topping from the bottom

[AngelicAssassin]

I do believe it is possible to use physical punishment to eradicate behavior in a masochist if you take the level of pain beyond their physical desires. Although I'm certainly not an expert on the topic, I would think even a heavy masochist has a threshhold that when crossed, presents true blue, genuine displeasure.

Talk to QBoU and KC. One has run into (a) leatherback(s). The other doesn't make a sound.

Regardless, i'm not an advocate of "put a carton in front of your kid you just busted for smoking and light 'em up until s/he throws up" kind of punishment. i reserve delivering my beatings for getting my nut. i've no desire to entertain a cellmate named Bubba.

We don't try to manipulate people we respect. We treat them honestly, and if they are worthy of our respect, they will do the same for us.

Speaks volumes in so many ways.

 

[Daddyslilpet]

I've seen a few "If it works for you" comments; my observation is, if it worked for her, she wouldn't be asking us for suggestions on how to stop it, now, would she?

You've got a place to share ideas; do you have a time and space away from the scene to discuss things? A pregame planning session and a postgame review? (As a genuine conversation, I mean. With input from both of you and both of you taking on board what the other is talking about.) It's complicated somewhat by the fact that you're more experienced than your partner, but this only adds to the weight of your responsibility to truthfully communicate. If you want something harder, rougher, and nastier, before or after is the time to let him know. Eventually, he may be able to "read" you very well, and the SAM tendencies you're describing won't even cross your mind anymore.

To some others, yes Brattiness is a fetish; it seems to combine some minor elements of ageplay with a very mild case of SAMS (Smart Assed Masochist Syndrome).

Yes! Communication... but not during the scene. Exactly the point I was trying to make before. These after scene reviews don't necessarily have to take up huge chunks of time either. If all went well then there's really not a whole lot of discussion needed, just some cuddle time and after glow I'd think.

It's those times when needs aren't being met, or when things don't go well (i.e. a flogger mishap, or other such minor mishap) nothing that would stop a scene completely, but things that need discussed as to how they could be changed to not disrupt a scene in the future. These are things that don't need to be done in the MIDDLE of the scene, normally.

Being a more experienced sub than your Dom isn't an easy task. As such your attitude has to be kept in check at all times, trust me I know, I've been where you are myinnerslut. It sounds to me like your Sir is dedicated though, from what you've posted so far, even if he's very new to this. Just be patient and I think you'll find as I have... you better be careful what you wish for.

 

[Marquis]

Regardless, i'm not an advocate of "put a carton in front of your kid you just busted for smoking and light 'em up until s/he throws up" kind of punishment. i reserve delivering my beatings for getting my nut. i've no desire to entertain a cellmate named Bubba.

Ha ha, fair enough.

 

[rosco rathbone]

I like to hold a very hard whippin in reserve to express anger, but the idea of beating someone into line doesn't make all that much sense to me. As far as I can tell, it's all psychosexual.

 

[myinnerslut]

will i never learn?!?

i did it again tonight!! will i never learn?!? my Sir was very upset, stopped the scene in the middle of things, and then walked me through everything i did wrong, in lots of detail. i hate dissapointing him like that!

 

[Marquis]

i did it again tonight!! will i never learn?!? my Sir was very upset, stopped the scene in the middle of things, and then walked me through everything i did wrong, in lots of detail. i hate dissapointing him like that!

What happened?

 

[chris9]

i did it again tonight!! will i never learn?!? my Sir was very upset, stopped the scene in the middle of things, and then walked me through everything i did wrong, in lots of detail. i hate dissapointing him like that!

It does sound like that inexperienced as he is, he is capable of teaching you to stop doing what displeases him. Maybe you can get your head away from thinking of him as inexperienced compared to you, because at least for me, thinking of him not knowing as much as me would make me do pretty much the same you seem to be doing.
Tell him that if he has any questions, he can either ask you, or maybe a friend/local that knows a bit about dominating, maybe even find a sort of tutor. If something happened in a scene you didn't like or whatever, write it in your journal or tell him later, or use your safeword if it's unbearable enough.
Control yourself, your behaviour.

From what you have written so far it doesn't sound as if he is inexperienced/doesn't know what to do, and you're experienced/know what is expected and submit to his will, but rather the other way round. 'Experience' as in how many partners/scenes/things one has done has very little to do with it.

You might also want to spend some time to build more trust into him, so that you really believe that what's he doing is right for you, and not doubting him as you seem to be doing.

 

[myinnerslut]

at some point, begging and pleading that he do something turned into telling and demanding him to do something. i didnt even realise that i did it, untill after he had stopped what he was doing and talked me through what had happened. i was so upset to have dont this again, and to have dissapointed him. becuase of how i acted, he stopped earlier then he would have so i ended up stealing pleasure from him as well which i felt horribly guilty about. to top it all off, i was very horny and close to cumming when he stopped.

sometimes i think it would be better for both of us if i were gagged and just couldnt talk at all!

 

[SirFace]

sometimes i think it would be better for both of us if i were gagged and just couldnt talk at all!

Well then, pretty much answers that problem doesnt it.

 

[chris9]

Well then, pretty much answers that problem doesnt it.

Except if he wants to teach her to not do it anymore.
But it might be a solution until you feel he really knows what he's doing. It doesn't sound like you did it on purpose, or even conciously. Maybe you can try staying in more self-control when scening.

 

[WilliamSW]

Topping from the bottom or guiding and teaching?

i have more experience/knowledge concerning all things BDSM then my Sir does. Becuase of this i end up topping from the bottom sometimes. This is wrong, i know, and always gets me in some sort of trouble or other. Does anyone have any ideas on how to stop or tips on remembering not to say anything?

Truely topping from the bottom, that is, taking control, that's unlikely what you are really doing. From reading your original post and your additional replies, you strike me as a submissive, as opposed to a bottom. The difference works like this: Bottom is something one does, activities in the bedroom, and so on. Submissive is something one is...and submissives love submission...topping is at the very least rather annoying for such a person.

As the more experienced partner...do you mean you find yourself guiding your top, teaching him what you need and love? I should be very surprised if you didn't. Teaching a new to the life Top/Dom that you are honest to gosh user friendly...well...just remind yourself, that men aren't taught or even allowed to think of women this way.

Anyway, if you find yourself guiding, and helping him to take you and use you to his fullest pleasure...I'd suggest you gently continue and then, you lay back and enjoy the fruits of your labor.

Bill

 

[Marquis]

at some point, begging and pleading that he do something turned into telling and demanding him to do something. i didnt even realise that i did it, untill after he had stopped what he was doing and talked me through what had happened. i was so upset to have dont this again, and to have dissapointed him. becuase of how i acted, he stopped earlier then he would have so i ended up stealing pleasure from him as well which i felt horribly guilty about. to top it all off, i was very horny and close to cumming when he stopped.

sometimes i think it would be better for both of us if i were gagged and just couldnt talk at all!

What stopped him from backhanding you across the cheek and continuing to do this his way?

Seems like maybe his over-sensitivity and your over-zealousness are a poor match.

When I think of "topping from the bottom" I think more of attempts to control through manipulation presented under the guise of submitting, not of overt attempts to flip the script.

 

[FurryFury]

What stopped him from backhanding you across the cheek and continuing to do this his way?

Seems like maybe his over-sensitivity and your over-zealousness are a poor match.

When I think of "topping from the bottom" I think more of attempts to control through manipulation presented under the guise of submitting, not of overt attempts to flip the script.

*nods*

When she said he had explained in great detail how she went wrong each step of the way I started thinking pedantic martinet. Yes, I know that is a bit redundant but again I plead lack of sleep. IMO, if you are secure in your Domination you don't have to (belittle by) over explaining in great detail.

Fury

 

[VelvetDarkness]

It does sound like that inexperienced as he is, he is capable of teaching you to stop doing what displeases him. Maybe you can get your head away from thinking of him as inexperienced compared to you, because at least for me, thinking of him not knowing as much as me would make me do pretty much the same you seem to be doing.

I agree with Chris on this one. Can you not agree that when playing with your guy you submit to him completely, his way. Any guidance or discussion on your part should be left for a time when you're not being sexual together. If he doesn't feel in control of the scene - that you trust him and want him to be in control - how can he develop the confidence you so desperately need from him?

Sorry if I've repeated others - haven't read the whole thread.

Velvet

 

[davro]

Appears to be a certain lack of communication here,which is important in any kind of relationship.If you can`t communicate you`re with the wrong person and it`s not going to last.Maybe he`s happy with the situation,maybe you`re not,if you dont talk you`ll never know,he`ll never know and you`ll get nowhere.If he`s inexperienced he`s got to learn somewhere,maybe he`s doing that and assumes you`re happy to lead the way for now as the more experienced partner,again if you dont discuss the matter you`ll never know.All relationships build and grow,they`re about discovery,communication,trust and a whole lot of other things.Second-guessing what`s on someone`s mind or not giving them any clue about things that are relavent and on your mind wont get you anywhere,in any kind of relationship......ever.

 

[myinnerslut]

just an update....

we've talked about a bunch of things (outside the scene, not during). i've utalized my journal more and stopped underestimatng my Sir, something i shamefully admit that i was doing. He looked at this thread and was intrested in what a lot of you had to say. using some of the ideas recommended, we figured out a way that works for us. thank you all for your comments and suggestions. they were very helpful.

*myinnerslut*

 

[FurryFury]

just an update....

we've talked about a bunch of things (outside the scene, not during). i've utalized my journal more and stopped underestimatng my Sir, something i shamefully admit that i was doing. He looked at this thread and was intrested in what a lot of you had to say. using some of the ideas recommended, we figured out a way that works for us. thank you all for your comments and suggestions. they were very helpful.

*myinnerslut*

Gold star!

Not only did you reach out for help but you and your Dom used the "help" to work through things and best of all reported back!

*smiles*

Fury

 

[myinnerslut]

Not only did you reach out for help but you and your Dom used the "help" to work through things and best of all reported back!
QUOTE]

its nice to have somplace i CAN ask for help if i need it. im the only one i know in a BDSM relationship, which makes it hard to find the answers to questions i sometimes have. thanks to evryone for being so supportive and helpful

 

[FurryFury]

its nice to have somplace i CAN ask for help if i need it. im the only one i know in a BDSM relationship, which makes it hard to find the answers to questions i sometimes have. thanks to evryone for being so supportive and helpful

I'm glad you've found a place where you can feel comfortable and ask questions.

Fury