trust issues

[VelvetSin]

There is an old expression that whenever you point your finger at someone your thumb is pointing back at you.

I have a hard time seeing how your thumb could logically be pointing back at you... it sounds like a weird way to point the finger. I'm just saying...

It depends on whether you have a somewhat double jointed thumb.

or if you point at yourself in the mirror

Ya, but then the thumb is kinda' irrelevant since your index finger is pointing at you anyways...

The actual old saying is, "When you point your finger at someone else, three fingers are pointing back at you."

I you all. Just sayin'.

Another question though. Is there really such a thing as a double jointed thumb, or double jointed at all? I thought it was just a matter of flexibility.

If I didn't trust him, I wouldn't be in a relationship with him. Period. End of story. YMMV.

This.

 

[NomadLady]

That's a sad story, I hope someday you find someone who makes you want to trust again.

I think that may have happened, but being that I am a caregiver for an elderly parent without a social life to call my own....I can only hope that he is not only trustworthy but patient...

 

[cati]

I trust that people will do what ever suits their deepest strongest needs.
I don't know if that's the same as "trust issues" or "insecurity". I'm pretty secure in that belief.

Perfect. I agree with you 100%. I think alot of people tend to be weak in the trust department. If the "other person" has something better to offer, even if it's only a temporary thing, we/they will go after it, then hope we won't get caught. I think its foolish to completely "trust " anyone, then you won't be so disappointed when you do get screwed.

Man, this is a very heavy subject...but a great one !

 

[kiwi_submissive]

I had a partner who did not trust me at all, he had been cheated on by his ex partner and it really affected him badly. It caused problems in our relationship to the point of I was seriously thinking of cheating on him just so that he actually did have something to hold on to and have evidance of it rather than just going around in circles accusing me of things I had not done, where nothing I said made any difference to him.

 

[NomadLady]

I had a partner who did not trust me at all, he had been cheated on by his ex partner and it really affected him badly. It caused problems in our relationship to the point of I was seriously thinking of cheating on him just so that he actually did have something to hold on to and have evidance of it rather than just going around in circles accusing me of things I had not done, where nothing I said made any difference to him.

Constantly being accused of cheating can cause as much problem as actually cheating. In the later years of my marriage after I got my own motorcycle and starting getting out of the house, making friends, riding, etc...my ex accused me of screwing everyone/anyone to the point that I seriously considered it as well just do he could have something to bitch about!!!!! I never did though so now I can put my head on a pillow and sleep knowing I did the right thing.

 

[kiwi_submissive]

Constantly being accused of cheating can cause as much problem as actually cheating. In the later years of my marriage after I got my own motorcycle and starting getting out of the house, making friends, riding, etc...my ex accused me of screwing everyone/anyone to the point that I seriously considered it as well just do he could have something to bitch about!!!!! I never did though so now I can put my head on a pillow and sleep knowing I did the right thing.

Exactly, the thought was well I am being accused of it anyway, nothing I say will change his mind so I might as well just go ahead and do it. Fortuntly I never actually did it as that would have made me as bad as his ex and hurt him even more.

 

[swtrthnhoney]

Nothing like living under the umbrella of someone's previous experiences. In a way, we all do. My own previous experiences were not so happy but I was willing to try to trust in that relationship.

Walking in someone else's shadow is a difficult thing to overcome. 19 years of fidelity didn't increase the trust basis. Never being able to "prove" myself didn't increase the trust and faith basis. I ultimately decided that his insecurities were multiplying instead of diminishing.

I eventually gave up the wine press and decided it was time to discover how to make my life better. I should have walked away first but let my guard down instead in moments of complete idiotic fantasy.

Now separated by my choice, I relish my ability to make my own decisions and choose my own actions. At times, I succumb to feelings of lonelines and momentary isolation.

Trust? I don't know if I trust anybody anymore.

It's just easier if you assume that the other person is ultimately out to get whatever they want and can. After all, all my previous relationships seem to have centered around this pivot point. Maybe I should adopt that standard as well? What's in it for me? A form of self-preservation mode.

It seems to work for so many people. Just as being a bitch/bastard seems to work for so many women/men. Too bad it's just no in my genetic/personality makeup.

It's hard to trust when you share dreams and ideals and when it's over you are picking the fragments of these dreams and ideals out of your back where you've been stabbed repeatedly. I am hoping that the wounds will heal and the scars will make the tissue stronger.

Harsh, yes, but that's life.

I am still hopeful that someone, somewhere can be trusted to hold my heart, my mind, and my body with a mutual respect, love, and admiration necessary to nurture a relationship.

 

[NomadLady]

Nothing like living under the umbrella of someone's previous experiences. In a way, we all do. My own previous experiences were not so happy but I was willing to try to trust in that relationship.

Trust? I don't know if I trust anybody anymore.

It seems to work for so many people. Just as being a bitch/bastard seems to work for so many women/men. Too bad it's just no in my genetic/personality makeup.I am still hopeful that someone, somewhere can be trusted to hold my heart, my mind, and my body with a mutual respect, love, and admiration necessary to nurture a relationship.

It's not in mine either...although sometimes I wish it was....it only for a short period of time for payback to someone who really deserves it.

 

[swtrthnhoney]

I understand that sentiment. I've tried to be a bitch - it felt like I was wearing someone else's coat. It just doesn't fit.
But then neither does the doormat stance.

 

[swtrthnhoney]

I am hoping that karma exists for those who deserve it.

 

[cati]

The way I see it, it's a bit like lying. People try very hard to tell the truth most of the time. Yet depending on the circumstances they will tell little white lies or big black ones out of necessity, either to protect themselves or the people they love. And that's where "trust" sorta loses it's value. But then again, none of us would enter a relationship if we didn't "think" we could trust the other person...but trust how?

* If no-one minds, I'm going to do a quick hijack with this question: Do you think there's a difference between being "faithful" to your partner and being "loyal" to them?

 

[swtrthnhoney]

Speaking of trust issues....
Do you think anyone on lit is honest (about who they are, their relationship status, etc.)? or is it all just fantasy? (or better yet crap)?

If it's just fantasy, do you ever feel that is wears thin? seems shallow?

You would think that people who are in touch with their senses and sensuality would have more depth or something. Oh wait, I guess that is my fantasy. LOL

Be bold, be brazen, give a response, if you dare!

 

[cati]

Speaking of trust issues....
Do you think anyone on lit is honest (about who they are, their relationship status, etc.)? or is it all just fantasy? (or better yet crap)?

If it's just fantasy, do you ever feel that it wears thin? seems shallow?

You would think that people who are in touch with their senses and sensuality would have more depth or something. Oh wait, I guess that is my fantasy. LOL

_______________________

What a terrific post !

Ummm I think some people are "somewhat" honest, depends on the forum and how serious the topic is. I "know" alot of people lie about their relationship status and who they really are etc. Again it depends on what they want from Lit. or any other forum they're involved in. People have their own agendas, if you get my drift.
As long as it isn't hurting anyone then what's the big deal yanno ? Maybe some people don't like who they are in real life and wish they were someone else. But to answer your question...yes it's a bunch of crap ... with just a smidgeon of reality thrown in.

Although I'm not really sure what you mean by fantasy.. do you mean their profiles ? That some people actually "believe" themselves to be their online (Lit) personas ?
That I don't know, but it's a real possibility. If you're talking about the writers here...chuckles.... ya mean same shit, different writing partner ?...laffing to myself.