What attracts Y/you first

[Shadowsdream]

I love the art of conversation
and a good intelligual conversation
is great forplay

However ....

This may or not be the first thing I am exposed to
in another human being

I like the analogy of conversation and foreplay...and am in complete agreement with it as an extension of interest.
Thank You Richard for adding the concept to the mix.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Re: Re: What attracts Y/you first

Tough question to answer, as it is a mish mash of many things for me.

I need a Dominant that is honest and constant in their approach.
For me, they need also to be emotionally strong - because sometimes I am not - and it would take a strong Dom/me to help me through some times.
They need to have a good level of intelligence/intellect. I would get very bored with a couch potato.

However, the kink element is also a large factor. It would be no good for me to have a Dom/me who only wants to dominate in the bedroom - as I need more than that. D/s in the bedroom is icing on the cake - not the be all and end all for me.

There you are kinky pussy! Welcome to the conversation...mish mash you say?
Now focus...first thing..not all things says the Mistress of Not Letting you Off the Hook!
Poor pussywillow...I never make it easy do I?
~~grin~~

 

[Shadowsdream]

Re: Typical Sub...Following Directions LOL

My first answer, *laughing* was very typical...I was following directions. ShadowsDream said "When considering choosing a submissive or a Dominant for a BDSM relationship...what about the one under consideration attracts you first." I can be so damn literal. One thing I'm thinking...so I talked about intellect, then changed my mind and talked about honesty. But, it's just not that simple, and like many of you, I find it to be a mixture of those things, in addition to others.

I dropped back by this thread because I wanted to talk a bit about Chemistry. For me, chemistry and in your face communication go hand in hand. Playing on pure chemistry alone, for me, is akin to stepping out of a door blindfolded; you could just be stepping into an empty room, or, you could be stepping right into traffic. Oh, I've done it, mind you (the pure chemistry thing) I just stepped out in traffic, to use my own analogy, and didn't get hit. I am very self-aware, and more than willing to make those needs known, as long as the person on the other end is willing to listen.

~anelize

I see a *typical* squirming sub...~~grin~~ trying to bite her tongue..sticking to the directions but feeling a need to expand her internal information..ya see why subs get spanked so often?
Thank you for the addition of chemistry to the conversation and also how it can be as dangerous as it can be helpful.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Re: Re: What attracts Y/you first

I look for someone with strength on an emotional level. Someone who has the ability to be honesty with Himself as well as me.
And I need some chemistry.

The rest of it just comes with learning and growing with that person.

Honesty and the my ability to trust that person are most important.

Thank you cellis for adding to the conversation...I wonder if one can be honest with themselves without emotional strength?
What do you think?

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

Re: Re: Typical Sub...Following Directions LOL

I see a *typical* squirming sub...~~grin~~ trying to bite her tongue..sticking to the directions but feeling a need to expand her internal information..ya see why subs get spanked so often?
Thank you for the addition of chemistry to the conversation and also how it can be as dangerous as it can be helpful.

LOL. Nail on the head. You say spanking like its a *gasp* bad thing. In my current mood, it would be a godsend

~anelize

 

[Shadowsdream]

Re: Re: Re: Typical Sub...Following Directions LOL

LOL. Nail on the head. You say spanking like its a *gasp* bad thing. In my current mood, it would be a godsend

~anelize

O no..spankings are a *good thing* Tops on My list of preferred light discipline..torment..arousal..hmmmm I think I have covered it a little!

 

[A Desert Rose]

The most attractive thing and the first thing that catches my eye is a quick witted man.


Hello Ma'am... missed you.

 

[Shadowsdream]

The most attractive thing and the first thing that catches my eye is a quick witted man.


Hello Ma'am... missed you.

Tap tap tap....I have been waiting for your appearance!
Quick wit is a good thing in a man..quick whip in a Woman..ok ok ok kidding!
It is nice to see you posting again...I will be watching you as always so...behave!
~~smile~~

 

[A Desert Rose]

Tap tap tap....I have been waiting for your appearance!
Quick wit is a good thing in a man..quick whip in a Woman..ok ok ok kidding!
It is nice to see you posting again...I will be watching you as always so...behave!
~~smile~~

I am counting on you to be watching me....

 

[Shadowsdream]

I am counting on you to be watching me....

good girl.

 

[cellis]

Re: Re: Re: What attracts Y/you first

Thank you cellis for adding to the conversation...I wonder if one can be honest with themselves without emotional strength?
What do you think?

No I really don't think that one can have the emotional strength that I look for without a degree of self honesty.

It has been my experience that there are those that "pretend" to be something they are not, only to find that they are just an empty shell. Instead they take and take (because we subs love to please) and give nothing in return. It is a fine line between a submissive and being stupid with men/women.

 

[WillowPuss]

Re: Re: Re: What attracts Y/you first

There you are kinky pussy! Welcome to the conversation...mish mash you say?
Now focus...first thing..not all things says the Mistress of Not Letting you Off the Hook!
Poor pussywillow...I never make it easy do I?
~~grin~~

*big artificial sigh*

No - never easy - but well worth the effort.

(willow scratches head and tries to think back into the mists of time to what attracted me to Robuck ...)

Ummmmmmm ... possibly a sense of humour.
Nobody ought take themselves seriously all the time - a good sense of humour and the ability to make other laugh and have a light-hearted moment is important.


Please ... is that better? Or should I think again?

 

[Shadowsdream]

Re: Re: Re: Re: What attracts Y/you first

No I really don't think that one can have the emotional strength that I look for without a degree of self honesty.

It has been my experience that there are those that "pretend" to be something they are not, only to find that they are just an empty shell. Instead they take and take (because we subs love to please) and give nothing in return. It is a fine line between a submissive and being stupid with men/women.

Thank you cellis for that very well thought out answer!
I must agree that when emotional strength seems to be missing that is the time that self honesty is either missing or slipping.
I do not necessarily think that in all cases it is a constant weakness but may occassionally rear its ugly head temporarily through illness or stress.
BUT...a lack of emotional strength in the Dominant can suck a submissive dry emotionally as well as cause distrust.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Re: Re: Re: Re: What attracts Y/you first

*big artificial sigh*

No - never easy - but well worth the effort.

(willow scratches head and tries to think back into the mists of time to what attracted me to Robuck ...)

Ummmmmmm ... possibly a sense of humour.
Nobody ought take themselves seriously all the time - a good sense of humour and the ability to make other laugh and have a light-hearted moment is important.


Please ... is that better? Or should I think again?

That is much better little pussy...I should scratch you behind the ear perhaps for returning and taking your mind back to the beginning.
Anyone that takes themselves too seriously is a pain in the butt...no you subbies do not need to line up with serious looks on your faces...it is NOT a good type of pain in the ass!
Good lord pussy..I can almost read your mind and the minds of the others!

 

[Netzach]

First off, before anything else, before I'm even able to determine whether or not this is a good honest person, and the thing that makes me want to know....

Be interesting. Hold down a conversation with me, be uniquely yourself, capture my interest and attention, make me think "I'd be friends with someone like this."

 

[Richard49]

I like belly buttons also

 

[psiberzerker]

I'm all about personality, and conversation, but you asked what we notice FIRST. Alas, that's usually something visual. Truth be told, no matter how much we may claim to be all about what's inside, the cover's what gets us to take the book off the shelf in the first damned place.
In a word, the first thing that turns my head is size. I'm not a little guy, and that's compounded by the fact that I tend to be a bit rough in the sack. A sturdy frame is a must for me to even concider someone to go round, and round with.
I won't throw out the "No fat chicks!" shit, it's been done to death. My rule of thumb is, "If it gets in the way, it's too much." Other than that, I like a bit of padding. I've had those stick women, and about the only thing that struck me about them was their hipbones. (Literally)
I like muscle over fat, where possible, so most of the women I'm into (Pardon the expression) tend to be athletic. (Unfortunately, they tend to have the same taste in women as I.) I don't really have much of a taste in men, I'm really not physicly attracted to them. What usually reels me in with them is personality, and all that other sensitive stuff.

 

[dragonlace]

The absolute first thing i am attracted to in a Dom is intelligence, honesty and passion in their beliefs, also their self confidence and ability to communicate openly.

Passion in the smallest of things is a big attractor for me for i am passionate in what i believe and hope others around me are just as passionate. Not only in sexual matters but beliefs that they hold true to themselves. For life without passion is empty an unfullfilling for me.

 

[Shadowsdream]

First off, before anything else, before I'm even able to determine whether or not this is a good honest person, and the thing that makes me want to know....

Be interesting. Hold down a conversation with me, be uniquely yourself, capture my interest and attention, make me think "I'd be friends with someone like this."

What a wonderful response...so often people try to be carbon copies of others and lose their chances of being seen for who they really are.
Once the whip has been hung up and the strap on is hanging off the bottom of the bed...the depth of reality comes through in the ability to converse with interest.
Thank you Netzach for this take on attraction!

 

[Shadowsdream]

The absolute first thing i am attracted to in a Dom is intelligence, honesty and passion in their beliefs, also their self confidence and ability to communicate openly.

Passion in the smallest of things is a big attractor for me for i am passionate in what i believe and hope others around me are just as passionate. Not only in sexual matters but beliefs that they hold true to themselves. For life without passion is empty an unfullfilling for me.

It is nice to see the word passion used in the sense of life and fullfillment as much as in sexuallity. I certainly can agree that passion is an attraction when that passion is positive.
Thank you dragonlace for adding your voice to this conversation. ~~smile~~

 

[Shadowsdream]

I like belly buttons also

Me too..they are great places to melt ice .

 

[Justina123]

What originally attracted me to Sir across a crowded munch full of Dominants was his ability to make each person, whatever gender or preference, he spoke with feel special and important. A very quiet but powerful charm and self-confidence, not pushy at all, but very obvious. He did not feel a need to express an opinion on every topic, but you found yourself wanting to know his opinions.

As his submissive, I feel honored and special (even when he is helping me "practice my humility", ha!) To me, that takes a special Dominant!

-justina

 

[Shadowsdream]

What originally attracted me to Sir across a crowded munch full of Dominants was his ability to make each person, whatever gender or preference, he spoke with feel special and important. A very quiet but powerful charm and self-confidence, not pushy at all, but very obvious. He did not feel a need to express an opinion on every topic, but you found yourself wanting to know his opinions.

As his submissive, I feel honored and special (even when he is helping me "practice my humility", ha!) To me, that takes a special Dominant!

-justina

you make a very good point...I know that when I attend events I also watch the Dominants and how they interact with all. Those who take a more understated role yet are approachable and encouraging cause My interest to peak in getting to know them better.
Yes Wé Dominants are also attracted to Our own kind to share Our side of the lifestyle We wish to keep between Dominants!
~~grin~~
Thank you for this glimpse into your magic!