Want to give an opinion on this?

[minsue]

But don't tell me you didn't love every second of it, baby.

How come I never get any PMs like that, Liar?

 

[Liar]

Hello!
PM? Pro Memoria?

Private Message. Peek around in the interface, and you'll find it. You have an inbox, should be a message from me in it now. We can move on to the cheeze whiz later...

 

[minsue]

If you haven't been scared away yet, then you're now officially part of the gang. lol

One more time, here's Randi's poem. Any comments?


Dreaming Of Sargasso
Randi Grail 2004

It was no illusion that brought this
down around our heads,
a necklace beaming beads of remorse,
glowing beautiful, but cold to the touch.

I lost the wave, the bearing,
and caught by doldrum, drifted.

Still, as ideas of greatness
shifted into focus
and into blur again,
I laid, eyes closed, carried by sargasso
while spires and domes and ancient ghosts
shadowed below, Atlantis dreaming ascension,
drifted.

I forgot to breathe,
remembered to love,
and woke up on an inhale
in tears.

"Ssh" I heard and felt
fingertips on my spine, lips on my shoulder
arms enclose around to place a palm
upon my heart.

"You're dreaming" I heard
and careful arms suggested gravity.
I fell back, surrendered to assurance
that no illusion did this,
neither hurt nor healing,

and that my necklace
was long since
cast aside.

I dreamt of sargasso,
but not of Atlantis
this time.

And since I neglected to give any feedback the first go round, I'll toss in my 2 cents.

I love this:

I forgot to breathe,
remembered to love,
and woke up on an inhale
in tears.

I found myself (and still find myself, for that matter) simply reading those lines over and over. Perfect.

(see, I told ya I suck at this! Good for the ego, but not helpful in the least)

 

[Tathagata]

But don't tell me you didn't love every second of it, baby.

well..........yeah
but that's not the point

 

[Liar]

How come I never get any PMs like that, Liar?

I'd like to have some class on my groupie relationships, thankyouverymuch. I'll get back to you about champagne fromage and that extra virgin olive oil massage soon...

 

[minsue]

I'd like to have some class on my groupie relationships, thankyouverymuch. I'll get back to you about champagne fromage and that extra virgin olive oil massage soon...

 

[Randi Grail]

If you haven't been scared away yet, then you're now officially part of the gang. lol

Scared? Sheesh. That Playground place, that was scary.

ps, I found the PM function, Liar. Ya see, I'm not new to vB boards, but I never saw one with that feature before. Handy.

 

[Tathagata]

a necklace beaming beads of remorse,
glowing beautiful, but cold to the touch.


I agree beaming needs to be changed...but i like cold to the touch



I lost the wave, the bearing,
and caught by doldrum, drifted.


doldrum is great

The rest stands up, in my opinion really well
I like the style and the word choices
but
as Eve noted

I'm funny in a simple
way