Vanilla Privacy

[Lancecastor]

A long, low, silent bow....eyes up.

"Is anyone besides me really liking the asides and additions of newest crop of new guys who've wandered in here?

Y'all are great additions to the place. I hope you stay around. "


Many thanks, Cymbidia. You have a very pretty pink flower.

Lancelot A. Castors Esq.

 

[lilredwolph]

No Cym you are not alone, it's seems to be a lift that was needed.
I am enjoying them too (read anything you want into that statement)

 

[Ebonyfire]

Public Displays

I have done some things in public with my sissy, but it was at a BDSM club.

Ebony

 

[Ebonyfire]

We play around a bit with public control, and I have, on Sam's orders, gone out of the house wearing a buttplug, and that sort of thing, but I think there ought to be a reasonable limit to what we do in public. To me, the difference between non-explicit public control and having an orgasm at a BBQ is like the difference between holding hands in public and , well, having an orgasm at a BBQ!

An excellent analogy Caroline!

Eb

 

[cymbidia]

Confessing

I wore a chain-mail collar, one locked with a pretty gold heart lock, to my local munch last Sunday. That might have been out of line, actually, since we do not look/sound/taste/smell anything but nilla when we're munching in my area. The munch organizer came up to me and asked (quietly, somewhat sarcastically, i though), "So, what's this? Are you engaged or something?"

My wearing what every single kinked person in that restaurant knew immediately was a collar is a less extreme example of what was done at the barbeque in question. I wore the collar because, well, it's goddammed pretty and i hardly ever get a chance to wear it anywhere -and- i had come to the munch straight from a few hours of hard play so i was still flying in that headspace. After the munch organizer said that to me, though, i felt awkward about wearing it and wished the key to the lock wasn't all the way out in my car. I think if i'd had it at hand, i would have taken the collar off. I don't like to be a spectacle inappropriately.

As it was, i left early, still feeling kinda chastened.
I certainly won't wear it to a munch again.



This is the collar, though the lock is a little gold heart lock, not the one in this pic:

 

[Lancecastor]

Perhaps I am spoiled...

...by living in Toronto, Canada.

As I understand it, Toronto is one of the largest cities in North America (5th, 6th??), very safe and clean by urban standards, and is very multiculturally diverse and accepting.

It is not uncommon at all, particularly in the central part of the city, to be in mixed company of all sorts, and collars are not uncommon, a spactacle or frowned upon...in fact, frowning upon diversity is considered tres uncool here, and I swim with suits.

Your chain piece would not be out of place here, as studded leather collars of a far more industrial and less fine jewellery appearance are not uncommon.

All that happened at your munch was that someone displayed poor manners towards you...that person is the one who ought to have felt a pang of shame, not you, in my view.

Someone said to me once that we can choose how we feel about each and every event that occurs in our lives...an interesting concept perhaps to be applied to the wearing of your rather fine collar.

You and your partner may, for example, choose to feel pride in the piece and what it means, display it proudly, so that when/if a crack is made such as the one you mentioned, you'd be able to smile and say without hesitation "It's a symbol of my commitment to X. Thank you for noticing it; I love it."

In any event, a fine piece of jewellery, and that ought to be 'nuff said for anyone with even an ounce of class in their bottom.

Lance

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Maybe it's more neopolitan than vanilla.

I'll have seconds of this, please. You can just leave the bowl right here next to my elbow, too. I'll take care of it.








Is anyone besides me really liking the asides and additions of newest crop of new guys who've wandered in here?

Y'all are great additions to the place. I hope you stay around.

I like the ones who are polite. Most are.

Ebony

 

[DVS]

Re: Perhaps I am spoiled...

Your chain piece would not be out of place here, as studded leather collars of a far more industrial and less fine jewellery appearance are not uncommon...

Don't know where you live, cymbidia, but it doesn't seem to be out of line where I live, either. Actually, it seems to be just a sort of choke chain wear, and the heart lock tops it off. Now, if this other lock was on it, it may take it closer to a BDSM type of thing, but still not out of line.

Now if it had a sign that read something like "I am the property of my Master, and only he has the key to this lock and my sexual being" it may have made a difference to vanilla people, if they saw it. Or maybe if the sign said "I am the personal slave of Master (insert the Master's name here), and I am his to use and display as his property", it might take it a little further, too.

Still though, all of this is in the mind of the person viewing the collar, and their own personal limits, demons and/or secret desires.

If there had been a leash on the end of this, then I would maybe think you were out of place.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Confessing

"As it was, i left early, still feeling kinda chastened.
I certainly won't wear it to a munch again.



This is the collar, though the lock is a little gold heart lock, not the one in this pic: "

You know cym, it was not that long ago, high school kids were wearing collars like that for jewelry!

Ebony

 

[cymbidia]

As some know, i live in the San Francisco Bay area - and if you can't be kinky here, then you can't be kinky anywhere.

The frowning was a function of my wearing a collar.
We knew it was a collar. They may not have - but we certainly did.

In any case, the point is that sometimes what might be appropriate in one place is not appropriate in another, like quiet and almost imperceptible orgasms at a nilla barbeque and chainmail collars at a public non-fetish-occasion munch.

There are times and places suited to each of those things, and times and places where they are simply not appropriate. Perhaps those times and places are more personal then we will admit.

It's kinda like that famous definiton of pornography: I know it when i see it.

In this case, we all know inappropriately BDSM-themed behavior when we see it, right? Well, sometimes anyway. And, yeh, it seems to depends on who is doing the looking, too.

Maybe we don't know it when we see it.

 

[CarolineOh]

Re: Confessing

This is the collar, though the lock is a little gold heart lock, not the one in this pic: [/B]

Oh, that is beautiful. Gee, maybe someone reading here will buy me something like that someday

 

[SpectreT]

cym, even here in head-up-its-ass headquarters (read that Syracuse, NY) that "collar" (read that: lovely necklace) wouldn't raise a 'nilla eyebrow, and everyone who draws breath knows it. Perhaps I'm downplaying the need for such protectionism, but you definitely got a bit too sharp of a remark on what you were wearing, In My (rarely) Humble Opinion. If this person objected to it, I'm sure there were ten thousand more polite ways to bring it up. But then again, I have no experience in that environment, and it would be a great shock to me if I ever gain such experience, things being what they are here.

 

[yuppietowngirl]

I agree with everyone else...there is a time and a place...and that was not the place. Since who else might have been at the party? There might even have been children there...I know a lot of bbq's that I have gone to...have had children in attendance. But even if it was only adults...it was still very rude in and in bad taste.

 

[yuppietowngirl]

Re: Re: Confessing

"As it was, i left early, still feeling kinda chastened.
I certainly won't wear it to a munch again.



This is the collar, though the lock is a little gold heart lock, not the one in this pic: "

You know cym, it was not that long ago, high school kids were wearing collars like that for jewelry!

Ebony

cym...that is a beautiful collar...and I agree with Ebonyfire. I am sure that most vanilla people that saw it...wouldn't even realize that it means something more to you then a piece of jewelry. It is lovely.

 

[James Blandings]

I don't believe in pushing our kinks on anyone without their consent, be they BDSM or vanilla.
But we do have the right to be who we are, and I think wearing a collar in public ought to be considered acceptable. Of course, you might get negative feedback, so you should consider that before you show signs of BDSM affiliation in public.
I agree that much depend on where you live. No one would look twice at a woman in a collar in my neighborhood, and in fact there is a store near me that flies the BDSM flag next to the rainbow flag off the front of their building.

 

[Ebonyfire]

And besides

I don't believe in pushing our kinks on anyone without their consent, be they BDSM or vanilla.
But we do have the right to be who we are, and I think wearing a collar in public ought to be considered acceptable. Of course, you might get negative feedback, so you should consider that before you show signs of BDSM affiliation in public.
I agree that much depend on where you live. No one would look twice at a woman in a collar in my neighborhood, and in fact there is a store near me that flies the BDSM flag next to the rainbow flag off the front of their building.

If you look around you see a lot of strange jewelry around the neck. I see a few locked chains every now and then. And a collar or two.

I had a sub who was a stockbroker, and he wore an ankle bracelet. The only time he took it off was when he went to the gym.

Ebony

 

[MotorCitySam]

Re: Re: Confessing

Oh, that is beautiful. Gee, maybe someone reading here will buy me something like that someday

You never know, somebody might.

 

[Shiver]

To add another layer...

I also think the appropriateness of public displays depend on if the public place is full of complete strangers (like the mall) or people you are likely to see regularly (like a neighbors' barbeque).

Having your sub wear a collar and follow some instruction in, say, a coffee shop might raise a few patrons' eyebrows, and give them something to talk about later at home, but what do you care. Gossip around the neighborhood, on the other hand, can affect your quality of life.

That being said, don't get too carried away. Most towns still have "decency" laws.

 

[pierced_boy]

Was this deliberate or a prank gone over the top

The whole "o" thing may have been some sort of spontaneous game played quietly and discreetly until it all went "wrong". Play like this happens with horny couples all the time and need be regarded as no more than a giggle.

I remember an afternnoon movie watched with family members. The whole thing got boreing and minds then hands got to wandering. Under cover of a rug we went all the way with others in the room. In my memory the highlight of the event (the sex was only OK) was my (now) mother in law walking in with a large knife (she was preparing vegetables) to ask if I wanted to stay for evening meal. My heart came into my mouth as I lay half naked, wet pricked on the carpet trying to make intelligent sounds. It was never intended and the others really only knew years later when we had a laugh.

No thraots were invaded and we never intended to get it on but well its history just like your friends BBQ. I hope their beer was cold.

H

 

[WillowPuss]

I must admit that such a show would make me feel very uncomfortable. I think it is just plain bad manners.

It rather brings to mind what I was told recently by a 'Master' in a chatroom. To really show my submissiveness I ought to be willing to do such thigs as mastyrbate on the roof of a car in a public car park.

That was the least 'outlandish' of his many suggestions of how I might grow as a submissive.

My gut instinct yelled at me to block him from all contact ... but I did wonder if perhaps my view of what being a submissive was, was all wrong. Reading the replies in this thread ... I am heartened to find that perhaps my instinct WASN'T wrong after all.

willow

 

[Lancecastor]

Under the Table vs Top of the Car

I must admit that such a show would make me feel very uncomfortable. I think it is just plain bad manners.

It rather brings to mind what I was told recently by a 'Master' in a chatroom. To really show my submissiveness I ought to be willing to do such thigs as mastyrbate on the roof of a car in a public car park.

That was the least 'outlandish' of his many suggestions of how I might grow as a submissive.

My gut instinct yelled at me to block him from all contact ... but I did wonder if perhaps my view of what being a submissive was, was all wrong. Reading the replies in this thread ... I am heartened to find that perhaps my instinct WASN'T wrong after all.

willow

Methinks there is a sub stantial difference between a little under the table canoodling resulting in a probably completely un-noticed orgasm and masturbating on the roof of a car in a public car park.

The latter would be noticed without doubt and could perhaps involve the constabulary and an overnight visit to HRM's Hotel.

The former is probably just horny/naughty.

Mind you...with the price of parking nowadays, there really ought to be women masturbating all over the cars, at the very least.

Consensually, of course. With all the proper zoning, permits and such in place.

Talk about traffic jam...
LC

 

[catalina_francisco]

Another good one from Shadowsdream.

Catalina