why would a sensible man look for a woman on Lit?

[MeekMe]

It seems to me that ever since I started my first thread here on Lit, I have been talking (and complaining) about unmet expectations. Several questions arise, that may be worth looking into:
(1) are my expectations all that unreasonable?
(2) what's the use of complaining?
(3) what may be a better way to proceed?

re #1: My expectation was and still is to find a companion for exchanging erotic mails with, to compensate for the missing erotic companionship with my wife. I describe what I expect to give and receive in my signature post. Which I have revised a little, as a result of some of your comments. Although some posters described that as an unreasonable wish list, I find it quite sensible. After all, I lay out there, what I am prepared to put into such an on-line relationship, and what will happen most likely, in case a woman replies, who ticks like I do.

I don't expect that my needs can ever be met, unless just the right woman for me shows up and replies. Since women like I describe there do exist, I am fairly sure, I just need to be patient and wait. After all, I am NOT looking for superwoman.

You're not bringing anything to the table but your 'horniness.' That's not necessary to state because that's the bare minimum of what any guy on Lit is offering in the personals section, right below being a decent human being. After that it's erotic chats and fantasies? Meh, everyone else offers that too. Also, directing someone to ask you about your interests in your profile is like writing on your resume to just ask you about the skills you have instead of listing them. No employer would even give you an interview because it's a waste of time, they'll interview the candidate that actually lists what they can do. Same thing on your profile, why waste time asking you when Joe McHorny one personal ad down has similar interests in hobbies and music that suggests a better chance of compatibility?

re #2: Complaining won't change my situation; that's for sure. All it does is achieve a little clarity in my head. One sort of clarity it has achieved already: a few other Litsters agree with my contention that conditions here are not ideal. That they may have changed with time; for the worse. And with some of the long-term trends underway that I dislike, conditions will not get any better, so I expect.

I suspect your situation will just deteriorate. Who wants to get with the guy that offers little and complains a lot?

re #3: Patience seems the only solution, I believe. Not every female Litster has the same needs I do, but some of you will have them, I suppose. After all, what happened to me with age is not all that earthshakingly different from what many people experience. And sooner or later a woman will reply, who ticks the way I do.

Pity fucks happen rarely.

 

[Miles Long]

if it makes you feel good, Rainshine, to consider other people as jerks, then I am glad I could help you

A sensible man would recoil in horror at even a partial list of the things that make Rainshine feel good.

 

[SarcasticDarlin]

Bethany: I don't mean to sound ungrateful... but what are you doing hanging around?
Jay: We're here to pick up chicks.
Bethany: Excuse me?
Jay: We figure an abortion clinic is a good place to meet loose women. Why else would they be there unless they like to fuck?

This is a perfect example of the mental picture of op's mannerisms that came to mind when reading this. It comes across as a bit humorous actually. As it has been pointed out many times before me, there seems to be an inconsistency between reality and expectations. I am of the opinion this inconsistency stems from a lack of self-awareness. Unless you are confident and aware of what it is you want and what you are realistically able to attain, then you will come across as insincere or worse inept. Asking for feedback, stating intentions clearly in plain language, and refraining from an accusatory or victimized stance are all great ways to accurately and effectively communicate your specific wants/needs. I suggest taking a bit of time to brainstorm about the most concise way to convey your feelings and desires and then ask for the opinion of a trusted peer. Once you have used any criticism constructively then you might go about obtaining that which you seek. Or simply saying something along the lines of "I'm looking for (specified desire) and I have not been able to find it, how can I improve my chances of finding that which I seek?" instead of writing a somewhat accusatory and (in my opinion instigatory) post that is more likely to start arguments than providing helpful feedback. I wish you luck in your endeavor, it is the right of every human to dictate the happiness of their life. May you realize yours.

 

[Eilan]

Totally agree . The fun bit has gone from here I think, most profiles state no pm's etc which is their choice but go on Facebook not here imo

You must be doing Facebook wrong. I've actually met more sex partners via Facebook than via Lit.

Also, it's amusing to see that people are still complaining about Lit not being "fun" these days. They were complaining about that when I joined in 2005.

The mistake that a lot of guys make is that they assume that women are here because they're DTF with anyone who asks. I've always appreciated that Lit affords me the opportunity to talk about sex in a somewhat open-minded environment, but I'm not interested in cyber, camming, or private fantasy sharing. Lit isn't an all-you-can-fuck buffet.

 

[Conager]

Why should a person be discouraged from interacting on the boards here simply because he or she does not want to have private conversations? This is a site for communication, not a dating site. When relationships happen, it is usually after interacting on the boards. Believe it or not, but women don't come here solely to be pursued. It's a rare place on the interwebs, this one, a place many of us happen to love.

His mistake is assuming that women "work" differently once corralled into a virtual pen than in any number of places you could run into a woman in what passes for tbe real world.

Women can be picked up here or at the grocery store. Women don't come here or go to the grocery store to be picked up.

Just like in real life, virtual sperm is abundant whilst eggs are scarce.

 

[LadyVer]

I don't have much to contribute that hasn't already been said by some great Litsters. I would add, that just because this is an erotica site, doesn't mean all women are chomping at the bit to be a virtual release for a man in a committed relationship. Doesn't mean we want to be a VR for all single men either.

 

[Athalia]

You are presenting yourself as a jerk.

damaging your image as a reasonable person.

Be yourself. Don't complain that people think you are a jerk. They think you are because that's how your posts appear.

Or to quote Kurt Vonnegut, "You are what you pretend to be, so you must be very careful about what you pretend to be."

 

[Lord_Johnny]

All the years I've been on lit I've still yet to get a random pm from a woman . It feels that people forget what this place is about.just my opinion like

Agreed.

 

[Lord_Johnny]

Fact.

I don't really have any deep commentary to denote. I just wanted to say I liked your little "selectively slutty" profile title.

 

[hylas_]

Little did I know that women here would not appear to me all that differently from women elsewhere. The majority of the ladies I have observed here seem just as shallow as anywhere else.

You seem to have a rather low opinion of women, in general. Why would a woman be attracted to that?

 

[RedSilk69]

And I thought I couldn't love Ryan Reynolds more....

Speaking as A Woman, Hosebloke, I rarely PM anyone, and most of the time do not reply to the many I get. It has never been personal; there are just a variety of reasons it works out that way. My guess is that most women on Lit experience the same.

And glBock, speaking as A Person Who Sometimes Finds Herself Complaining/Judging, there's an excellent feature called "the edit button" for when you realize that what you've just written is not for general consumption. Please assume that 95% of people get frustrated that they haven't met their soul mate yet, and the other 5% are watching porn. (Hm, I think my percentages are off...)

And finally, speaking as A Doctoral Student, tone down the vocab. Speaking plainly is a great habit to pick up, partially because it signals that you aren't taking yourself too seriously. Not an easy habit to break.

 

[RedSilk69]

You seem to have a rather low opinion of women, in general. Why would a woman be attracted to that?

Yep. We get enough of that shit in real life; it's far easier to block someone here.

 

[KimGordon67]

Ultimately the problem here is a common one ...
'I'm here, I want XYZ.'

'I don't seem to be getting XYZ, in spite of my obviously declared awesomeness ... clearly the problem is with everyone else, not me.'

Nothing changes. Quelle surprise.

I think the key word here is 'expectations'. In my experience, having expectations of any interaction with another living human being leaves you open to disappointment. Obviously we DO have expectations of encounters, but they're best kept to those we actually know, where we have some experience on which to base those expectations. When dealing with complete strangers, it's best to keep the expectations to a minimum ... 'polite' is about the level of expectation I have (and even then I'm often disappointed). On that basis, the only way is up ... well, not the only way, but it does leave room for a lot more delight.

 

[geronimo_appleby]

Isn't it actually a site for the posting and reading of 'amateur' erotic fiction?

well ... yeah.

and other stuff.

 

[journey1970]

My original motive for coming here was simple: women perusing the boards here – so I said to myself – have a better imagination than those frequenting dating sites. With few exceptions, women here seem to have a positive attitude toward on-line erotica. So with me looking for a virtual relationship, because I wish to cheat as little as possible on my wife, I felt comfortable here initially.

Little did I know that women here would not appear to me all that differently from women elsewhere. The majority of the ladies I have observed here seem just as shallow as anywhere else. Convinced that simply by being female entitles them to a demanding attitude. "Come show me that you are worthy of me, and you better do that well" can be seen anywhere, from profiles that say absolutely nothing (besides cup size or hair color), to posts they write that rarely exceed one or two sentences in length.

OK, there are some exceptions. Some (very few) women have sent me thoughtful comments on the thoughts I expressed myself. Not the kind of comments I sought, but sensible comments nevertheless. I also started one thread a while ago, with mostly crappy comments, plus shitloads of them having nothing whatsoever to do with what I wrote to start with. But apparently most everybody who chimed in seemed to have had a lot of fun, so I should not complain.

This taught me one thing: TRIVIALITY seems to be the most popular subject on Lit boards, at least the ones I have come to know a little. Meaningless mumbo-jumbo, without any depth of thinking. You can easily collect numbers of posts published this way, I suppose, and become a Literotica Guru fast and painlessly.

When I come back to my original question, I find it difficult to answer it positively. It is not inconceivable, I suppose, that one day a woman will read a post of mine and discover a deep mental kinship with me. And that she would then send me a PM, after which we discover that we tick very similarly. Would be really nice. But will that happen? I don't really know.

I have been communicating with one lady off and on, for a few weeks now, where this is appearing to be the case, but I don't know how long our e-mail exchange will last. We are able to give something to one another, but that does not appear terribly earth-shaking to me.

So I really don't know how to answer the question I posed in my title line. Perhaps I am just a bit too intimidated by the few women here, who published meaningful profiles and/or who write sensible posts. I feel that I DO NOT HAVE enough to offer them in return. But maybe I will write a PM or two to find out, some day.

So, in summary, I have not given up on Literotica Personals yet, even though my doubts have increased.

Don't hold your breath, your posts display an unattractive quality- that of someone who feels he is entitled. Entitled to attention, entitled to get his own way and entitled to instant gratification.

 

[HumasWanderingWeiner]

And I thought I couldn't love Ryan Reynolds more....

Speaking as A Woman, Hosebloke, I rarely PM anyone, and most of the time do not reply to the many I get. It has never been personal; there are just a variety of reasons it works out that way. My guess is that most women on Lit experience the same.

And glBock, speaking as A Person Who Sometimes Finds Herself Complaining/Judging, there's an excellent feature called "the edit button" for when you realize that what you've just written is not for general consumption. Please assume that 95% of people get frustrated that they haven't met their soul mate yet, and the other 5% are watching porn. (Hm, I think my percentages are off...)

And finally, speaking as A Doctoral Student, tone down the vocab. Speaking plainly is a great habit to pick up, partially because it signals that you aren't taking yourself too seriously. Not an easy habit to break.

You're not that difficult to get a reply from. One just has to know the secret to it. Blazing Saddles for one. ;-)

 

[FGB]

Just my opinion, and it's not worth much, but you came here for the wrong reason. For that matter, when I relatively recently came back, so did I but that's my problem.

There was a time when virtually no one came here with the idea of "looking for sex" or, for that matter, for prurient satisfaction only. At one time the forum was an adjunct to the stories and, for the most part, the people you met were supportive, articulate, and most importantly they were looking to "use their words" to interact in a meaningful manner.

Picture posting threads, or discussions that morphed into picture posting, were virtually non-existent. There's no way to avoid sounding cliche, but back in the day people engaged in cerebral discussions, offered each other non-judgmental support, and the crude one line sound bytes of today were virtually non-existent.

But, that's just me and while I too am not satisfied with the Literotica Forums of today it's for an entirely different reason.

Oh...There were arguments!

World class arguments spanning Weeks & Months...Wicked take downs and roastings deluxe!

It was just a higher class happening by well educated good humored people most of the time.

The Alt hunts and Troll defrocking was a sport all to itself!

The people that come here are meaner and more cold hearted. They would rather belittle and troll than look up a fact to use.


I remember when a person had better have a link to back up their argument or issue a disclaimer unless they were prepared to be scorned.

 

[glBock]

Oh...There were arguments!

World class arguments spanning Weeks & Months...Wicked take downs and roastings deluxe!

It was just a higher class happening by well educated good humored people most of the time.

The Alt hunts and Troll defrocking was a sport all to itself!

The people that come here are meaner and more cold hearted. They would rather belittle and troll than look up a fact to use.


I remember when a person had better have a link to back up their argument or issue a disclaimer unless they were prepared to be scorned.

FGB + UnderMyKilt, thanks for your comments. It was nice running into a few people here, who are able to read and understand, what someone else talks about.

As for the others who feel compelled to deposit a post or two: IGNORING posts is a fine solution, as I have discovered.

 

[RedSilk69]

You're not that difficult to get a reply from. One just has to know the secret to it. Blazing Saddles for one. ;-)

I do have my priorities. Mel Brooks, sex, chocolate - in that order.

 

[SherylSunshine]

I'm just here to hang out and escape the real world. I post pictures and comment on random threads. I do exchange pms with a few members on a regular basis. I enjoy chatting with anybody who has a good sense of humor. I don't have the time to follow any other persons schedule so anyone that I talk with has to wait until I randomly show up. I'm a female and I don't think I'm entitled to anything and I certainly don't owe anyone else anything either.

I don't know why a guy would come here looking for a woman but I do know that being nice in general is going to work out better than starting a somewhat negative thread.

That's all just my opinion. Enjoy your day!

 

[glBock]

Hello to you, Sunshine

Thanks for your comments on my "strange" post and thread(s). You are certainly entitled to your opinion.

In case you really like to know, I can tell you one reason for my way of doing things: I am not a FEMALE human being. And being a male, more is required of me, if I want to attract attention, than posing pretty pictures of myself, and waiting for others to comment on them.

You, being both female and good looking, and probably enticing in an erotic way as well, have it considerably easier than me.

All I can do is write "personals ads", and/or witty and ironic comments here and there, which appeal to a limited number of women only. Women who write to me generally have sapiosexual tendencies, which is not all that common, considering that most people here don't even know the meaning of that word.

But receiving an occasional PM from a sapiosexual woman has one huge benefit: when I go and check out her profile, and what she has posted on Lit, I generally DO NOT find out, that almost 100% of her posts stem from just one picture posting thread she started 4-5 months ago. And when she and I begin talking with one another, some SUBSTANTIAL thoughts generally flow across the internet.

I do not mind receiving so few replies; it's more the QUALITY of them, which appeals to me. Was I able to express myself clearly enough for you?

 

[KimGordon67]

UMK's point was that originally those using the site weren't just looking for sex - they had intelligent and (I'm assuming) verbal exchanges that (I would imagine) sometimes led to sex. However, you've stated quite categorically that sex is what you want - that's fair enough, but it's a little disingenuous to say that and then bemoan the lack of intelligence among the women in here.

You know how in your OP you wrote "Convinced that simply by being female entitles them to a demanding attitude. "Come show me that you are worthy of me, and you better do that well" can be seen anywhere" ... it doesn't strike you that you're maybe doing the same thing, except your 'draw' is (theoretically) intelligence (I think?) rather than physical attractiveness? Simply being intelligent doesn't entitle you to anything more than simply being female.

 

[BabblingBrooke]

Thanks for your comments on my "strange" post and thread(s). You are certainly entitled to your opinion.

In case you really like to know, I can tell you one reason for my way of doing things: I am not a FEMALE human being. And being a male, more is required of me, if I want to attract attention, than posing pretty pictures of myself, and waiting for others to comment on them.

You, being both female and good looking, and probably enticing in an erotic way as well, have it considerably easier than me.

All I can do is write "personals ads", and/or witty and ironic comments here and there, which appeal to a limited number of women only. Women who write to me generally have sapiosexual tendencies, which is not all that common, considering that most people here don't even know the meaning of that word.

But receiving an occasional PM from a sapiosexual woman has one huge benefit: when I go and check out her profile, and what she has posted on Lit, I generally DO NOT find out, that almost 100% of her posts stem from just one picture posting thread she started 4-5 months ago. And when she and I begin talking with one another, some SUBSTANTIAL thoughts generally flow across the internet.

I do not mind receiving so few replies; it's more the QUALITY of them, which appeals to me. Was I able to express myself clearly enough for you?

Do you have any idea how arrogant you come across? Like Ogg said, this doesn't necessarily mean you are arrogant, but I can't see your posts making you seem appealing or approachable to most women.

 

[Miles Long]

Do you have any idea how arrogant you come across? Like Ogg said, this doesn't necessarily mean you are arrogant, but I can't see your posts making you seem appealing or approachable to most women.

You mean you don't want to do sex with him?

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]