Why is there a lack of Mommies, but no lack of Mistresses

[Stella_Omega]

Well, when you talk about infection and parasites it does sound bad.

I had a misfortune to have one very risky pregnancy in hands of overly careful doctor, so I was too worried about keeping my baby to enjoy any of it.
But my second one - that was nothing short of miracle. I never felt better in my life. I never looked better, what a lot of people told me. I was full of energy, creative ideas, love for life and felt sexy as hell. I would be pregnant all the time if I could, just to feel that way again.
My kids gave me a feeling of self value nothing else did in such amount. Even today, when I get depressed and feel like a failure, I look at them and think I cant be all that bad when I have such beautiful children. I still feel like it is a miracle of a sort that those two human beings are something I "made".

Call me a crazy mother hen

I loved my second pregnancy the same way-- thought for a moment about being a surrogate. But you know why I felt so good? Because I was getting testosterone across the placenta, and my brain felt balanced, in certain subtle but crucial ways, for the first time since my teens. Man, I hated feeling my T levels drop over the next three-four years. And when I finally took the big step and began HRT-- I felt right again. And I felt like I had to wait till my kids were old enough, because I knew that my maternal instincts would dive right out the window.

Yes, I love my kids. But being male pregnant was not an unalloyed blessing for me. And as Paul Simon said ;
"you are the burden
of my generation
I sure do love you
But let's get that straight."

OMG OP, what a hijack!

 

[StrayKat]

I loved my second pregnancy the same way-- thought for a moment about being a surrogate. But you know why I felt so good? Because I was getting testosterone across the placenta, and my brain felt balanced, in certain subtle but crucial ways, for the first time since my teens. Man, I hated feeling my T levels drop over the next three-four years. And when I finally took the big step and began HRT-- I felt right again. And I felt like I had to wait till my kids were old enough, because I knew that my maternal instincts would dive right out the window.

Yes, I love my kids. But being male pregnant was not an unalloyed blessing for me. And as Paul Simon said ;
"you are the burden
of my generation
I sure do love you
But let's get that straight."

OMG OP, what a hijack!

Hm you got me wondering now. Maybe I should check my hormone levels.

 

[_Stroke_]

Stella nails it for me. What's more, it's incredibly taboo for us RL mothers to say these things out loud, or even in our own heads. Mix in a little whore/Madonna complex, and you've got a real mindfuck going on. Talk about a turnoff.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I've toyed with the idea of being a Domme or Mommy. There are a few reasons why it doesn't work for me.

First I have teenagers who are ..well, being teenagers..and causes me a great deal of concern and emotional upheaval. Being a Mommy in a sexual partnership or even being a Domme feels way too similar to then make sexual.

Secondly, I am neither naturally dominant nor submissive. I choose to be submissive to my dominant. When I choose to be dominant with someone it is very sadistic, very cruel. Which is a turn on for some men and women but not for ones who want a Mommy. It is also not very sexual in that it gives me solo emotional sexual pleasure as opposed to arousing me to the point of wanting to fuck the person I am beating. I don't want to do aftercare either in that case. It is a dangerous part of me that I very rarely let out.

 

[Endless_Night]

Secondly, I am neither naturally dominant nor submissive. I choose to be submissive to my dominant. When I choose to be dominant with someone it is very sadistic, very cruel. Which is a turn on for some men and women but not for ones who want a Mommy. It is also not very sexual in that it gives me solo emotional sexual pleasure as opposed to arousing me to the point of wanting to fuck the person I am beating. I don't want to do aftercare either in that case. It is a dangerous part of me that I very rarely let out.

Holy Crap!

This describes me almost perfectly...I feel a little shellshocked....

My only caveat might be the first line. I need to be submissive to achieve sexual satisfaction, but I certainly damn well choose who it will be with.

It's only over the last few years I've realized just how sadistic my behavior can be when I'm in unchecked control. My efforts to level my mood, not get angry, and reign in my control freak were what led me to uncovering my inner sexual submissive.

 

[MeekMe]

Stella has said many agreeable things, so I don't have much to add.

I will say that I don't even have children yet, and I already view pregnancy as having a parasite suck all the life outta me. Can't see being a Mommy as being very rewarding.

 

[StrayKat]

Stella has said many agreeable things, so I don't have much to add.

I will say that I don't even have children yet, and I already view pregnancy as having a parasite suck all the life outta me. Can't see being a Mommy as being very rewarding.

Maybe you should not have children then. I cant see being seen as parasite as something very good for a child.

 

[MeekMe]

Maybe you should not have children then. I cant see being seen as parasite as something very good for a child.

Just because I view pregnancy itself as being shitty doesn't mean I wouldn't love and care for any children I might have.

 

[StrayKat]

Just because I view pregnancy itself as being shitty doesn't mean I wouldn't love and care for any children I might have.

But that parasite in you is your child. And you said you dont see being Mommy as rewarding. So I am confused now. You seem to view having children in a very negative way right now, why do you think that would change if you actually had one? It may, but it may not.

 

[MeekMe]

But that parasite in you is your child. And you said you dont see being Mommy as rewarding. So I am confused now. You seem to view having children in a very negative way right now, why do you think that would change if you actually had one? It may, but it may not.

When I said Mommy I meant it as taking care of a man-child. Taking care of my own flesh and blood is different.

Being a real mother would be rewarding. Playing Mommy doesn't seem like a fun fantasy.

I do view having children right now as a negative, thus no kids. We're waiting to have children because we aren't ready. When we are, we'll have children.

Did you forget this was about Mommies and Mistresses?

 

[IrisAlthea]

Oh cammon Stella, having a baby is not really that bad

No, not bad necessarily but absolutely like being taken over by an outside force.

I did PM Stella about wanting to read that paper if finds it again, because what she mentioned does resonate a lot with me.
With both my kids there were for example changes in sleeping patterns that started during pregnancy and went away when the kids were about 2.5 years. With our first child my husband stayed at home more than I and with the second I was home more, so it didn't have to do with going back to work.
Hormones do crazy things to us.

And Stag, while I do agree with Stella about the parasite host thing, I have seen the primary caregiver thing too in my husband.
It would surprise me if men who have been primary caregiver to a child were as keen on the daddy thing as others. It's a very different role from the thing people usually think about when it comes to father figures.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Been thinking on this... came back to maybe post more.

After reading how the thread has progressed I realize I misspoke in the first place.

"parasite host," is a very valid point. My detour about "primary caregivers" doesn't really warrant discussion anyway.

I typed a whole page here, but the more I try to clarify the more passive aggressive it reads, and none of it touched on the other stuff I'd been contemplating posting in the first place.

i give up.

I agree that primary caregivers generally would probably not want to play 'daddy.' But I have seen men perform astonishing feats of compartmentalization... Women not so much.

 

[StrayKat]

It would surprise me if men who have been primary caregiver to a child were as keen on the daddy thing as others. It's a very different role from the thing people usually think about when it comes to father figures.

I only knew one man who was into Daddy thing in real life. Maybe not exactly a pedo but he sure liked them young. He never had much contact with any of his numerous children from numerous wives.
On the other hand, my ex husband, who I dont really like much anymore, I have to admit is connected and loving father to his best abilities. He has the same distaste for gender roles as I do.

Not enough to draw any conclusions, but I still believe you are quite spot on.

 

[cleo1291]

To be considered a "Mommy" would you have to want to be like that ALL the time in your sexual encounters or could you just be partial/willing to play the part when your partner is interested in it?

 

[Stella_Omega]

To be considered a "Mommy" would you have to want to be like that ALL the time in your sexual encounters or could you just be partial/willing to play the part when your partner is interested in it?

Yes, and also, yes.

There are not rules about how much of your time and your id you devote to any particular aspect of your dominance-- It's really up to you.

 

[BettyPoop]

Obviously your sweet and nurturing personality just speaks to them on a very basic and primal level.

Whatever...

 

[Ahlam]

Sometimes I assist a Mommy with her scenes, and she seems to know quite a few Mommies. I didn't know there was a shortage. It's temporarily fun and not a dynamic I'd ever care to experience on a more permanent basis. I am not a little. There's something about getting shot at and seeing people drown in their own blood that makes your inner child learn to throw dice and smoke cigars! Also, I am a mother. I don't wish to compare maternal leadership styles with someone I'm supposed to be bottoming to. No workie!

I am also curious about this article that Stella mentioned. My second baby is almost two now, and I still feel weird. Plagues of Egypt might be more pleasant that pregnancy. It's a very intense and personal experience and I don't think there's anything wrong with feeling like you're a host body to a parasite. It seems natural to feel that way.

 

[breakstoys]

I have read thru the replies with interest, to find that unsurprisingly I'm on the fringe lol. I have enjoyed being Mommy before, my partner and I experimented with it and I think I actually liked it more than he did. I liked being a soft place for the "little" in him to fall, and didn't feel any conflict over the age issue or the neediness; probably because I knew that after the scene the neediness would go away and regardless of what aspect of himself he is expressing, he is still my partner who happens to turn me on an awful lot. Add to that I am a person who conciously enjoys the tension of feeling or expressing two opposites at once. So the conflict about the age play aspect is a positive in a funny way. Where others may feel squicked by the age thing, knowing he is not really a youngster but is only expressing that aspect of himself prevents me from feeling squicked; instead the tension over any perceived wrongness vs. desire is translated into excitement. That's about as well as I can explain it, and I'm on my phone & tired of thumb typing...

 

[StrayKat]

I am also curious about this article that Stella mentioned. My second baby is almost two now, and I still feel weird. Plagues of Egypt might be more pleasant that pregnancy. It's a very intense and personal experience and I don't think there's anything wrong with feeling like you're a host body to a parasite. It seems natural to feel that way.

I have talked to a lot of women, my friends, relatives, neighbors. None of them felt like that. For me and them, it is not natural. For us it is natural function of our bodies to have a child and our minds get along with that accordingly.

Interesting thing is, we all come from a different part of the world. We are all educated, pretty smart and successful women. Most of them are feminists, one was a politician with an impact, a few are psychologists with an MD. Yet, in that intense and personal experience we seem to feel completely the opposite than what I see here as women of the western society.
So I can only conclude it is the upbringing and society you live in that majorly decides how attached or detached you feel to your body and its biological functions.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I have talked to a lot of women, my friends, relatives, neighbors. None of them felt like that. For me and them, it is not natural. For us it is natural function of our bodies to have a child and our minds get along with that accordingly.

Interesting thing is, we all come from a different part of the world. We are all educated, pretty smart and successful women. Most of them are feminists, one was a politician with an impact, a few are psychologists with an MD. Yet, in that intense and personal experience we seem to feel completely the opposite than what I see here as women of the western society.
So I can only conclude it is the upbringing and society you live in that majorly decides how attached or detached you feel to your body and its biological functions.

Well, the group of women here have some self-selection going on. Many of us are hypersexual, genderqueer, or otherwise aware of our bodies in non-normative ways.

That might have something to do with what you are reading in this convo.

 

[IrisAlthea]

Well, the group of women here have some self-selection going on. Many of us are hypersexual, genderqueer, or otherwise aware of our bodies in non-normative ways.

That might have something to do with what you are reading in this convo.

This.

I also think there is a difference in how "OK" it is to voice these feelings in a certain group. What we feel is ok to voice here might not be the same things we used to discuss at playgroup.

I have family in different counties and one of the things that stand out to me is how much people feel they can express having mixed feelings about motherhood or the role as a mother, wife, daughter.
I think it depends at least partly on how much of identity and role in life is tied up in those functions, generally in the culture we live in. That is to say, I don't think it matters so much if you yourself are highly educated and in a career if the culture you live in is very focused on woman as mother and wife. I think you'll still be less likely to voice bad feelings about this and maby even to voice them to yourself.

For me, it wasn't all negative but it definitely felt like I was different. I felt a bit like that with being on or off the pill too.
Hormones do have a huge inpact on us.

 

[StrayKat]

That is to say, I don't think it matters so much if you yourself are highly educated and in a career if the culture you live in is very focused on woman as mother and wife.

No it doesnt matter at all, except for maybe not accepting gender roles per se.

But I have encountered too many times a scorn for "primitive" Eastern European women (no, not on this board) so I suppose I am including that as a default defense mechanism whenever trying to compare East and West. You can safely leave that part out.

 

[IrisAlthea]

No it doesnt matter at all, except for maybe not accepting gender roles per se.

But I have encountered too many times a scorn for "primitive" Eastern European women (no, not on this board) so I suppose I am including that as a default defense mechanism whenever trying to compare East and West. You can safely leave that part out.

Not a kind of scorn you'll get from me.

 

[StrayKat]

Not a kind of scorn you'll get from me.

That is why I said you can leave it out

 

[LallyH]

*thread hijack*

Where did you find that gif, SK? I wince every time I see it!!!


Apologies, OP. As you were...