Tihmmnmmish's Very Laid-Back Summery Poolside Threadcast

[hmmnmm]

Yesterday while bathing in the light I took a nap and it was during that nap I saw the way to go, nothing so new but a confirmation, a continuation, and it settled a whole lot of questions, and put a big bright smile on my face. It's something I can do but will require lots of work. And ironically, it really must be flawless. Even still, if it were to come together and I put some of it up here, and switched the voting to On, it would be down in the 1's and 2's. No doubt in my mind. It would have no chance of finding acceptance with any publisher large or small. But it's the way it must go. I compare the big bright smile it gives and the way it makes me laugh just thinking about it or working on it, to what I know would and will be abject rejection and disapproval, isolated small pockets excepted. That's just the way it is. And it's fine, because it must be done. The need to do it outweighs the certainty of disapproval and rejection. Which is rather exciting in itself.

 

[LadynStFreknBed]

Just finished updating my poetry contest blog, so I thought I'd check in...

You know, hmmnmmish..your post reminds me of the fear of rejection that I sometimes face.. not that fear necessarily describes your hesitation to submit your work to publishers.

I read something once, years ago, about overcoming that fear. The main suggestion was to polish a work and submit it everywhere that will take simultaneous submissions, then collect the rejection letters. And, it involved a shift in attitude towards rejection letters.. because they are proof that you are working.. trying.. at least doing something that could become productive.

I had tried this shortly after the time I read the article. I remember collecting several rejection letters.. and you know what? It didn't hurt. Maybe it helped that I had gotten a small assignment from a small press to write some educational materials, so I knew I was at least going to have something published.

But, you know, I think it's soon time for me to challenge myself again. I have been working on a number of projects.. a few websites and an ebook, plus freelance work for clients, so I have been keeping busy. But, I would really like to get some poetry or fiction published in the traditional sense at some point. Right now, I gotta go for the freelance work and websites cuz I need the immediate income.

Just food for thought...

 

[wildsweetone]

i love discussing the processes of writing, love finding out how each of us is unique, how our wants and needs differ. it gives me a better awareness of others, and helps balance the tendency of self/others.

i think whatever we do and however we do it, if we feel 'right' about it, and do it with good intent, then it's simply RIGHT.

i do enjoy the contentment i feel having gotten past the need for the approval of others. i have a kind of self propelling that keeps me looking for improvements. *grin* had to slip that in Tim, sorry. stop cringing now. like i said, it's a self propelling i.e. it's how I work. that doesn't mean i think everyone should work that way. *smile* work however feels right.

improvement is just a word. i could have said, betterment,.. actually, there's another similar word called 'restoration'. if it didn't imply perfection was there in the beginning, then i think that one might better fit what i do. restore some poems to how my subconscious expected to see them. although an improvement is often a complete surprise to me, i really do wonder if it had been there all along and it was just one moment when my brain completed a full spin cycle, that it became obvious.

maybe if i saturate you with 'improvement's then you'll just think of it as a simple word too. *smile*

ps i like you. always have. always will.

EroticOrogeny - educational process. nice phrase! it still is that for me too, however i am intending on continuing working on the 'art' process, that process that makes me itch to twist a phrase, or line until it's squeaking new. i'll get there yet.

Good luck LadySFB! sometimes life gets in the way of our art, but not always forever.

 

[LadynStFreknBed]

Good luck LadySFB! sometimes life gets in the way of our art, but not always forever.

very good points, wildsweetone.

I take some comfort in that fact that my work involves writing. Not the writing that I would like to do, but at least it is writing. It is no wonder that after writing articles on diabetes, pet health, wheelchairs, medications, bipolar disorder, cats, dogs, hearing loss, and hearing aids (as I must do every week) that I need to just write pointless, but fun porn every now and then. LOL

 

[wildsweetone]

very good points, wildsweetone.

I take some comfort in that fact that my work involves writing. Not the writing that I would like to do, but at least it is writing. It is no wonder that after writing articles on diabetes, pet health, wheelchairs, medications, bipolar disorder, cats, dogs, hearing loss, and hearing aids (as I must do every week) that I need to just write pointless, but fun porn every now and then. LOL

not sure it's ever pointless, but it's definitely fun.

there are many people who are authors/poets who work on the fringes of writing for their careers. i was surprised when i first read that, but it's often very true. *smile*

i work with academics. do i need to say more?

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Aghhhhh I've done it again ..... 'written' a poem in my head on the point of sleep and forgotten it in the morning!

 

[hmmnmm]

well, to send, offer, present something to somebody else, like someone with power and means to produce copies that people might actually fork over dough for and maybe carry on a trip or stick on a shelf, that something generally has to be in some completed form: finished. That's the big hitch. The perpetual bitch. The kicker. Finishing. Don't think it's ever happened. A few short ones maybe. Very few. The reasons they are not finished are many. Usually because I always see oodles of ways and places they need... uh... improvements... sometimes enough to think to put it aside and let it simmer. Forget about it. The weeks and the months go along... think of something new. Start it. Same cycle. Repeat, repeat, repeat... hats off to finishers... I can't do it.

 

[hmmnmm]

...which is one of the more attractive features of Lit: stuff doesn't have to be finished or in final form; it's like you get your own lab with a gallery in front. You can present just about anything. You never know who might walk by. If you happen to be in a certain mood and glance at the presentations and suddenly see problems you didn't notice before, you can yank everything down and hide it in the back. Work on them, redo, rewrite, retool, put them back, even retitle. But maybe there's a hidden drawback of not being pushed or nudged just enough to really finish something, so you get lazy. A season of discouragement soon follows. Maybe it is a waste of time. Maybe they're right when they say if you present well-written work on Lit you'll get red H's and high scores, which to me means if your scores aren't so high and those red H's are infrequent and fleeting, your presentations are badly written. So okay. I'm a bad writer. It's not that big a deal. Go do something else. Or just write on my own for fun.

But then a few memories start popping up, and remember some of the stuff total strangers sent or left. They noted the emotional undercurrents and the inner conflicts and the sentences being poetic and they wanted to know what would happen next and they were liking or disliking characters... which someone is not going to catch if they just skim; the only way somebody's gonna be able to report those kinds of reactions is if they really read it. Became involved. So... somebody out there found some of my stuff well enough written to read it and become deeply enough involved to go beneath what appeared to be humdrum exterior and find emotionally intense and believable undercurrents. Why them? A question best not entertained. Not too many of them. Just a few. That's the way it's always been. No problem.

So then I'm happy and excited again and feel charged up to develop and study and exert, and yes, improve. Begin to think of all kinds of scenes and settings and characters and situations and voices and faces and clothes and history and futures and seasons and moods and... everything. Then, maybe during a lull, look around for a few morsels of literary wisdom, and encounter authoritative voices who remind us that if you don't have a bunch of red H's and high scores on Lit, then you're a bad writer. So it's back to reality. Face the facts: bad writer. Horrible writer. The worst ever. But that's okay too. Everyone has to be somewhere. Right?

 

[LadynStFreknBed]

Aghhhhh I've done it again ..... 'written' a poem in my head on the point of sleep and forgotten it in the morning!

I HATE that! Or when I'm driving and work on something, then forget it. I tend to keep a notebook and pen with me now. I also have one right near my bed.

well, to send, offer, present something to somebody else, like someone with power and means to produce copies that people might actually fork over dough for and maybe carry on a trip or stick on a shelf, that something generally has to be in some completed form: finished. That's the big hitch. The perpetual bitch. The kicker. Finishing. Don't think it's ever happened. A few short ones maybe. Very few. The reasons they are not finished are many. Usually because I always see oodles of ways and places they need... uh... improvements... sometimes enough to think to put it aside and let it simmer. Forget about it. The weeks and the months go along... think of something new. Start it. Same cycle. Repeat, repeat, repeat... hats off to finishers... I can't do it.

I tend to sabotage myself. I get close to the end of something, anything, and I am tempted to quit. I would bet that my psychiatrist thinks that's what I did with my BS in psychology, but my reason for switching to The Art Institute was very sound. At least, he agreed with me that the jobs you can get with a bachelor's degree in psychology don't pay shit for the amount of crap you have to deal with. Been there, done that. Though I know he expected me to go on to get my Master's.. I'd rather just steer clear of psychology, at least for awhile.

I have many paintings, stories, and poems that are 2/3-3/4 finished. I think that's around the point that the inner critic can become unbearable. Sometimes, it's a matter of not knowing exactly where to go with it. I may have followed my muse and gotten lost along the way.

 

[hmmnmm]

I HATE that! Or when I'm driving and work on something, then forget it. I tend to keep a notebook and pen with me now. I also have one right near my bed.



I tend to sabotage myself. I get close to the end of something, anything, and I am tempted to quit. I would bet that my psychiatrist thinks that's what I did with my BS in psychology, but my reason for switching to The Art Institute was very sound. At least, he agreed with me that the jobs you can get with a bachelor's degree in psychology don't pay shit for the amount of crap you have to deal with. Been there, done that. Though I know he expected me to go on to get my Master's.. I'd rather just steer clear of psychology, at least for awhile.

I have many paintings, stories, and poems that are 2/3-3/4 finished. I think that's around the point that the inner critic can become unbearable. Sometimes, it's a matter of not knowing exactly where to go with it. I may have followed my muse and gotten lost along the way.

Thought about this a lot. Don't know.
Maybe: if something comes too quick and easy it doesn't feel worthwhile, so you turn it into something that'll make you work harder and longer. But the more and harder and longer you work on it, the harder it is to let go...?

I always hated getting close to the end of a book I really enjoyed. Or taking a long trip and not really wanting it to end, not really wanting to get to the destination. Stuff like that. Probably some relation.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

I prefer the travelling to gettng there!

 

[hmmnmm]

maybe if i saturate you with 'improvement's then you'll just think of it as a simple word too. *smile*

ps i like you. always have. always will.

Hm, sweet saturations. Really it isn't so much the What but the Who who's doing the What.

And honestly, I'm just about the most likable, nonthreatening, easy-going person you could ever meet. Just not much of a talker...

 

[hmmnmm]

I prefer the travelling to gettng there!

 

[LadynStFreknBed]

Thought about this a lot. Don't know.
Maybe: if something comes too quick and easy it doesn't feel worthwhile, so you turn it into something that'll make you work harder and longer. But the more and harder and longer you work on it, the harder it is to let go...?

I always hated getting close to the end of a book I really enjoyed. Or taking a long trip and not really wanting it to end, not really wanting to get to the destination. Stuff like that. Probably some relation.

If you can figure it out, let me know! I have tried for years to figure out why the end of things is such a struggle for me sometimes. Just a couple days ago, I was working on a batch of articles and was on the last group. I had to fight to force myself to keep going and finish the damn thing. I always have the urge to stop just short of the goal/finish/end.

Even yesterday, I was finishing a group of articles for a new client. The articles were on anorexia and some of the keywords were tough to write.. like anorexia diet tips and pro ana tips. I definitely was not going to write articles that glorified anorexia or promoted destructive behavior, so I wrote them with the slant that making slight and gradual changes to typical anorexia behaviors can help the person move towards recovery. I was proud of how I handled those and had saved the easy keywords for last. I had one more keyword to go.. simply "anorexia" which didn't require any research since I had already done enough for the other articles to just be able to write it.

Well, I felt the urge to take a break and put it off until later. Then, my friend called and told me she could take me to the store in about an hour. And I thought, okay, I'll just wait to do the article until I get back. But, I stopped myself. I remember asking myself, "Wouldn't I be more relaxed if I just did it and was done?" So, I did. I finished it before my friend picked me up.

So, why? Why is it so difficult to finish things? In the past when I was in therapy, my therapist told me that I sabotage myself, but she could never help me identify a reason. I assume it has something to do with perfectionism.. but I struggle finishing even if I am proud of the work I have done. Maybe it still isn't good enough, idk.

Any ideas?
maybe we can take turns on the couch... LOL

 

[hmmnmm]

If you can figure it out, let me know! I have tried for years to figure out why the end of things is such a struggle for me sometimes. Just a couple days ago, I was working on a batch of articles and was on the last group. I had to fight to force myself to keep going and finish the damn thing. I always have the urge to stop just short of the goal/finish/end.

Even yesterday, I was finishing a group of articles for a new client. The articles were on anorexia and some of the keywords were tough to write.. like anorexia diet tips and pro ana tips. I definitely was not going to write articles that glorified anorexia or promoted destructive behavior, so I wrote them with the slant that making slight and gradual changes to typical anorexia behaviors can help the person move towards recovery. I was proud of how I handled those and had saved the easy keywords for last. I had one more keyword to go.. simply "anorexia" which didn't require any research since I had already done enough for the other articles to just be able to write it.

Well, I felt the urge to take a break and put it off until later. Then, my friend called and told me she could take me to the store in about an hour. And I thought, okay, I'll just wait to do the article until I get back. But, I stopped myself. I remember asking myself, "Wouldn't I be more relaxed if I just did it and was done?" So, I did. I finished it before my friend picked me up.

So, why? Why is it so difficult to finish things? In the past when I was in therapy, my therapist told me that I sabotage myself, but she could never help me identify a reason. I assume it has something to do with perfectionism.. but I struggle finishing even if I am proud of the work I have done. Maybe it still isn't good enough, idk.

Any ideas?
maybe we can take turns on the couch... LOL

Gaze at the pendulum, now count slowly, backwards, from 50... you are drowsy... yes...


I recall a few years ago I was visiting friends in a city I once hung out in; the friend had gained a girlfriend, and after a few days she voiced her observation that I never finished a beer. Always left a little at the bottom. I'd never even realized it. But she was right. Coffee, tea, beer, etc.... almost never finish them. Why? No idea. No idea.

 

[EroticOrogeny]

Aghhhhh I've done it again ..... 'written' a poem in my head on the point of sleep and forgotten it in the morning!

I HATE that! Or when I'm driving and work on something, then forget it. I tend to keep a notebook and pen with me now. I also have one right near my bed.



I tend to sabotage myself. I get close to the end of something, anything, and I am tempted to quit. I would bet that my psychiatrist thinks that's what I did with my BS in psychology, but my reason for switching to The Art Institute was very sound. At least, he agreed with me that the jobs you can get with a bachelor's degree in psychology don't pay shit for the amount of crap you have to deal with. Been there, done that. Though I know he expected me to go on to get my Master's.. I'd rather just steer clear of psychology, at least for awhile.

I have many paintings, stories, and poems that are 2/3-3/4 finished. I think that's around the point that the inner critic can become unbearable. Sometimes, it's a matter of not knowing exactly where to go with it. I may have followed my muse and gotten lost along the way.

I have pencil, paper and flashlight near my bed, and a notebook in the car - there's enough traffic lights that I can scribble something down quickly to finish later.

Usually, if I get 3/4 done I'll finish it - its stuff I've gotten into a little bit that often gets stranded.

 

[LadynStFreknBed]

Then, maybe during a lull, look around for a few morsels of literary wisdom, and encounter authoritative voices who remind us that if you don't have a bunch of red H's and high scores on Lit, then you're a bad writer. So it's back to reality. Face the facts: bad writer. Horrible writer. The worst ever. But that's okay too. Everyone has to be somewhere. Right?

You already know my thoughts on this, but I want to go on record as saying what BS that is.. and, dear hmmnmmish, you KNOW better than to believe that. H's are based on readers' scores.

POP QUIZ

What are most of Literotica readers' scores based on?

A.) The use of correct grammar and polished mechanics of the piece
B.) The ease of masturbation during the reading of the piece
C.) The originality and creative qualities of the piece

If you are unsure of the answer, browse some of the comments on my stories.. LOL
Comments with high scores typically start out with something like "Hot!" I don't think I have ever seen a comment on one of my stories that started with "This is a fine piece of literature.."

So, H's are totally UNRELATED to the literary quality and writing ability exhibited by the story. For poetry, it's a whole different story. But for stories, H's mean that the readers got off on it. Plain & simple. That's all.

Creative pieces, unique perspectives, etc. are not going to get H's. Readers already know what they want when they click on the title of a story. Chances are, they are not looking to walk away from a piece with "Hmm, I never thought of it that way" or "Wow, that is a literary masterpiece." They want what gets them hot.

Of course there are readers who enjoy a quality story and reward it with a 5 vote. I'm not saying ALL readers always only read stories for sexual pleasure. I'm just saying that a majority of story scores are based on giving the maority of the readers what they want. Ain't no shame in that either.. It's just that scores shouldn't be considered a measure of a story's quality. There are plenty of stories with H's that I can't even read all the way through because the errors drive me nuts.

 

[hmmnmm]

So... I can safely discard their indirect implications that I am a worthless human being just because the prose pieces I submit to Lit seldom earn red H's? Because that's what I gather, that the most important thing on earth, the only mark of a worthwhile human being is to write sex stories that get red H's on Lit. Let me go think about that. It's a big step to dare think you might actually have something to offer that someone in the world might like for god knows whatever reason.

Found some old versions of old tunes I home-recorded a few years ago; I thought they all sucked; listening to them now, after these years some of them do indeed suck, but a few of them don't suck as much as I expected them to suck.

Hmmnmm: not a worthless human being... that could change everything. Nice couch.

 

[LadynStFreknBed]

Because that's what I gather, that the most important thing on earth, the only mark of a worthwhile human being is to write sex stories that get red H's on Lit. Let me go think about that. It's a big step to dare think you might actually have something to offer that someone in the world might like for god knows whatever reason.

Next time you get caught up in Literotica definitions of good writing, think about this:

I was not aware that Poe, Steinbeck, Fitzgerald, Shakespeare, Grisham, Steven King, and my favorite, Ray Bradbury, wrote porn stories on Lit. What category are they in?

 

[hmmnmm]

Next time you get caught up in Literotica definitions of good writing, think about this:

I was not aware that Poe, Steinbeck, Fitzgerald, Shakespeare, Grisham, Steven King, and my favorite, Ray Bradbury, wrote porn stories on Lit. What category are they in?

Couple years ago I finally tackled Ulysses. 1) I didn't get very far; it was a library checkout so couldn't keep it forever. 2) it wasn't because of dislike that I didn't get very far. The brief space I managed to cover I happened to like. A lot. But it just wasn't something I could really breeze through. My mind had to be in the right place, had to set aside everything else. Finally had to return it (far from finished). I do remember, before turning to the second page; first thought was, "this would get no red H on Lit." Another bad writer apparently.

 

[LadynStFreknBed]

I do remember, before turning to the second page; first thought was, "this would get no red H on Lit." Another bad writer apparently.

LMAO
Not only would it not get an H, but it would be blasted with 1's and nasty comments.

 

[Epmd607]

Couple years ago I finally tackled Ulysses. 1) I didn't get very far; it was a library checkout so couldn't keep it forever. 2) it wasn't because of dislike that I didn't get very far. The brief space I managed to cover I happened to like. A lot. But it just wasn't something I could really breeze through. My mind had to be in the right place, had to set aside everything else. Finally had to return it (far from finished). I do remember, before turning to the second page; first thought was, "this would get no red H on Lit." Another bad writer apparently.

I think certain passages would. Saying it's an erotic novel is misleading, although it's pretty much the center of the sensual writing universe. I bet I could find a passage dealing with Bloom, Blazes Boylan, and Molly Bloom that's erotic enough to warrant an 'H', put it in the Loving Wives portion of this site. It would be a nice experiment. Probably would have to mash a couple sections together. Doubleday or whoever would have a field day.

Edit: Joyce's letters to Nora would get H's, they're ridiculously dirty and funny. http://johnhamilton.us/2/jamesjoyceletters.htm

 

[hmmnmm]

LMAO
Not only would it not get an H, but it would be blasted with 1's and nasty comments.

The more charitable would donate a 2 and suggest his only hope to ever learn to write less than horribly as he did, would be for him to study the top lists. Not to mention the adverbs he so liberally used.

 

[hmmnmm]

I think certain passages would. Saying it's an erotic novel is misleading, although it's pretty much the center of the sensual writing universe. I bet I could find a passage dealing with Bloom, Blazes Boylan, and Molly Bloom that's erotic enough to warrant an 'H', put it in the Loving Wives portion of this site. It would be a nice experiment. Probably would have to mash a couple sections together. Doubleday or whoever would have a field day.

Edit: Joyce's letters to Nora would get H's, they're ridiculously dirty and funny. http://johnhamilton.us/2/jamesjoyceletters.htm

Hm, tough call. If it was a wager I'd have to decline. The dance of elegance and vulgarity works pretty good. A few seeds on my fingers, stuck in my pocket, may incorporate, though certainly very poorly. Thanks for the link.

 

[LadynStFreknBed]

oh my.. just thinking about my kids and how fast they are growing up. My 12 yo and 10 yo sons were just telling me what size shoes they wear now. Size 9 for the 10 yo. The 12 yo wears size 12.

I feel really bad for my 12 yo. He was told that he can't play football this year cuz he is 20 lbs. over the limit. I don't think they consider height cuz he is rather tall. It's not like he is even chubby. He's about an inch taller than I am. I'm 5'7".

Then there's my daughter.. sigh. This time next year she'll be turning 18 and getting ready to go to college. It is so freakin hard to believe. I just want to throw a temper tantrum right now. No! You can't grow up! None of ya's! Not at all! sigh.

She and I are so close, it's hard for me to imagine her not being here. It's gonna be tough. We aren't exactly like the typical mom & daughter. When I was my daughter's age, I worked 40 hours a week, sometimes more, and I was never home. I was either at school, work, or with my friends. There were times my mom had called me at work to ask if I had come home the night before. I think that kind of distance between teenage daughters and mothers is pretty typical.

My daughter and I, on the other hand, joke around, hang out and watch tv together. When I had a car and before I had PTSD, we used to go shopping together. I never did any of that stuff with my mom.

I need to think happy thoughts...
Well, at least she is going to college. I'd throw a fit if she, being as smart as she is, didn't go.