Uncollared subs/slaves

[Vixandra]

Interesting to read the differences posted here.

As for myself- one person has the right to call me Mistress, though I've not collared her yet. Same way she has a special nickname I gave her that only I call her.

In the OP situation- if the other girl heard the conversation between my sub and I, then asked me again, I'd probably be quite irriated. I dislike answering a question twice and if asked again, would probably ask her if she has a hearing problem or something to that effect.

Not big on being called "Ma'am" either, but that's not a D/s issue, its a Vix grew up in TX and you only call older women that issue. *shrugs*

 

[serijules]

IMO, addressing someone as Sir or Ma'am in a vanilla setting is an entirely different world and issue than in a kink setting. I address my clients as Sir or Ma'am until I know them well enough to use their first names or Mr/Mrs Lastname. It's a heck of a lot better than saying "Hey, YOU!". I say "excuse me Ma'am" when trying to move around someone in a store or thank you Sir when a stranger holds a door for me, etc. I agree, it's just simple manners. A friend of mine's children are required to address my husband and I as "Mr and Mrs "Smith"" and say thank you Ma'am/Sir if we offer them something. I've never seen another child do that other than them, it really is out of habit. It bothers me though, because the children know us well enough now to be familiar with us, and in my opinion it stops being polite and starts being standoffish when you continue to address someone that way once you are familiar with them. *shrugs* That's just my take on it though, obviously the childrens parents feel differently.

However, I don't feel the same applys to kinky situations and in fact, calling someone Sir or Ma'am makes one seem TOO overly familiar, too fast. The title takes on a different context amoungst most people in the lifestyle and to just assume that any top wishes to be addressed that way is overly familiar and frankly, rather rude. I would think that if you were in a crowded club and were trying to get through a group of people to get something at a counter and said "excuse me Sir", people would realize you were using the title in a polite way. That is about the only way in a kink setting I would address someone like that; if the situation was one where I would normally say Sir or Ma'am in a vanilla setting as well, out of manners. However, once having been introduced to someone, I revert to using their names as given in introduction, unless otherwise instructed by my owner.

 

[cati]

What I DON'T understand is why when your master said it didn't matter where you ate, YOU unilaterally chose the restaurant without asking your friend HER thoughts? Once your master stated that he didn't care where you ate, why was it not the least bit rude on your part to not discuss it with your friend?

---------------------------------------------------
Why on earth would you assume that it wasn't discussed with her?
My question pertained to my "being bitchy" about reprimanding her, and I use the term lightly. Naturally, the choice of restaurants was discussed "unilaterally" before hand. Ultimately, someone had to choose where to eat, and yes I made the decision. She does not live in my city, so she wouldn't know where to go, nor did she care. Yes, my friend can be a ditz (although I loathe to say that about her) She is also the type that would defer to others to make a decision for her. I am not so inconsiderate as not to discuss "where to eat" with the other people present.
I apologize for not including every gory detail of the circumstances, but I didn't find it necessary to do so.

I can't imagine approaching a Dom/me without calling them Sir or Ma'am first, but thats just me. If they wish to correct me, then that is their choice. If they ask me to call them by their first names so be it, but I will not do so on first meeting.

There is a very big difference in using the term "Master or Mistress" in addressing a Dominant who is not "yours" and personally, I feel that Sir or Ma'am is not in that same category. Somewhere along the way we have veered off topic, but thats just as well. Thanks very much everyone for your input....cati

 

[Marquis]

My next question is this: Who is responsible for keeping "uncollared" subs in check at a Dungeon party or other event, should they misbehave?

I am. *cracks knuckles*



In all seriousness, my experience is that uncollared "subs" at play parties are often the rudest bitches alive.

 

[Netzach]

Personally, after 9 years I still consider myself a junior Top. *I'll* defer to certain bottoms I know whose track record is far beyond mine.

I don't mean bowing and scraping and getting nuts about it, but I do mean an attitude of attentiveness and respect that might go slightly beyond the one I casually hand out.

In a vacuum, hierarchy makes little sense, I agree. How do you decide what seniority is? etc. etc. In a specific context, namely whatever circles you travel in, whatever you consider your intimate community, I don't think it's a terrible idea. It basically boils down to shut up and listen to those who have been around so you don't have to re-invent the wheel every year.

 

[Netzach]

Personally, after 9 years I still consider myself a junior Top. *I'll* defer to certain bottoms I know whose track record is far beyond mine.

I don't mean bowing and scraping and getting nuts about it, but I do mean an attitude of attentiveness and respect that might go slightly beyond the one I casually hand out.

In a vacuum, hierarchy makes little sense, I agree. How do you decide what seniority is? etc. etc. In a specific context, namely whatever circles you travel in, whatever you consider your intimate community, I don't think it's a terrible idea. It basically boils down to shut up and listen to those who have been around so you don't have to re-invent the wheel every year.

edited to add, that I get called Mistress all the time by people who don't know me from adam, and I'm just over getting bent out of shape about it. I don't care what the form of address is, really, though I have a distinct preference for Ms. (my professional scene name last name) over weird titles if someone really wants to impress me. I don't chastise people for failing to do that, but I sure do sit up and notice when one of 'em actually gets it right, it means he was paying attention.

I also don't think my reaction really has to do with monogamy versus a poly relationship. If I have promised exclusivity to a bottom/slave he/she can trust me to handle the issue as I see fit and inform the odd bottom/slave encroaching on that relationship whether I feel they are out of line. If they must talk to someone about it, I don't see why I'm not the first person to be in on the dialogue as I ought to be always in matters that impact us.

 

[chris9]

Personally, after 9 years I still consider myself a junior Top. *I'll* defer to certain bottoms I know whose track record is far beyond mine.

I don't mean bowing and scraping and getting nuts about it, but I do mean an attitude of attentiveness and respect that might go slightly beyond the one I casually hand out.

In a vacuum, hierarchy makes little sense, I agree. How do you decide what seniority is? etc. etc. In a specific context, namely whatever circles you travel in, whatever you consider your intimate community, I don't think it's a terrible idea. It basically boils down to shut up and listen to those who have been around so you don't have to re-invent the wheel every year.

That's about what I was going to add to this thread. Saves me the time, thanks, Netzach.

edited to add: I start getting used to your editing your posts while I quote you

 

[Betticus]

That's about what I was going to add to this thread. Saves me the time, thanks, Netzach.

edited to add: I start getting used to your editing your posts while I quote you

I liked the little belly and seashell av, it was cute.

 

[chris9]

I liked the little belly and seashell av, it was cute.

But this is some serious art!
Maybe I'll change it back eventually.

 

[graceanne]

But this is some serious art!
Maybe I'll change it back eventually.

I like both of them.

 

[chris9]

I like both of them.

Thanks

 

[serijules]

Um, you forgot to remove your top first.

Just saying

 

[chris9]

Um, you forgot to remove your top first.

Just saying

Actually that's the third one I had up tonight. And I put it up after that comment.
And Italians don't appreciate topless women on their beach.

 

[babiesmiles]

And Italians don't appreciate topless women on their beach.

Who did give you that new ? ..lol b.

 

[chris9]

Who did give you that new ? ..lol b.

New what?

 

[graceanne]

Actually that's the third one I had up tonight. And I put it up after that comment.
And Italians don't appreciate topless women on their beach.

I like that one too. lol Having trouble deciding?

 

[chris9]

I like that one too. lol Having trouble deciding?

No, not after so many people commenting so very positive! I feel very good now!
I just didn't have so much to do, so I looked at pictures and stuff and made them into AVs.

 

[graceanne]

No, not after so many people commenting so very positive! I feel very good now!
I just didn't have so much to do, so I looked at pictures and stuff and made them into AVs.

Well you look great in that pic. Frankly, I thought it was a premade av, with a model and all.

 

[babiesmiles]

New what?

That italian men don't appreciate topless women !!!


I know LOTS of men that really appreciate it ( they are a bit picky tho ) and usually is up to the women to decide if stay in topless or not

Of course it depends on where you go , some places are more appropriate than others for topless, but we are PLENTY of beaches ( lol) and I sure you there is place for every kind of tastes in clothes ( or lack of clothes !)

edit to add : now I understand !!!! I wrote "new" instead of " news" ....so that could have generate a misunderstanding !!
btw you look really nice so you shouldnt worry about topless

 

[chris9]

That italian men don't appreciate topless women !!!


I know LOTS of men that really appreciate it ( they are a bit picky tho ) and usually is up to the women to decide if stay in topless or not

Of course it depends on where you go , some places are more appropriate than others for topless, but we are PLENTY of beaches ( lol) and I sure you there is place for every kind of tastes in clothes ( or lack of clothes !)

edit to add : now I understand !!!! I wrote "new" instead of " news" ....so that could have generate a misunderstanding !!

Well, then maybe the travel guide books we get are playing on the safe side. They all write that you should stay in all parts of your swimsuit on Italian beaches. I can easily believe the Italian men to quite enjoy. I can as easily believe Italian women to be bitchy about it. (I'm not talking of all of them, but some.)

 

[babiesmiles]

Well, then maybe the travel guide books we get are playing on the safe side. They all write that you should stay in all parts of your swimsuit on Italian beaches. I can easily believe the Italian men to quite enjoy. I can as easily believe Italian women to be bitchy about it. (I'm not talking of all of them, but some.)

Italian women can be bitchy even if another woman is fully dressed , we dont need to see a topless to bitchy about as we usually are the first one who love to take almost integral sunbath But again ( like in every thing ) it's just a matter of appropriate places and occasions !

 

[chris9]

Italian women can be bitchy even if another woman is fully dressed , we dont need to see a topless to bitchy about as we usually are the first one who love to take almost integral sunbath But again ( like in every thing ) it's just a matter of appropriate places and occasions !

Sure it is. I just prefer having them bitching at me when I'm more dressed.

 

[Netzach]

Sure it is. I just prefer having them bitching at me when I'm more dressed.

Even I could get down with being chewed out by a mob of italian women while butt naked.

 

[babiesmiles]

Even I could get down with being chewed out by a mob of italian women while butt naked.

lol .... we don't mob .... we speak with soft voice ... trusting the fact nobody knows our language

 

[chris9]

lol .... we don't mob .... we speak with soft voice ... trusting the fact nobody knows our language

Soft voice? We are speaking about the land that's a boot, right? Soft voices???