What is a D/s relationship?

[Lancecastor]

As usual Lance you are rude and a boar you have no class, plus a bedroom submissive plays at it, I did not say a player, a player is an obnoxious breed of person

I'm rude to boors, you prefer boars.

I'm not surprised.

 

[enigma nocturne]

just to muddy the waters more...

This is coming from someone who is fairly new at this and never been in love (yet. things are changeing, I think)..

I see it as a symbiotic relationship; where a Dominant person and a subbie person need the other to be complete. I have a friend in a 24/7 tpe, who is as Lance mentioned, a tiger outside the home and consumed by her Dom at home. I am somewhat jealous by them.

A submissive person can be functional and complete on their own, but there is a sense of something missing, a whole in your heart where the emotion leaks out. I do not know how it feels on the Dom side, but that is how I feel.

I have remained un Domified by choice. I am trying to get out of college and into a career. I have several close Dom/me friends whom I work with to handle my masochistic moments. AM always sub to them in a scene, though. I do not know if it is cause I grew up a little more this past year (I am 22..) or if it is cause I met Someone who touched me in a special way, but suddenly I have an ache that never used to be there. A "normal relationship" (whatever that is!) will not satisfy.

 

[SubmissiveDove5]

I know exactly what you mean. Normal relationships don't phase me either. I have been in four relationships where two of them were "normal" and I can honestly say that their was no spark. I long to feel the tingling I once felt ten years ago. I was hoping I would feel it soon with my master, but it looks like it won't.

 

[enigma nocturne]

to paraphrase a mushy love song..

"it is a hunger, and endless aching need..
(minor snippage)
and you, it's only seed..."

 

[Shallkneel4u]

As usual Lance you are rude and a boar you have no class, plus a bedroom submissive plays at it,

A D/s relattionship varies from person to person, couple to couple, group to group. Many couples involved in D/s see it as one part of the whole of themselves, and by mutual consent agree that part of their lives together will be kept within the intimacy of their bedroom...that DOES NOT mean they are playing at it.

Furthermore, no two people are ever at the same point in their own personal journey when it comes to exploring D/s, and it is very possible that for Dove, keeping D/s in the bedroom is where her own personal comfort level is at this point in time, but does not negate her personal desire to be a part of the lifestyle, nor does it means she is playing at it.

In short, as much as I find Lance's post somewhat rude at times, would have to agree with his assertions about you in this particular case.

Shall

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Can't speak to whether Bachlum Chaam meant it as an insult or something more neutral when he said that one who is a bedroom submissive is playing at it, so won't comment on that. But as to the idea itself, that bedroom-only submission is playing at it, that could depend, too, both on how important one considers one's bedroom activities to be -- I consider mine to be an integral part of my life -- and one's views on playing.

To the first, I suspect that for many of us, what we do or don't in the bedroom has a affect on other areas of our life, whether we want it to or not. And as to the second, I 'play at' a lot of things that I also take quite seriously. My work for instance. If anything, it makes me more effective.

Let's hear it for playing at things.

 

[Netzach]

playing at it...

It's the insistance that D/s infuse every fiber of my waking life that made me really reject the notion that I had any interest in it for some time. I'd be really mentally drained if I came home to naked slaveboy awaiting orders every night. It would feel like I was the slave to some demented fantasia of his.

There's a very strong service ethic on the part of my partner, and I have a very strong appreciation and lust for being served. It makes him happy to do those things I love and it certainly makes me happy, demonstrative and satisfied. It could be said we're "playing at it" because I let a lot of things slide, I don't have a rulebook of 10001 things slave must do and say and think, and I say "thank you" when he hands my the coffee I never have to ask him to make in the morning, rather than making him get on his knees and do weird dances to present it.

It doesn't necessitate him cringing and fawning, or kneeling every time I walk through a door or doing anything above and beyond some fairly standard "good boyfriend" considerations. I never once had to goad, train, remind, or insist. It's how he's wired. I adore him to bits for it where a lot of other women would see it as a fault.

I know, I'm utterly secure in this much:

if it matters to me, I will get my way.

if it matters to me, he will bend over backwards to accept and obey.

I don't have to throw this weight around at all to feel its power, to hold it in my hand. It's a good, secure feeling.

And wickedly playing with his erotic buttons, his mind and body, his fantasies and curiosities, is the finest pasttime I've ever found.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

Ah Netz, as always you bring out my unexplored polyamorous tendencies! ( love your posts!)

Hmm, mulling it over -- Sir Hubby brings me coffee, puts gas in car, etc. Took me ages to figure this is main way he shows he loves me. Always just thought these were nice but uneccesary things he did for some unknown reason. And turns out, as he translates such as love, he wants/expects such service in return, darn him. Jeez, can't I just write him a damn poem or something?

Been wondering about my own possible switch tendencies, which, some have intimated, show actual latent domme-ness. Certainly, when it matters, I've gotten my way. But then so has he. Last time I believed him, took his pref over mine, because he cried. Worked. Dunno. Maybe that's just relationships. Or just my weird one.

He so won't let me domme him in bed anymore. Years ago I did quite a bit. Now, forget it. Midlife switch? And he's quite effective at the dom stuff when he wants to be. Just Hates to fight or argue. Simply refuses to play. We're going thru some kind of change. It's nice being middleaged.

Ps. Found your description of your relationship with your guy quite warming.:catgrin

Ps. wish he liked to wickedly play with my erotic buttons, or would let me play with his. LOVE to play. sigh.