Women!! You have to love em!!!

[Cheyenne]

How about when a woman just wants to talk through a problem to maybe get another opinion, or she just wants someone to listen for awhile. And the man insists on giving step by step instructions on what she needs to do to "fix" whatever she is talking about.

Or when men can NOT throw away any parts that they may be able to use to fix something else in the future. That goes for old cars, toasters, TVs, stereos (turntables may come back), lawnmowers, anything that has moving parts. Women just buy a new item if the old item breaks. We don't need shelves full of stuff "just in case."

 

[Angelique]

WOW! Cheyenne! You actually have a man who LISTENS when you have a problem? Damn woman! That's great! Most men have the tendency to stare at you with a blank look on their face like you're speaking in an unknown language....this is usually followed by a woman screaming "Are you listening to me?"

As for the extra parts...I hear ya'! How about the men who need to collect EVERY new tool that Sears advertises. You know who you are...guys who have ten million screwdrivers when they know damn well a butter knife will work!

 

[Lasher]

Whew - that's pretty close, Angelique, but at least it's not Cleveland. My in-laws live just outside of Canton, and the sure sign that you're in Ohio is repeatedly having to slam on the brakes to avoid rear-ending people that come to a complete stop when making a left turn. Do they teach you that in school or something? It absolutely drives me nuts.

 

[Angelique]

LOL...yes, Lasher...they teach us to make complete stops in driving school. AND, they informed us to do it just to piss off the drivers from other states.

 

[Cheyenne]

Angelique- good point. I guess I am lucky that he listens to me, but I spend lots of time listening to him, too. Come to think of it, I usually give him step by step instructions on what to do to fix his problem. hmmmmmm...... maybe men and women aren't that different after all.

Except for the damn tools. And it isn't just buying everything that Sears makes. Men have to have the biggest motor, the most power. A riding lawnmower for a postage stamp size lot. It is almost like measuring their dicks to see whose is bigger.

 

[Angelique]

LOL

Cheyenne...couldn't ya' just hear Tim Allen grunting in the background as you wrote that post?

 

[Bossy Aussie]

Ladies -- I have the toilet seat problem solved! I obviously don't have that problem here. We have four bathroom, and only two guys in the house. They stay away from what they've deemed "the girls lair."

But, back home in Alaska, when we've got 16 people using 3 toilets...ahem. Well, ya know. It gets kinda weird. My mum HATED that my dad and brothers were always leaving the toilet seats up, sooo...

Put those padded toilet seats and covers on all of the toilets in the house, you know the ones I'm talking about? They're all cooshy...anyway, they're so thick that they can't stay up on their own, so, even if the guys do forget to put it back down, as soon as they let go of it, it falls back down anyway! Voila!

Bossy

 

[Magic Merlin]

Has anyone else noticed how this discussion of the toilet seat issue has spread to a total of three threads??? And perhaps more...


??Maybe I should warn Laurel of the toilet seat virus??..

Earthgoddess: Does that mean that Loofahs are edible?

[This message has been edited by magic merlin (edited 05-08-2000).]

 

[Nobody Special]

So Bossy, What you're saying is for us men to hold the seat and do our business, then??
Well, love, You already now that the lil guys have minds of there own, and it is hard enough to get the aim right with both hands and now you want us to only use ONE.

I don't know, I like my earlier suggestion better.

BTW I like the idea of having the top shut too, never really thought about it, but isn't that what it is there for too??

E

 

[Maniac]

Ok, one thing different that we can all agree on is the fact that men leave the toliet seat up and women leave it down. Some of the women in here have asked the question why do men leave it up? My question is why do you women leave it down? Why can't you raise the toliet seat for us men when you get through squatting? We open doors, take of the check, walk you to the door after a date, take out the trash and a bunch of other things. So, why can't you women do this one thing for us? Something to think about!

 

[Gil]

Okay,

I have already posted this on the "Toilet seats, up or down?" thread but thought it might be relevant here as well. I received this as an e-mail some time ago but think it deserves to be widely distributed. It does seem to illustrate some basic attitude differences between women and 'the more fair' sex.

COPIED FROM A NEWSGROUP POSTING - (the author is responding to a woman who accidentally walked into the men's restroom):

Please don't feel bad. It wasn't you entering the men's washroom that caused that guy to pee on the guy next to him. Hell, we do that all the time. It's rare us guys ever hit what were aiming for.

Sometimes I go into the washroom, start to pee, and then just start spinning around; just so I'll make sure I hit something.

You see, something you ladies should understand by now is that men's penises have a mind of their own. A guy can go into a bathroom stall because all the urinals are being used, take perfect aim at the toilet, and his penis will still manage to piss all over the roll of toilet paper, down his left pant leg, and onto his shoe. I'm telling 'ya those little buggers can't be trusted.

After being married 28 years my wife has me trained. I'm no longer allowed to pee like a man - standing up. I am required to sit down and pee. She has convinced me that this is a small price to pay. Otherwise, if she had gone to the toilet one more time at night and either sat on a pee soaked toilet seat, or fell right into the toilet because I forgot to put the seat down, she was going to kill me in my sleep.

Now another thing us guys don't usually like to talk about, but because you and I have become such good friends and you think I'm a classy guy, I might as well be candid with you because it's a real problem, and you ladies need to be understanding. It's the dreaded "morning wood".

Most mornings us guys wake up with two things. A tremendous desire to pee, and a penis so hard you could cut diamonds with it. Well, no matter how hard you try, you can't get that thing to bend, and if it won't bend you can't aim, well hell, if you can't aim you have no choice but to piss all over the wallpaper and that damn fuzzy toilet seat cover you women insist on putting on the toilet.

And by the way, when you use those damn fuzzy toilet seat covers, the friggin' toilet seat won't stay up by itself. So that means we have to use one hand to hold up the toilet seat and the other hand to try to control our less than perfect aim. Now sometimes, when you're newly married, (and I know the guys in here will back me up on this) you think you can get the toilet seat with that damn fuzzy thing to stay up. You jam it back and compress that fuzzy thing until the seat stays there. OK, so you start to pee, but then that compressed fuzzy starts to decompress and without warning that damn toilet seat comes flying down and tries to whack off your weenie. So us guys will not lift a toilet seat with a fuzzy, it's just not safe.

I tried to delicately explain this morning situation to my wife. I told her... look, it won't bend. She said, "so sit down like I told you to do all the rest of the time." OK. I tried sitting down on the toilet with "morning wood". Well it's is very hard to get it bent under the toilet seat, and before I could manage it, I had pissed all over the bath towels hanging on the wall across the room. Now, even if you are sitting down and you can get it forced down under the toilet seat, when you start to pee the pee shoots out from the crack between the bottom of the toilet seat and the top of the bowl. You piss all over the back of your knees and it runs down the back of our legs on to that damn matching fuzzy horseshoe rug you keep putting on the floor in front of the toilet.

I have found the only effective maneuver to deal with this morning urinary dilemma is to assume the flying Superman position laying over the toilet seat. This takes a great deal of practice, perfect balance, and split time precision but it's the only sure way to get all the pee in the bowl during the first morning pee.

So you ladies have to understand that us men are not totally to blame. We are sensitive to your concerns about hygiene and bathroom cleanliness, but there are times when things just get beyond our control. It's not our fault, it's just Mother Nature.

Now, if it was Father Nature, there wouldn't have been a problem!!!

 

[Guest]

This is a very confusing issue for us, but ...

Maniac, do JUST THIS ONE thing for you? Then you don't mind fucking and sucking yourself for the rest of your life?

How did the maniac break his neck? He was getting a drink of water and the transvestite slammed the toilet seat on his head. Something to think about!

 

[Bossy Aussie]

Originally posted by maniac:
We open doors, take of the check, walk you to the door after a date, take out the trash and a bunch of other things.

So...if you honestly DO all of these things for your gal, then what's the problem with adding one more thing to the list??

Bossy



[This message has been edited by Bossy Aussie (edited 05-09-2000).]

 

[Maniac]

First of all Rachel and Crystal, you are not worthy of a response until you get yourselves registered.

Second of all, Bossy, is it really to much to ask you ladies to do one thing for us guys. I mean shit we have to practically walk through fire just to get you gals to suck our dicks. Damn y'all want everything and don't want to do anything in return. Oh, and yes I do all of those things for my lady because I'm a true southern gentleman.

 

[Savage Kitten]

How about this one? When women end a conversation and say "I'll give you a call" they literally mean that they will pick up the phone and call one another.. (usually with in the next 30 min or so... hmmm)

but..

when a man says "I'll give you a call".. crap... what do they mean??? cause its sure not the same thing women think it means.. I sorta think its just their way to end a conversation..

Men??

 

[Lasher]

We open doors, take of the check, walk you to the door after a date, take out the trash and a bunch of other things.

Ya know, that must be one hell of a date if you've gotta take out the trash when you're done!!!!

 

[Bossy Aussie]

Originally posted by maniac:
Second of all, Bossy, is it really to much to ask you ladies to do one thing for us guys. I mean shit we have to practically walk through fire just to get you gals to suck our dicks. Damn y'all want everything and don't want to do anything in return. Oh, and yes I do all of those things for my lady because I'm a true southern gentleman.

Oh, Maniac, Love...I really can't help but take offense to the way you seem to insinuate that women, as a whole do nothing for you guys. Ha! I suggest we not go there, deal?

Anyhow, if you don't want to put the toilet seat down -- don't. Doesn't make my arse any wetter, does it.

Bossy

 

[SierraSky]

MM,

There are two bothersome qualities that I have come across in men that I have dated and lived with.

1. Men love to leave the wet towel on the bedroom floor.

2. They also like to leave their underwear laying on the bathroom floor.

Now it really bugs me when I find the underwear on the floor because men don't know how to wipe their ass. There are always shit stains on the underwear and who in their right mind wants to pick that up.

Sorry guys, but double wipe that ass.

Sierra

 

[Earthgoddess]

Merlin yes loofas are edible when very small and young,think of them as the veal of squash.
Also,the wet towel thing is too true. Except my otherwise almost trained hubby leaves his on my most prized antique bedroom set..passive aggressive,maybe?

 

[Weird Harold]

Does any one have any idea why women seem to be able to see more colors than men?

Take the color Blue for example.

Men see Blue.

Women see Aqua, teal, cerulean, or a dozen other colors.

I shudder to think of how many varieties of white women can see.

 

[Angelique]

Ummmm...lessee here. Off the cuff, I can think of quite a few shades of white Harold. Shall I name them? Of course...

white, eggshell, off-white, cream, bone white, snow white, frosty white, swan white, foam white, milk white, lily white, marble, ivory, ivory white, pearl white, gray white, pure white and pale white...I'm sure there's more, but that's all I could come up with at the moment.

 

[Magic Merlin]

Harold,

What have you done? Never get women started on how many colours exist...this thread is now destined to go on foreverrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.........


But I do agree with you Harold!!! While were on colors, I've always been fascinated how women can actually turn "green" (with envy) when they see another woman who they think is more beautiful than them....

[This message has been edited by magic merlin (edited 05-09-2000).]

 

[Lovely Latina]

Originally posted by maniac:
I mean shit we have to practically walk through fire just to get you gals to suck our dicks.

Who's got the lighter fluid?

 

[Fubar]

Why do women drag men around the shops so that when they say 'do I look ok in this dress', the man grunts 'yes' and then she gets upset cos you are not paying attention after 3 hours visiting 10 shops!

Why do women, when they go on holiday for a week have to take approx 50 pairs of undies!

Why are women useless at navigating, and men sooo good at it!!

See girls its a hard life being a man.Having to shave every morning, perform in bed, deal with female logic, watch the game while the woman opens your cold can. Good job women have such slender fingers to open the ring cans and small feet to get nearer the sink.

Ooopps girlfriend has just stuck a rather sharp knife in my back, uughhhh........

 

[Lovely Latina]

Oh goodie! A "two-fer."