When a male dominant suffers from chronic impotency

[Mr Blonde]

18 month update?

I had a note to revisit this thread at some point.

The frequency and severity of my impotence has gone down tremendously since I started this topic.

Here were the keys:

1. Started taking better care of myself physically. Before 2/3 of the impotence was attributed to physical causes, so I'd say just being healthier has caused a reduction of 75%+.

2. Happy in my current relationship and better perspective of my past relationships. I don't want to blast my ex-girlfriends, but in hindsight perhaps only a couple of my previous dozen relationships (in the 1999-2003 timeframe pre-dating this thread) were very good. I didn't click with several of these women in very significant ways. Understanding myself and my needs better, I was able to get into better situations and am much happier with my current girlfriend. So I'd say the "1/3 mental factors" are reduced by 95%+.

So on any given day, my impotence problems are 80-90% less than when I started this thread. I consider that much improvement a major success.

And now more than ever, I definitely don't consider myself a big-time sadist and am very comfortable with my primarily service-seeking style of dominance.

[SIZE=0.5]Now let's hope people see this update and don't keep reacting to the initial post from mid-2003. LOL[/SIZE]

 

[Desdemona]

Mr. B, sounds like you've had great success! Thank you for sharing what has worked for you. I suspect this issue is there for alot of guys and just isn't talked about.

 

[Marquis]

Young buck as I am, I have dealt with impotence in the past. Oftentimes my mental desire for sex exceeds what my body can handle, and this seems especially true when I'm depressed.

I even went so far as acquiring Viagra once, when I was about to go on Spring Break and was worried I would end up smoking in my hotel room all day instead of capturing any of the delicious co-eds. Luckily the bright Jamaica sun and fresh food was all I needed to pull me out of my funk, and I never ended up taking the pills.

Although I did take them later and found they didn't really have a strong effect on me. I just felt very flushed.

I've also found that I can lose my erection simply when I lose my arousal. A smile was enough to get me hard at 13, and a pair of naked tits in front of me would definitely do the trick at 15 or 16, but these days poor chemistry can make jerking off seem like a better option.

 

[rosco rathbone]

9 times out of 10, I can't even get wood anymore unless there is a distinct sadistic or humiliation element going on. Does that count as "impotency"?

 

[Marquis]

No. Just good taste.

 

[Netzach]

What I love about being a freak is that it puts other options on the table. Anything to me, can be a peak. Having a toe licked, seeing the gaze of the other hit the floor when I stare him down, digital manipulation (yeah!), toys, tightlacing, a million things.

I was talking to my former top and current bottom and health care practitioner extraordinare, the other day, about this as it relates to illness and sexual performance. The clinical community staunchly refuses to look at "sex" as "sex" not as "subset of relationship issues." That bugs me. Sex is not always about getting close to my partner, it can be about me getting off with them. Or without them.

How does one get off, and how can you expand this idea of getting off? This should be a question out on the table. Instead, sick people are encouraged to come to love kissing and cuddling as an alternative to intercourse, as though once you are not perfectly healthy you are no longer entitled to think of yourself as sexual, sexy, orgasmic, raunchy, etc. You should be content to be loved and think of yourself as "still lovable."

 

[Miss Diva]

Here are the negatives for (some of) my partners:

1. feelings of failure to please/serve me

2. concerns about my frustration

3. concerns about my lack of enthusiasm

4. feelings of inadequacy regarding appearance

5. dealing with my sadistic behavior (unwelcome).

I went out with a vanilla man who was also impotent. He enjoyed using his other assets to have me enjoy myself but for my part I was always feeling like a failure and unwanted and unsexy.

After reading up about it, casual sex for someone in his condition is, how shall say, more difficult. And he did admithe loved his last girlfriend. while he and I are just friends.

They do say that the brain the is the sexiest part of the body.

 

[Pure]

Netz said,

The clinical community staunchly refuses to look at "sex" as "sex" not as "subset of relationship issues." That bugs me. Sex is not always about getting close to my partner, it can be about me getting off with them. Or without them.

How does one get off, and how can you expand this idea of getting off? This should be a question out on the table. Instead, sick people are encouraged to come to love kissing and cuddling as an alternative to intercourse, as though once you are not perfectly healthy you are no longer entitled to think of yourself as sexual, sexy, orgasmic, raunchy, etc. You should be content to be loved and think of yourself as "still lovable."

I see the 'pure sex' thing, though I don't know how the human can be removed from the connection.

Your second para is not entirely clear to me. Who are the 'sick people.' If you mean those with a disease like leukemia who become impotent because of it, what do you suggest?

I'm sure some diseases, like those accompanying AIDS take away sexual desire and performance. Hence cuddling and kissing alternatives seem like a viable way to go. Ways to satisfy at least the needs for intimacy and love, if loving partners are available for a given person.

Maybe you're talking about those people who are not at all interested in intercourse, but who have high libidos directed elsewhere, say at their shoe collection. Those with a classical 'perversion' [paraphilia, in the current jargon]. That person, I agree, so long as he's not breaking into women's apartments to get the shoes, he's just an interesting variant, fully entitled to his way of getting off.