately. Comes down to the same answer: do it the way you want to do it and take it as a compliment if it eludes the popularity crowds. Even coming up with something that couldn't find much publication outlet is actually rather cool too. Just do your thing. Just do. Sounds familiar.
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My youngest son was talking about van Gogh this morning and it reminded me of your post (above). Afterall, van Gogh only sold one painting in his lifetime. If he had merely done mainstream work, he probably would have sold many more, but would we know his name?
 
hmmnmm said:
Over-correction is one of my many middle names, so I do relate, 100%.

Man cigarettes are hard to quit. So easy to say No More... then reach for the next one. Love/hate for sure.
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I agree for sure on the cigarettes. There's always something on the horizon and I say I'll give it another try after that passes - what do you know - something else on the horizon!
 
EroticOrogeny said:
I agree for sure on the cigarettes. There's always something on the horizon and I say I'll give it another try after that passes - what do you know - something else on the horizon!
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Then there's all those minor horizons, like the morning, first cup of coffee, after breakfast, this and that, this and that. The key would probably be to keep the hands busy. Sun up to sun down. Oh but how?
 
Tonight, I wrote an article about the top 10 most dangerous dog breeds. You know what I hate? Labeling any dog breed as dangerous. I think that about 90% of the time there is a dog attack, it was most likely due to dangerous dog ownership, not necessarily innate visciousness of specific dog breeds. Any dog can be dangerous if it isn't properly trained and socialized. In 2000, an infant was killed by a Pomeranian-- those vile fluffballs! Not to make light of the situation.. I can't imagine if any of my kids were killed by anything.

My older son had gotten bit in the face by our German Shepherd mix when he was younger. Thankfully, he only needed a few stitches. Whose fault was it? Well, it was his. He pushed down on the dog's stomach while the dog was asleep and dog's have a reflex that causes them to throw their heads up and snap if they feel threatened while sleeping. The reflex of the doctors was to tell me that now the dog needed to be put to sleep. I'm glad I talked to my vet first and learned about the dog's reflex. He was the best dog. And he knew that he had done something bad. When we returned from the hospital, he was hiding under the dining room table.
 
LadynStFreknBed said:
Well, you're right.. except it isn't my first anal.. it's my second. The first time that I wrote one, I read one of those Lit articles before I wrote it. Then, many people commented that my story sounded too technical. In this one, I glossed over the technical, and it feels like a flop. By the looks of the voting, it is far from top list potential. I don't expect to ever be on the top list in this category.

When I read your comment, it was like a lightbulb lit up. I think I get so wrapped up (and insecure) in writing an anal story that I forget the story part.
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Have you got a link to the first one please? I'd like to read it.
I am presuming that not knowing personally the girls reactions etc is the trouble here ....... damn I am trying to be so delicate here lol I could put that it's worth it in the end but you may never speak to me again!

hmmnmm said:
You might also take into account that I just got up and I'm trying to quit cigarettes, which I failed at, went and bought a pack. So my reading pace is quick and my mind is a bit antsy. Maybe I would see it differently at a later, more relaxed hour. So many possibilities to consider.
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When I was so dreadfully sick I wasn't smoking and now I am home himself is keeping them from me in a sort of enforced cold turkey because I am still not well enough to get dressed and go and buy them myself. So can you please shhhhhh because what you are going through so am I but with no hope of reprieve

LadynStFreknBed said:
Tonight, I wrote an article about the top 10 most dangerous dog breeds. You know what I hate? Labeling any dog breed as dangerous. I think that about 90% of the time there is a dog attack, it was most likely due to dangerous dog ownership, not necessarily innate visciousness of specific dog breeds. Any dog can be dangerous if it isn't properly trained and socialized. In 2000, an infant was killed by a Pomeranian-- those vile fluffballs! Not to make light of the situation.. I can't imagine if any of my kids were killed by anything.

My older son had gotten bit in the face by our German Shepherd mix when he was younger. Thankfully, he only needed a few stitches. Whose fault was it? Well, it was his. He pushed down on the dog's stomach while the dog was asleep and dog's have a reflex that causes them to throw their heads up and snap if they feel threatened while sleeping. The reflex of the doctors was to tell me that now the dog needed to be put to sleep. I'm glad I talked to my vet first and learned about the dog's reflex. He was the best dog. And he knew that he had done something bad. When we returned from the hospital, he was hiding under the dining room table.
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I sincerely hope my breed of dog isn't on your list as you and I could fall out! I watched a programme on TV the other night about which breeds the youth of today are breeding together to make the most savage/largest of dogs and it was very worrying. Yes they did have my breed on the programme because of the morons that will still fight them against each other. but at least they did show how people friendly they are too. The programme was saying that instead of carrying knives etc the youth of today are now using dogs as weapons, but I don't think that's anything new it's always been the hard man and his hard dog. The first Staffie I got was from London's East End (Old Kent Road) and if you don't know about that area I suggest you google it learn about the Kray twins and others like them. But the majority of guys that bred and still breed those dogs love the breed they are proud of them and their tough image yes but fight them against one another no way! Sorry get me talking about Staffordshire Bull Terriers and I will go on for hours! Sorry for thread hi-jack!
 
UnderYourSpell said:
Have you got a link to the first one please? I'd like to read it.
I am presuming that not knowing personally the girls reactions etc is the trouble here ....... damn I am trying to be so delicate here lol I could put that it's worth it in the end but you may never speak to me again!
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I fully intend to try it someday. I don't want to go into details here.. but just take my word that I will.



UnderYourSpell said:
I sincerely hope my breed of dog isn't on your list as you and I could fall out! I watched a programme on TV the other night about which breeds the youth of today are breeding together to make the most savage/largest of dogs and it was very worrying. Yes they did have my breed on the programme because of the morons that will still fight them against each other. but at least they did show how people friendly they are too. The programme was saying that instead of carrying knives etc the youth of today are now using dogs as weapons, but I don't think that's anything new it's always been the hard man and his hard dog. The first Staffie I got was from London's East End (Old Kent Road) and if you don't know about that area I suggest you google it learn about the Kray twins and others like them. But the majority of guys that bred and still breed those dogs love the breed they are proud of them and their tough image yes but fight them against one another no way! Sorry get me talking about Staffordshire Bull Terriers and I will go on for hours! Sorry for thread hi-jack!
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If it was my choice, I wouldn't have written the article at all. It wasn't an opinion piece. I only reported information from the CDC and other sources. Of course, pitbulls are always on the top of the list of what people say are the most dangerous dogs. I had a pitbull and she was just the sweetest dog. I saw during my research that pitbulls are banned in the UK and the reason stated in the information was due to dogfighting. I was not aware that everyone who owns pitbulls fights them. I really dropped the ball on that one when I owned one. <sigh>
I did mention Staffies, but only that some municipalities consider them dangerous dogs. Notice, I did not say whether I felt like they should be considered dangerous. Anyway, that was the only mention of Staffies in the whole article since they were not high on the CDC's list of dangerous dogs.
 
Well some dogs seem to have more inborn aggression, as in alertness of territory defense. But alertness and aggression are not necessarily bad. They can be affectionately aggressive. I love dogs. And cats too.
 
UnderYourSpell said:
Have you got a link to the first one please? I'd like to read it.
I am presuming that not knowing personally the girls reactions etc is the trouble here ....... damn I am trying to be so delicate here lol I could put that it's worth it in the end but you may never speak to me again!
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Here it is:

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=387785

At least my new story in the Letters & Transcripts category is fairing better than my anal stories. There's a lot more heart in it, ya know?
 
LadynStFreknBed said:
I fully intend to try it someday. I don't want to go into details here.. but just take my word that I will.





If it was my choice, I wouldn't have written the article at all. It wasn't an opinion piece. I only reported information from the CDC and other sources. Of course, pitbulls are always on the top of the list of what people say are the most dangerous dogs. I had a pitbull and she was just the sweetest dog. I saw during my research that pitbulls are banned in the UK and the reason stated in the information was due to dogfighting. I was not aware that everyone who owns pitbulls fights them. I really dropped the ball on that one when I owned one. <sigh>
I did mention Staffies, but only that some municipalities consider them dangerous dogs. Notice, I did not say whether I felt like they should be considered dangerous. Anyway, that was the only mention of Staffies in the whole article since they were not high on the CDC's list of dangerous dogs.
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Pitbulls aren't banned in England because of dogfighting it's because a little girl was attacked and bitten around the face. At the time of the incident there was a big public uproar and the Government felt the need to bring in The Dangerous Dog Act which included the Pitbull as well as other dogs.
It was a dreadfull time of public hysteria not only against those of us that owned Bull Breeds(one kind soul stopped his car and told me if I didn't get those fucking pitbulls muzzled he would come back and shoot them!) but also any other dog that dared to bark at anyone. A toothless Pekinese was taken from it's old lady owner and destroyed because it barked through a hedge at a child!
From what I have seen on the TV and also from keeping my eyes open Pitbulls are still being bred and sold often under the name of Irish Staffordshire Bull Terriers .... there is no such breed and if you see dogs advertised as such they are pitbulls. Terrible as it sounds I am glad they have turned their sights to different breeds of dogs to make hard men (and boys) look harder because it leaves my breed alone.

LadynStFreknBed said:
Here it is:

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=387785

At least my new story in the Letters & Transcripts category is fairing better than my anal stories. There's a lot more heart in it, ya know?
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Ermmm if you can't write about what you know (as obviously you can't in every category!) you need to ask lol *leaves the country*
 
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UnderYourSpell said:
Ermmm if you can't write about what you know (as obviously you can't in every category!) you need to ask lol *leaves the country*
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I actually do quite a bit of that. I've done a lot of that for the gay male, tranny, fetish, incest, BDSM, mind control, AND anal categories. But, apparently I have been talking to the wrong people and reading the wrong stories for the anal category. I think hmmnmmish's advice will help me out for my next attempt, if I ever get a chance to do so.
 
It's probably a challenge in itself to build a story around something so specific as anal sex. If they had an Oral Sex category it would probably present similar challenges. I don't say this as one who knows from experience, just guessing. Maybe another similarity would be the creation of a heavily pornographic poem, as has been discussed here and there, because of the preference for specifcity and brevity.

Again, I could be wrong, and my apologies if I gave out those suggestions as though I was someone who knew; I just try to imagine how I might see about approaching writing a fiction about something I've not experienced. In that case I think if you can imagine becoming attracted to an idea that you never thought you would, or if you already are attracted and there comes the opportunity, or appears to be an opportunity, but it remains slightly elusive... if or when that specific activity finally happened, maybe the focus could be stronger on facial reactions or whatever, to counter the explicit close details. Although from my studies, some categories (like anal), those readers apparently want those explicit close details. Interesting stuff...

I recall that movie show the other night, and they discussed Reservoir Dogs, and about when the bad guy went to cut off the captive's ear, but instead of showing it, they pointed the camera away, and it was the not showing that gave it the real tension. Yeah, they're not quite the same, violence and sexual pleasure, but for using the power of suggestion in a literary or cinematic portrayal, maybe they're similar.
 
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LadynStFreknBed said:
I actually do quite a bit of that. I've done a lot of that for the gay male, tranny, fetish, incest, BDSM, mind control, AND anal categories. But, apparently I have been talking to the wrong people and reading the wrong stories for the anal category. I think hmmnmmish's advice will help me out for my next attempt, if I ever get a chance to do so.
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Thinking on it, mine was a stupid remark to make and I apologise. Every single persons experience is going to be different anyway. The one and only story that I've got up touched briefly on anal without even mentioning it! Probably because I was squeamish about using the word rather than for any other reason and my Editor never made any mention of it. I will cheer you from the sidelines for even attempting the Challenge because I certainly don't want to do anymore story writing.
Well no writing at all till my head stops being cottom wool. Went out today in the car, first time I've been out since leaving hospital bit wobbly but learning to walk again!
 
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