Why do they lump BDSM together?

[Curious_in_Cali]

Hey guess what, sex attracts self-involved and disturbed people. Whoop-dee-doo. Water is wet.

Mind. blown.

 

[midwestyankee]

Hey guess what, sex attracts all people. Whoop-dee-doo. Water is wet.

There. Fixed that for you.

 

[Desiremakesmeweak]

No I didn't say sex. I was specifically implying that BDSM attracts such people, and I think it is largely because there sometimes is, and it is often accepted, that there can be quite confronting and extreme behaviours involved - compared with ordinary open social standards - and so a lot of stubborn people place themselves into BDSM as a way of making themselves less outre.

And there are people who are self-important (and I am not, btw, not as far as any partner I have ever had has ever suggested and most are still involved with me) and use 'Dominance' as an excuse.

In fact, I'll go so far as to say that there is an awful lot of indication on boards like this one, that the loudest voices in BDSM today are exactly THIS type of individual. And that is NOT the sort of person I would say should have anything to do with this area of erotic practices.

I think the OP is totally, 100% expressing a huge viewpoint of many people. Many extremely extremely non-vanilla people.

 

[CutieMouse]

If I never challenged anything here, it would be left for all to suppose that the most daring, outrageous, exotic/erotic, kinked individuals were those with painful tattoos, 'proper' BDSM clothing, and, I suppose, a double major in postmodern French sexual philosophy.

Actually, I have a theory that the most daring, outrageous, exotic/ erotic, kinked individuals... keep their proclivities pretty much to themselves, within their own relationships (whatever flavor that may be), and tend not to buy into the vapid superficiality that is "mainstream" BDSM (as you've described it).

 

[Stella_Omega]

Actually, I have a theory that the most daring, outrageous, exotic/ erotic, kinked individuals... keep their proclivities pretty much to themselves, within their own relationships (whatever flavor that may be), and tend not to buy into the vapid superficiality that is "mainstream" BDSM (as you've described it).

Yeah, well as desiremakesmeweak has described it, he's saying that the least, the most banal, defines the whole.

It's as if he saw Hot Topic stores and he thinks that's what defines Punk Rock.

Apparently, if I never challenged anything here, gays invented BDSM.

Well, if you're going to challenge something make sure you know what you're challenging.

Gay men invented BDSM community as we know it in Europe and the US, yes indeed. They "invented" the notion of accountability, of mutual respect being a standard, and they "invented" the notion that each person could redefine their role in BDSM. And, they were the first group to develop safe practices. The Janus and the Eulenspiegel societies were the first hetero groups that really put any sort of effort into mentoring and sustainability.

 

[KoPilot]

There. Fixed that for you.

Celibates and asexuals exist. Aces are 2% of the population. So no, you made it factually incorrect.

 

[KoPilot]

No I didn't say sex. I was specifically implying that BDSM attracts such people, and I think it is largely because there sometimes is, and it is often accepted, that there can be quite confronting and extreme behaviours involved - compared with ordinary open social standards - and so a lot of stubborn people place themselves into BDSM as a way of making themselves less outre.

And there are people who are self-important (and I am not, btw, not as far as any partner I have ever had has ever suggested and most are still involved with me) and use 'Dominance' as an excuse.

In fact, I'll go so far as to say that there is an awful lot of indication on boards like this one, that the loudest voices in BDSM today are exactly THIS type of individual. And that is NOT the sort of person I would say should have anything to do with this area of erotic practices.

I think the OP is totally, 100% expressing a huge viewpoint of many people. Many extremely extremely non-vanilla people.

Again; theatrical and eccentric people exist, bullies and predators exist, people who look and act differently than you exist. (Except, how dare they occupy the same space as you?)

And, of course, insufferable purists like yourself exist.

Water is wet.

 

[midwestyankee]

Celibates and asexuals exist. Aces are 2% of the population. So no, you made it factually incorrect.

Fine, sue me for a being only as accurate as your average social science poll in a light-hearted riposte to a clearly idiotic post. Jeez, it's Friday. Don't you ever lighten up?

 

[IrisAlthea]

Any chance for a less crazy-cat-lady-answer?

I wouldn't hold my breath.

 

[TwistedJenn]

I mostly just get annoyed when I post about certain fetishes on other boards and it gets moved here. It's all a fetish so I don't get the point.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I mostly just get annoyed when I post about certain fetishes on other boards and it gets moved here. It's all a fetish so I don't get the point.

There are certain mods who need some educating.
I find a PM or two makes a difference.

 

[KoPilot]

Fine, sue me for a being only as accurate as your average social science poll in a light-hearted riposte to a clearly idiotic post. Jeez, it's Friday. Don't you ever lighten up?

Not where an invisible and marginalized LGBT+ minority that I'm part of is concerned! Especially in a post where my lived experience is being actively erased :V

I mean, you won't dare try and pretend that everyone in the planet is straight for the sake of a joke, right?

Don't blame me for getting short when I'm the one unintentionally being laughed at, thanks.

 

[CutieMouse]

I mostly just get annoyed when I post about certain fetishes on other boards and it gets moved here. It's all a fetish so I don't get the point.

There are two threads in your posting history that may have originated in the Fetish forum... both are about MASOCHISM. Which, yes, falls under the umbrella of BDSM.

 

[Desiremakesmeweak]

KoPilot:

True, true. Indeed! How dare they occupy the same space??!!

 

[KoPilot]

KoPilot:

True, true. Indeed! How dare they occupy the same space??!!

Can't tell if you're being serious here.

At any rate, here's a tip: if you can't handle the realness of real people, just stop engaging in the community. Stay home and cling to your wonder bread kink.

 

[midwestyankee]

Not where an invisible and marginalized LGBT+ minority that I'm part of is concerned! Especially in a post where my lived experience is being actively erased :V

I mean, you won't dare try and pretend that everyone in the planet is straight for the sake of a joke, right?

Don't blame me for getting short when I'm the one unintentionally being laughed at, thanks.

Fair enough. I blew it. I'm sorry.

 

[KoPilot]

Fair enough. I blew it. I'm sorry.

That's quite alright! That's what visibility efforts are for yannow :y

 

[Athalia]

I feel like that isn't masochism then, wouldn't it just be self harm?
Which I totally think should be in a different category.

My friendly on-line dictionary defines masochism as "the tendency to derive pleasure, esp. sexual gratification, from one's own pain or humiliation." No mention of a sub/domme relationship, or whether the pain is self-administered or not. But it takes two to practice humiliation properly, of course: one to humiliate and one to be humiliated. If it had read "pain and humiliation" I would not consider myself a masochist, since humiliation isn't part of my schtick. But since it read "or" and I can readily identify with the pain part, I'm masochistic.

As other posters have noted, the BDSM category is a very big tent, and I'm sure that some of the people in that tent have mutually exclusive interests. But that's a good thing. There's a big spectrum, and we're free to explore anywhere along it, and find others who can complement it with their own interests. So I'm not complaining.

 

[Desiremakesmeweak]

Hey there, Ko Pilot...

See the whole point is this - if you can't tell when someone is being serious with such a comment, maybe, just maybe, I have succeeded in making my actual point to those people who have their minds open to it and are waiting for someone to support their concerns, which is, that there are a number of relatively clumsy personalities traipsing around in china shops and yelling to everyone that it is okay for them to do it. DOMINEERING attitudes rampage around the entire scene of BDSM unceasingly, and insinuate that they are MEANT to be here because 'they' fit in the 'D' bit.

Well, it IS okay, because that is part of the world of free will. But, and it is a very big but ( : ) )
such people are a minority, albeit they are usually the loudest types around and a lot of other people tend to go quiet - which doesn't mean they have nothing to say. Just that you ain't really gonna do any listening now are you?

Not that I am ACTUALLY (and by this part I AM BEING VERY SERIOUS) personally taking you on or trying to argue with YOU specifically; one of the hugest problems with the internet is the difficulty in seeing whether people are being angrily serious, or slightly ironic, or something...

It might easily be that I could see your 'side' in this matter better if I could actually 'see' you - I am a very visually-oriented guy.

It is my view that ever increasingly, 'BDSM' seems to be taken over by people who I would regard as 'difficult' personalities, rather than kinked ones. Now that is MY OWN perception however I also am starting to see vast swathes of the more silent types indicating they also see much the same thing.

My position on BDSM is this:

B = sexual bondage; D = sexual dominance; S = sexual sadism; and M = sexual masochism.

All other things are 'difficult' people putting their own interpretations on a very tradition world, and more or less getting away with it too because they are a noisy breed. And that is all they are. They are not right. Not even close to being right.

 

[Desiremakesmeweak]

And you watch now, as the noisy crowd pipe up.

 

[CutieMouse]

My position on BDSM is this:

B = sexual bondage; D = sexual dominance; S = sexual sadism; and M = sexual masochism.

All other things are 'difficult' people putting their own interpretations on a very tradition world, and more or less getting away with it too because they are a noisy breed. And that is all they are. They are not right. Not even close to being right.

So... does that mean that in your opinion, anything people place under the umbrella of BDSM that is NOT sexual, isn't BDSM?

 

[Stella_Omega]

I dunno, Desiremakesmeweak.

It seems to me that you could have deleted the greeting, the first five of your paragraphs, and also the eighth, and then you would have a comment worth something.

 

[Desiremakesmeweak]

'Sexual' BDSM, and 'non-sexual' BDSM - are too far apart to be 'lumped in together.'

 

[Stella_Omega]

'Sexual' BDSM, and 'non-sexual' BDSM - are too far apart to be 'lumped in together.'

See-- I used to think that as well. But then I figured out that it was just me and my definitions, not the factualities.

How are you defining 'sexual' and 'non-sexual'?

 

[KoPilot]

'Sexual' BDSM, and 'non-sexual' BDSM - are too far apart to be 'lumped in together.'

Oh boy... -snicker-