What are the limits before you've 'done' something?

[SweetErika]

Well don't let a bunch of idiots turn you off to half the species Erika.

The truth beknown, there are a lot of nice guys out there, some looking for a real relationship and others just looking for friends. Remember that guys are extremely dim witted when it comes to subtle hints. So an opening line to someone you just met online and think might make a suitable online friend might be "So what are you looking for? An online friend, an online relationship, or a fuck buddy?"

Ok, that was rather crude and blunt, but it will get you the answer you seek right away.

Further, in defense of my gender I'll say this. I met alyx online. When I met her I wasn't looking for a fuck buddy, or even an relationship. That just sort of happened and I'm very pleased that it did. We started out as buddies, hunting partners in an online role playing game, ended up as married lovers. Not all guys are on the prowl, but some men are opportunists, they will take advantage of an opening when they spot one.

The good guy will be there when you're hurting, but won't take advantage of that hurt to break down your barriers. The good guy will be supportive, won't laugh at your aspirations and dreams. The good guy will only go as far as his moral ethic will allow him, then stop him. The downside to the good guy ladies, is 9 times out of 10, if you really want to get this guy to move forward, you pratically have to drag him.

The good guy will give you some vitamins, tell you to drink a quart of water, and tuck you into your own bed fully clothed even when it's the perfect opportunity to have sex because you're both drunk and you're making advances. I know some of you are truly good (you and my hubby seem to be prime examples), so I'm not going to condemn all of you, just be extremely wary!

 

[invisigirl]

The good guy will give you some vitamins, tell you to drink a quart of water, and tuck you into your own bed fully clothed even when it's the perfect opportunity to have sex because you're both drunk and you're making advances. I know some of you are truly good (you and my hubby seem to be prime examples), so I'm not going to condemn all of you, just be extremely wary!

Jeez, if he's a good guy, and I'm hot and face to face with him, I kind of hope he takes me up on the opportunity!

I'll take the vitamins and the water, too.

 

[SweetErika]

Jeez, if he's a good guy, and I'm hot and face to face with him, I kind of hope he takes me up on the opportunity!

I'll take the vitamins and the water, too.

That's what I thought too, but his reasoning was that he didn't want to do anything I might regret or wouldn't consent to sober...it supports Bob's assertion that you really have to drag the good guys. At any rate, he did the right thing, and he's gotten a lot of fantastic sex ever since.

 

[invisigirl]

That's what I thought too, but his reasoning was that he didn't want to do anything I might regret or wouldn't consent to sober...it supports Bob's assertion that you really have to drag the good guys. At any rate, he did the right thing, and he's gotten a lot of fantastic sex ever since.

That's sweet.

It would make me only want him more.

 

[dagdag]

Hi.

What I mean by my question is, when you're online with someone and you begin flirting or talking about sex, where do you draw the line before it becomes more than just talking or flirting? Cybering and masturbating seems pretty black and white to me as having crossed that line although I think some people might disagree. But there's a lot of area in between. Where does sharing pictures fall into it? And I don't mean face pictures. What about if you get off on the talk even though you don't talk about getting off with the person? Is sharing fantasies just flirting? I'm interested in what people's personal limits are and if there's any consistency between them.

Thanks!

State of mind it is. Your perception, your comfort level, what you think is the line.. Perhaps, when you start questioning whether if you are crossing the line, you already did cross it! If you start feeling guilty or not comfortable, you have crossed the line again. This might be just thinking about it for some people, or another example is our previous president. Acting on impulses or even planned infidelities are not a limit. Nobody is going to judge you for what you think and do, it is only you; the judge, jury and the...

 

[Bobmi357]

The good guy will give you some vitamins, tell you to drink a quart of water, and tuck you into your own bed fully clothed even when it's the perfect opportunity to have sex because you're both drunk and you're making advances. I know some of you are truly good (you and my hubby seem to be prime examples), so I'm not going to condemn all of you, just be extremely wary!

ROFL!!!!!

This reminds me of what happened to Alyx on our very first visit together. She caught strep throat. I dragged her to the doc, got her the prescriptions she needed, tucked her into bed and let her sleep while I went and watched her tv and played around with her computer. Believe me when I say this, but Boise Idaho is ONE BORING TOWN.

Mind you ladies, this doesn't mean the good guy isn't a raving pervert. But he wants to know he's welcome and he's pretty damn dense about it. Sometimes you practically have to club him in the head and scream "Will you just shut up and fuck me?" to catch his attention.

In the case of Alyx and Myself, it was pretty plain what we both wanted. But once she turned sick I suppose I could have still had some fun with her, but taking advantage of someone you care deeply for isn't in my makeup.

Most guys have a moral barometer built in, its just a matter of finding out if they ever bothered to turn it on or not.

 

[TacitusV]

Real Life

This is my second post (first was on UK thread), but I just found it so fascinating. Especially the discussion about boundaries and how people are treated. It just seems to show that online is like offline - people are still people and should be treated with respect and care.

Specifically about flirting and stuff though, this is Literotica, I am still finding my way round, but so far it does what I'd hoped it would do - create a community of adults not just interested in sex and erotica (isn't everyone?) but also inclined to share that interest. So a converstation in Literotica (not that I've had one yet - so I coud be quite wrong!) is probably more likely to stray close to personal boundaries than say a travel bulletin board or a chat about climate change?

Anyway, hello!

 

[SweetErika]

ROFL!!!!!

This reminds me of what happened to Alyx on our very first visit together. She caught strep throat. I dragged her to the doc, got her the prescriptions she needed, tucked her into bed and let her sleep while I went and watched her tv and played around with her computer. Believe me when I say this, but Boise Idaho is ONE BORING TOWN.

Mind you ladies, this doesn't mean the good guy isn't a raving pervert. But he wants to know he's welcome and he's pretty damn dense about it. Sometimes you practically have to club him in the head and scream "Will you just shut up and fuck me?" to catch his attention.

In the case of Alyx and Myself, it was pretty plain what we both wanted. But once she turned sick I suppose I could have still had some fun with her, but taking advantage of someone you care deeply for isn't in my makeup.

Most guys have a moral barometer built in, its just a matter of finding out if they ever bothered to turn it on or not.

That's just the tip of the iceberg of the Bob...it's almost unbelieveable from that point on. Maybe it was all a devious master plan to win my trust and get me in bed...that little devil!

 

[Bobmi357]

That's just the tip of the iceberg of the Bob...it's almost unbelieveable from that point on. Maybe it was all a devious master plan to win my trust and get me in bed...that little devil!

Didn't you know? Thats all part of our master "GOOD BOY" plan. Show you how much integrity we have, how much restraint, then wait til we've each fallen in love before we jump your bones and have our ways with you. Of course by then the whole "marriage" bit sounds as good to us guys as it does to you gals.

 

[TacitusV]

back to climate change anyway ....

 

[SweetErika]

Re: Real Life

This is my second post (first was on UK thread), but I just found it so fascinating. Especially the discussion about boundaries and how people are treated. It just seems to show that online is like offline - people are still people and should be treated with respect and care.

Specifically about flirting and stuff though, this is Literotica, I am still finding my way round, but so far it does what I'd hoped it would do - create a community of adults not just interested in sex and erotica (isn't everyone?) but also inclined to share that interest. So a converstation in Literotica (not that I've had one yet - so I coud be quite wrong!) is probably more likely to stray close to personal boundaries than say a travel bulletin board or a chat about climate change?

Anyway, hello!

Hi and welcome!

Of course we're more likely to discuss personal things, and we do, but for me the irritation comes when I've laid out my boundaries and a person keeps trampling them for their own gratification. For example, someone PM'd me asking for more pictures. I told them I don't have any apart from the ones here. Then they asked again, and once again they left their email address. At that point, it was more of a demand than a request. Ok, maybe that's a bad example (it's bed time), but that kind of thing isn't uncommon. Then there are the men who, as Bob described, pretend to respect boundaries for awhile, but then keep pushing and violating them by asking for personal sexual information, stories, pics, etc. I guess I figure if I wanted to share pics or that information, I'd offer or give some indication I was willing to go further than strictly platonic conversation. If I wanted to cyber, I'd start the conversation and wouldn't be so clear on my boundaries in the first place. I'll shut up before I start making any less sense!

 

[TacitusV]

Re: Re: Real Life

Hi and welcome!

Of course we're more likely to discuss personal things, and we do, but for me the irritation comes when I've laid out my boundaries and a person keeps trampling them for their own gratification. For example, someone PM'd me asking for more pictures. I told them I don't have any apart from the ones here. Then they asked again, and once again they left their email address. At that point, it was more of a demand than a request. Ok, maybe that's a bad example (it's bed time), but that kind of thing isn't uncommon. Then there are the men who, as Bob described, pretend to respect boundaries for awhile, but then keep pushing and violating them by asking for personal sexual information, stories, pics, etc. I guess I figure if I wanted to share pics or that information, I'd offer or give some indication I was willing to go further than strictly platonic conversation. If I wanted to cyber, I'd start the conversation and wouldn't be so clear on my boundaries in the first place. I'll shut up before I start making any less sense!

I think I followed most of it! I am sure that chatting here must be just like in a bar or similar, if someone oversteps the bounds, gets pushy, or just doesn't strike it with you for any reason then it's polite good bye time.

 

[lnx]

A lot of us good guys sit in the background and just listen.

 

[babydoll2u]

A lot of us good guys sit in the background and just listen.

yeah, well I'm finding you "good" guys to be
very few and far between lately.

 

[jacuzzigal]

A lot of us good guys sit in the background and just listen.

Inx, sometimes we call that lurking. But that can be important too. And you good guys should make yourselves a little more visible.

 

[manofsteel52]

Hi.

What I mean by my question is, when you're online with someone and you begin flirting or talking about sex, where do you draw the line before it becomes more than just talking or flirting? Cybering and masturbating seems pretty black and white to me as having crossed that line although I think some people might disagree. But there's a lot of area in between. Where does sharing pictures fall into it? And I don't mean face pictures. What about if you get off on the talk even though you don't talk about getting off with the person? Is sharing fantasies just flirting? I'm interested in what people's personal limits are and if there's any consistency between them.

Thanks!

When I'm frequenting a porn site (which Literotica is, whether many of it's inhabitants like to admit it or not), I'm looking mainly for some sort of sexual interaction or play or chat, etc. If a friendship develops from that, it's a bonus. And, BTW, I've met some very nice female friends here at Lit with whom the relationship is purely platonic... as long as they keep their guard up...

 

[invisigirl]

Re: Re: What are the limits before you've 'done' something?

When I'm frequenting a porn site (which Literotica is, whether many of it's inhabitants like to admit it or not), I'm looking mainly for some sort of sexual interaction or play or chat, etc. If a friendship develops from that, it's a bonus. And, BTW, I've met some very nice female friends here at Lit with whom the relationship is purely platonic... as long as they keep their guard up...

While keeping your guard up may be exhilerating at times, it can also be tiring.

 

[invisigirl]

A lot of us good guys sit in the background and just listen.

You learn a lot that way.

 

[h_i_s]

Cybering doesn't do it for me as it is just NOT personal ENOUGH... for 'me'. If the possibility exists between myself and another to step up to a more intimate level, i preferre it be done 'in the flesh' .. face to face .. in person, rather than online.

It is HIS hands i wish to feel, HIS hot breath tickling upon my lobes, His fingers at the nape entwined within my tresses, HIS eyes gazing lustfully into mine, and HIS hands pressing my hips to arch upward toward HIS .... i can't experience THAT on a computer. If i can't have it ALL ... i don't want it.

i found the love of my life online, we both knew there was something VERY special destined to occur between us. We met the very next day ... face to face. Been together since .... moving in together in a week ... getting married VERY soon after (like a couple months).

Love can be found online, but online will never equal the intimacies as they are experienced 'in the flesh'. Trust is much more clearly established (for me) 'in the flesh'. Online is just NOT personal 'enough' for me.

¸,ø¤º°sinn0cent1°º¤ø,¸ (proudly owned by, and devoted to INSIDEYOURMIND)

 

[invisigirl]

Cybering doesn't do it for me as it is just NOT personal ENOUGH... for 'me'. If the possibility exists between myself and another to step up to a more intimate level, i preferre it be done 'in the flesh' .. face to face .. in person, rather than online.

It is HIS hands i wish to feel, HIS hot breath tickling upon my lobes, His fingers at the nape entwined within my tresses, HIS eyes gazing lustfully into mine, and HIS hands pressing my hips to arch upward toward HIS .... i can't experience THAT on a computer. If i can't have it ALL ... i don't want it.

i found the love of my life online, we both knew there was something VERY special destined to occur between us. We met the very next day ... face to face. Been together since .... moving in together in a week ... getting married VERY soon after (like a couple months).

Love can be found online, but online will never equal the intimacies as they are experienced 'in the flesh'. Trust is much more clearly established (for me) 'in the flesh'. Online is just NOT personal 'enough' for me.

¸,ø¤º°sinn0cent1°º¤ø,¸ (proudly owned by, and devoted to INSIDEYOURMIND)

Congratulations! That's awesome.

Sounds like you've found online a good way to make contact with someone even though you need that next level in the flesh. I can understand that but when you've established that trust in a relationship it can be a great tool for sharing when distance doesn't allow flesh. I've got to have that trust if I'm going to enjoy anything like that.

 

[Eritz]

What about if you get off on the talk even though you don't talk about getting off with the person? Is sharing fantasies just flirting?

I know I have a female friend online who's the only person I can realy talk to about my deep and dark sordid desires and we occasionly slip in the whole sharing fantasies thing. For me I view it as a learning experience, it's a chance for me to get a very honest opinion from her, something I'm not able to do with real life friends simply as I've not taken the steps of conefssing that yes I am a dirty sod.

One of the interesting things is she is currently seeing someone who whilst probably being more adventurous than the average person still won't go to the extremes that she sometimes desire so for her it's kind of an outlet where she can talk about this stuff with me. She did mention to me once that he would probably consider what she was egtting up to as cheating though.

 

[invisigirl]

Re: Re: What are the limits before you've 'done' something?

I know I have a female friend online who's the only person I can realy talk to about my deep and dark sordid desires and we occasionly slip in the whole sharing fantasies thing. For me I view it as a learning experience, it's a chance for me to get a very honest opinion from her, something I'm not able to do with real life friends simply as I've not taken the steps of conefssing that yes I am a dirty sod.

One of the interesting things is she is currently seeing someone who whilst probably being more adventurous than the average person still won't go to the extremes that she sometimes desire so for her it's kind of an outlet where she can talk about this stuff with me. She did mention to me once that he would probably consider what she was egtting up to as cheating though.

When you're able to share on that kind of level, how do you keep your feelings from getting to involved?

 

[Halo_n_horns]

If for some reason an emotional connection starts up with someone who, for all you know, is a magically-endowed, flying platypus with the ability to type sexual scenarios, then a line has most definitely been crossed. Even after a picture exchange I won't take a person that seriously unless I've actually met her.

 

[TacitusV]

making connections

At least we have the possibility, distance no boundary to make connections here and enjoy someone's company - in whatever sense.

 

[TacitusV]

Gone quiet

Is no one testing their limits ?