What Punishment Works Or Doesn't Work For You?

[FurryFury]

I respond way better with positive reinformcement than with negative. Abandonment - in RL would suck and be a dealbreaker for me. On-line if I don't here from him - usually because he is busy - if he doesn't have the time to say, "thanks for the e-mail, I'm too busy to say much now..." then I have to wonder if he has time to read what I am sending him. Without any input from him, I decide he doesn't want to continue our relationship. While I may still pine after him, I don't want to flood his in box with whiney e-mails either. I certainly don't like getting whiney "why don't you want me?" letters, so I refuse to send them to others. If he doesn't want me, it will hurt a lot, but I will move on.

Hey Private_Label!

Been there, done that, hope you don't ever have to move on cause that really sucks big green donkey dicks.

*Hugs*

Fury

Psst...I'd take him back in a heart beat but some rules would have to be set by ME!

 

[Private_Label]

Hey Private_Label!

Been there, done that, hope you don't ever have to move on cause that really sucks big green donkey dicks.

*Hugs*

Fury

Psst...I'd take him back in a heart beat but some rules would have to be set by ME!

Oh, he's run hot and cold several times over the last 2 years. Right now we are in a hot phase . Unfortunately for me, we live on oppposite sides of the country I have told him several times that all he needs to do is say the words and I will move out to where he is. I want him that much. But he doesn't want that from me at this point. So I take what he is willing to give me, and try to follow his instruction that I look for someone local (I really don't want to do that, but I know he wants to see me happy, so I am trying to at least meet new people). I'm willing to wait until he's ready for me to be with him - even if that means never... but he doesn't want me to do that.

 

[FurryFury]

Oh, he's run hot and cold several times over the last 2 years. Right now we are in a hot phase . Unfortunately for me, we live on oppposite sides of the country I have told him several times that all he needs to do is say the words and I will move out to where he is. I want him that much. But he doesn't want that from me at this point. So I take what he is willing to give me, and try to follow his instruction that I look for someone local (I really don't want to do that, but I know he wants to see me happy, so I am trying to at least meet new people). I'm willing to wait until he's ready for me to be with him - even if that means never... but he doesn't want me to do that.

Okay PL,

As someone who tells people this all the time? Find someone where you are? I have to tell you that means he doesn't see it ever happening in real life with you. *hugs* Sorry to say this to you but you are probably aware of that already.

For me the reason I say that to others, is that I am married. I love my online friends a lot but there is only so far I can take things and no further.

So with that in mind continue to take what you enjoy and can get from him but do look around for real.

I believe he does care about you and does want you happy with someone else. Believe me real life is soooo much better than online if it's the right stuff! Even if it's not perfect all the time and it won't be. LOL.

Try to remember when looking at real face to face people? That they can't begin to approach the perfect intimancy we can seem to create online.

Also, people often just rule someone out for rather silly reasons, often subconsciously, ruining thier own chances for a good real relationship. I used to do this all the time. I used to think you could be friends or you could be "romantic" ie, fuck, but not both.

Boy was I ever wrong. I had just never seen it in life. What a wonderful thing the supportive loving partner relationship is. It's the best kind no matter what kind of relationship you seek to make sexually and such, imho.

I do know enough about you from your posts to know you are a very smart lady though, so I am probably preaching to the choir on this.

It's late and I am outies! Time for silk and down feathered dreams!

*hugs*


Sorry to run off at the mouth!

Fury

 

[catalina_francisco]

Oh, he's run hot and cold several times over the last 2 years. Right now we are in a hot phase . Unfortunately for me, we live on oppposite sides of the country I have told him several times that all he needs to do is say the words and I will move out to where he is. I want him that much. But he doesn't want that from me at this point. So I take what he is willing to give me, and try to follow his instruction that I look for someone local (I really don't want to do that, but I know he wants to see me happy, so I am trying to at least meet new people). I'm willing to wait until he's ready for me to be with him - even if that means never... but he doesn't want me to do that.

PL, do as he has ordered. I had an online mentor/Master before meeting F, and it was his instruction I find someone real because as much as we might have liked it otherwise, it was not meant for us to be together and he wanted me to experience reality and not hang onto an online hope. It was his pushing and guidance which lead me to the happiness I now have in my life. During that time we shared, with him in the US and I in Oz, he was ALWAYS there for me and NEVER was too busy though in reality he had a very full life and much to keep him busy. We had a connection which he felt was important and so he made time for me, even if only to drop online or email to say he was tied up but would be online at x hour.

If I had a personal crisis in my life, such as when my father had a stroke and I rushed him to hospital, he was also there for me and checked in repeatedly to see I was coping and what the latest news was and to send positive and encouraging thoughts. The commitment was there, even though we were so far apart, had busy and separate lives, had never met, and were not going to be together in RL. Best thing is he is still my friend and someone I can talk to about anything, anytime and he will respond immediately. I realise people are different, but if this man can't always be there for you and also gives you no indication when and why, and has told you to find a real relationship where you are, it is not going to change and he is not going to take you into his life in realtime. You need to take what you have gained from the time you have had together and find your happiness.

Catalina

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

You know, there's punishment, and then there's discipline.

Punishment is a penalty imposed for wrondoing.

Discipline is punishment that is intended to correct or train.

So here's the thing. When I screw up, and we all do, I don't believe that anyone is immune from screwups, it's just a matter of scale, there's a certain level of discipline involved.

It can be as small as him saying, "don't do that again, I don't appreciate that" in that Marine voice that stops me in my tracks. You see, that's part of MY training, him using that Marine voice on me. He uses the voice, I know that I'm being disciplined.

It can be as large as him using the Marine voice to lecture me about some large infraction, and then him walking away from me, leaving me to think about how disappointed he is in me. I am usually a crying, sniveling mess at this point, and will do, say, or beg anything to be back in his good graces.

Hitting me isn't going to cut it. I love that shit. You can beat me with just about anything and I'll love every minute of it. Why fucking bother?

The only thing that works is emotional discipline. And it works REAL well.

It keeps me on the straight and narrow, most of the time. But, I am human, and humans fuck up. Doms fuck up. Fortunately, we are in a relationship first, and we are pretty good at sorting our relationship stuff out first. We know that if we are both tired, hungry, have worked too many hours that week, etc. then it's not the time to be doing the discipline thing. You have to be sane about this sort of thing, you know?

~Anelize