When is an online relationship more than online?

[JennyOmanHill]

There are many types of "online relationships". Most, I have found, feel like friends... folks you care about and enjoy checking in with on the boards or in chat, and I believe most of these are "real". I never met 69 in person, but sharing his posts and feelings are things I will miss more than I can imagine.

Unbelieveable to me, I actually met my parter here in LIT chat. At that time I didn't believe a "real" relationship could develop this way, but surprisingly he became an every-day part of my life. It took my computer to break down to realize how much he meant to me (4 days of not being in touch). Because I didn't want to exchange our actual names and information, my heart broke at the realization I might never "hear" from him again!

Needless to say, as soon as my computer problems were corrected, we immediately exchanged names, numbers, etc.! Fortunately, he was pining too, and thought that I had disappeared because I didn't want to bother with him anymore!

During our online time, I admit that I had periods of feeling jealous, especially since he is such a caring guy.

Another LIT friend recommended we meet as soon as possible since our feelings for each other had gotten so strong. Fortunately, he made the first move and traveled 1300 miles to visit me. The second I looked into his eyes, I realized I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. (We had prepared to be "just friends" if being really together did not work out.)

We've been engaged now, and have been living together in Omaha over 3 years.

If your feelings are strong, I recommend meeting as soon as you can. For good or bad, it will resolve a lot of questions, and whatever the result, you'll be able to move on. Sharing words in writing and on the phone allow us to be ourselves; but, unfortunately, some find it easier to "act" without eye-to-eye contact.

Hope this makes some sense! Good luck.

 

[Bandit58]

Hi Jenny

As some of you know I also met my partner here at Lit, we've been together r/t since January 04. I considered the relationship to be online only until we actually met, even though we'd exchanged real names, phone numbers, addresses etc. Actually I consider any relationship be it as love interest or friend to be online until there has been a face to face meeting. Even talking on the phone is still "online" to me

We have lots of friends on Lit and the ones we haven't met yet are just as special as the ones we have. It brings a new dimension to the friendship though if you have interacted with someone in r/t as opposed to on a screen, IM or even the phone - body language is important too

 

[Hisbabydoll26]

I like what you're saying here, Erika. The phone numbers, real names, addresses...that makes the relationship real to me.

In light of the sad news of 69Forever passing away today I got to wondering if something tragic were to happen to one of my online friends, how would I know? Or if something happened to me, how would these friends that care to know find out what's going on with me. It's not like they can call me at home, my husband would make all kinds of assumptions. A member of a AOL group I'm in has collected links to each group members local paper, so if, God forbid something happened to one of the members, he can search those papers. This may not be the right place to pose this question, and forgive me if it is, but have any of you made some kind of arrangement to let your online friends know if something should happen to you? If so, what are those arrangements?

Great question...I have thought about it a lot..interested to hear the answers

 

[bobsgirl]

Good question....

My contact list includes all my friends/acquaintances, including online only ones, with a notation beside them stating who is to be contacted and how, so my family may contact those I'd like them to.

That is what I've done. I made a contact list and gave it to a couple people I trust absolutely to be discreet. They will know when the time is appropriate to use it.

I recently was seeing a counselor who seemed very disdainful of "online friendships." I felt vaguely insulted, and ended my association with her. That one thing made it obvious to me that she and I were not a match. My online friends, and I don't even really like that term, are every bit as dear to me as any in-person friends I have ever had. As a matter of fact I am leaving in two days to meet a very good friend I met here at Lit, and I can't wait!

 

[wicked woman]

That is what I've done. I made a contact list and gave it to a couple people I trust absolutely to be discreet. They will know when the time is appropriate to use it.

I recently was seeing a counselor who seemed very disdainful of "online friendships." I felt vaguely insulted, and ended my association with her. That one thing made it obvious to me that she and I were not a match. My online friends, and I don't even really like that term, are every bit as dear to me as any in-person friends I have ever had. As a matter of fact I am leaving in two days to meet a very good friend I met here at Lit, and I can't wait!

And a big ((((((bg))))) to you my friend. You know I hope you two have a fabulous time.

and did I ever tell you how glad I was you dropped that counsellor?

 

[Jail]

There are many types of "online relationships". Most, I have found, feel like friends... folks you care about and enjoy checking in with on the boards or in chat, and I believe most of these are "real". I never met 69 in person, but sharing his posts and feelings are things I will miss more than I can imagine.

~snip~

~snip~

Another LIT friend recommended we meet as soon as possible since our feelings for each other had gotten so strong. Fortunately, he made the first move and traveled 1300 miles to visit me. The second I looked into his eyes, I realized I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. (We had prepared to be "just friends" if being really together did not work out.)

~snip~

If your feelings are strong, I recommend meeting as soon as you can. For good or bad, it will resolve a lot of questions, and whatever the result, you'll be able to move on. Sharing words in writing and on the phone allow us to be ourselves; but, unfortunately, some find it easier to "act" without eye-to-eye contact.

Hope this makes some sense! Good luck.

Yes, Jenny, it does make sense. I have been in three serious "online relationships", over the past 5 years. We knew in our hearts we could never meet in real life and so over time, they vanished from the internet for whatever reason. Who knows. maybe they were caught by their S/O's.

I am in the process of meeting someone in real life very soon. We've talked about this many times. We both feel if anything else, it will be a fun and great time. We have many things in common, not just the obvious sexual attraction. Neither of us has a S/O, so this in itself is already a big obstacle. Whether things progress deeper, only Time will tell. If they don't, we will still have our fun memories of everything we shared while together.

 

[daisey69]

If I set something up with hubbys knowledge, his approval, and knowing he will be present.. I am not so nervous to meet people....In the public arena. But the idea of having someone know my home # and my full name are frightening to me.

It seems like the men of this world will just keep pushing you to exchange info and meet, that it keeps me off the computer. Unless I only attract the creeps. I don't know. Chatting online is one thing, wanting info and phone calls........... Completely different ball game. I guess I am too much a coward.

That is ok. It decreases my chances of being a victim.