What helps you put aside the shame of creating or enjoying porn?

[Cagivagurl]

The first time I created an erotic story- and pretty much every every time I have written one afterwards- I have felt a bit guilty. Writing about explicit sex will always be a sin to some people. You will always be labeled an objectifier of people, a potential danger to them. Even when more of your stories are about consensual and enjoyable sex and things that happen because of sex than abusive harassment and worse.

What keeps you doing it? What motivates you to stay in the arena?

In my case, it’s the good feedback I get on occasion from people who have enjoyed my stories in spite of their potential lows. And the potential for more. I have enjoyed reading erotica as much as I have been given cause to consider it as furthering the cause of harassment and misogyny, and more than I have felt disgusted or disappointed by it. I would not destroy it entirely because of that. I’m not at that point. I will keep creating good erotica. Long as it is recognized by some audience out there.

I hope you can be that audience. Or, if you are a creative person, find similar potential viewers. Best of luck.

OK....
Shame and embarrassment....
Do I feel them about my attempts at writing smutty stories... Yes on both counts...
Why? I put it down to what I was taught growing up. Sex is taboo. You don't do it, read about it, or talk about it until you're married....
Our whole lives we are subconsciously pushed to think sex is a taboo subject.
I believe that today, the reins have been released and people have a more open approach towards it...
I know that reading or writing erotica, I do feel the shame in it. If I was reading a smutty novel and a friend caught me I would feel that shame....
Why so you ask... Because of what I was taught... But there's another element involved. Writing something gives the reader a brief glimpse into your world.
I am also a musician and song writer... I remember the embarrassment the first time one of my band mates heard me practising one of my own songs.
Thankfully he was impressed...
However, whenever we create something, we do expose our inner selves to everybody who sees, reads or hears what we created... There is a very fine line between embarrassment and shame... They are different, yet they are so closely linked...
If somebody close to me read an erotic story I had written. The shame element would be that they think that's what excites and arouses me...
There are reasons why we keep what happens in the bedroom private...
And yes I believe it is shame....

Cagivagurl

 

[AchtungNight]

Most of the time I am aroused by the smut I write. Other things in the stories disturb me. The shame is inevitable either way. I don’t like that I was raised to feel it. But I suppose it’s better than a few possible alternatives.

 

[Voboy]

Lol.

I don't know what to tell you, OP. If you're feeling cognitive dissonance when you write, then you have two choices: change your behavior, or change your attitude. Your decision.

What's happening is that you're living with the dissonance, which you're experiencing as shame. If you want to get rid of the shame, you need to either stop publishing or come up with some rationalization that makes it okay that you continue to post.

I'd suggest the second one. It's more fun.

 

[SimonDoom]

I'll add this: while I feel no guilt or shame at all about what I write here, in some ways I think I benefit from having grown up with conflicted feelings, including some elements of shame and guilt, and plenty of inhibitions, about some sexual feelings and activities. While I don't feel the same way now, my memories of those feelings are excellent fuel for creativity. I think it helps explain why I enjoy voyeurism/exhibitionism in stories and why I like having characters explore edgy and transgressive activities like incest. I enjoy taboo because I know what it is like to feel it, even if I don't feel it the same way anymore.

 

[Dad4u1970]

I never had any shame to begin with
(Associated with porn)

My only shame is masterbating while looking a big breasts

 

[kathyisgr65]

My only shame is masterbating while looking a big breasts

Should be no shame there..in my unsolicited opinion

 

[THBGato]

The easiest way to put it aside is to not be ashamed in the first place, and to not write anything I would be ashamed of.

This.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Seems like a whole bunch of people are writing their smut as therapy. Cheaper than a shrink, I guess!

 

[Dad4u1970]

Should be no shame there..in my unsolicited opinion

 

[Kumquatqueen]

When I look back upon my life
It's always with a sense of shame
I've always been the one to blame
For everything I long to do
No matter when or where or who
Has one thing in common too
It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a sin
It's a sin
...
At school they taught me how to be
So pure in thought and word and deed
They didn't quite succeed
For everything I long to do
No matter when or where or who
Has one thing in common too

It's a sin
Everything I've ever done
Everything I ever do
Every place I've ever been
Everywhere I'm going to
It's a sin

Father forgive me
I tried not to do it
Turned over a new leaf
Then tore right through it
Whatever you taught me
I didn't believe it
Father you fought me
'Cause I didn't care
And I still don't understand...

The Pet Shop Boys taught me there were other, similar people out there. Take that shame you've been taught, punch through it, and have a great transgressive time.

 

[Priscilla_June]

I was raised super religious and sheltered so I 100% get the feeling and I still get it. Idk if Ill ever be completely over it but when I get the feelings I just have to really reflect on where its coming from and whether its something I should pay attention to.

 

[intim8]

Seems like a whole bunch of people are writing their smut as therapy. Cheaper than a shrink, I guess!

And likely more effective.

 

[SimonDoom]

Seems like a whole bunch of people are writing their smut as therapy. Cheaper than a shrink, I guess!

I think this is true for many, and it might be a bit difficult for those who DON'T see it this way to understand. I think there's an element of this in my writing. Like I'm trying to get something out of my system that was buried deep for a long time.

 

[mrs_mackenzie]

Seems like a whole bunch of people are writing their smut as therapy. Cheaper than a shrink, I guess!

Couldn't be more accurate... I feel seen.

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

I was raised Catholic. A quick trip to confession, three Hail Marys and a promise to come back next week to share more, and I'm done.

More seriously: nope, no shame. Maybe because writing erotica feels more creative than simply filming myself naked and posting it online.

And we thank you for that for so many reasons...

 

[AchtungNight]

I know personally that it’s cheaper and more effective than shrinks. Strip clubs and hookers too. It definitely feels more worth the price.

 

[intim8]

I was raised Catholic. A quick trip to confession, three Hail Marys and a promise to come back next week to share more, and I'm done.

There's a story idea in there. A shy, plain looking 18 year old girl writes smut, and every week in confession, she just recites her latest story. The priest *really* likes it, but doesn't know who she is, or that it is all made up.

 

[intim8]

What is this ‘shame’ you speak of? Is that what I feel in my pants when I’m writing the spicy parts?

Funny, my current WIP is about a guy that leaves a cult, and the cult's term for penis is "his Shame".

 

[StillStunned]

There's a story idea in there. A shy, plain looking 18 year old girl writes smut, and every week in confession, she just recites her latest story. The priest *really* likes it, but doesn't know who she is, or that it is all made up.

I was thinking something similar while I was writing the post.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

I was thinking something similar while I was writing the post.

Does sound more fun than the ones where a teenager (age 18 for Lit purposes) confesses something sexual, then the priest pushes for more and more details, making the confessor more ashamed and embarrassed (bad enough when it's consensual activity being confessed to).

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

I was thinking something similar while I was writing the post.

Kind of the flipside of little Joey going to confession and coming out with three Our Fathers, two Hail Mary's and four good leads...

 

[Rob_Royale]

I grew up without any religious hangups about sex. My parents never instilled any. My wife is the same, and we have a terrific monogamous sex life. So when I found this site and decided to try my hand at it, there was no shame at all, just a concern that my wife wouldn't appreciate it, for reasons I won't go into. Happily, I was wrong and I've been happily churning out smut ever since.

 

[SimonDoom]

I grew up without any religious hangups about sex. My parents never instilled any. My wife is the same, and we have a terrific monogamous sex life. So when I found this site and decided to try my hand at it, there was no shame at all, just a concern that my wife wouldn't appreciate it, for reasons I won't go into. Happily, I was wrong and I've been happily churning out smut ever since.

Count yourself blessed.

 

[Rob_Royale]

Count yourself blessed.

I do, my friend.

 

[AchtungNight]

I grew up without any religious hangups about sex. My parents never instilled any. My wife is the same, and we have a terrific monogamous sex life. So when I found this site and decided to try my hand at it, there was no shame at all, just a concern that my wife wouldn't appreciate it, for reasons I won't go into. Happily, I was wrong and I've been happily churning out smut ever since.

Yes, do count yourself blessed. Especially in today's world.