Why do submissives submit?

[FungiUg]

..and not just because I am stalking Etoile in a lackadaisical fashion...

I discovered last night that there is more to submission than just the need to please. I've always thought there was more to it, but last night it kinda clicked. The need to please is important, but just about everyone can have that. I know I do. And yet, I am not submissive.

I think with submission is a need to be controlled, owned, used. Yes, the urge to please is there. But it needs the combination of the two. The fulfilment of having someone control.

Without that urge to be controlled, you can have someone who "submits", who is into kinky sex, who likes bondage, etc. But it's not the same.

Goodness, it really ISN'T just kinky sex!

 

[Etoile]

Hiya, Fungi!

Yes, I definitely agree that I feel a need to be controlled. I think part of that may stem from a lack of self-esteem...like I'm not good enough at running my own life? Not sure. (Well, I know I'm not, but I'm not sure if that ties into my sexual person.)

Well-spoken, Fungi.

 

[FungiUg]

Hmm... I'm not sure the "lack of self-esteem" leads to submission. After all, I have had esteem issues, and I'm dominant!

I think however that both aspects can feed the ego. I know the huge ego boost I get out of a slut crawling to me, desperate for me to control her and use her and make her mine... and I think (so long as your brain is wired that way) there must be the equivalent boost out of knowing someone wants to possess and control and use you.

But I also suspect it might be something like which gender you find attractive. Generally speaking, you either are or aren't sexually attracted to a specific gender. Although yes, it can change over time, and yes, exceptions can be made for specific individuals, you TEND to be attracted to one (or both) genders.

Same with dominance and submission. I'd imagine with sadism and masochism as well. Some people are... and some aren't,