where have all the good Daddies gone ...

[lil_slave_rose]

OMG lol, what a fucked up question!! I didnt want to say it but I will. Pardon me lol.

Daddy should go fuck himself and stop calling himself a Daddy Dom!! pffffft


as for you girlie, I feel for you {{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

I am sorry you have to go thro this and I wish you luck in finding someone who will treat you better and love you more.

while i agree it was a "strange" question, i don't think it's fair to make judgments about him when we don't even know him, nor do we know His side of the story. i am sorry for the OP that this has happened i truly am. but it seems that if they were together for 9 years there must be a reason that he just ended it this way. i mean you don't just wake up after a 9 year relationship and go "oh i think i'll end this today" i'm sure there are reasons, things that led up to it. not just this "final test".

my advice to the OP, take some time, heal and then learn from the mistakes of this relationship and move on. you will find the Daddy that is right for you. but right now i don't think that's what you should focus on. i think you should focus on your heart and healing so that you can be better for Him when you find Him. good luck.....

 

[lil_slave_rose]

yes, you would be correct on that - 83 is my birth year, and yes i was only 16 when we met. my plans were to move to NY after highschool, and i used to visit a chatroom based on NY - that was where we met. He was 24, i thought it was cool. we were strictly friends for quite awhile. but the more i talked to him the more i wanted him. he just seemed so perfect - i don't know, maybe it was just because i was young and naive and believed every word he ever said. apparently that's where i went wrong. i never questioned him, i just believed him. probably not my smartest move ever.
and yes ... 9 years is a very long time to be only online. that should have been my 2nd red flag i suppose. the more i think about it, the more i see i missed so many warning signs - i was so wrapped up in everything he said to me, i just never questioned him. if he said it, it was the way it was. ya know?
obviously, things happened in those 2 1/2 years and i didn't make it out to NY like i wanted to. we had talked about meeting, but at first i was too scared to - i'm very shy, i was afraid i would freeze and ruin the whole thing. and then every time we talked about meeting - something always happened. either on his end or my end, and it never got to happen. before i knew it 9 years had flown by and we were still sitting in square 1.
the more i think of everything that has happened the dumber i feel about the whole thing - how could i have missed so many signals. i was so blinded to what was really happening - i was only following my heart and not my head. there goes red flag #3 haha!
well, that's that, seems kinda crazy - i know. i just don't know how to explain it.

seems to me maybe that's what he meant by "this is going nowhere" i mean after 9 years of talking about meeting and then not doing it, maybe it just became too much. i mean being at square one for 9 years not meeting face to face one time can cause a strain on a relationship. i know it was 4 years for Master and i before we met face to face for the first time and it was the same situation it had basically come down to " we are going to do this, or we are going to end this" because honestly, there comes a time when the Phone/internet just doesn't cut it anymore.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

while i agree it was a "strange" question, i don't think it's fair to make judgments about him when we don't even know him, nor do we know His side of the story. i am sorry for the OP that this has happened i truly am. but it seems that if they were together for 9 years there must be a reason that he just ended it this way. i mean you don't just wake up after a 9 year relationship and go "oh i think i'll end this today" i'm sure there are reasons, things that led up to it. not just this "final test".

my advice to the OP, take some time, heal and then learn from the mistakes of this relationship and move on. you will find the Daddy that is right for you. but right now i don't think that's what you should focus on. i think you should focus on your heart and healing so that you can be better for Him when you find Him. good luck.....

You are right, we dunno him and I didnt judge him, but yes I hate this kind of questions. It reminds me my ex alot, so its pissing me of in no time, I am sorry.

As for if its right to ask this kind of question or not I will say just this. I could NEVER EVER be with a Dom who'd have except me also a gf/wife or another submissive. I am really not into poly stuff at all. I do not judge those who do this, but I can't. Person who would ask me such a question could never be my Dom in a first place.

When I am with someone I always make it very clear how I feel about them. I love when I am told "your MINE". I carve it and need it. I call them "MINE" right back.

Is that okay for a sub to say he's mine? I dunno, but I tend to do that yes. Or the person is okay with it, or we are not a good match. I am possessive about the person I love, very, and I need a man whos possessive about me. I want man just for myself and I need someone who will want me just for himself as well. No other sub's/lovers are tolerated.

If my Dom found himself another sub, be it irl or online, I think we would have to split cuz I wouldnt deal with it. I know myself, it wouldnt work. Same with the life partner. I want him for myself, he's or "MINE" or he's not the one I need.

Maybe I sound crap or that I want too much? I hope I am not. I want just the same what I am giving. Which might be alot, but I am giving alot back.

 

[EmpressFi]

You are right, we dunno him and I didnt judge him, but yes I hate this kind of questions. It reminds me my ex alot, so its pissing me of in no time, I am sorry.

As for if its right to ask this kind of question or not I will say just this. I could NEVER EVER be with a Dom who'd have except me also a gf/wife or another submissive. I am really not into poly stuff at all. I do not judge those who do this, but I can't. Person who would ask me such a question could never be my Dom in a first place.

When I am with someone I always make it very clear how I feel about them. I love when I am told "your MINE". I carve it and need it. I call them "MINE" right back.

Is that okay for a sub to say he's mine? I dunno, but I tend to do that yes. Or the person is okay with it, or we are not a good match. I am possessive about the person I love, very, and I need a man whos possessive about me. I want man just for myself and I need someone who will want me just for himself as well. No other sub's/lovers are tolerated.

If my Dom found himself another sub, be it irl or online, I think we would have to split cuz I wouldnt deal with it. I know myself, it wouldnt work. Same with the life partner. I want him for myself, he's or "MINE" or he's not the one I need.

Maybe I sound crap or that I want too much? I hope I am not. I want just the same what I am giving. Which might be alot, but I am giving alot back.

and that's fine for you... just realize that some arent like that so it doesnt mean he should stop calling himself a Dom. Just because he couldnt be YOUR Dom doesnt mean he's not a real one

 

[shy slave]

You are right, we dunno him and I didnt judge him, but yes I hate this kind of questions. It reminds me my ex alot, so its pissing me of in no time, I am sorry.

As for if its right to ask this kind of question or not I will say just this. I could NEVER EVER be with a Dom who'd have except me also a gf/wife or another submissive. I am really not into poly stuff at all. I do not judge those who do this, but I can't. Person who would ask me such a question could never be my Dom in a first place.

When I am with someone I always make it very clear how I feel about them. I love when I am told "your MINE". I carve it and need it. I call them "MINE" right back.

Is that okay for a sub to say he's mine? I dunno, but I tend to do that yes. Or the person is okay with it, or we are not a good match. I am possessive about the person I love, very, and I need a man whos possessive about me. I want man just for myself and I need someone who will want me just for himself as well. No other sub's/lovers are tolerated.

If my Dom found himself another sub, be it irl or online, I think we would have to split cuz I wouldnt deal with it. I know myself, it wouldnt work. Same with the life partner. I want him for myself, he's or "MINE" or he's not the one I need.

Maybe I sound crap or that I want too much? I hope I am not. I want just the same what I am giving. Which might be alot, but I am giving alot back.

BF I don't think you are being unreasonable.

In the past couple of years I have slowly been coming around to the idea of playing with another, but not a relationship or in a poly situation.

I don't share well, and I am sure it would mess my mind up to try and share.

I do have a jealous, insecure streak which varies greatly in certain circumstances.

I am also of a mind that if I am his, he is mine.

In my view, if you are honest about such issues from the beginning it makes life easier.

It does seem that check lists cover all the play aspects but not the values and belief systems which can be much more of a 'make or break' issue in any relationship.

I would not have engaged in the type of mind fucks the OP's daddy played, but that is my view now, as a forty year old.
As a sixteen year old who had no place in life I would have fell hook, line and sinker.
Actually when I first discovered BDSM about 5 years ago I fell hook line and sinker into something similar, it was AA who slapped me and told me to 'get a grip' (or words to that effect). Without him and ADR telling me just how daft I was being I may still be there, swimming with idiots and no clue about other people were out there.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

and that's fine for you... just realize that some arent like that so it doesnt mean he should stop calling himself a Dom. Just because he couldnt be YOUR Dom doesnt mean he's not a real one

True, I am sorry.

 

[Guest]

They are out there. It takes time, effort, and sometimes, letting your wish go.

When you least expect it, He will come.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

BF I don't think you are being unreasonable.

In the past couple of years I have slowly been coming around to the idea of playing with another, but not a relationship or in a poly situation.

I don't share well, and I am sure it would mess my mind up to try and share.

I do have a jealous, insecure streak which varies greatly in certain circumstances.

I am also of a mind that if I am his, he is mine.
In my view, if you are honest about such issues from the beginning it makes life easier.

It does seem that check lists cover all the play aspects but not the values and belief systems which can be much more of a 'make or break' issue in any relationship.

I would not have engaged in the type of mind fucks the OP's daddy played, but that is my view now, as a forty year old.
As a sixteen year old who had no place in life I would have fell hook, line and sinker.
Actually when I first discovered BDSM about 5 years ago I fell hook line and sinker into something similar, it was AA who slapped me and told me to 'get a grip' (or words to that effect). Without him and ADR telling me just how daft I was being I may still be there, swimming with idiots and no clue about other people were out there.

Nice to know I am not alone in this kind of thinking.

 

[HottieMama]

As for if its right to ask this kind of question or not I will say just this. I could NEVER EVER be with a Dom who'd have except me also a gf/wife or another submissive. I am really not into poly stuff at all. I do not judge those who do this, but I can't. Person who would ask me such a question could never be my Dom in a first place.

When I am with someone I always make it very clear how I feel about them. I love when I am told "your MINE". I carve it and need it. I call them "MINE" right back.

Is that okay for a sub to say he's mine? I dunno, but I tend to do that yes. Or the person is okay with it, or we are not a good match. I am possessive about the person I love, very, and I need a man whos possessive about me. I want man just for myself and I need someone who will want me just for himself as well. No other sub's/lovers are tolerated.

If my Dom found himself another sub, be it irl or online, I think we would have to split cuz I wouldnt deal with it. I know myself, it wouldnt work. Same with the life partner. I want him for myself, he's or "MINE" or he's not the one I need.

Maybe I sound crap or that I want too much? I hope I am not. I want just the same what I am giving. Which might be alot, but I am giving alot back.

I find this ironic coming from you because when you first started posting here you were married to your husband and had your Dom on the side. No matter if your hubby also had another lover or not, the fact is that you did and you are being very harsh in your judgment of this person's ex-Daddy.

Daddy Dom doesn't mean PERFECT MAN! We are all human. We all make mistakes, and we all pay the price for those mistakes. "Daddy" is a title. It doesn't take away being human.

 

[daddysgirl83]

wow, this is really getting a lot of discussion going - that's great! I really love hearing everyone's view points. I knew I just needed to have a few people come up with other sides that would give me something else to think about too, rather than just thinking I did something wrong.
Please don't take my posts the wrong way, I am not bashing Daddy in any way - this is not about turning Him into a bad person, He's not. Maybe we just werent meant to be, who knows.
I'm sure He has His reasons for leaving - He won't tell me what they are. And that is the majority of the problem. He never talks to me. There is no communication. I just always have to be guessing at what He is thinking or feeling, and well - I am not a mind reader! haha
We both could have done things differently I'm sure. I'm not blaming Him, I'm not blaming myself.... its just life, it happens. Doesn't mean it's easy or pain-free, but I'm sure I'll survive. And maybe even someday I'll find another who suits me better.
Thanks to everyone who has been putting in their comments. It has been such a big help!

 

[daddysgirl83]

while i agree it was a "strange" question, i don't think it's fair to make judgments about him when we don't even know him, nor do we know His side of the story. i am sorry for the OP that this has happened i truly am. but it seems that if they were together for 9 years there must be a reason that he just ended it this way. i mean you don't just wake up after a 9 year relationship and go "oh i think i'll end this today" i'm sure there are reasons, things that led up to it. not just this "final test".

my advice to the OP, take some time, heal and then learn from the mistakes of this relationship and move on. you will find the Daddy that is right for you. but right now i don't think that's what you should focus on. i think you should focus on your heart and healing so that you can be better for Him when you find Him. good luck.....

as I said in my post a few minutes ago, please don't take this as me blaming Him for everything or trying to sound like the *poor me* victim. actually when i first wrote this post it had just happened, and i was very crushed. the more time i have to think about it and the more replies i hear from people, the more things i see clearly.
as far as the part where you said "but it seems that if they were together for 9 years there must be a reason that he just ended it this way. i mean you don't just wake up after a 9 year relationship and go "oh i think i'll end this today" , that is pretty much what happened. That is why I started this thread. One day we were fine, and the next i had an e-mail saying it was over.
Yes, i can see some things that went wrong throughout that time - but nothing that should have just ended it. He never told me anything was wrong, if He had we could have talked about it - but as i have said, talking about that type of stuff was not something we ever did.
anyways ... i just wanted to clear that up a little, i'm not trying to dump on Him - i still have a lot of feelings for Him. and if He came back today and said let's try again - i would do it in a heartbeat. 9 years is a long time to care for someone and then to just one day stop. and who knows - maybe something is going on in His life right now, and He just needs some time. i just wish He would talk to me about it instead of always turning the other way.
thanks for your post lil_slave_rose ... you brought up a couple really good points that i hadn't thought about before!

 

[daddysgirl83]

seems to me maybe that's what he meant by "this is going nowhere" i mean after 9 years of talking about meeting and then not doing it, maybe it just became too much. i mean being at square one for 9 years not meeting face to face one time can cause a strain on a relationship. i know it was 4 years for Master and i before we met face to face for the first time and it was the same situation it had basically come down to " we are going to do this, or we are going to end this" because honestly, there comes a time when the Phone/internet just doesn't cut it anymore.

There are a lot of other circumstances that went along with this. There were lots of tests, lots of arguments along the way. We even called it off a couple years ago, mutually. Obviously there is always way too much to one story to post every even that lead up to it - especially over a 9 year time period! lol

...up until recently i didn't even know His last name - He would never tell me. and the only reason i found it was through a mutual online friend! He never wanted to talk about anything important. He only wanted to talk about the things He wanted to talk about. I wanted to meet several times, I even gave Him my number - He's the one that chose to never call me. Really, i just think it wasn't meant to be - and that's why it never went anywhere. i wanted it to, i would have packed up my stuff and moved in a heartbeat - but He didn't want me to do that. Everything happens for a reason, i truly believe that - and i'm sure there is a reason for this as well. maybe someday i'll know what it was, maybe i never will. only thing i can do is really think about the things that happened and how and what didn't happen - and learn from that for the next time. thats life right?
thanks for your input, i really appreciate it - you bring up some really good points and it is always great to hear from people who have similar things happening. long distance relationships are just hard, there is no way around that! i'm glad that you and your Master were able to meet and continue on in Y/your journey, that's great!!

 

[daddysgirl83]

I find this ironic coming from you because when you first started posting here you were married to your husband and had your Dom on the side. No matter if your hubby also had another lover or not, the fact is that you did and you are being very harsh in your judgment of this person's ex-Daddy.

Daddy Dom doesn't mean PERFECT MAN! We are all human. We all make mistakes, and we all pay the price for those mistakes. "Daddy" is a title. It doesn't take away being human.

I completely agree HottieMama! Thanks for the post!!!

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

I find this ironic coming from you because when you first started posting here you were married to your husband and had your Dom on the side. No matter if your hubby also had another lover or not, the fact is that you did and you are being very harsh in your judgment of this person's ex-Daddy.

Daddy Dom doesn't mean PERFECT MAN! We are all human. We all make mistakes, and we all pay the price for those mistakes. "Daddy" is a title. It doesn't take away being human.

HM, I am divorced for almost 8 years now, so you are wrong, when I start posting on this site my ex was already my ex. I could tell you million reasons WHY I've found me an online Dom and why I do what I do. Don't think it would help + explain someone the way I live with my ex is a bit hard.

Rent in the flat where I live = my whole montly income, so if he's here with me things are bit easier for me. I cannot affort to live on my own just yet and yes it SUCK. Cuz of many things. I do want just one man, always wanted just one, but it's not like life asking what do I want.

I understand WHY you say it sounds ironic from me tho.

I know Daddy Dom's are just human. So am I. I am sorry for my nerdy post.





*Geez I am really a bit complicated, aren't I? le sigh*

 

[lil_slave_rose]

There are a lot of other circumstances that went along with this. There were lots of tests, lots of arguments along the way. We even called it off a couple years ago, mutually. Obviously there is always way too much to one story to post every even that lead up to it - especially over a 9 year time period! lol

...up until recently i didn't even know His last name - He would never tell me. and the only reason i found it was through a mutual online friend! He never wanted to talk about anything important. He only wanted to talk about the things He wanted to talk about. I wanted to meet several times, I even gave Him my number - He's the one that chose to never call me. Really, i just think it wasn't meant to be - and that's why it never went anywhere. i wanted it to, i would have packed up my stuff and moved in a heartbeat - but He didn't want me to do that. Everything happens for a reason, i truly believe that - and i'm sure there is a reason for this as well. maybe someday i'll know what it was, maybe i never will. only thing i can do is really think about the things that happened and how and what didn't happen - and learn from that for the next time. thats life right?
thanks for your input, i really appreciate it - you bring up some really good points and it is always great to hear from people who have similar things happening. long distance relationships are just hard, there is no way around that! i'm glad that you and your Master were able to meet and continue on in Y/your journey, that's great!!

thank you...and our journey is far from over. we've met face to face 3 times but haven't made the permanent move but we're working on it. we've been together for a very long time and the distance has almost split us up more than once, but we're still here

i was not trying to be harsh on you in my posts i just wanted to say that none of us know the whole story and it's not fair to take one side of a story and make our judgments based solely on that, ya know? i'm glad that my posts have given you another way to look at things good luck to you

 

[MasterPhoenix]

wow, this is really getting a lot of discussion going - that's great! I really love hearing everyone's view points. I knew I just needed to have a few people come up with other sides that would give me something else to think about too, rather than just thinking I did something wrong.
Please don't take my posts the wrong way, I am not bashing Daddy in any way - this is not about turning Him into a bad person, He's not. Maybe we just werent meant to be, who knows.
I'm sure He has His reasons for leaving - He won't tell me what they are. And that is the majority of the problem. He never talks to me. There is no communication. I just always have to be guessing at what He is thinking or feeling, and well - I am not a mind reader! haha
We both could have done things differently I'm sure. I'm not blaming Him, I'm not blaming myself.... its just life, it happens. Doesn't mean it's easy or pain-free, but I'm sure I'll survive. And maybe even someday I'll find another who suits me better.
Thanks to everyone who has been putting in their comments. It has been such a big help!

The highlighted part is the key to what went wrong, IMO

 

[intothewoods]

OW My eyes.

 

[MasterPhoenix]

OW My eyes.

I thought that was an important point.

 

[daddysgirl83]

you're right Master Phoenix ... that is a very important part, and a big part of what's wrong. this is what happens when you try to pretend that what is happening is okay and that somehow it'll all work out.
i think somewhere inside i knew it was wrong - i just wasn't ready to admit it. i kept making excuses in my mind as to why things were going the way they were.

live and learn .... it's all we can do!

thanks for all the input from everyone it's appreciated immensely!!!