What makes it "BDSM"

[midwestyankee]

*nods*
Leering and drooling come to mind...

I wonder how many keyboards have been shorted out with that forum up.

 

[cookiecat]

It died out a bit, I think when life got overly complex ... it's something I only really tend to when I'm in a good space, and I haven't been in such a great space of late. (LOL - I probably should stop posting for a few days ... it is beginning to sound a lot like Kim's tiny pity party. Things aren't really that bad ... just not as good as they have been in the past.)

I'm glad to see you around.

The whole good head space thing - that's relatable. Sometimes it's hard for me to be here when I feel meh --- this place is a reminder of what I lost. I will say, when I wander here and need a glittery hug, I usually find one.

I was thinking you should post a link to your thread and start a poly conversation in Talk. Perhaps when you're feeling different? Or not - maybe the weird head space can be part of the conversation? Haha! I'm just being selfish and voyeuristic.

((( glittery hug )))

 

[cookiecat]

Some of the forums have strayed away considerably from there original intent. The BDSM forum has tended to stick mainly to the theme, with some segway into topics that regular posters have an interest in, nothing wrong with that.

I find in the BDSM forum. in general, a respect amongst the people here and how you conduct yourself, this is not as evident in some of the other forums, especially those that have morphed from the original intent.

I tend not to engage too much in the discussions, although I do enjoy reading the comments and posts, now and again I will engage and post. I am also guilty of posting too many images, of late, not too sure why that started, maybe a stage of life. But, I will get back to more written posts, rather than images over time.

I enjoy the interaction here, enjoy the posters, and having in previous years met one or two, especially local to my country, it has been refreshing.

Life meanders to an extent, perhaps that is what is happening with this forum, I am sure you will find over time there might be more discussion threads again, rather than image posts.

Your glitter contributions =

 

[KimGordon67]

I'm glad to see you around.

The whole good head space thing - that's relatable. Sometimes it's hard for me to be here when I feel meh --- this place is a reminder of what I lost. I will say, when I wander here and need a glittery hug, I usually find one.

I was thinking you should post a link to your thread and start a poly conversation in Talk. Perhaps when you're feeling different? Or not - maybe the weird head space can be part of the conversation? Haha! I'm just being selfish and voyeuristic.

((( glittery hug )))

I like your thinking ... Lit is a funny space, because we're so disconnected (what I used to refer to with my online/phone guy from a while back as 'the tyranny of distance'), and obviously being here is quite random and depends on the pulls of the rest of one's life, one's head space etc ... but then there's funny connections that are good.

I hope you're doing ago ... did we have a conversation a while back about a date you went on? (God, I hope I'm remembering that properly.) I've gotten myself back out there again ... it is bloody weird.

 

[neci]

my understanding of the BDSM forums is that the people engaging in topics are engaged in some sort of power exchange. the talk area is directly involved in how that power exchange happens, and the cafe area is for more light hearted topics brought up by people who identify as a part of the community.

for example - in the talk area, pee play becomes BDSM when piss turns into marking your territory. the fetish is enjoying the smell and warmth. in the cafe, a person who likes to pee or be peed on may start a thread about cats, because that makes them happy.

any way you cut it, BDSM is a state of mind involved in the person making the post. it is how they identify personally. Dominance and submission. Sadism and masochism. Bondage and discipline. Tops and bottoms. Masters and slaves. the personal identification may not come through in every single post, as sometimes you are just responding to how your day was, what made you smile, or books you read. Some topics are geared more towards discussion of this aspect of sexuality (as seen in the Talk threads) and some topics are geared towards community fun (Cafe threads.)

people in the playground are playing. people in the fetish area are looking to jerk off. people in the BDSM area are doing both of those, but they identify as a part of the BDSM community and are also (for the general part) seeking to verbalize how that works in their lives.

 

[Dreamliner]

I've gotten myself back out there again ... it is bloody weird.

Tell me about it! there are some unusual people around, or maybe it is me.

 

[KimGordon67]

Tell me about it! there are some unusual people around, or maybe it is me.

I don't find the people unusual (well, except for why so many fish in the dating site photos?) ... but having to sort of 'market' oneself ... that's weird. Also, I hate my stomach.

 

[seela]

For sure, since the advent of Tumblr, conversation has taken a backseat to images. I started here on Lit back in 2006 and it definitely was different. But the times, they are a changin'. Lots of really experienced voices left and I don't see that level of information exchange anymore.

This, for sure. I've been checking in regularly since 2007, posting regularly since 2010. It's a completely different place now.

I know pics and gifs are where it's at for a lot of people, but I hate that it's pretty much all there is here anymore. If I want Tumblr, I go to Tumblr.

I think the reason why I feel so strongly about the loss of conversation here is because I'm not interested in the pic threads at all. And because I don't have any social circle here either, the conversations going away pretty much means there's nothing for me here anymore.

It's also true what cookie wrote that you get what you give. So I probably shouldn't whine considering I never post anything anymore either. I just got tired of shouting into the abyss.

I'll remove my grumpy old hag ass from this thread now.

 

[cookiecat]

This, for sure. I've been checking in regularly since 2007, posting regularly since 2010. It's a completely different place now.

I know pics and gifs are where it's at for a lot of people, but I hate that it's pretty much all there is here anymore. If I want Tumblr, I go to Tumblr.

I think the reason why I feel so strongly about the loss of conversation here is because I'm not interested in the pic threads at all. And because I don't have any social circle here either, the conversations going away pretty much means there's nothing for me here anymore.

It's also true what cookie wrote that you get what you give. So I probably shouldn't whine considering I never post anything anymore either. I just got tired of shouting into the abyss.

I'll remove my grumpy old hag ass from this thread now.

Nah - grump away. Abyss is a good word. I've tried to get conversations going on other threads - the oral thread for example, pretty much to no avail. I start a few threads here and there and sometimes it takes hold - usually for a few days and then it fizzles out because there's only so many people here in the forum.

Someone from the past - DVS maybe? waxed nostalgic for the olden days more than once. I thought I'd go through past threads and bump one that interested me to see if I could get some new folks talking. Instead, I got kicked in the head for bumping old posts.

Your no nut thread is great. It's been thought provoking for me. I've enjoyed seeing the interaction. From the outside, I see your interaction with others and sense there's support or Lit friendship going on??

Anyways. I think all forums go through this. I actually participated in the General Board and the Playground a lot when I first started here. Things have changed a lot over there, too.

 

[ultramarineblue]

This, for sure. I've been checking in regularly since 2007, posting regularly since 2010. It's a completely different place now.

I know pics and gifs are where it's at for a lot of people, but I hate that it's pretty much all there is here anymore. If I want Tumblr, I go to Tumblr.

I think the reason why I feel so strongly about the loss of conversation here is because I'm not interested in the pic threads at all. And because I don't have any social circle here either, the conversations going away pretty much means there's nothing for me here anymore.

It's also true what cookie wrote that you get what you give. So I probably shouldn't whine considering I never post anything anymore either. I just got tired of shouting into the abyss.

I'll remove my grumpy old hag ass from this thread now.

I enjoy the conversation threads the most as well. I have trouble inserting myself into them. I have trouble putting what I'm thinking into words. So I understand the get what you give thing too. I can't complain because I don't really give much. I think your thread is pretty awesome. The discussion has been inspiring. I think I partly wished that some people would comment on the thread I started but I can see how it didn't lead to that.

 

[cookiecat]

my understanding of the BDSM forums is that the people engaging in topics are engaged in some sort of power exchange. the talk area is directly involved in how that power exchange happens, and the cafe area is for more light hearted topics brought up by people who identify as a part of the community.

for example - in the talk area, pee play becomes BDSM when piss turns into marking your territory. the fetish is enjoying the smell and warmth. in the cafe, a person who likes to pee or be peed on may start a thread about cats, because that makes them happy.

any way you cut it, BDSM is a state of mind involved in the person making the post. it is how they identify personally. Dominance and submission. Sadism and masochism. Bondage and discipline. Tops and bottoms. Masters and slaves. the personal identification may not come through in every single post, as sometimes you are just responding to how your day was, what made you smile, or books you read. Some topics are geared more towards discussion of this aspect of sexuality (as seen in the Talk threads) and some topics are geared towards community fun (Cafe threads.)

people in the playground are playing. people in the fetish area are looking to jerk off. people in the BDSM area are doing both of those, but they identify as a part of the BDSM community and are also (for the general part) seeking to verbalize how that works in their lives.

Well, I seem to remember you from the "olden days"!!

This post should be a sticky in Talk! It's where my question started -- what is it that makes weird stuff or kinky sex or even regular 'ole activities like phone sex fall under BDSM and not just masturbation fodder?

As you said, neci, it's a state of mind. PLP called it intent. For sure about the power exchange.

I'm glad so many people still like to come to the cafe and exchange recipes or take a minute to blurt. I miss some people, some of the deeper conversations. On the flip side, I don't spend as much time here and that's probably good, too. I do wish some of the lurkers would unlurk and contribute. But that's my selfish wish.

 

[Mei5ter]

I'm sure that any forum like this will change over a period of ten years. Was Tumblr even a thing ten years ago?

I can be interested in a thread where an individual curates (that's pretentious, sorry) a selection of images which express their thoughts and feelings, and supplements this with their own writing. I lose interest in threads where lots of different people dump images with a shared theme, and then repost them endlessly when replying with comments like <gulp>.

This forum is attached to an erotic fiction site, and looks to have been designed with words rather than images primarily in mind. It can cope with images, but thse aren't well handled. There are other specialised ampics sites which do this aspect far better, but which in consequence are less good at presenting writing. I guess what we really need would be Faceboobs...if anyone fancies building it?

Seela made an excellent point about how the threads work here, with which I entirely agree. They are chronologically linear, rather than subject related. PLP, for example, has asked some excellent questions here and got some interesting responses. But it's hard for anyone new to build on that once that part of a thread is more than a week old. So those who have been here some while doubtless get frustrated and bored when they see the same questions being asked repeatedly by newcomers. Even I, in spite of being male and therefore thinking nothing is more interesting than talking about myself, get tired of repeating things. There is also a tendency on question threads for nine people to post individual replies to that question, but not then to engage with one other's responses.* I don't think that's necessarily because they don't want to listen, but rather that it can take some time to formulate a response...and the thread has moved on.

I do post on the PG, although I'm not entirely sure why I bother to announce that I haven't crushed on someone I've never met. But while BDSM is sometimes discussed there all the people on Lit with whom I've formed what I'd term real online friendships have been here on the BDSM threads to a greater or lesser degree. Naturally I'd say this is because BDSM folk tend to be more interesting, smarter, more broad minded and with greater emotional intelligence than others - though I may just be biased. But the PG can be surprisingly narrow minded on BDSM and even one noisy, stupid troll can turn discussion there toxic very quickly. It's a shame, because I would like BDSM to be something which doesn't need to be hidden in its corner out of sight of everyone else, but that seems to be where we are.

Anyway... if we feel that the BDSM section isn't now structured in the way that we might ideally like it, can we do anything to fix that? What would prompt people who don't post actively here any more to approach the site anew? And how can we encourage that to happen?

 

[ultramarineblue]

I'm sure that any forum like this will change over a period of ten years. Was Tumblr even a thing ten years ago?

I can be interested in a thread where an individual curates (that's pretentious, sorry) a selection of images which express their thoughts and feelings, and supplements this with their own writing. I lose interest in threads where lots of different people dump images with a shared theme, and then repost them endlessly when replying with comments like <gulp>.

This forum is attached to an erotic fiction site, and looks to have been designed with words rather than images primarily in mind. It can cope with images, but thse aren't well handled. There are other specialised ampics sites which do this aspect far better, but which in consequence are less good at presenting writing. I guess what we really need would be Faceboobs...if anyone fancies building it?

Seela made an excellent point about how the threads work here, with which I entirely agree. They are chronologically linear, rather than subject related. PLP, for example, has asked some excellent questions here and got some interesting responses. But it's hard for anyone new to build on that once that part of a thread is more than a week old. So those who have been here some while doubtless get frustrated and bored when they see the same questions being asked repeatedly by newcomers. Even I, in spite of being male and therefore thinking nothing is more interesting than talking about myself, get tired of repeating things. There is also a tendency on question threads for nine people to post individual replies to that question, but not then to engage with one other's responses.* I don't think that's necessarily because they don't want to listen, but rather that it can take some time to formulate a response...and the thread has moved on.

I do post on the PG, although I'm not entirely sure why I bother to announce that I haven't crushed on someone I've never met. But while BDSM is sometimes discussed there all the people on Lit with whom I've formed what I'd term real online friendships have been here on the BDSM threads to a greater or lesser degree. Naturally I'd say this is because BDSM folk tend to be more interesting, smarter, more broad minded and with greater emotional intelligence than others - though I may just be biased. But the PG can be surprisingly narrow minded on BDSM and even one noisy, stupid troll can turn discussion there toxic very quickly. It's a shame, because I would like BDSM to be something which doesn't need to be hidden in its corner out of sight of everyone else, but that seems to be where we are.

Anyway... if we feel that the BDSM section isn't now structured in the way that we might ideally like it, can we do anything to fix that? What would prompt people who don't post actively here any more to approach the site anew? And how can we encourage that to happen?

I love the discussion thread but I really do wish it was broken into separate threads so I could more easily look back over topics discussed. I'm so thankful that PLP is doing it though so I really hate complaining any.

I've always come back here because of the discussion. I know some may have left for fetlife completely but it's overwhelming there. There are tons of groups and tons of people writing. I've always found it a little hard to find great content easily there or even answers to questions. I do like it for other reasons, including being able to find people to actually meet more easily, but I will always come back here for the discussion. It still happens here. It has just evolved into a different format from what I first encountered.

I think people that may not like how the boards here are now would need to contribute what they want to see. That's easier said than done because it also takes interaction between other people to help as well. As far as getting more people to contribute instead of just lurk, that's hard too. I often feel that others say what I'm thinking so much more eloquently than I can. Plus people can be quite cruel to others online. I've always found this forum to be the most welcoming in regards to that though. People here have always been kind to newbies, experienced, and even the trolls. I love that people of all amounts of experience can discuss topics here. I know that even on things I'm quite knowledgeable about, I still can learn more. That's the vibe I've always received here. The other thing is that people here are able to disagree cordially and continue to discuss differences. I love that because it shows multiple viewpoints that I may not have ever encountered.

 

[midwestyankee]

This, for sure. I've been checking in regularly since 2007, posting regularly since 2010. It's a completely different place now.

I know pics and gifs are where it's at for a lot of people, but I hate that it's pretty much all there is here anymore. If I want Tumblr, I go to Tumblr.

I think the reason why I feel so strongly about the loss of conversation here is because I'm not interested in the pic threads at all. And because I don't have any social circle here either, the conversations going away pretty much means there's nothing for me here anymore.

It's also true what cookie wrote that you get what you give. So I probably shouldn't whine considering I never post anything anymore either. I just got tired of shouting into the abyss.

I'll remove my grumpy old hag ass from this thread now.

Old? You keep using that word and I do not think it means what you think it means. You may imagine the appropriate (but unused) gif here.

 

[Blue]

I still read most of the text-based threads, I just don't post since I usually don't feel a need to say anything anymore. I think because if I did they'd just be as vapid and noncontributory as this very post I'm writing.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

I think when I have time I'll catalog all the questions and if someone wants to start a thread on those questions for further discussion then that works. The concerns raised are valid.

I just didn't want to create 50+ new threads. I think that will be a decent springboard for future threads on BDSM moving forward.

 

[cookiecat]

I still read most of the text-based threads, I just don't post since I usually don't feel a need to say anything anymore. I think because if I did they'd just be as vapid and noncontributory as this very post I'm writing.

I always liked hearing your point of view because it was usually different than mine.

ps - great corn

 

[cookiecat]

I think when I have time I'll catalog all the questions and if someone wants to start a thread on those questions for further discussion then that works. The concerns raised are valid.

I just didn't want to create 50+ new threads. I think that will be a decent springboard for future threads on BDSM moving forward.

Being the "keeper" of a thread and sustaining it over time is a challenge. Especially such an interactive one. Kudos to you - and the folks who answer each week - for keeping it going.

 

[AlwaysFara]

I still read most of the text-based threads, I just don't post since I usually don't feel a need to say anything anymore. I think because if I did they'd just be as vapid and noncontributory as this very post I'm writing.

I always liked hearing your point of view because it was usually different than mine.

ps - great corn

I miss your corny posts, Con.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Being the "keeper" of a thread and sustaining it over time is a challenge. Especially such an interactive one. Kudos to you - and the folks who answer each week - for keeping it going.

It has been a lot and I've enjoyed but it's always good to hand off the baton to someone or something new. I'm proud of how it went and that it rarely dissolved into madness. I learned a lot and got to know you all more.

I will say, if people want 'discussion' they need to be willing to discuss. There always seems to be a lot of lurkers who just want to read what everyone else writes. As someone who's started more than a few of the collaborative picture threads and tried to prompt discussion through it, reading the feedback kind d of sucks but I understand it. I'll keep my Tumblr to Tumblr and my PG threads.

I've always been a "Be The Change You Want To See" kind of girl but if this is a community it takes everyone.

 

[midwestyankee]

It has been a lot and I've enjoyed but it's always good to hand off the baton to someone or something new. I'm proud of how it went and that it rarely dissolved into madness. I learned a lot and got to know you all more.

I will say, if people want 'discussion' they need to be willing to discuss. There always seems to be a lot of lurkers who just want to read what everyone else writes. As someone who's started more than a few of the collaborative picture threads and tried to prompt discussion through it, reading the feedback kind d of sucks but I understand it. I'll keep my Tumblr to Tumblr and my PG threads.

I've always been a "Be The Change You Want To See" kind of girl but if this is a community it takes everyone.

There is much wisdom here.

 

[Mei5ter]

It has been a lot and I've enjoyed but it's always good to hand off the baton to someone or something new. I'm proud of how it went and that it rarely dissolved into madness. I learned a lot and got to know you all more.

I will say, if people want 'discussion' they need to be willing to discuss. There always seems to be a lot of lurkers who just want to read what everyone else writes. As someone who's started more than a few of the collaborative picture threads and tried to prompt discussion through it, reading the feedback kind d of sucks but I understand it. I'll keep my Tumblr to Tumblr and my PG threads.

I've always been a "Be The Change You Want To See" kind of girl but if this is a community it takes everyone.

Hey,

You have done an amazing job of keeping this forum active, friendly, happy and interesting.

Many of the issues being raised are technical ones. This site is not pic friendly at all. If seven people like the pics you post, they basically have to repost that image each time in order to convey that. That’s nobody’s fault. I’m just wondering if there is another way of doing this?

Your questions are the best possible way for someone new here to start engaging. They’re open to all. Again, splitting them into fifty threads is going to be unwieldy, and they might be hard to track off the front page. But again, can we collectively think of ways to make the most of them, and to use the time and effort you expend as rewardingly as we can?

 

[AlwaysFara]

Hey,

You have done an amazing job of keeping this forum active, friendly, happy and interesting.

Many of the issues being raised are technical ones. This site is not pic friendly at all. If seven people like the pics you post, they basically have to repost that image each time in order to convey that. That’s nobody’s fault. I’m just wondering if there is another way of doing this?

Your questions are the best possible way for someone new here to start engaging. They’re open to all. Again, splitting them into fifty threads is going to be unwieldy, and they might be hard to track off the front page. But again, can we collectively think of ways to make the most of them, and to use the time and effort you expend as rewardingly as we can?

Agreed. I’ve often told PLP that Lit is a much better place with her here.
PLP, you’re a thoughtful poster, and you always try to follow up. I appreciate you here, you know that. You, cookie, Hiney, and maybe a few others have kept the Cafe DISCUSSIONS going.
Danke.

 

[ultramarineblue]

It has been a lot and I've enjoyed but it's always good to hand off the baton to someone or something new. I'm proud of how it went and that it rarely dissolved into madness. I learned a lot and got to know you all more.

I will say, if people want 'discussion' they need to be willing to discuss. There always seems to be a lot of lurkers who just want to read what everyone else writes. As someone who's started more than a few of the collaborative picture threads and tried to prompt discussion through it, reading the feedback kind d of sucks but I understand it. I'll keep my Tumblr to Tumblr and my PG threads.

I've always been a "Be The Change You Want To See" kind of girl but if this is a community it takes everyone.

You've done an incredible job with the discussion thread. Not that this matters, but I'm really glad that you're here promoting discussion. It took an incredible amount of time and dedication to keep the discussion going and I'm very grateful to you for that. Please don't think that anything I said was critical of you. It's really hard to figure out how to go about it and like you said, it would start so many new threads. There isn't any problem with how you've done it at all. I wouldn't even expect you to go through and catalogue the questions because that's a huge task. You did the boards a far greater service in promoting us talking more.