Sir_Winston54
Assume the position!
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2004
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- 14,027
I'm not one to say, "I told you so," but ... 
Uncomfortable feelings about something that used to BE a comfort
- Thread starter Kajira Callista
- Start date
I'm not one to say, "I told you so," but ... 
DVS
A ghost from your dreams
- Joined
- Apr 17, 2002
- Posts
- 11,416
It sounds like you are getting this thing under control, but don't assume anything, for a while. It can show its ugly head at the weirdest times. I have a trigger that doesn't make sense, but it's still there. If I can't keep my mind from going there, it just happens. I know I'm OK, but there's a part of my brain that I can't reason with. Yes, I know it's strange.
But, there are mental issues that can be overcome, once you know they exist. When you don't understand why you feel a certain way, that can make it seem so much worse. Sure, there are some that respond better to medication, but even my claustrophobia can be handled, as long as I'm aware of it.
If I were to ever get the chance to go exploring in a cave, I might be able to do it as long as I knew there was a competent guide leading the tour. But, there is no way I'd go into a cave without someone who knows the way out.
So, I'd guess your situation could be similar to my going into a cave. As long as you have your Daddy there watching over you and he's aware of the situation, you might just be able to control this feeling. Sure, you will still be conscious of that queasy feeling in your stomach for a while, but I think you'll eventually be able to nearly block it out, if not totally block it.
It will be like a stepping stone kind of thing, though. The key is to always have a safe environment where you feel secure that if anything happens, you can trust him to release you if that feeling comes. Don't let him think he can otherwise calm your fears. He must do as you ask, if your fear ever overpowers you and you need to be released. And you need to be able to trust he will do that. Don't try to fight it. He shouldn't try to calm you down instead. I think that would just spoil what you're trying to do and take you back a step.
But it sounds like he's in tune to this thing, so that's good. If you can continue this safe feeling with him, I don't think you'll have trouble concurring this. But, don't rush it and assume it's fixed just because it feels like it is. It's always going to be there, right under the surface. Keep doing what you're doing and create this new normal to keep it under control. It should get a little easier every day once you know what works and what doesn't.
And always remember, if down the road this turns out to be some kind of anxiety disorder, there are always good meds for it...and they work.
But, there are mental issues that can be overcome, once you know they exist. When you don't understand why you feel a certain way, that can make it seem so much worse. Sure, there are some that respond better to medication, but even my claustrophobia can be handled, as long as I'm aware of it.
If I were to ever get the chance to go exploring in a cave, I might be able to do it as long as I knew there was a competent guide leading the tour. But, there is no way I'd go into a cave without someone who knows the way out.
So, I'd guess your situation could be similar to my going into a cave. As long as you have your Daddy there watching over you and he's aware of the situation, you might just be able to control this feeling. Sure, you will still be conscious of that queasy feeling in your stomach for a while, but I think you'll eventually be able to nearly block it out, if not totally block it.
It will be like a stepping stone kind of thing, though. The key is to always have a safe environment where you feel secure that if anything happens, you can trust him to release you if that feeling comes. Don't let him think he can otherwise calm your fears. He must do as you ask, if your fear ever overpowers you and you need to be released. And you need to be able to trust he will do that. Don't try to fight it. He shouldn't try to calm you down instead. I think that would just spoil what you're trying to do and take you back a step.
But it sounds like he's in tune to this thing, so that's good. If you can continue this safe feeling with him, I don't think you'll have trouble concurring this. But, don't rush it and assume it's fixed just because it feels like it is. It's always going to be there, right under the surface. Keep doing what you're doing and create this new normal to keep it under control. It should get a little easier every day once you know what works and what doesn't.
And always remember, if down the road this turns out to be some kind of anxiety disorder, there are always good meds for it...and they work.
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the captians wench
sewing wench
- Joined
- Jun 16, 2005
- Posts
- 12,258
I'm having odd feelings about bondage these days. Sometimes I get really scared when cuffs go on or when I am physically restrained. It is almost like a ptsd feeling.
I can't seem to figure out what is causing it. Restraint in any form used to feel all safe and calm and wonderful.
I'm afraid I won't get passed whatever it is that is making me feel like this or that the fear will become worse.
Has this ever happened to anyone else?
Did it go away just like it came?
Blaaa I need help figuring this out
I didn't go back and read everyone's posts. I'm feeling lazy tonight. But I would like to comment.
This:
is something I've always had in the back of my mind as well. No matter how service oriented I may be, I know that there is always that little voice in my head that will whisper "why doesn't he do xyz for me?" and no matter how much of a pain slut I am there are always times when that whisper says "why does he want to hurt me? I thought I made him happy. I thought he loves me."
I have gotten to the point where you are at KC, a few times. But being the psycho-analytical person that I am, I've always stopped myself and really looked deep into why I was questioning these things I always held as truths before. Some times just knowing why that feeling popped up has been enough, and in other times I realized there was an issue that needed to be addressed.
At any rate, I hope you find what you need.
eastern sun
hungry little creature
- Joined
- Nov 19, 2005
- Posts
- 2,703
KC, it sounds like you have found a great partner. I've had this happen too - where I became frightened of things that I had felt comforted by in the past - or where I have an aversive reaction to things I always desired. It's interesting to look into it to see why it happened. (I like that kind of self-examination.)
But more importantly, given the fact that it does seem to happen - to many of us at one time or another - the ability of your partner to accept who you are right now is so important.
We have these fantasies; these ideas of what we want to happen, or what we think should happen. Or we have memories of what has happened in the past - and we use them to measure what we're experiencing now.
What I love hearing is how your Daddy listened to you, how you spoke to him, with and without words - and how the two of you were able to feel safe together again.
This is how relationships last. Not because we're able to fulfill each other's fantasies - though that can be intoxicating - but because we're able to fulfill each other's realities, adapting to what's actually happening when we're together. Which may have nothing to do with the fantasies.
But more importantly, given the fact that it does seem to happen - to many of us at one time or another - the ability of your partner to accept who you are right now is so important.
We have these fantasies; these ideas of what we want to happen, or what we think should happen. Or we have memories of what has happened in the past - and we use them to measure what we're experiencing now.
What I love hearing is how your Daddy listened to you, how you spoke to him, with and without words - and how the two of you were able to feel safe together again.
This is how relationships last. Not because we're able to fulfill each other's fantasies - though that can be intoxicating - but because we're able to fulfill each other's realities, adapting to what's actually happening when we're together. Which may have nothing to do with the fantasies.
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