Type A personality and being submissive

[Netzach]

Heh.

I don't think kc was implying that one might not BE a sub and a type a though, but maybe more whether being type A could or could not work in your favor, or if it's something you must put aside to be a good sub or work against.

I don't think that's always the case. Like I said, type a's have this amazing sense of detail, their competitive nature can be directed and channeled towards one's own ends in a nice fashion - there's really no inherent impossibility there, it's all how you approach the sub as an individual.

I've always been really fluid and malleable though, being type B and pretty exploratory I'm interested in people in a "hmmmm what have we got here then" mad science kind of way, rather than saying "I'm going to do X and you're going to love it or else" kind of mindset.

 

[BiBunny]

Right. I got off on a tangent there with that post, and I didn't mean to imply that kc was implying that.

Fuck. Go to bed, Bunny. You don't even know what the hell you're talking about at this point. (Not that that's anything unusual....)

 

[ShyVixen]

IMO, Type A personalities go with being Submissive because most Type A personalities are people who are in charge in thier everyday lives so they like to give up control somewhere where they do not have to think, they give up control and be less inhibited and let someone else make the decisions.. Hence why huge powerful CEO's and Presidents of companies pay Pro Domme's for thier services

SKL made an excellent point.

I am a Type A personality. I am a high achiever who can multi task, put me in a stressful situation at work and I thrive. I'm also a perfectionist - which at times can piss people off around me. If I set out to do something, I don't fail. Put me in a relationship however and I tend to fail miserably. The only Type B trait I may be prone to at times is self analysis.

The point SKL made is very true of myself. I am submissive because that is one area of my life I would love to relinquish control in.

 

[Desdemona]

Type A overachiever here

In most areas of my life, I'm very type A. I'm competitive, I multitask, I hate lines, I'm aware of the time and what needs to happen within certain timeframes. I'm anal about things to an almost embarrassing extent. I always have lists of things to accomplish running through my head. I can be easy-going and relaxed in the right circumstances, but usually, I've got tasks on my mind that are waiting for my (or someone else's )attention. Hell, I wake up thinking about what I need to accomplish on any given day.

Yes, I'm submissive. I'm not a slave, but I do submit. When I submit, the sense of release is delicious. I forget everything but the moment. When the session is over, I'm extremely relaxed. However, it doesn't take long before I'm up and about, working on whatever got put on hold unless he makes me sit and relax or go to bed (which, oddly enough, can be a form of submission for me... and it's HARD for me to do it, too!).

 

[SweetErika]

I think some type A people are far more sensitive and aware - which actually makes their service and masochism more interesting to me. Overstimulation and claustrophobia are things I have to be on top of with him.

Interesting observation. This is me, and it definitely plays a huge role in my dominance and sadism. It can interfere with where I want to go with both of those things at times, too. I have to shut part of my sensitivity and awareness down and work at finding the right balance to get in the zone.


We're both Type A personalities, and while we share a lot of traits, we also have a lot of differences. We're both driven, hard workers, perfectionists, do well with stress, worriers, etc. He's a procrastinator, I'm not. I'm far more outspoken and love debate, but generally prefer listening to talking. He shies away from debate and all conflict. But we're both peace-makers. I'm more proactive in a lot of ways, he's more reactive in general, but we're both doers and good problem-solvers. We both try to control stuff that's out of our sphere of influence. We both take an internal view and are far more likely to blame ourselves than external forces. I let some things go more easily, and he's way better at letting other stuff go.

I'm a D-oriented switch and he's definitely a sub. I can't see myself submitting to anyone; I need more control than that allows. He's struggled with submission, but ultimately he's happiest being the follower (in many ways) in our relationship. I think a large part of that is his personality, but another part is definitely taking a break from responsibility, getting a release and finding relaxation, like many Type A's do.

 

[bisexualsmoker]

Cross polination is always possible.I'm met a few sub trannies
who could turn quite mean if they were pissed off.Not too pretty
whatsoever.

 

[Kajira Callista]

Heh.

I don't think kc was implying that one might not BE a sub and a type a though, but maybe more whether being type A could or could not work in your favor, or if it's something you must put aside to be a good sub or work against.

I don't think that's always the case. Like I said, type a's have this amazing sense of detail, their competitive nature can be directed and channeled towards one's own ends in a nice fashion - there's really no inherent impossibility there, it's all how you approach the sub as an individual.

I've always been really fluid and malleable though, being type B and pretty exploratory I'm interested in people in a "hmmmm what have we got here then" mad science kind of way, rather than saying "I'm going to do X and you're going to love it or else" kind of mindset.

Thanks for getting what I was getting at.

 

[Kajira Callista]

OK so here is me...

Type A , identical to any definition I know.
Very submissive under the right circumstances and only to a Dominant person.

Now here is my problem...
How does one get that across in the real world when she is type a right down to the inevitable coronary issues attached to it?
I do know I am not submissive because I want a break from being a type a and i do know I am very hard to rein in once I'm in that mode but it can be done.
The reason why I started this thread is because I feel weird sometimes. Sort of like people expect dominant to go along with me and when it doesnt they are confused and back away. I don't know how to let the me in here be shown in the proper light. I was only hoping for insight (which I think I may have gotten from a few posts) and my intention wasnt to ruffle anyone.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

And then again, a *largely* Type A personality does have characteristics that would make an excellent submissive - punctuality, attention to detail, etc. - IF the Type A has the submissive/slave "gene" in their psycho-emotional makeup. Since a primary characteristic of a Type A is to try to excel at whatever he/she does, if he/she "decides" to be submissive/slave (or IS submissive/slave in nature), then he/she will do everything in his/her power to be the BEST sub/slave he/she can possibly be.

Just my NSHO and $0.02 worth. YMMV.

 

[intothewoods]

OK so here is me...

Type A , identical to any definition I know.
Very submissive under the right circumstances and only to a Dominant person.

Now here is my problem...
How does one get that across in the real world when she is type a right down to the inevitable coronary issues attached to it?
I do know I am not submissive because I want a break from being a type a and i do know I am very hard to rein in once I'm in that mode but it can be done.
The reason why I started this thread is because I feel weird sometimes. Sort of like people expect dominant to go along and when it doesnt they are confused and back away. I don't know how to let the me in here be shown in the proper light. I was only hoping for insight (which I think I may have gotten from a few posts) and my intention wasnt to ruffle anyone.

I wasn't ruffled, and was excited for the rare kc post!

It's hard to say without knowing more details, but I will say that I think it's possible to show the you inside in the proper light, while retaining some boundaries for self-protection.

 

[Kajira Callista]

I wasn't ruffled, and was excited for the rare kc post!

It's hard to say without knowing more details, but I will say that I think it's possible to show the you inside in the proper light, while retaining some boundaries for self-protection.

How??

 

[intothewoods]

How??

You have to basically reset your boundary a little bit further back. So you show a little bit of your submissive side, and decide that no matter what, even if you're rejected after sharing that, that rejection won't affect the core of who you are.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I have facets of my personality that are type A and facets that are type B. I can never seem to mix these traits and come out with a nice, balanced type C though.

When I worked in nursing, I was type A. I was assured, authoritative, decisive and I didn't shy from tough choices or bow to angry, upset patients when I knew I was acting correctly. My knowledge and code of practice gave me the confidence to assert myself effectively in my profession. I was never combative or bitchy, I just learned quickly that if you back down on important issues in medicine, people suffer. If you sugarcoat the truth, you take away their right and responsibility to act upon it and make positive changes.

When it came to my mother, I was always very assertive because she needed an advocate. I quietly and determinedly took on the GP, social services, hospital consultants, the benefits agency, you name it. I would never back down or compromise when it came to her welfare. I was never rude, abusive or unreasonable but these people knew I wasn't about to shut up and go away.

When it comes to me, I am completely hopeless. I am type B to my core. I put Master before me at all times, I often put myself out for friends. I'm the pro bono therapist among my group of friends and I find it hard to put other people's problems down and not be affected by them in a way I never had when I was nursing full time. Just the other week I spent a whole day at my best friend's house, going through her accounts and bills because she didn't get all her wages and has no idea how she's paying for childcare this month. I got there at 10am, left for the train at 8pm, got home at around 9 and only then did it occur to me that I hadn't eaten anything all day. I just forgot.

I'm also what some people call gullible. I still like to think the best of people and it can lead to me being manipulated and taken advantage of if I'm not careful. I trust too easily and am often oblivious to the cynical side of people because I'm not actively looking for it. I have tried to be more suspicious and reserved but it just isn't me. I don't want to be the sort of person who always assumes the worst in people. I refuse. If it gets me taken for a ride occasionally then it's my choice. I would rather be too generous and forgiving than too stingy and suspicious. I would always rather do too much than too little.

So those are my little paradoxes. I don't know how relevant they are and I don't have any answers. I think it's a very good idea to 'know thyself.' I am aware of my positive traits and character flaws and I think that's enough. I'm not about to change or be ashamed of who I am. I am good enough for me. The rest of the world can like it or lump it.

 

[Pure]

invitation

i'd like to invite those in this thread to participate in the related poll and thread 'a good sub,' which i started: velvet, kajira, sweet erika, desdemona, sir winston, and others.

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=592491

in particular, i'd ask, is the 'type A' sub the opposite to 'pat'?

 

[Recidiva]

I'm a type A. I think I'm prone to be addicted to the idea of thinking I know how to do everything. I work out systems and protocols and escape routes. I can obsess very easily if caution isn't taken to curb that impulse.

When I was younger I enjoyed just "knowing" the answers. But that became a losing game as I was often wrong and most really important answers are unknowable. Now I enjoy working out the answers and realizing every system could use some tweaking, but there are times to sleep and relax and have fun. Enjoy the mystery as much as the unraveling.

I'm not comfortable around those who are entirely clueless about how things work. They make me uncomfortable, like they're going to dive for a gun, point it at me and say "WHAT DOES THIS BUTTON DO?" Like DeeDee in "Dexter's Laboratory."

I'm equally uncomfortable around those who think they know everything, because they're clearly wrong. Thus making Dexter no fun to be or hang out with. Integrating the inner Dexter and DeeDee is what it's about.

So type A is where I'm inclined to hang out, but Type B is what I need to integrate to be a whole person. Getting over my inherent revulsion at being clueless and just letting it be okay that I'm ignorant and enthusiastic and heedless at times.

 

[rinka]

I think for women it can sometimes be difficult to separate a type A personality from "good girl syndrome". The expectations and demands we are constantly subjected to by society and media affects us to our inner core. Be independent, educated, make a carreer, be a wonderful mother, loving partner, make a nice home, look good, stay fit, cook well, nurture relationships... It's a lot to stay on top of and hard to not stay on top of and still feel good about yourself.

I suppose the difference between a good girl and the type A is if the motivation is rooted internally or externally. And how do you really know, sometimes? A "good girl" might seem like a type A personality and a type A personality is probably more likely to be a "good girl"...

Being submissive and directing that energy at a partner and being validated for that might take lot of pressure off. Being a good girl for someone and not needing to take on the whole world at once.

I am definitely not a type A personality and not a very good girl either.

 

[YourCaptor]

I think for women it can sometimes be difficult to separate a type A personality from "good girl syndrome". The expectations and demands we are constantly subjected to by society and media affects us to our inner core. Be independent, educated, make a carreer, be a wonderful mother, loving partner, make a nice home, look good, stay fit, cook well, nurture relationships... It's a lot to stay on top of and hard to not stay on top of and still feel good about yourself.

I suppose the difference between a good girl and the type A is if the motivation is rooted internally or externally. And how do you really know, sometimes? A "good girl" might seem like a type A personality and a type A personality is probably more likely to be a "good girl"...

Being submissive and directing that energy at a partner and being validated for that might take lot of pressure off. Being a good girl for someone and not needing to take on the whole world at once.

I am definitely not a type A personality and not a very good girl either.

Yes, I think that is what differentiates a type A go getter, from a type A sub.

 

[intothewoods]

I think for women it can sometimes be difficult to separate a type A personality from "good girl syndrome". The expectations and demands we are constantly subjected to by society and media affects us to our inner core. Be independent, educated, make a carreer, be a wonderful mother, loving partner, make a nice home, look good, stay fit, cook well, nurture relationships... It's a lot to stay on top of and hard to not stay on top of and still feel good about yourself.

I suppose the difference between a good girl and the type A is if the motivation is rooted internally or externally. And how do you really know, sometimes? A "good girl" might seem like a type A personality and a type A personality is probably more likely to be a "good girl"...

Being submissive and directing that energy at a partner and being validated for that might take lot of pressure off. Being a good girl for someone and not needing to take on the whole world at once.

I am definitely not a type A personality and not a very good girl either.

This is such a great post. For those who said they are Type A, do you think you are Type A or a "good girl"? Or both? I think I'm much more a pleaser/good girl than a Type A. I have some desire for control, but it's rarely for it's own sake. I want the security of knowing something got done. And I want to get the something done to make everyone happy. I'm absolutely happy to outsource whenever I can, so I think that makes me less Type A and more pleaser.

On a related note, I can think of quite a few Type B people who are Tops. Again, I don't think how you behave in public necessarily correlates to how you relate to your lover(s).

 

[celticsunspiral]

This is such a great post. For those who said they are Type A, do you think you are Type A or a "good girl"? Or both? I think I'm much more a pleaser/good girl than a Type A. I have some desire for control, but it's rarely for it's own sake. I want the security of knowing something got done. And I want to get the something done to make everyone happy. I'm absolutely happy to outsource whenever I can, so I think that makes me less Type A and more pleaser.

Maybe more of a pleaser than Type A. I want everyone to be happy so I try really hard to make sure that happens.

Definelty know where you are coming from, wanting to make sure everything gets done right. And I want it done now. Sometimes I am ok with delegating things out, but I have a hard time sitting back and watching someone else take longer and not do as good a job as I think I could. I try really hard not to let them know that though.

 

[YourCaptor]

This is such a great post. For those who said they are Type A, do you think you are Type A or a "good girl"? Or both? I think I'm much more a pleaser/good girl than a Type A. I have some desire for control, but it's rarely for it's own sake. I want the security of knowing something got done. And I want to get the something done to make everyone happy. I'm absolutely happy to outsource whenever I can, so I think that makes me less Type A and more pleaser.

On a related note, I can think of quite a few Type B people who are Tops. Again, I don't think how you behave in public necessarily correlates to how you relate to your lover(s).

I am both A & B. Few things ruffle my feathers, so I am type B in that sense, but I do what I want, so thats type A.

If I was to lean I think it would to side B.

 

[cati]

Looking at the Wikipedia definitions for A and B personalities, I am definitely more of a type B.
I am less competitive, I do avoid confrontations when at all possible, am relatively easy going, do way too much self analyzing and I do avoid stressful situations if I know in advance that they could be stressful (like job interviews or public speaking) or at least I try to... and I do maintain my composure in those long check out lines at the grocery store. I am time conscious however, I don't like people who are late and I try never to be late. My patience in other areas is boundless. I dunno type B's characteristics aren't anything to really brag about *s.
IMO, they seem to reflect a weak or passive character. Would a type B personality more suit a submissive? You would think that would be the case. Once again it depends on what appeals to the Dom/me. Type B's sound a little spineless, definitely more spunk in type "A" submissives.
I'm wondering if type B's would be more high maintenance?
You know what I think?... a gal would stand a better chance of being a successful sub/slave if she were a type A. It's a competitive world out there people.

 

[Netzach]

I definitely fall more to the type B side. I can be driven about certain specific things with the best of any type A, but I see a lot of concerns that rile type A people as "small stuff" and really don't get it. I can rise to the occasion of an interview or public speaking or working a sales job, but I don't *love* it, even if I can do it.

I don't think it's passivity or weakness, but more of a one's own drummer kind of personality when it's balanced enough. I think a sub is best when they're compatible with the Dominant party, and M's type A retentive tendencies are a saving grace sometimes.

 

[cati]

I just assumed the thread was D/s related and went with the flow. Granted I may have gone off on a tangent that had nothing to do with the subject matter...chuckles I often do that.
Does one personality type "appear" more submissive. Is that the question? cause' I think that is where I as heading. I wish I were more of a type "A" personality, perhaps then I would be more successful in some areas of my life.

 

[cati]

OK so here is me...

Type A , identical to any definition I know.

Very submissive under the right circumstances and only to a Dominant person.

That seems normal. I'm that way too. That's a good thing right?

Now here is my problem...
How does one get that across in the real world when she is type a right down to the inevitable coronary issues attached to it?

"The real world" You mean the one out there? or the one in here? You are who you are and never change that for anyone. THey say that we all have submissive and dominant traits and that we should hone up on one or the other, so that we can better fit into one category. I think that is sooo wrong for so many reasons.

I do know I am not submissive because I want a break from being a type a and i do know I am very hard to rein in once I'm in that mode but it can be done.


Ah hell, you just sound passive aggressive..*winks.
Seriously, and just so I can understand this... You feel you have been a type "A" personality most of your life, but you feel this "A" isn't such a submissive type or a good way to be. Is that right? I could be way off base here.

The reason why I started this thread is because I feel weird sometimes. Sort of like people expect dominant to go along with me and when it doesnt they are confused and back away.

Ok so people expect you to be Dominant because of your type "A"personality?
Why would they back away for heaven's sakes. Do they expect to see all those qualities in you or are surprised when they do...or do you just "think" they back away?....
And never feel weird kiddo, it's a waste of your precious time. I think it just takes time to get to know the real person (you).

I don't know how to let the me in here be shown in the proper light. I was only hoping for insight (which I think I may have gotten from a few posts) and my intention wasnt to ruffle anyone.

Oh I'm ruffled alright *poke. I think most people in here have known you for quite awhile in good times and bad. Shoot, even I wonder about you when you aren't here.
How to show the real you in proper light?...hmmmm.
Just do what you "have" to do, to get the real you across. I can hardly wait to get to know you.

PS I've been in Kansas City twice since last November, if I knew you better I'd have given you a call...smiles

 

[kinkyknickers]

Very type A. not a sub. Like to be hit, like to be humiliated, don't do what I'm told. Don't follow orders. Really hard to handle, sucks to be my dom.