Vanilla marriage-extramarital D/s relationships

[pyratwench]

I under stand what IrisAlthea is saying, and agree. You don't want to get in the middle of his marriage.

Maybe you can be more specific about your questions to your Dom? For instance, if you just want to talk to him as a friend, as somebody who could give you their opinion on something you are going through, as long as that isn't painful to him for some reason I would say yes, talk to him about aspects of your own life and actions (if you feel comfortable doing that and want some input).

Sometimes only those people that know you and your situation can really give you meaningful input. However, if you are interested in his actions and his reasoning and his feelings in no relation to your own situation as a couple... It doesn't sound like you are really in a good position to do that. Sounds like it might cause problems.

In regards to your BF, all I can do is echo what has been said above. We only get one life, and I think we should all carefully weigh how we want to spend it.

Good luck and be strong - the path of least resistance is always the lowest...

Thank you both for your input on this I greatly appreciate the third party input. again I will state I am so happy I found this board. Its nice to know these places exist.

 

[dreamykitten2]

I'm in a vanilla marriage too

I have a couple play partners outside my marriage. One is married and one is a widower. We all know I have no intention of leaving my marriage and we are all adults. Our only expectations are honesty and fun. This is working well. I'm very careful and don't take stupid risks.

That said I wish my husband would be ok with having an open marriage but it's not something he would go for. He has however agreed to explore bondage with me so I'm hopeful this may help my needs!

Here's hoping!!!!

 

[Twinkie429]

The Interloper.

I'm glad I found this thread. It seems to speak directly to my situation. 5 or 6 yrs ago I met a man who would change my life. I was 25 a couple of months out of my first serious relationship and very ignorant of the BDSM lifestyle. That all changed when I met my Daddy Dom. He introduced me to a part of myself I never knew existed. And we've been together ever since. He's about 10 yrs older than me and married.

In the beginning I was very hesitant. I had all these preconceived notions about this lifestyle and him as a married man. He has never given me a reason to doubt him and he has never lied to me. He always made it very clear that leaving his family is not an option. I understood then and understand now.

However I find myself in a no win situation now. He's been my everything for the last 5 or 6 yrs. He has helped me to become a better person and gain closure on some very traumatic events in my life. As our relationship continued I not only gave him my submission but my heart. He is the person I trust most in the world. I could not imagine my life without him in it. I don't want to imagine my life without him. But I feel like as time ticks on there are things I want that I can't have from him that are making me wonder how much longer we can last.

I don't believe in the sanctity of marriage but I do want someone I can share a life with. I am fairly certain I am unable to have a child of my own. So being a mother is not something I aspire to. I want to be free to be with the person I love openly. Our relationship is very secretive. I know the logical thing to do would be to walk away but that proves difficult when I love him so much. I'm not expecting to him to leave his family. I would never want that. It would hurt him in a way that I couldn't bear to see him go through. I'm just unsure of what to do. He wants us to continue like this forever. He says I am his most prized possession and I am his sunshine. He is my everything. Walking away from our relationship is unfathomable to me. I've entertained the idea of dating while still with him but I don't think it would be fair to another man when my heart is already taken. I know I'm being hypocritical wanting something of my own when for the last 6 yrs I've been a basically homewrecker. I just don't see a solution to this that doesn't end up with us either breaking up or me with a shattered heart. I want more than he can give me but I don't want to leave him. It just seems doomed to fail.

 

[IrisAlthea]

I've entertained the idea of dating while still with him but I don't think it would be fair to another man when my heart is already taken. I know I'm being hypocritical wanting something of my own when for the last 6 yrs I've been a basically homewrecker. I just don't see a solution to this that doesn't end up with us either breaking up or me with a shattered heart. I want more than he can give me but I don't want to leave him. It just seems doomed to fail.

Sometimes the heart has room for more than one and if so, there are people who are ok with the kind of situation you have to offer. Nothing unfair about it as long as they know what they are getting into.

 

[calibigirl]

I have a D/s relationship with a married man

I'm very happy to have found this thread.

I am single at the moment and I am naturally a submissive but only in the bedroom and I don't need it all the time. I have a married friend who is completely vanilla - her idea of kinky is to pull on his nipples. Myself and her husband have always flirted and there was a very strong attraction the first time we met but I wasn't in a good place mentally so pushed it deep down inside.

But recently at a family party I got rather drunk and one thing led to another and I ended up discovering he was into bdsm but was a domme but that she had no idea. He admitted that he had always fancied me and wondered what I liked in the bedroom but once he found out I was a sub there was no going back. The long and the short of it is now we meet up whenever he can safely get away so that we can indulge in our bdsm lifestyle.

He loves his wife and has no intention of leaving and I have no intention of asking him to. In a strange twisted way it has helped his marriage as he is no longer so frustrated sexually. He has a massive sex drive and she doesn't.

I'm more than happy to be his sub and he recently collared me which made me very happy. I fulfil the need in him that he has hidden for many years as his wife would never understand why he likes what he does but also she would never be a part of it, as she thinks it's dirty and perverted.

I never ever thought we would be doing this and even now months down the line I find it hard to believe. I know we will carry on until one of us says no more but we will always be friends as we will have to be as his wife is my friend. I do feel guilt but neither of us wants to break up his marriage to be together and we fulfil that need in each other that no one else can. I know no one in our circle of friends and family would ever understand which is why we are super careful to not get caught in anyway. I also know it is very wrong but we make each other very happy in those times when we meet up and I know it's made him a much happier husband however warped that may be.

 

[thesexdoktor]

so do your fantasies relate to the D/S relationship? If so, you have your naughty partner to try them with, surely! Or if you are curious about other things, then I'd love to offer my two pence!

 

[ecstaticsub]

Wow...it's been 7 years since I started this thread. So much has changed. Two important things have stayed the same, I am still very happily married and still owned by my Daddy.