What's wrong with F/m in BDSM and how can we fix it?

[JMohegan]

Very specifically, which "BDSM community" are you talking about? Your local group in Georgia?

My reasons for not wanting to "commune" with organized kink groups vary. I am neither an exhibitionist nor a voyeur, so (random demos or workshops aside) I have no sustained interest in groups with a public play focus. I'm also not into modern BDSM culture (collars, fetishwear, titles, and such), which means that I'm not even welcome in some places. Further, a lot of M/f organized settings have the feel of group role play to me. And again, I'm just not into that type of thing.

So there's nothing they have that I want on a regular or repeated basis - except potential contact with people whom I "get" on a personal level. (Netzach is right, that's exactly what I meant.) This has nothing to do with saying anybody's kink is not okay.

I've picked up a bunch of friends over the years, from a variety of kinky settings. We get together to dine, hike, party, play ball, whatever. An appreciation for kink may be how we found each other, but it's not why we hang out.

For what it's worth, I gave you the same advice I give female subs or any other kinky person looking for support. Kinky people tend to know other kinky people. Head to as many local organizations as possible, and start to form your own group of friends.

"Organized kink groups" = local dungeons, kinky clubs with members & rules, and the like. An entity with officially recognized structure in terms of place and purpose. That's what I'm talking about here.

 

[Netzach]

"Organized kink groups" = local dungeons, kinky clubs with members & rules, and the like. An entity with officially recognized structure in terms of place and purpose. That's what I'm talking about here.

I'm not inherently a joiner either, but there are definite patterns that put me off the in-person community and make me roll my eyes at Lit from time to time. I'd love to be able to hang out knowing I'm not going to encounter them, but it's too much to ask.

 

[JMohegan]

Perhaps we are talking past each other. But, i started this thread with the intent of discussing what i laid out in the original post as it applies to the BDSM community as i described it. If you want to discuss something else, that's fine with me - start your own thread. Otherwise, i think it would be a wonderful thing for us to stay on-topic, but, i'm just weird that way.




OK, keep reading, maybe you can understand. If you can't, oh well, i won't think any less of your intellect.




i don't think i said that. If i said something similar to that it was more like the idea of discussing how to change the non-BDSM society is off-topic for this thread.




If you truly believe that, then, i don't think you understand the value of having a "BDSM community", especially as a way to band together to protect our rights. In general society of the United States, there are laws that protect minorities. That is different from some elements of the BDSM community not respecting other elements of the BDSM community. Is that still comparing "apples to apples" to you?




i don't think that. Doesn't matter to me either way. On the other hand, you are the one who said:



You said it, not me.

Also, to me, this forum is part of the BDSM community as i see it. According to what you have said above, you view the BDSM community as something that is fairly well structured and organized. How do you view this forum? You are interacting with people who are not part of your close-knit real life BDSM group. As i see it, how you act here affects the BDSM community, granted only to a small degree (just like me). But, people like you and me eventually add up to a cumulative effect, and, that is what shapes a community. If a bunch of people disrespect female PYLs and male pyls, then, that is a problem for the community. And, recognition of that, coupled with a desire to work towards constructive change, leads some people to create threads on web site forums to discuss the issue. If you don't see things the same way, oh well, that's life.




Again, your suggestion would be off-topic for the thread. My purpose in starting the thread was *not* to find others in my personal real life like me to help me feel better. The purpose was to bring up something that happens in the BDSM community, and, to discuss the issue/problem because it affects many people other than just myself.




OK, i can concede that. Do you better understand my intent for this thread now?

I don't view this forum as an organized kink group, no. But if you do, no problem.

If you are feeling disrespected at Lit specifically, my advice would be to come right out and say so. Explain what types of posts make you feel that way, and why.

 

[subbie_333]

I don't view this forum as an organized kink group, no. But if you do, no problem.

If you are feeling disrespected at Lit specifically, my advice would be to come right out and say so. Explain what types of posts make you feel that way, and why.

*sigh*

i think the concept of this thread is fairly easy to understand, and, i have tried multiple times and ways to explain it to you. But, you just don't get it, don't want to get it, or, you are just jerking us around. Either way, i am afraid that my conversing with you is counter productive to this thread.

 

[JMohegan]

Many people

who are not

female PYL

or male pyl

have a tendency

to disrespect

those people.



Why,

and,

how

can we

fix that

?

Good luck resolving this problem.

I mean that sincerely.






Netzach - I have a response to your post 147 above. I'm gonna head over to ITW's drinking thread and type it out.

 

[intothewoods]

Netzach - I have a response to your post 147 above. I'm gonna head over to ITW's drinking thread and type it out.

If only the United Nations met at a bar.

 

[bigbill92690]

In my case a very very long leash indeed...