Treat em mean, keep em keen

[Lizzie_Borden]

I do still need to feel loved and valued. I could not serve a man so devotedly if there was not a strong bond of love and trust. While there is no such thing as fairness or quid pro quo in our relationship, I know without question that if it was all stick and no carrot, I would reach saturation point and leave. At least, I hope I would.

If he asked me where that saturation point would lie and which straw would break this slave's back, I wouldn't have the faintest idea. I know though, when the balance isn't right. It doesn't have to be anywhere near 50/50 but I do need the occasional respite and reward. I'm ashamed to say I still often get resentful and petulant instead of communicative. I keep quiet for too long and wait for the balance to be redressed by him in due course rather than complain.

I, myself, have also had issues in the past with not communicating my unhappiness at certain things. At the time, I felt like expressing those issues was going to cause extra burden on someone who had a lot going on. That made me resentful. It also developed into a habit that I'm working on breaking.

I think the key is, as you've noted, to realise that you might not know the breaking point, but to recognise when the balance isn't right, and to take steps work it out.

So I did this time. I made a call, and I expressed how I was feeling, despite how tempting it was to just it go.

And things are sorted. The boundaries and standards were redefined (but not changed) and I'm comfortable and happy again.

And much less sooky.

 

[ShivanDragon00]

Finding myself mere minutes from turning in, i decided to read this thread. Very interesting. It amazes me how a thread can start off rather innocently and then take on a mind of its own. It becomes so much more than it was initially meant to be. It branches out and grows....just me being observant.

I have a total internal war going on with this issue.

I love being L's slave and get a savage rush when he treats me inconsiderately, judges my performance harshly, sits on his ass and runs me ragged with chores. I know deep down in the festering oubliette of my soul that I thrive when kept on a short leash, loaded with tasks and treated like an utter convenience. I get wet when he systematically treats me like shit and then dares me to complain. I've even been known to get wet when he decides that something I've done was sub par and then ruined my hard work before commanding me to start over.

And yet...

I do still need to feel loved and valued. I could not serve a man so devotedly if there was not a strong bond of love and trust. While there is no such thing as fairness or quid pro quo in our relationship, I know without question that if it was all stick and no carrot, I would reach saturation point and leave. At least, I hope I would.

If he asked me where that saturation point would lie and which straw would break this slave's back, I wouldn't have the faintest idea. I know though, when the balance isn't right. It doesn't have to be anywhere near 50/50 but I do need the occasional respite and reward. I'm ashamed to say I still often get resentful and petulant instead of communicative. I keep quiet for too long and wait for the balance to be redressed by him in due course rather than complain.

I believe what you describe is the utter conflict that goes on within many a submissive, slave, bottom, any and all of the above. There is a time and place for brutality just as there is a time and place for sensuality and care. The time and place usually depends on the person's current mood. There are times when brutality just won't be constructive, at least in my opinion. IMHO you cant have the brutality without the caring. I've known many a Domme in my time who was a total bitch and the rush of playing with such a Domme can be satisfying in the 'here and now' but afterwards, for me at least, it tends to feel kinda dirty. Not the kind of person I could ever want to be with in a capacity more than play. Currently the girl I have given myself to is everything you could want in one Domme. She knows how to be sweet, sensual, mean and brutal at times as well. It's all about balance, and its all about understanding eachother.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Finding myself mere minutes from turning in, i decided to read this thread. Very interesting. It amazes me how a thread can start off rather innocently and then take on a mind of its own. It becomes so much more than it was initially meant to be. It branches out and grows....just me being observant.

That's the beauty of this place.

You can start off sooky and venty, and then get to read a whole lot of very insightful stuff from a lot of very good people.

 

[ShivanDragon00]

Back to what was being debated earlier. I'll give you some of my own experience. I take relationships very seriously, i give everything i have and i will fight tooth and nail to save one. I've been in relationships before, my most recent two come to mind where i stayed much longer than i should have. I've had friends give up on me because i stayed too long with girls who were, looking back now i can honestly say, not good enough for me. I've stayed in situations where it would have taken serious work to get back to where we started but i never gave up....until the point was reached where i knew it was over. Both of those relationships, something happened to tell me....'hey, its over. You tried, but theres nothing left'. Letting go has always been, and always will be im sure, the hardest thing in the world for me to do and it takes ALOT for me to let go, but eventually if things get bad enough i do. And i've been ridiculed for not letting go sooner, but the way i am is this. I will hold on with all i have, but once im done, im done. Both of those girls btw wanted to reconcile, but i couldn't which kind of surprised me, because of the way i once felt about them, i just didnt have anything left to give. My point is this. Love is a living thing, it grows, it withers, it can die. If left alone long enough, and not nurtured, it dies. It's a shame, but thats how it is. If you start to realize your not getting what you need or to a lesser extent, what you want, there is that possibility that it can be gone. And yes, its a shame, but at the same time, there is no shame in living life how you want. I only realized that after i was out of those relationships. Dom\sub whatever you are, you are entitled to be happy and you are entitled to have your needs met.