Virgin Subs...yum. Fresh Meat.

[MissTaken]

I agree that "ya gotta start somewhere" ...but you should also consider whether you'd entrust a newbie to hold your rope while you washed skyscraper windows to get my point that yes, there is a greater risk in working with beginners that you can get hurt.

That being said, there is a particular thrill in seeing a learning sub stumble over saying the words as she trembles and yields.

Yes?

Very good point.

As we gain experience, which you have, we do learn how to pick and chose those that seem best able to be a good match.

Players can and should find other players.

Those who are more interested in an intense mind fuck and episodic or 24/7 TPE, should be able to find those. But until a new Dominant or submissive knows what it is that these things are and to what degree they want and need power exchange, we all stand a risk of hurt when with novice subs and Dominants.

But then, novices can and do come into their own, in a manner of speaking and watching that unfold can be wonderful, rather than hurtful. Keeping your own perspective clear and healthy with a novice is a good start. Keeping your expectations realistic and realizing that there is a risk that ultimately what they day dream about doesn't turn end up being what they truly need may help to ease the bruises of a disrupted relationship.

There is no shame in being new, a newbie, a novice or anything of that nature.

However, we were all there once and found our own way which may or may not have been what we originally set out to achieve.

 

[Master_Vassago]

I personally live for the mindfuck. That is the area that I think, and have been told I am the best in. There's nothing like hearing the fear, to actually be able to hear an audible whimper and cry as a sub newbie or not, struggles. It heightens My own senses and makes Me want to wrap a tight grip on that moment and push harder until her whimpers become moans and the faltering of "yes's" becomes even more troublesome, "Yes, Sir".

Once you have broken that first block, for Myself at least, then I continue to push it and when it becomes so intense I prefer to drop it off and coax the new lil one back to reality rather than her subspace. Once that has been achieved it is so much more stimulating to at the drop of a hat or the wrong spoken word to vault her back into that subspace with a simple command and word. Doing so until she pleads to stop.

Well can't give away all My techniques so I will stop there. But this works just as well with seasoned subs as it does with newbies. But the newbie is the one who normally stumbles with remember Sirs and such when she panics.

 

[white_mage_goddess]

Very good point.

As we gain experience, which you have, we do learn how to pick and chose those that seem best able to be a good match.

Players can and should find other players.

I think this is really a very good point. Its all about finding someone compatible with your level of interest in bdsm.

"Lifestylers" should be with other lifestylers....People who are just playing for fun should also be with like minded partners.

As for myself, bdsm isnt, and never will be a lifestyle. Its a fun addition to a varied sex life and also serves as a valuable form of stress relief.

Because of my job, I spend 48 to 80 hours a week telling a group of 200 men when and where they can shit, piss, jack off, go to sleep, eat their meals, make their beds, sit down, watch tv, excerise, etc.....I control almost every part of their lives. When I get home, I find it mentally stimulating to let a man dominate and use me. It's a welcome break from my daily routine.

Of course, thats not to say that I don't enjoy switching sometimes and letting my man know how good I can be at ordering a man around

 

[Lancecastor]

Because of my job, I spend 48 to 80 hours a week telling a group of 200 men when and where they can shit, piss, jack off, go to sleep, eat their meals, make their beds, sit down, watch tv, excerise, etc.....I control almost every part of their lives. When I get home, I find it mentally stimulating to let a man dominate and use me. It's a welcome break from my daily routine.

Submissive female prison guard....ooooooooooooo....you should be telling way moire stories here!

 

[white_mage_goddess]

Lol.....Its funny, you know...Those convicts sure don't think I'm very submissive! I get told all the time, "You're only in this line of work cause you like dominating men! You're a control freak. I bet you're a dominatrix, aren't you?"

I find the irony absolutely hilarious. I just laugh my ass off when they start in with that shit.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Lol.....Its funny, you know...Those convicts sure don't think I'm very submissive! I get told all the time, "You're only in this line of work cause you like dominating men! You're a control freak. I bet you're a dominatrix, aren't you?"

I find the irony absolutely hilarious. I just laugh my ass off when they start in with that shit.

If they knew the truth, an epidemic of jacking off would probably sweep the prison.

 

[Ebonyfire]

It's all in the purpose

My purpose is to have submissives who serve Me and make my life easier.

Do I care of they are new? Nope.

Do I care if they are experienced? Nope.

Whether they are experienced or not, I still have to train them, so it really doesn't matter one way or the other.

What does matter is this?

Do they want to serve?

Can they submit to My will?

Can they learn My ways?

Do I want them to serve?

It is all about purpose.

 

[white_mage_goddess]

If they knew the truth, an epidemic of jacking off would probably sweep the prison.

Funny thing is that this already happened

My first week working there, every time I'd walk into a dorm, all the showers would fill up with guys jacking off. I can't imagine how they'd act if word got out that I was a kink freak who liked being dominated. Of course, people talk so they've probably already heard rumours of such.....I hear them say all the time "she sure is good with handcuffs! She must use those at home!"

 

[Netzach]

I don't think being ignorant of what the hell you want, or manipulative, or clueless, is the special provence of "newbies". Anyone can say they've been in the scene for seven years, I remain unimpressed until I know what you've been up to.

I really *really* really get off on a bottom who doesn't have a rigid dictionary definition for what they think we're supposed to be doing, a cute acronym for every moment they find ironic, someone who basically has spent not much time in online chat, or reading educational sites that soak SM in mawkish sentimentality to make it "approachable." I like bottoms who don't know why they love the smell of leather or that certain tone in an authoritative voice - just that they do. Just that it makes them wet/hard/attentive! and that they want to have a set of experiences and decide which ones stick, and which they want to repeat.

 

[FungiUg]

I really *really* really get off on a bottom who doesn't have a rigid dictionary definition for what they think we're supposed to be doing, a cute acronym for every moment they find ironic, someone who basically has spent not much time in online chat, or reading educational sites that soak SM in mawkish sentimentality to make it "approachable." I like bottoms who don't know why they love the smell of leather or that certain tone in an authoritative voice - just that they do. Just that it makes them wet/hard/attentive! and that they want to have a set of experiences and decide which ones stick, and which they want to repeat.

How cool!

Yeah, the downside of education I guess. It can be as much programming as open minded learning.

Something I always stress is your life is what you make it, BDSM included. There's no need to be a sheep, and do what everyone else is doing simply because that's "the way". Learning to make our own choices and decide what is right for us is a privelege that shouldn't be thrown away.

Quick question -- does the whole W/wee thing annoy you?

 

[Netzach]

I/immensely.

I respect other people's right to do it, but it's not something I'd encourage in someone who's agreed to submit to me, far from.

 

[Lancecastor]

The spelling stuff make me want to blow chunks.

Unless she's really cute, in which case I'll put up with it for a while.

I'm not interested in any of that Gor Dungeons & Dragons Goth Wicca shite...again, unless she has a fantastic ass.

 

[~ Emmeline ~]

Also see wannabe subs as those who profess to want the lifestyle then say they only submit when they want, and only will submit to the things they want and like, and will definately not consider anyting else. Seems a bit of a contradiction to me.

I'd like to comment. As far as submissives go, be it newbie or wannabe, they have the right to fill out checklists, propose soft and hard limits, and expect them to be adhered to by someone they ultimately decide to submit to. A new submissive might also consider a contract when entering a BDSM relationship. There's nothing wrong with spelling things out. Checklists and contracts can both be altered, over time, to reflect growth and trust within the relationship.

We do not all enter the lifestyle with the ability to drop at their feet, call them Master, and submit to their every desire from day one. We all experience personal growth at different rates.

I think it's important to remember that not every BDSM relationship follows the same course, either. Some of us, both dominant and submissive, don't feel the need to have a Master/ Slave relationship. Yet, our submission, when given, is no less meaningful to us than someone that submits as a 24/7 slave.

There would be no need for bulletin boards like this if we could all be the perfect submissive from the start.

Emme

 

[FungiUg]

[...]
We do not all enter the lifestyle with the ability to drop at their feet, call them Master, and submit to their every desire from day one. We all experience personal growth at different rates.

[...]

Emme

Applauds.

 

[Netzach]

Yeah, there's something that sends my hackles up when Tops bitch about a lack of real bottoms or respect or what have you.

I expect nothing I don't earn.

Or, to be blunt about it, let's face it: nothing I don't seduce outta someone. Nothing I don't make sound good and sweet and seductive and irresistable.

You want lots of power? You gotta pay to play and that means putting in time to build trust and churn desires.

 

[incubus_dark]

Yeah, there's something that sends my hackles up when Tops bitch about a lack of real bottoms or respect or what have you.

I expect nothing I don't earn.

Or, to be blunt about it, let's face it: nothing I don't seduce outta someone. Nothing I don't make sound good and sweet and seductive and irresistable.

You want lots of power? You gotta pay to play and that means putting in time to build trust and churn desires.

Oh yeah, all that, "I'm a mighty dom so you should all cower before me or else" crap. What shit. Move to a planet with oxygen why don't they. Definitely respect has to be earned, irrespective of whether it's respect as a dom or as a sub. Similarly for the W/we capitalisation crap. Grow up, get a brain and a life. If that doesn't help, get an english dictionary and a grammer. Who the hell decided that having a capital letter made you a dom?

 

[catalina_francisco]

I'd like to comment. As far as submissives go, be it newbie or wannabe, they have the right to fill out checklists, propose soft and hard limits, and expect them to be adhered to by someone they ultimately decide to submit to. A new submissive might also consider a contract when entering a BDSM relationship. There's nothing wrong with spelling things out. Checklists and contracts can both be altered, over time, to reflect growth and trust within the relationship.

We do not all enter the lifestyle with the ability to drop at their feet, call them Master, and submit to their every desire from day one. We all experience personal growth at different rates.

I think it's important to remember that not every BDSM relationship follows the same course, either. Some of us, both dominant and submissive, don't feel the need to have a Master/ Slave relationship. Yet, our submission, when given, is no less meaningful to us than someone that submits as a 24/7 slave.

There would be no need for bulletin boards like this if we could all be the perfect submissive from the start.

Emme

Originally posted by catalina_francisco
Also see wannabe subs as those who profess to want the lifestyle then say they only submit when they want, and only will submit to the things they want and like, and will definately not consider anyting else. Seems a bit of a contradiction to me.



I think if this is personally directed, you have missed many of our posts which would inform you I did not fall at F's feet and call him Master until I was sure he was the one for me, and he has and will be the only one, as that is what I wanted. I met and experimented with many, not submitting, in my search to find the one who would be my 24/7 Master for life. Though many were fine men, they didn't do it for me for one reason or another, so though we remain friends, they were not the one for me to submit to. So you see, after a long journey of searching and discovery, guided by an experienced online Master as to what I need to look out for to be safe and happy, there was only one who in my books earned the right to have my submission and have me at his feet calling him Master.

As to checklists etc. I filled out many, and also received many filled in by D's, before I knew who was for me. In fact, even since we committed, we still periodically revisit the checklist and see how it has changed. I also advise sub friends to do the same before meeting and insist on the D sticking to the hard limits list in particular unless the submissive feels ready and safe to challenge them themselves. My position as a slave theoretically means for us that I only have limits he has, but Master is patient and caring enough to understand limits I previously held cannot be overcome in the blink of an eye without risking harm to me and us.

My point about submitting and wannabes was to the people I have encountered who say they submit, but in reality they state a definite list of things they like and will 'submit' to, and will not under any circumstances have their limits pushed at all to accomodate the needs of the D. I feel they are playing for their own purpose, not the essence of being submissive. IMO submission has to challenge your comfort zone to be called submission, has to meet the needs of the D not the submissive alone. As per the dictionary interpretation :

Main Entry: sub·mis·sion
Pronunciation: s&b-'mi-sh&n
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Middle French, from Latin submission-, submissio act of lowering, from submittere
Date: 14th century
1 a : a legal agreement to submit to the decision of arbitrators b : an act of submitting something (as for consideration or inspection); also : something submitted (as a manuscript)
2 : the condition of being submissive , humble, or compliant
3 : an act of submitting to the authority or control of another

To do otherwise is topping from the bottom to me and not where I'm at. I cannot conceive of how you can 'submit' to something you are wanting, and then deny your D all their requests outside your comfort zone. To me, I understand submission in the BDSM sense to incorporate a need to challenge your comfort zone, and in doing so, grow as both human and submissive/slave, not to mention show your commitment and trust through that submission. By no means do I advocate breaching the boundaries of safety though, be it physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual.

I acknowledge a difference in submission in the terms of whether you identify as sub or slave and it is important to understand who you are before making such a choice. My position as slave means I have made an informed and conscious choice to surrender my right to have my own limits and trust my Master to care for his property when pushing me to adhere to this. As a longterm advocate for safety, I have no problem with checklists, contracts, and the submissives right to insist their limits be adhered to for the agreed time and conditions, then renegotiated if necessary.

As for the 'perfect' submissive or Dominant, I don't believe in them as it is a subjective judgement totally reliant on the interpretation and needs of the parties involved, not to mention a goal I would never want to aspire to. I am sure Master would welcome me being more 'compliant' and 'perfect' at times, if only to give him a break. LOL Perfection to me is a statement one cannot improve on themselves or a situation which theoretically then brings all chance to evolve to a sudden stop. How disappointing and boring that would be, not to mention arrogant.

Catalina

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

<snip>


My point about submitting and wannabes was to the people I have encountered who say they submit, but in reality they state a definite list of things they like and will 'submit' to, and will not under any circumstances have their limits pushed at all to accomodate the needs of the D. I feel they are playing for their own purpose, not the essence of being submissive. IMO submission has to challenge your comfort zone to be called submission, has to meet the needs of the D not the submissive alone. As per the dictionary interpretation :

Main Entry: sub·mis·sion
Pronunciation: s&b-'mi-sh&n
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Middle French, from Latin submission-, submissio act of lowering, from submittere
Date: 14th century
1 a : a legal agreement to submit to the decision of arbitrators b : an act of submitting something (as for consideration or inspection); also : something submitted (as a manuscript)
2 : the condition of being submissive , humble, or compliant
3 : an act of submitting to the authority or control of another

To do otherwise is topping from the bottom to me and not where I'm at. I cannot conceive of how you can 'submit' to something you are wanting, and then deny your D all their requests outside your comfort zone. <snip>

Fascinating viewpoint.

originally posted by catalina_francisco
To me, I understand submission in the BDSM sense to incorporate a need to challenge your comfort zone, and in doing so, grow as both human and submissive/slave, not to mention show your commitment and trust through that submission. By no means do I advocate breaching the boundaries of safety though, be it physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual. <snip>

I look at submission in the same way, as a constant challenge to my self, a way to grow and move forward along a continuum, and my commitment and trust are shown through that growth, that challenge. Thanks very much for this post, it echoes alot of what I feel as well.

~anelize

 

[Ebonyfire]

There would be no need for bulletin boards like this if we could all be the perfect submissive from the start.

Emme

I believe and have posted in the past that perfection is a myth. If a Dom/me and sub is clear on what constitutes "good service" or whatever buzz word they adhere to, then there should be a basis for a good relationship.

I do not waste My time seeking perfection. I seek good service. Others may think differently and that is their right.

 

[Richard49]

Re: Re: Re: Virgin Subs...yum. Fresh Meat.

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by rosco rathbone
*snicker* Richard will feel better after his estrogen replacement therapy kicks in.

All in all, I don't really get the "deflowering the virgins" thing, but there is something to be said for keeping the women worried about "newness".

Richard has gone AlanAlda on us, hasn't he?

Keeping them on their knees...er, toes is critical, I think.

I have gone what?
I do not get it and proably do not want to

 

[Shadowsdream]

I believe and have posted in the past that perfection is a myth. If a Dom/me and sub is clear on what constitutes "good service" or whatever buzz word they adhere to, then there should be a basis for a good relationship.

I do not waste My time seeking perfection. I seek good service. Others may think differently and that is their right.

Perfection is a myth....perfect submission or Domination is a myth...the perfect extension of matching needs is a myth..but the closest thing to perfection (fantasy) is the magic I will only accept.
Magic...ummmmmm
Magic is the spark between two or more people that lives in the belly like a burning rage of desire for Me.
Jumping off of My soap box...hejsan Eb!

 

[Ebonyfire]

Perfection is a myth....perfect submission or Domination is a myth...the perfect extension of matching needs is a myth..but the closest thing to perfection (fantasy) is the magic I will only accept.
Magic...ummmmmm
Magic is the spark between two or more people that lives in the belly like a burning rage of desire for Me.
Jumping off of My soap box...hejsan Eb!

Well as I feel we are in church, all I can add is an amen!!

 

[Richard49]

Each of us appraoches this D/s thing differently

I have NEVER been to a play party
and have no desire to


I have "played" occasionally with an experenced submissive
and it is OK... but it is not the same as being with a submissive
I truly love .........

Coming to these boards was the first time I used
online to be part of a BDSM community ..... I still do not truly use
them to meet anyone .....

(I can think of a couple of submissives on this board I would like to meet in RT
)

My experence has always been to meet a woman
that I have come to love
and share then share D/s with them..... though they always knew in advance where my head is/was

Wannbes ..... to me is someone that presents themselves as something they are not (yet) and may never be ......

IMHO if a person has NO real life experence they have no idea if they are a Dom.sub,switch, whatever and should not present themselves as such ............ this is just my opinion

I have said it before and will say it again ... I do not have faith in online as place to meet and have a realtionship with someone ... to me...and this is just me..... it is like a great library and makes it a place to find info to cause one ot think

I am thinking about weather ... with the little time I have left in life.... I want to continue in this lifestyle ..... if I even want to ever try to have any kind of M/F relationship .....

Lance in his posts said something to the effect that the subs in my life turned out to NEVER turn out what I had hoped/expected .... well I never have expectations beyond what someone claims/promises ..... when they are NOT what they claim or fail to keep there word ... I find the dishonor painfull

Do I find this kind of dishonor more often in D/s then nilla?
I have NO idea. However I have to have a lot more trust in D/s then in nilla and when that trust is broken .... it is much more damaging.

This is all just my opinion and deserves no reply
I am only posting cause lance used me as an example
and from what I am seeing I am not alone

 

[Richard49]

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by Shadowsdream
Perfection is a myth....perfect submission or Domination is a myth...the perfect extension of matching needs is a myth..but the closest thing to perfection (fantasy) is the magic I will only accept.
Magic...ummmmmm
Magic is the spark between two or more people that lives in the belly like a burning rage of desire for Me.
Jumping off of My soap box...hejsan Eb!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well as I feel we are in church, all I can add is an amen!!

Ditto

 

[MissTaken]

This is all just my opinion and deserves no reply
I am only posting cause lance used me as an example
and from what I am seeing I am not alone

No, you aren't.

As is evidenced in this thread as well as interaction here and elsewhere.