Wolven Den

[Niriate]

Luna is a cougar *nodnod*

*quickly hides in the woods before Wolfling can catch up with her, snickering loudly*

 

[dragonrazor]

Luna is a cougar *nodnod*

*quickly hides in the woods before Wolfling can catch up with her, snickering loudly*

*setting up traps to catch the fleeing*

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

I slip into my Den and give it a once over. I catch passing scents~passion, a good girl, scarlet. With no thought, I give a few passes of loose fingered hands and reset the rooms. The play room door slam shuts and locks. No one else will be there for a while. In the main room, all toys return to their pegs and slots, each cushion is replumped.

Now, it feels like home. With quick fingers I gather some white sage and break it into a small mound in my favorite silver bowl. A whisper and it lights. A large eagle feather waves through the smoke, spreading peace, removing negativity. I need this to calm and center myself.

Finally, I fall onto a cushion and drag out my lap top. I need to write. Maybe not a story...but something. I need to write.

 

[dragonrazor]

*ducks his head in, and then sets a plate of cookies down, then starts to duck back out*

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Journal/Journey Entry

There is a moment when one just gives up. That happened to me, yesterday. I pulled away, I opted out, I withdrew. I ended up on the phone, seriously debating taking myself to the hospital. I have a need for sanity and there is none to be found. I am soul tired. Exhausted. Worn out. Abused.

I keep trying to put up a front, to put myself, outside of my self. I keep trying to act like nothing is wrong, like I am not hurting. Not confused. Like I am all here, when the reality is~ I am no longer who and what i thought I was, way back when. I am less than I presumed. I am weak, broken, a shell. I hate it.

It wouldn't be so bad if I felt like there was one person in the RW who completely understands. But there isn't. It wouldn't be so bad if I could name one friend who doesn't rely on me more than I have ever relied on them. I can't. I hate this. I can not get it together and it sucks in a way that mere words can not describe. There ARE no words for this soul empty feeling. Like I am a hole, bottomless, a pit. How the fuck does one FIX that?

Meds. They say meds are the great healer. That bipolar personalities can not be made well without them. I don't want medicines. I want fucking sanity. I want to be able to have an entire week where suicide does not feel like a viable fucking option. I want to feel normal. Fuck. Why don't I feel normal?

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

I found once~
That solitude and entropy are different measures for the same thing
I found once~
That there glitches in the system that allow silence to escape
I found once~
That sanity is not something you can find if you just breathe
I found once~
That there are no medicines for the need to fade to black

I saw once~
That the flood waters are never made better by a rainbow.
I saw once~
That beauty is only in the eye of a certain beholder (and you can't fix it)
I saw once~
That memory and dreams do forsake us when the sun breaks the horizon
I saw once~
That no words are good enough to make someone keep fighting.

I dreamed once~
That I was loved and cherished and needed by myself
I now know the dream was a lie.​

 

[DarkWarrioress]

Hesitant footfall stops outside her den's door, a hand raised to knock, then lowers. Perhaps the Lady requires to be alone. Feet turn and start to walk away.

No, now is not a good time to see the Lady Wolf. Pressing a hand to door she leaves a part of herself locked there in case the Lady has need. Words are not enough... not now.

You will not fall And if you do, someone will pick you up again.
You will not slip away.
You will hang on.
You will recover and be yourself again.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

I am not fighting very well.
I am not holding up at all.
I have not been able to really focus.
I can not keep this up.
I have no choice.
I must not give in.
It hurts. ​

There was sun once.
It left. Darkness came.
I cried.
I stopped, because I died.
Yet I draw breath.
I don't know why.
There was sun once.
I cried.​

Think.
I am.
Think better.
I can't.
Fight.
I am.
Fight harder.
I can't.
Die.
I won't
Then fight.
I can't.​

 

[DarkWarrioress]

A soft growl was all the forewarning the lady wolf got. One does not ignore the pain of one of the pack, ever. The door slammed open, the petite red-head strode into the room, hauling the wolf into her arms and holding her tight, rocking her a little.

If you can't fight, I'll fight for you. Do you hear me, Luna? I will not let you be alone in this misery. You can push, you can shove, but I'm not going away.

 

[Niriate]

*As the wolf approaches the Den, she can feel the change in the atmosphere. Where it usually is naughty, cheerful and happy, it is now depressed, troubled and outright saddening.
The animal stops right outside the door, whining a little as it rests its head against the wood.*

Wolfkin.. I know you can smell me if you are there. I just want you to know that I will always be your sister, no matter what happens. There is a bond between us that can and will outlast anything.

For as long as the forest shelters us
For as long as the land nourishes us
For as long as the wind fills us
That's how long I will be there for you.

*The young wolf looks up and sits just outside the entrance to the Den, gazing at the stars as the night begins to fall.*

 

[Nina327]

Steps out of the fireplace, dusting off embers

Keep writing dear one. Keep letting it out...

Scream with me... remember.

 

[dragonrazor]

The Red Faction movie looks like it's going to be good.

 

[Last_Rider]

You have friends here Luna, friends who will do anything and everything in their power to help you.

gives hugs

 

[illianacole]

a stuffed timberwolf and potted moonflower vine appear quietly by the den's entrance along with a note for Luna.

If you need a shoulder, my Pm is open for you always, Mz. Luna.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

I have gone away, avoided everyone who stopped by, even my borrowed strength. Today has been very bad~very bad. I know that I need to focus. I know I need to get it together~to work out some of this pain. Music. That's what I need.
So I go searching...for something to soothe me.

Try Sleeping With a Broken Heart

 

[dragonrazor]

*gives Luna a vulfen Mahjongg set*

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Stole

The smooth alto of Alicia Keys segues into Kelly Rowland. I sing along...

Listen

from Kelly to Beyonce'

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Jennifer Hudson~And I am Telling You

and the original~

Jennifer Holiday

 

[fr33ks33k]

*He's not entirely sure if he's coming out of left field, but the words came to him, and he feels the need to share them with the inspiration. His footfalls are soft, and he can see the passage of many others who worry for her. He stops at the entrance to the Den, idly wondering what she smells when he approaches. He's never given his personal scent much thought. Whatever it is, he hopes it smells like faith and friendship, despite lack of personal knowledge.

He hears music wafting throughout, and so he simply pins his words to the door with a feather from one of his clockwork contraptions. He smiles softly, hoping the words find her well and his good intentions are clear as he turns and makes his way out.*

It reads:

Stop trying to fix yourself, quit searching for remedies. No amount of medicine can return all of your sanity. The truest cure often is acceptance; of what one is, and was, and will yet be. It is hard to be the crutch, to be the wall, to be the strong link all the time. It's even harder still to feel yourself drowning in the grind. Normality is fleeting, fickle, foolishness to find. What do you call normal? Is it so marvelous once quantified? Stop trying to achieve something you know is only ideal. Quit focusing on what you can and can't, only what you feel. No matter how many questions one has or wants to ask, the answer remains the same, is irrevocably known. Emotions, life, and mental states follow ebb and flow. So while you feel you're at your lowest, like a void, a darkened hole; you do have a spark of light; from somewhere in the depths, and infantile star. Without it you'd have been long gone, but despite the pain and rage and fear...here you are.

 

[dragonrazor]

*gives Luna a quick hug, and leaves her some gooey chocolatey pastries before heading for bed*

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Without You

Collecting all the love and notes and gifts as I wander through my Den singing...

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Endless Love

wiping tears from brown eyes....

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Here and Now

Grabbing my lap top, I sit down and prepare to do some more writing. I am a little more focused. A little better. Not much. But enough.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Hip Hop saves me....

Look At Me Now

dancing round my desk in the RW...all over my main room, here

6 foot 7 foot

 

[Nina327]

-taking the chair by the fire, she watches the wolfling and smiles-