Warped by Internet Porn

[JMohegan]

Someone on another forum that I frequent linked to one of his posts a while back, and that's how I found him. I have no idea who he is or really anything about him; he's very close-mouthed about himself. All I know is that he is a psychiatrist, and I think he's mentioned both practicing and being on staff at some university or other. He may not even be a he. Nobody knows for sure.

His newest post about feminism and how it misses the point blew my mind.

ETA: If you or anyone else is interested, he and some other contributors have another blog devoted mostly to deconstructing pop culture, Partial Objects. The description sounds dry, but it's fascinating for the most part.

I went looking for the blog's "About" entry, and found that new post about feminism instead. You're right - the guy's fucking mesmerizing.

Thanks for the links, BiBunny.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

....So that is my great, big, autobiographical rant. I apologise for the length. I promise I won't do it again, if I can help it. I'm pretty weak-willed though so it might happen.

I just want to add: Thank you to all you wonderful people on this board, for opening my eyes to how wonderous BDSM can be and for making me feel like I have a place here. Without this forum my life would have been a lot different and I might never have come to accept parts of myself. You are all very special people, more so than you know.

Thank you.

Worry not about length (nor girth ), nor autobiographicality. (Is that a word? If not, I just invented it.)

As for the thank you, you're quite welcome, at least from me, if anything I said at any time helped you in any way.

As to the bolded portion plus this:

I still battle with shame, as some of what I view still feels like very questionable material.

I don't know where to go to from here. I don't know if the shame is a good thing and keeps me from descending into a totally amoral person, or if it is maladaptive should be combatted. I just don't know.

Battle the shame until you vanquish it, until it evaporates into the mists of the past and ne'er returns to trouble your dreams (day or night). If your fantasies (and the filmed fantasies that bring you pleasure) are not materially harmful (as someone phrased it in another thread) to yourself or another person, and you don't carry those fantasies out and cause material harm to yourself or another person, they are just fantasies, no more real (or "wrong") than the fantastical dreams of alternative universes where ice cream grows on trees, caterpillars smoke hookahs while sitting on psychedelic mushrooms, and Kublai Khan decrees his stately pleasure dome.

And if I haven't previously welcomed you to our little corner of the world:

Welcome.

 

[graceanne]

The way I've heard it explained is that boys tend to imprint their first sexual experience and they keep looking for that for the rest of their lives. If their first sexual experience, or experiences, revolved around porn, they tend to be dissatisfied with reality. This is more of an issue the younger the user is when they're first exposed to porn. The issue isn't necessarily exposure to porn, but that said exposure is happening younger and younger. K, for instance, was first exposed to porn at six years old - that is TOO YOUNG. I don't necessarily think that seeing porn is bad, but I REALLY do with a young man who's brain is still developing.

I also think that too often dads are using porn as their son's sex education, instead of talking to them about sex.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

The way I've heard it explained is that boys tend to imprint their first sexual experience and they keep looking for that for the rest of their lives.

Huh. So the very early memory of spanking the neighbor girl that I've described here before imprinted me with wanting half-(or more)naked females lying face-down across my lap with their feet waving in the air while I spank their tushies to a bright pink, and that's what I've been looking for (and finding a lot of ) all my life? I don't recall having heard that theory before, but it sure explains a lot of things!

 

[BiBunny]

I went looking for the blog's "About" entry, and found that new post about feminism instead. You're right - the guy's fucking mesmerizing.

Thanks for the links, BiBunny.

You're welcome.

 

[intothewoods]

The Effects Of Too Much Porn: He's Just Not That Into Anyone

The Last Psychiatrist is a god among men. I'm sharing this article because it applies to this discussion, but every one of his posts is worth reading ten times over.

/fangirl

Yes, that's totally awesome.

 

[Netzach]

[related to article]

But I do love makeup on men, especially eyeliner.



[/related]

Also, this doesn't take into account people like me who are sensory. I like the way the shit going on feels, literally, the sensory experience of putting brushes on my face is neato. I'm like the guy who likes the silky panties fabric. I realize I constitute a SLIM minority, but this is the main deciding factor on whether it's a femme day or a run out the door as-is day.

Sometimes a cigar IS just a cigar.

I can't decide if it's awesome or if it's just mainsplaining of everything bell hooks and others from the intersecting oppressions sector have been saying for YEARS.

 

[Keroin]

The Effects Of Too Much Porn: He's Just Not That Into Anyone

The Last Psychiatrist is a god among men. I'm sharing this article because it applies to this discussion, but every one of his posts is worth reading ten times over.

/fangirl

Ooooh, he is good! Thanks for the link, BB!

 

[Bramblethorn]

I've always told my kids that when they start looking at it to keep in mind it's staged and with a script, therefore not real. If they expect that stuff in real life they are likely to be dissappointed.

I told our teenager that I didn't want him looking at porn before he had friendships with RL women (he was at an all-male school) because I wanted him to start with the reality.

I don't know whether he actually obeyed that (teenage boy, probably not...) but I hope it at least reminded him to be cautious in what he absorbs. At any rate, he seems to have a healthy attitude towards women now.

One exception to that rule - if it hadn't been illegal, I would have been sorely tempted to point him at Nina Hartley's video "Making Love To Women", which is better sex-ed than most of what's taught in schools. Explicitly (ha ha) covers stuff like "here's how RL sex is different to porn sex" and "hey guys, if you want to have a busy sex life, being a considerate lover is a good strategy".

 

[JMohegan]

I told our teenager that I didn't want him looking at porn before he had friendships with RL women (he was at an all-male school) because I wanted him to start with the reality.

I don't know whether he actually obeyed that (teenage boy, probably not...) but I hope it at least reminded him to be cautious in what he absorbs. At any rate, he seems to have a healthy attitude towards women now.

One exception to that rule - if it hadn't been illegal, I would have been sorely tempted to point him at Nina Hartley's video "Making Love To Women", which is better sex-ed than most of what's taught in schools. Explicitly (ha ha) covers stuff like "here's how RL sex is different to porn sex" and "hey guys, if you want to have a busy sex life, being a considerate lover is a good strategy".

Best way to foster a healthy attitude towards women is to foster a relationship between that boy and a male role model who openly demonstrates & advocates one.

Male role model = older guy he knows and respects, whose respect he wants in return.

 

[eudaemonia]

I rarely venture out of HTC but I'm glad I did today. Great thread topic.

I recall seeing a rather good TED talk on a similar topic and when I mentioned it here, was soundly redressed. My take is that most people who post here have had much more balanced education in sex (at least over time; we all probably got bad information from somewhere at one time or another) than the average person. We were perhaps more open to finding multiple sources of information. Since internet porn video is so easy to find these days and is so broadly accessible, I suspect that the memes of porn are being absorbed by a much, much larger portion of the population (especially in men) than in earlier generations.

Would someone please create a cabinet-level post just for yank?

The Last Psychiatrist is a god among men. I'm sharing this article because it applies to this discussion, but every one of his posts is worth reading ten times over.

I've been a fan of LP for a while now, and I'm not entirely convinced he's a He, especially after reading this week's blogpost on feminism. That sounded much more the rant of a woman.

One exception to that rule - if it hadn't been illegal, I would have been sorely tempted to point him at Nina Hartley's video "Making Love To Women", which is better sex-ed than most of what's taught in schools. Explicitly (ha ha) covers stuff like "here's how RL sex is different to porn sex" and "hey guys, if you want to have a busy sex life, being a considerate lover is a good strategy".

Sure wish NH had been around when I was younger lass. Might not have taken me quite as long to learn how to ask for what I want, show/tell, etc.

FTR, I don't have kids, don't work with kids so please forgive my ignorance here but what exactly are you saying is illegal to show your teenage son -- anything harder NC-17 or ???

 

[midwestyankee]

I rarely venture out of HTC but I'm glad I did today. Great thread topic.
Would someone please create a cabinet-level post just for yank?

I shall have to think about this. I wonder if the Ministry of Funny Walks has an opening? Or maybe Secretary of Punstership?

 

[BiBunny]

I've been a fan of LP for a while now, and I'm not entirely convinced he's a He, especially after reading this week's blogpost on feminism. That sounded much more the rant of a woman.

Alone fans FTW!

People have been speculating that he's not really a he for awhile now. Some of them even say that there's more than one person posting on the TLP blog. Me, I have no idea. I don't think it'd change how much I love him/her/them, regardless.

 

[eudaemonia]

People have been speculating that he's not really a he for awhile now. Some of them even say that there's more than one person posting on the TLP blog. Me, I have no idea. I don't think it'd change how much I love him/her/them, regardless.

I've been under the impression the blog functions like a lot of its academic counterparts, namely that they're group efforts whether signed or unsigned.

 

[eudaemonia]

I shall have to think about this. I wonder if the Ministry of Funny Walks has an opening? Or maybe Secretary of Punstership?

JM2FFMW but the latter post permits you to appoint an Undersecretary you know.

 

[DVS]

Stories like this bother me. People that say porn is addictive, junk food is addictive, violent video games are addictive...shit, daytime TV soap operas are considered addictive.

The reality is some people have addictive personalities. Some people just have that trait and it doesn't mean everybody is going to be the same way. Sure, all of these things are based on pleasure, in one way or another and that's how the "addiction" connects in the head. But, like someone has already said, many people can handle one bag of Doritos and not have a problem.

Pleasure has a big lobby inside of our heads. And we like it a lot. Some people like it a little more than others and while it might be a true addiction for them, that doesn't mean everybody is going to react in the same way.

And, sex has an added taste...a forbidden kinky pleasure for many people. Add that to the physical pleasure and an addictive personality doesn't have a chance. I like sex. I LOVE kinky sex. I'm not addicted, but I wish I could find me a nice woman who is. I could get addicted to that!

 

[midwestyankee]

JM2FFMW but the latter post permits you to appoint an Undersecretary you know.

Please send nude photos with your resumé for full consideration of any undersecretary position.