What constitutes cheating?

[chrk1]

when in rome, do as the romans do. join in and get involved in this with him.

 

[karndav]

It sounds like you're doing your best to make something positive out of such a painful experience...that takes a lot of strength and love, and is so admirable. I hope you see that too, and are able to let go of misplaced guilt. We have a thread with great tips, resources, and exercises for self esteem... check it out here if you'd like.
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Erika, when I clicked on the link for self esteem it brought me to the home page. Could you post it again please. I know in my head I should not be blaming myself but my heart is a different story. Since all this started a couple of months ago I have had trouble cumming during sex no matter what he does. (although I can certainly fake very well) THat is not to say it doesn't feel good. I know it is because of my mind and the things I can't let go of. I have had an orgasm of few times but not very often. I have thought of going to a sex therapist but our insurance does not cover that so I have looked things up online and gotten advice and tried to follow their advice there. So far nothing has worked. I have to get past this. I think what you said about him needing different things hit the nail right on the head. he has said things like, I could say things online to women I would never dream of saying to ou out of respect. That he was attracted to the "naughtiness' of it. Things like that. As far as his friend goes, I do accept the fact that she definitely brought something into his life and i don't want to take that away. I love him and i want him to be happy. If that friendship is somethign he needs then by all means he should keep her. I have always said men and women can be friends. I just want honesty between us, no secrets, no lies.

 

[Quoll]

It sounds like you're doing your best to make something positive out of such a painful experience...that takes a lot of strength and love, and is so admirable. I hope you see that too, and are able to let go of misplaced guilt. We have a thread with great tips, resources, and exercises for self esteem... check it out here if you'd like.
__________________






Erika, when I clicked on the link for self esteem it brought me to the home page. Could you post it again please. I know in my head I should not be blaming myself but my heart is a different story. Since all this started a couple of months ago I have had trouble cumming during sex no matter what he does. (although I can certainly fake very well) THat is not to say it doesn't feel good. I know it is because of my mind and the things I can't let go of. I have had an orgasm of few times but not very often. I have thought of going to a sex therapist but our insurance does not cover that so I have looked things up online and gotten advice and tried to follow their advice there. So far nothing has worked. I have to get past this. I think what you said about him needing different things hit the nail right on the head. he has said things like, I could say things online to women I would never dream of saying to ou out of respect. That he was attracted to the "naughtiness' of it. Things like that. As far as his friend goes, I do accept the fact that she definitely brought something into his life and i don't want to take that away. I love him and i want him to be happy. If that friendship is somethign he needs then by all means he should keep her. I have always said men and women can be friends. I just want honesty between us, no secrets, no lies.

Self Esteem Try here.
I hope you can work things out and I hope he appreciates what you are doing for him, he needs to know just how much you are prepared to work at your relationship and be thankful that you will. Good luck.

 

[bearlee]

Hi! I am new to all this and I was wondering if anyone could give me some advice with some questions I have been struggling with the past few months. Is cybering without your spouse's or partner's knowledge cheating? How about an online letter writing relationship or phone sex? What about if your spouse had met someone online and developed a friendship with them (nonsexual) and kept it secret from you for many years. (four to be exact) These are what I have just recently discovered my husband has been doing. He became addicted to the cybering. He has not been online chatting since I found out two months ago although he still comes to this site to read the stories that are posted. (That never bothered me) I caught him cybering a few years ago and I thought it stopped. I felt like I had been cheated on. We are working on the trust issues because I love my husband very much and am committed to my marriage. Since this has happened I have tried to become very open sexually, trying many more things, becoming much more unihibited trying to fulfil whatever it was that was missing although he says it was not me. Just kinda hard to buy that line. We just came back from a week alone without kids where I tried to fulfill every fantasy he could think of and I did some things I never thought I would!! Anyway any thoughts on this subject would be greatly appreciated as this is not exactly something I can discuss with mom or even my friends!

Not much time right now, but this fascinates and will at least get me subscribed. Quick answer-yeah, it's cheating. Need to think on the part where you think somehow it's your fault-that part I don't buy completely.

 

[karndav]

Not much time right now, but this fascinates and will at least get me subscribed. Quick answer-yeah, it's cheating. Need to think on the part where you think somehow it's your fault-that part I don't buy completely.

I keep thinking that if maybe somehow i had done more, dressed sexier, been more adventureous in bed, I don't know, something he wouldn't of felt the need to turn to other women on the web. he tells me that isn't true at all that the fault is all his and not mine at all but it my self esteem has just hit the floor with this one.

 

[debjean2]

what happened?

I keep thinking that if maybe somehow i had done more, dressed sexier, been more adventureous in bed, I don't know, something he wouldn't of felt the need to turn to other women on the web. he tells me that isn't true at all that the fault is all his and not mine at all but it my self esteem has just hit the floor with this one.

How did this story end? Are you still togther? Been there, believe me.

My hubby found other women, and so did I, LOL. I could not be happier because now i cum for me.

HUG and a Kiss
Deb