Tumblr experiment

[gabriel16]

Sweetvalley - where is that tumblr?

Where is the tumblr?

G

 

[lovecraft68]

After reading this article, I decided to ask my new(ish) boyfriend to set up a Tumblr account, and fill it with pics that turn him on, and that I wanted to see it.

I showed him my 'fetish' pic thread here as well.

So far, he has a fairly mainstream porn collection started, maybe with time he will add pics that will give a deeper insight into his kinky side

The writer of the article's friend said " “I like being able to see what’s going on in his head. But I could really have done without there being so much anal sex on his page. I’d chosen to believe that wasn’t something that he wanted.”

So what do you think?

Is this a good way to explore a lover's unspoken desires, or pathway to trouble?

I think it could be a good thing, but also falls under careful of what you wish for.

What would you think if all his pictures were rape fantasy stuff?

Sounds corny, but oif you want to know your partners kinks...talk to them.

Or simply say "let's watch porn, you pick something." and see what they come up with.

Things like this are just stopping what is really healthy communication. But of course the net has done that in general....rendered people seemingly incapable of socializing away from the keyboard.

 

[Gerontion]

It's a wonderful way to share ideas, but really it all comes down to communication. If you're not sure what the pic or git is supposed to show - or if you're not sure what is turning them on - just ask. Tumblr doesn't take the place of talking - it just helps start conversations.

 

[MatthewVett]

Things like this are just stopping what is really healthy communication. But of course the net has done that in general....rendered people seemingly incapable of socializing away from the keyboard.

I bet ancient Sumerians said the same thing when writing was first invented... On average, how long would you say you go in between posts that make snide comments at generations younger than yours?

 

[Mr. Briggs]

After reading this article, I decided to ask my new(ish) boyfriend to set up a Tumblr account, and fill it with pics that turn him on, and that I wanted to see it.

I showed him my 'fetish' pic thread here as well.

So far, he has a fairly mainstream porn collection started, maybe with time he will add pics that will give a deeper insight into his kinky side

The writer of the article's friend said " “I like being able to see what’s going on in his head. But I could really have done without there being so much anal sex on his page. I’d chosen to believe that wasn’t something that he wanted.”

So what do you think?

Is this a good way to explore a lover's unspoken desires, or pathway to trouble?

interesting article. thanks for sharing

 

[MumSisterTgirlLover]

I recently returned to Tumblr after deleting a previous account, In the past I have used it and other things as a tool to share kinks I enjoy with others.
http://perpetualexpansion.tumblr.com/

 

[UKMichael46]

And this is mine … http://the-pleasure-of-submission.tumblr.com

 

[Dubman]

Using Tumblr for this sort of purpose is a brilliant idea! I update mine every now and then (just did in fact) and my husband reads it regularly. It's a great way for me to let out some steam and to keep him on the edge while he's off working. It's always a joy to hear that my "tumblings" got him to masturbate or just left him with a puddle of precum in his pants

I reblog stuff that I like, post my own writings and get way too excited when I come across pictures of guys who look like my husband. For obvious reasons I will never share a real photo of him (even though I would love nothing more) so those are the closest thing I can deliver.

If you feel like taking a look, you'll find the address in my signature.

Love the pegging related posts on your tumblr.

 

[policywank]

I think it could be a good thing, but also falls under careful of what you wish for.

What would you think if all his pictures were rape fantasy stuff?

Sounds corny, but oif you want to know your partners kinks...talk to them.

Or simply say "let's watch porn, you pick something." and see what they come up with.

Things like this are just stopping what is really healthy communication. But of course the net has done that in general....rendered people seemingly incapable of socializing away from the keyboard.

Technology might be an unhealthy way to avoid personal connections or a constructive way to break down barriers and ensure each partner has time to reflect on their own perspective away from the immediacy of something that they find unsettling. It is personal to each couple and I don't think we can assume it is either positive or negative. Personally I can think of several situations where something caught me off guard and I reacted in a way that misrepresented my true feelings - it took a long way to get back to equilibrium and a few moments of reflection would have been invaluable.

However, I do agree whole-heartedly that we should be careful what we wish for. Even today's pop culture is a seriously sanitized and censored version of what really goes on in people's heads and bedrooms. Both genders, in their own way, nurture serious delusions about the opposite sex and society reinforces those delusions.

Make sure your mind is wide open before going down this road and makes sure your perspective is informed by both genders. As humans we have a very bad habit of relying excessively on the views of our own gender and insulating ourselves from the views of the opposite gender.

 

[SlutAddicted]

This seems to me like a wonderful way to share fantasies and augment sexual communication - the modern and tech savvy version of watching porn together.

In addition to making sure you are ready for what you will see and not letting it override direct and open verbal communication I imagine it would be quite important for the person doing the posting to be careful about the message they are sending. I don't mean censor the postings although that might be wise in some cases. I mean make sure the message being sent is the one you want to send and the one that will be received.

For instance, the rape fantasy is not uncommon. But I don't know anyone who actually wants to translate it into reality. Men in particular tend to assume that fantasies are always something we want to translate into reality. My wife has expressed this fantasy to me but followed it up by a very firm expression that her enjoyment comes from sharing the fantasy and she has no interest in the reality of it. A posted pic or video might not come with such clarity.

Likewise, my wife and I have a non-conventional relationship. We jokingly refer to it as her exclusive, non-reciprocal license to fuck. But the agreement comes with an equally light-hearted "dumb slut" clause (any woman not ready to hear that slight rudeness sure isn't ready to be a hot wife). Basically I am supportive based upon my respect for her desire and ability to own her sex. But our commitment to one another is non-conventional not non-existent. My embrace of this situation is premised on her being a strong woman who owns her sex and takes responsibility for her actions. And it explicitly precludes behaving like or letting herself be treated like a dumb slut or being oblivious to the implications of her actions for me and my status in society. I could imagine either partner posting pics or vids with a woman being fucked by multiple men or a man other than her husband. Is that an expression of interest in sex with other men or is it a desire to be treated like a dumb slut by a dominant asshole who treats the husband with sneering disdain as is often portrayed in porn? It could be either, but you better be clear about which it is.

 

[barefootgirl69]

My tumblr is
Daddys-Barefoot-Princess

Edit: not incest, no minors

 

[SlutAddicted]

This seems to me like a wonderful way to share fantasies and augment sexual communication - the modern and tech savvy version of watching porn together.

In addition to making sure you are ready for what you will see and not letting it override direct and open verbal communication I imagine it would be quite important for the person doing the posting to be careful about the message they are sending. I don't mean censor the postings although that might be wise in some cases. I mean make sure the message being sent is the one you want to send and the one that will be received.

For instance, the rape fantasy is not uncommon. But I don't know anyone who actually wants to translate it into reality. Men in particular tend to assume that fantasies are always something we want to translate into reality. My wife has expressed this fantasy to me but followed it up by a very firm expression that her enjoyment comes from sharing the fantasy and she has no interest in the reality of it. A posted pic or video might not come with such clarity.

Likewise, my wife and I have a non-conventional relationship. We jokingly refer to it as her exclusive, non-reciprocal license to fuck. But the agreement comes with an equally light-hearted "dumb slut" clause (any woman not ready to hear that slight rudeness sure isn't ready to be a hot wife). Basically I am supportive based upon my respect for her desire and ability to own her sex. But our commitment to one another is non-conventional not non-existent. My embrace of this situation is premised on her being a strong woman who owns her sex and takes responsibility for her actions. And it explicitly precludes behaving like or letting herself be treated like a dumb slut or being oblivious to the implications of her actions for me and my status in society. I could imagine either partner posting pics or vids with a woman being fucked by multiple men or a man other than her husband. Is that an expression of interest in sex with other men or is it a desire to be treated like a dumb slut by a dominant asshole who treats the husband with sneering disdain as is often portrayed in porn? It could be either, but you better be clear about which it is.

For greater clarity, I didn't mean to suggest that I have any notable "status in society". I don't. The point was that I have basically given her freedom to fuck whom she wants and accepted the fact that I may occasionally be asked about it (to which I usually reply that we have an open relationship rather than get into more detail). And she has no problem drawing men. So it hardly seems like a big imposition to have her not bang my immediate co-workers and friends - a constraint which she has accepted except as we have otherwise agreed. Given all that, banging my altogether average boss for a cheap thrill would violate the dumb slut clause so to speak.

 

[Z924M]

Mine

skyfallred007

Kisses

 

[DallasDonna]

For greater clarity, I didn't mean to suggest that I have any notable "status in society". I don't. The point was that I have basically given her freedom to fuck whom she wants and accepted the fact that I may occasionally be asked about it (to which I usually reply that we have an open relationship rather than get into more detail). And she has no problem drawing men. So it hardly seems like a big imposition to have her not bang my immediate co-workers and friends - a constraint which she has accepted except as we have otherwise agreed. Given all that, banging my altogether average boss for a cheap thrill would violate the dumb slut clause so to speak.

Interesting.

So where is the line drawn?
For example, what if you felt the wife and/or the other man began to have feelings for one another- would you feel that has violated the agreement?

 

[LWulf]

Too often, I find, relationships are unhealthy in that it is one-sided. Perhaps I see it more because I am male, but I see men being the more likely to cater to the women these days.

A co-worker of mine told me how he shaved off his beard because his wife told him to do it. I asked if it was reciprocal that he tell his wife how long or short she wear her hair, and he told me "no", and looked at me like I had three heads.

My older brother used to go out with one girlfriend for a couple of years and every holiday, they would go to see her family, but never his. There would always be excuses why she HAD to go see her parents every holiday. For the life of him, he couldn't understand why we got upset with him.

Granted, there are times when you cater to the other person in a relationship, without expectations of recompense . That is the clearest sign of love and there are exceptions to every rule, but in the same respect, if one is just kissing ass and the other does nothing to balance it, then the relationship is unhealthy in it's one-sidedness.

I'm very yin and yang in my views. There is a little give and take in any relationship, but there also has to be a little take and give as well.

 

[policywank]

Too often, I find, relationships are unhealthy in that it is one-sided. Perhaps I see it more because I am male, but I see men being the more likely to cater to the women these days.

A co-worker of mine told me how he shaved off his beard because his wife told him to do it. I asked if it was reciprocal that he tell his wife how long or short she wear her hair, and he told me "no", and looked at me like I had three heads.

My older brother used to go out with one girlfriend for a couple of years and every holiday, they would go to see her family, but never his. There would always be excuses why she HAD to go see her parents every holiday. For the life of him, he couldn't understand why we got upset with him.

Granted, there are times when you cater to the other person in a relationship, without expectations of recompense . That is the clearest sign of love and there are exceptions to every rule, but in the same respect, if one is just kissing ass and the other does nothing to balance it, then the relationship is unhealthy in it's one-sidedness.

I'm very yin and yang in my views. There is a little give and take in any relationship, but there also has to be a little take and give as well.

I think this is quite true. And I think that women are relatively more inclined to expect certain things their way and not fully recognize that is what they are doing. Using your examples I know lots of women who can easily rationalize that their family is more enjoyable or she has a better sense of style and so her opinion should carry the day. Rather than giving thought to her partner's perspective she justifies ignoring it.

On the sex topic guys frequently want more (frequency, adventure, whatever) but they have relatively limited interest in really exploring their wife's needs. They don't always perceive it because she has long since learned that she has to censor herself or tell him what he wants to hear to avoid undermining his ego. So as a practical matter the guy has a list of indulgences that the wife provides but she really doesn't get the same in return. So he also finds reasons to see her perspective in the way that suits him rather than for what it is.

And of course give and take doesn't always mean exactly equal or the same. Both genders when they are prepared to give focus more on what they want to give than what the partner wants to receive.

 

[LWulf]

...And of course give and take doesn't always mean exactly equal or the same. Both genders when they are prepared to give focus more on what they want to give than what the partner wants to receive.

As to what you added before I didn't really have much to add except that although primarily I have always been interested in what I wanted sexually in past relationships, I have also been interested in asking "what do you want to do?"

As to what I quoted above...Very true. but that is the sole of yin and yang (I'd say taoism, but that actually has more concepts I don't generally believe in). Some say that the black is male or dominance, of which those labels aren't correct, but work for this example. The white then is female or submissive. Yet, in the center of the black is a dot of white and in the center of white is a dot of black.

It's better exemplified by the ocean: a wave is on one "side" which then moves to the other side. On the side that had the wave first, it could be argued that there is more water, and on the opposite side, there is less water. However, because there is no wave on the opposite side doesn't mean there isn't any water on that side at all.

The roles I see in relationships, there is no water on the opposite side of the ocean, and that's unhealthy and that is the basis that leads to relationship problems.

 

[MilkFountain]

When my wife mentioned her rape fantasy, I was confused. I could not think of a safe way to set that up. Then, talking with a friend, a little holder than she and much younger than I, and knowing that he had been in love/lust with her for a long time, I simply asked him if he ever had ever gotten so turned on by a woman that he had thought about taking her by force. He laughed and said yes. To his surprise, as if I were talking about something unrelated to what he'd just told me, as if it were a coincidence, I told him in detail about my wife's rape fantasy. I saw how turned on he was, asked him playfully if he'd like to satisfy his urge with her fantasy -- never hinting that I knew how much he wanted her. Shyly, and very carefully, he allowed as how that sounded "interesting," as if he were just playing along with a far-from-reality joke.

Then, I told him I was serious and asked if he would do both her and me the favor of satisfying her need. A couple of day's later I suggested she invite him for dinner, as we had many times. But as she got out of the shower I kissed her into our bedroom, tied her face down on our bed, looped silk cord around her wrists and tied them to the two posts of the headboard, with her ankles tied in a similar manner to the posts of the footboard. And then I put a blindfold over her eyes.

Our friend was already in the house. I'd left the door unlocked and told him to arrive early, come in and wait for me. I told my wife I'd invited a stranger to make her fantasy come true. She protested without letup as I left her. I found our friend in the living room, gave him a good brandy, and after at least 10 minutes nodded toward the master bedroom.

I didn't watch, but it turned out well. She eventually did discover who was on her, holding her neck and roughly taking her.

This seems to me like a wonderful way to share fantasies and augment sexual communication - the modern and tech savvy version of watching porn together.

In addition to making sure you are ready for what you will see and not letting it override direct and open verbal communication I imagine it would be quite important for the person doing the posting to be careful about the message they are sending. I don't mean censor the postings although that might be wise in some cases. I mean make sure the message being sent is the one you want to send and the one that will be received.

For instance, the rape fantasy is not uncommon. But I don't know anyone who actually wants to translate it into reality. Men in particular tend to assume that fantasies are always something we want to translate into reality. My wife has expressed this fantasy to me but followed it up by a very firm expression that her enjoyment comes from sharing the fantasy and she has no interest in the reality of it. A posted pic or video might not come with such clarity.

Likewise, my wife and I have a non-conventional relationship. We jokingly refer to it as her exclusive, non-reciprocal license to fuck. But the agreement comes with an equally light-hearted "dumb slut" clause (any woman not ready to hear that slight rudeness sure isn't ready to be a hot wife). Basically I am supportive based upon my respect for her desire and ability to own her sex. But our commitment to one another is non-conventional not non-existent. My embrace of this situation is premised on her being a strong woman who owns her sex and takes responsibility for her actions. And it explicitly precludes behaving like or letting herself be treated like a dumb slut or being oblivious to the implications of her actions for me and my status in society. I could imagine either partner posting pics or vids with a woman being fucked by multiple men or a man other than her husband. Is that an expression of interest in sex with other men or is it a desire to be treated like a dumb slut by a dominant asshole who treats the husband with sneering disdain as is often portrayed in porn? It could be either, but you better be clear about which it is.

 

[MatthewVett]

When my wife mentioned her rape fantasy, I was confused. I could not think of a safe way to set that up. Then, talking with a friend, a little holder than she and much younger than I, and knowing that he had been in love/lust with her for a long time, I simply asked him if he ever had ever gotten so turned on by a woman that he had thought about taking her by force. He laughed and said yes. To his surprise, as if I were talking about something unrelated to what he'd just told me, as if it were a coincidence, I told him in detail about my wife's rape fantasy. I saw how turned on he was, asked him playfully if he'd like to satisfy his urge with her fantasy -- never hinting that I knew how much he wanted her. Shyly, and very carefully, he allowed as how that sounded "interesting," as if he were just playing along with a far-from-reality joke.

Then, I told him I was serious and asked if he would do both her and me the favor of satisfying her need. A couple of day's later I suggested she invite him for dinner, as we had many times. But as she got out of the shower I kissed her into our bedroom, tied her face down on our bed, looped silk cord around her wrists and tied them to the two posts of the headboard, with her ankles tied in a similar manner to the posts of the footboard. And then I put a blindfold over her eyes.

Our friend was already in the house. I'd left the door unlocked and told him to arrive early, come in and wait for me. I told my wife I'd invited a stranger to make her fantasy come true. She protested without letup as I left her. I found our friend in the living room, gave him a good brandy, and after at least 10 minutes nodded toward the master bedroom.

I didn't watch, but it turned out well. She eventually did discover who was on her, holding her neck and roughly taking her.

That's really hot. I wish I were your friend...

 

[SlutAddicted]

Interesting.

So where is the line drawn?
For example, what if you felt the wife and/or the other man began to have feelings for one another- would you feel that has violated the agreement?

We don't control our feelings, only our response to them. And frankly we develop feelings for most people with whom we have regular interactions - I wouldn't want to limit her only to anonymous sex devoid of feeling. So the answer to the question is no.

The agreement relates more to what happens next. Can she keep things in context and if things do change make sure to be fair with me no matter what?

Developing feelings for another is possible in any relationship. It may be a heightened risk for us, which is why a heightened level of honesty, maturity and diligence is required. The deal is that both of us need to be absolutely forthright and take full ownership of our own actions. That doesn't mean spewing every thought that come into our heads, but it does mean never hiding behind a wall of emotion or blaming our actions on circumstance or allowing the intensity of our own situation/emotions to become a justification for not respecting the other's.

Whatever the agreement is between spouses - monogamous, polyamorous, whatever - what I find offensive is when one party makes excuses for violating the agreement. It happens. None of us is perfect. But when things do happen, adults own up to it fully.

 

[policywank]

As to what you added before I didn't really have much to add except that although primarily I have always been interested in what I wanted sexually in past relationships, I have also been interested in asking "what do you want to do?"

As to what I quoted above...Very true. but that is the sole of yin and yang (I'd say taoism, but that actually has more concepts I don't generally believe in). Some say that the black is male or dominance, of which those labels aren't correct, but work for this example. The white then is female or submissive. Yet, in the center of the black is a dot of white and in the center of white is a dot of black.

It's better exemplified by the ocean: a wave is on one "side" which then moves to the other side. On the side that had the wave first, it could be argued that there is more water, and on the opposite side, there is less water. However, because there is no wave on the opposite side doesn't mean there isn't any water on that side at all.

The roles I see in relationships, there is no water on the opposite side of the ocean, and that's unhealthy and that is the basis that leads to relationship problems.

I think that most couples want to know what the other wants in principal, but in reality they aren't ready to hear it.

 

[naireli]

I joined tumblr for the geeky fandoms, but I stay primarily for the tumblr porn. When my last boyfriend and I moved to different cities, we would compile gifs and tell each other stories of things we wished we could do to each other.

I find typical porn to be boring and generic, whereas he found erotica to be uninteresting. This was an amazingly happy medium, and turned out to be an incredibly useful tool to keep our imaginations engaged even when we were apart.

As highlighted in other comments though, it can put you in a terribly vulnerable position. And yet I find myself increasingly wanting to use my tumblr blog as a litmus test for guys I'm with: if they're disturbed by even the fantasy of anything I post, then we shouldn't see each other.

 

[LWulf]

I think that most couples want to know what the other wants in principal, but in reality they aren't ready to hear it.

That might be true and that's yet another relationship problem in and of itself. Alternatively, when someone knows or hears what the other wants in principle, but unwilling to enact it, that's usually just a childish man.

A woman is more willing to bend over backwards to accommodate a man in spite of her own thoughts, which sounds merit-able, but is something I really hate. I'd rather have a woman who isn't mealy-mouthed about what she does or doesn't like. If there are incompatibilities, then let's know them from the onset.

Which brings us back to the topic of this thread, where i sort of like the idea, but as I said before, if you rely on it for communication between yourself and the other person, then communications skills will obviously falter when things get tough.

 

[pathway]

I love this idea - my wife and I struggle to communicate our desires and despite asking i am not clued into hers at all (outside the 'norm'). I wonder if it because she is afraid to share but I guess she doesn't know how open minded I can be - evidenced by my tumblr (of which she has no idea!)

http://pathwayuk.tumblr.com

Please message/follow/reblog and like

 

[policywank]

That might be true and that's yet another relationship problem in and of itself. Alternatively, when someone knows or hears what the other wants in principle, but unwilling to enact it, that's usually just a childish man.

A woman is more willing to bend over backwards to accommodate a man in spite of her own thoughts, which sounds merit-able, but is something I really hate. I'd rather have a woman who isn't mealy-mouthed about what she does or doesn't like. If there are incompatibilities, then let's know them from the onset.

Which brings us back to the topic of this thread, where i sort of like the idea, but as I said before, if you rely on it for communication between yourself and the other person, then communications skills will obviously falter when things get tough.

I think the idea has merit as an augmentation of a relationship that already has good communication. It isn't a substitute and on its own won't solve anything.

For sure, the two-way understanding to open and honest communication means that it should be possible to express a desire and not be judged for it. But it should also be acceptable for the other party to decline politely to enact the desire and not be judged for taking a pass. Where it goes from there depends on the couple but there is a big difference between "I won't do that because it is nasty and you are a bad person for wanting it" and "Wow, thanks for sharing and I can see how that would appeal to you but I don't think I am ready for that."

And I think both parties need to consider that while the process of exploration will hopefully bring the couple closer it may it will help them realize they aren't for each other.

Although your point about the female approach is something of a generalization there is some truth there. Too often we view guys as walking hard-ons whose only interest is in certain sex acts. Meanwhile we overlook the fact that they want to be desired as much as we do and want to be the one to provide pleasure as much as we do and do so without all the fucking mystery.

In a non-sexual example I equate it to that one relative who always insists on hosting every get together. They are so intent on being more generous than others that they don't realize they are actually being quite selfish by never accepting anyone else's hospitality. As if they are the only ones capable of gleaning pleasure through serving others - a pleasure far more tangible and valuable than getting a free meal.