Would you switch?

[incubus'_sub]

Like Etoile, timid & clumsy would be the best description of my efforts when ordered to Domme someone. That someone even wanted to be my sub with both of us dominated by Incubus.

Had to say no thanks, not interested. Like Rose I'm submissive through & through and very uncomfortable even pretending to play the other role.

 

[dexwebster]

I personally feel that a true D/s relationship needs so much trust and knowledge of each other that constant switching would demote it to nothing more than a kinky vanilla relationship. I mean, do you draw straws on who gets to be top that day?

Eh. I've got to disagree with this. I don't see why switching would diminish the "trust and knowledge" a couple may share. Me personally? I'm a switch in a relationship with another switch, whom I belong to. It seems presumptuous and misleading and uncomfortable in a lot of ways to call myself a submissive, so I don't. I consider myself at his disposal, and his happiness is paramount to mine.

I occasionally top and bottom to other people, and I even top/dom him, but there's no drawing straws necessary. You better believe that when it comes to it, I'm his possession. I strive to please him and put myself at his disposal however he may want me, from making dinner and ironing his dress shirts to wearing skirts more often to staying still while he whacks me on the ass with that stupid little pink golf club.

And I've left bruises on his cock and teeth and scratch marks on his rib cage, and if I say he doesn't orgasm until Friday, it doesn't happen.

It is a lovely, willing, giving thing to me, to offer ourselves to each other, and I don't see it as a sacrifice of any intimacy or trust between us.

 

[catalina_francisco]

*sings*

"I won't switch.
Don't ask me."

LOL!

I think anyone who won't AT LEAST try it once, even as a task assigned or simply because their partner wants to, is pretty sadly inflexible. I don't consider myself a switch but one has to try to please the other IMO.

Fury

I can´t agree. I am actually a big fan of people who know who they are, what they need, and can be honest about it. I find people who do things simply to please me, soon have all my alarm bells on alert and undermine my trust in them....that´s why I chose to be with a Dominant, I wasn´t interested in a someone who would pretend to dominate just so I would keep them around...just doesn´t work for me. On a similar note, if I am in a relationship with someone, I give them the respect to be who they are, not try and impose my needs on them via a guilt like trip of íf you really loved me you would´.

Catalina

 

[FurryFury]

I can´t agree. I am actually a big fan of people who know who they are, what they need, and can be honest about it. I find people who do things simply to please me, soon have all my alarm bells on alert and undermine my trust in them....that´s why I chose to be with a Dominant, I wasn´t interested in a someone who would pretend to dominate just so I would keep them around...just doesn´t work for me. On a similar note, if I am in a relationship with someone, I give them the respect to be who they are, not try and impose my needs on them via a guilt like trip of íf you really loved me you would´.

Catalina

Even though you are disagreeing with me, I agree with you.

I'd never do the guilt trip thing.

I also like people who know who they are and what they want best but I understand all too well how these things and awareness of them can change. I wouldn't let such changes the fact that I loved, liked and respected them.

Pretending to be dominant doesn't work all that well although it can lead to some kinky fun.

Fortunately my husband doesn't have to do anything in particular for me to keep him around because I love and accept him as is and he knows that. He feels the same way about me.

On the other hand, I know you, Cat, have in fact, switched to please your Dominant. I think it's good that you would try even though it was uncomfortable for you at first. I think you've learned a lot from it. Am I right about that?

I know I personally, would want to do just about anything to please anyone I was with or cared about that I possibly could. I'm flexible and perhaps, overachieving in that way.

Most human beings are endlessly adaptable unless they become stubborn and less pleasant IMO.

(Yes, the above reflects a double standard of sorts. I expect more from me than from anyone else.)

Respectfully submitted,

Fury

 

[kajiraahava]

I can´t agree. I am actually a big fan of people who know who they are, what they need, and can be honest about it.- - cut - -

Catalina, on this one small point I am stuck somewhere in the middle of you and FF. <<laughs>>

Personally, I have always been the sort who absolutely knows what I do/don't like and what I will/won't try. This applies to the "big picture" of my life. It is the deepest part of me that determines my basic needs, etc. I have never been one to apologize for who I am or my lifestyle. It is my inherent nature to be a submissive and serve to the best of my abilities.

Now, as I get older, I look back and see where I have opened myself up to new things. (This is not to be confused with being open-minded, which I always have been.) In spite of my submissive nature, perhaps that concept was cemented and confirmed when I experimented and tested the other side. So, perhaps, I truly HAVE "tried things" far more often that I realize.

Just food for thought. Considering this possibility certainly has me thinking now. <<laughs>>

Regardless, as I have said elsewhwere, I don't need to sever my arm to know that it is something that I dislike immensely and most certainly would never care to attempt.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Catalina, on this one small point I am stuck somewhere in the middle of you and FF. <<laughs>>

Personally, I have always been the sort who absolutely knows what I do/don't like and what I will/won't try. This applies to the "big picture" of my life. It is the deepest part of me that determines my basic needs, etc. I have never been one to apologize for who I am or my lifestyle. It is my inherent nature to be a submissive and serve to the best of my abilities.

Now, as I get older, I look back and see where I have opened myself up to new things. (This is not to be confused with being open-minded, which I always have been.) In spite of my submissive nature, perhaps that concept was cemented and confirmed when I experimented and tested the other side. So, perhaps, I truly HAVE "tried things" far more often that I realize.

Just food for thought. Considering this possibility certainly has me thinking now. <<laughs>>

Regardless, as I have said elsewhwere, I don't need to sever my arm to know that it is something that I dislike immensely and most certainly would never care to attempt.

Ah well being ancient myself, I have spent many a year soul searching and finding who I am, so things have been considered, and I am flexible (I have topped as an order), but I know those things about me which are quintessentially me and after people trying to persuade me since youth to try certain things they feel I have to like, I just get bored and irritated real quick these days when that line is fed to me or the feeling is imposed that I am not playing fair if I don´t try something to please another person for whatever reason drives them to try and force it on me. LOL, this week has been particularly trying on a similar issue which has seen me almost tearing my hair out with frustration...lucky I am a patient person.

Catalina

 

[Netzach]

I started as a very bottom-leaning switch, but I always knew I could get off hugely on the Top/Dominant end. I'll bottom once in a blue moon.

Today I was reminded of something I'd forgotten with a lover of mine, who'd topped me about 5 or 6 years ago. We used to run pretty 50/50 but as Spectre said I think a lot of it was the excitement of learning a wholly new person and as much about them as possible - as things progressed it was clear that I was top, he was bottom.

It was a very graphic and specific image, which was, I admit, a really fond memory which curled my toes.

Doesn't mean I have to go repeat it, but my thoughts on the subject are positive when I'm relaxed and feeling completely secure. A few special people have that much of my trust and have enough flexibility not to be turned off or unable to acknowledge my power again.

 

[Netzach]

I personally feel that a true D/s relationship needs so much trust and knowledge of each other that constant switching would demote it to nothing more than a kinky vanilla relationship. I mean, do you draw straws on who gets to be top that day?

I would say that I have twice the trust I would have with someone who made himself vulnerable to me. But that's how I operate.

 

[Etoile]

The phrases "learning a lot" and "trust and knowledge" have come up a couple of times. This is actually a reason why I think switching once can be a good thing. I've said it many times before on here - an experiment with switching can give both partners better appreciation of what their top/bottom does for them.

 

[Mastersall]

My first experience was a submissive to an older woman. I was 22 and she
was over 40. I served her loyally for four years. As I learned more about
submission I began to realize I had a stronger need to be dominate. With
her guidance I began slowly am now a dom at all times, with the exception
of one weekend a year when i return to her and give myself over to her will.

This helps me be a better Master and at the same time feel it pays tribute to
a wonderful woman who is now pasat 60.

 

[Dynny]

i tried doing the dom thing once, about five minutes into it i started to laugh, and then it was hopeless to get the mood back, i felt silly...it just feels odd for me to tell someone to do; interestingly enough, I think that's why i do well in management positions, i'm the benelovent ruler sort, more apt to ask someone to politely do something than to tell them...if they give me attitude i'll either speak with my superior, or just write them up with a warning...

i rarely have people give me attitude, one of my coworkers told me that he was afraid if he'd say no i'd cry. *confused* he was one of my favorite cashiers to work with.

 

[Netzach]

My first experience was a submissive to an older woman. I was 22 and she
was over 40. I served her loyally for four years. As I learned more about
submission I began to realize I had a stronger need to be dominate. With
her guidance I began slowly am now a dom at all times, with the exception
of one weekend a year when i return to her and give myself over to her will.

This helps me be a better Master and at the same time feel it pays tribute to
a wonderful woman who is now pasat 60.

This is very cool.

 

[FurryFury]

That's certainly an interesting sounding management style. I'm surprised you get positive results from it but then I tend to work with bitchy "sharks."

Fury

 

[Netzach]

I've done well with managers like that, basically humane and decent sorts who I don't want to let down because I do like them. It can go remarkably well, likeable and fair doesn't necessarily mean weak.

 

[FurryFury]

This is why I personally HATE to cry. I do consider it a sign of weakness.

However lately it seems the slightest thing sets me off, I dunno why. I REALLY hate it!

Humane managers are rare and nice in my experience.

I have an ex boss I adore. She and I are good buds now that we don't have a work relationship. I'm taking a trip with her and another bud, next month. She was a great and inspirational leader but I never worried about her crying on the job. That would be hard for me to respect to be honest.

Once I had a guy I was dating cry on a date and found that kind of courageous. It's another double standard I carry with me.

At times my husband's eyes will tear up with emotion. That just melts me.

I think watching my mom fall apart sobbing all the time, then having to be the adult, since she wouldn't has ruined me in this area with most females maybe. I mean I was so pissed off about what a mess she'd make and then leave for me to clean up.

Now my friends, are different. When we cry together it's about feeling loved, warm and understood. That sort of hurts in a good way.

Fury

 

[kajira311]

I have topped once or twice before

When ordered to do so. But my heart (and ass,tits, pussy and mouth) is in bottom/sub mode.

 

[FurryFury]

When ordered to do so. But my heart (and ass,tits, pussy and mouth) is in bottom/sub mode.

My thoughts are ALL over the place with this post.

*secret smile*

Fury

 

[Shankara20]

When I met Ma’am I was bottoming. I eventually became “hers”. I wore her chain around an ankle 24/7 for several years, however that relationship is over and we are now friends.

I started to become curious of how to use the tools she used on me, but did not recognize my own Topness right away. That developed over several years and came to now be my dominate trait (pun intended).

As Ma’am and I became closer and I eventually moved in to live with her in her professional dungeon, and her bottom side started to surface. Our BDMS relationship was about 85% her Top and about 15% me Top. Our non BDSM relationship was egalitarian.

Although now a professional Domme, Ma’am started as a bottom, was a slave in a 24/7 relationship and was in several old BDSM 16mm films as the “victim”.

I remember her telling me that she was no longer interested in bottoming to a Top who had never been on the receiving end of the toy he/she was using on her. In her experience, knowing what sensations a device delivered helped in knowing how to use said device.

This is not advice to anyone, just something from my history.

 

[Ebonyfire]

When I met Ma’am I was bottoming. I eventually became “hers”. I wore her chain around an ankle 24/7 for several years, however that relationship is over and we are now friends.

I started to become curious of how to use the tools she used on me, but did not recognize my own Topness right away. That developed over several years and came to now be my dominate trait (pun intended).

As Ma’am and I became closer and I eventually moved in to live with her in her professional dungeon, and her bottom side started to surface. Our BDMS relationship was about 85% her Top and about 15% me Top. Our non BDSM relationship was egalitarian.

Although now a professional Domme, Ma’am started as a bottom, was a slave in a 24/7 relationship and was in several old BDSM 16mm films as the “victim”.

I remember her telling me that she was no longer interested in bottoming to a Top who had never been on the receiving end of the toy he/she was using on her. In her experience, knowing what sensations a device delivered helped in knowing how to use said device.

This is not advice to anyone, just something from my history.

I gained from your sharing, Shanky!

 

[Netzach]

When I met Ma’am I was bottoming. I eventually became “hers”. I wore her chain around an ankle 24/7 for several years, however that relationship is over and we are now friends.

I started to become curious of how to use the tools she used on me, but did not recognize my own Topness right away. That developed over several years and came to now be my dominate trait (pun intended).

As Ma’am and I became closer and I eventually moved in to live with her in her professional dungeon, and her bottom side started to surface. Our BDMS relationship was about 85% her Top and about 15% me Top. Our non BDSM relationship was egalitarian.

Although now a professional Domme, Ma’am started as a bottom, was a slave in a 24/7 relationship and was in several old BDSM 16mm films as the “victim”.

I remember her telling me that she was no longer interested in bottoming to a Top who had never been on the receiving end of the toy he/she was using on her. In her experience, knowing what sensations a device delivered helped in knowing how to use said device.

This is not advice to anyone, just something from my history.

I could just never manage to get it up for a top who couldn't be flipped. It's more than just tools and toys, there's something else going on there. I guess I'll try anything sexually, I just won't try anything sexually with someone who may feel they're above what I'm doing.

 

[boyvenus4u]

The problem with inhabiting any one role particualr for too long

...unless of course that is your natural disposition...is that one is likely to get...after a number of time...two dimensional...and therefore less credible...constantly going over the same ground...it takes absolute self sacrifice to stick to the one role for life...very few, in my experience, are up to it...it takes incredible discipline...and besides, it can be a lonely route...in that in many ways...you are alone....and so you have to make your peace with that...The ones that do stick it out obviously have a real love for what they do and must be comparable to artists..in what they do...constantly honing techniques...living their obsession 24/7... that is not for the faint hearted...and I would imagine very few do...which is why the ones that do should be treated with repect...such dedication...awe-inspiring really...

For the rest of us mere mortals... there is the chance to explore...

Personally Kajiraahava, by the way I commend you on your choice of question, I have been a 'top' for a few years, and a 'bottom' for a few more, and I am currently in what I would describe as an egalitarian relationship...That's right, 50/50 brother, in my mind it is the only way to go.

Let me just say, that the 'switch' from top to bottom was exquisite. It was like re-entering the human race....(I didn't even know that I had a heart?)

Human, strictly Human. And so Let us keep it.

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

Superbly....strongly....satisfyingly submissive from my first 'major' relationship from my late teens. I am open minded yet I have never found myself in any way even curious or drawn to 'performing as a Top', thankfully to date its never been required of me either. I think empathy for the flip side of symbiosis can exist without pertaining to attempt the entire spectrum in my case.

 

[callinectes]

While I can't say I will never switch and Top, I certainly can't picture myself doing it. At this point I have no desire to top at all. none.

 

[mcgill82ferret]

Just my thoughts...

I think it depends a lot on the depth (for lack of a better word at the moment) that the participents are into fetish.

Many people are just into bedroom BD or BDSM and are not at all into D/s by choice. Out of the bedroom they have very vinella lives. I would think it would be (relatively) easy for these folks to switch roles. For them its nothing more than kinky sex anl likely easier for them to bend their minds around either roll. Of course there will be lots of exceptions.

For those into D/s it is much more difficult I think. Although BDSM may be the foreplay and end all of D/s sexual activities, it is not so easy to actually feel and be somebody different.... the oppsite to what you feel. I think this is evident in those that have expressed that they can bottom if it is desired of them by their Dominant. It always pleases you to please your Dom/me. You thrive on pleasing even if somewhat distasteful. More exceptions noted naturally.

Although I do believe there are those that can switch, their personalities, deep within themselves, I think they are few and far between. I might know a few although I don't know them well enough to be sure. These folks seem to have an increadable ability to actually switch personality. Some more quickly than others. Within a scene, a day, and longer. No exceptions I don' think. You can or you can't.

And I have known, myself included, that some have switched because of frightening events that have or are preceived to possibly occure, usually as a bottom. Rather than leave the lifestyle of choice completly, they chose to switch rolls where it is preceived to be safer. Some have done well and remained that way while others eventually realized they just aren't happy and returned. And some exceptions remain unhappily switched.

On a personal level, I am one that just wasn't happy as a Dominant, much less being good at it. Do I still feel frightened as to what might happen as a bottom? Yes, but I think I'm armed with more knowledge and better methods of finding acceptable partners than I was then. So I move on exercising caution to the best of my ability... its all I can do. I could survive in a realtionship where a Domme wants me to Top sometimes and provide a sexual high. And I could survive without it too. But I couldn't survive in a relationship without being submissive most of the time.

 

[sexychik69]

Once upon a time I felt I was 100% submissive, but I'm not so sure anymore. I have grown in a zillion different directions over the last year, and have decided a Friend was right when he told me I have the makings of a good Domme- that part of me is pretty deeply burried, not something I'm quite comfortable with, and not terribly confidant about, but it's there.

I seriously doubt I'd flip a switch once day and no longer want to be submissive in a relationship, but I doubt just as deeply, that I'd ever want a relationship where my submissive side was always "on"... the annoying thing about tapping into that deeply burried part of myself, is I don't suspect there are too many switch-happy Dominants in the universe, so finding a Lover might become an interesting task.

I'm a lot like you, CM... I used to be completely submissive, mentally and physically, in all of my previous D/s relationships. However, I'm finding that I do get a power rush from knowing that I now have the power to stare someone down to their knees (if I chose to - right now I only use my powers for good. ) or direct their every emotion and action, and watching them follow my orders. Though I do still have this huge need to be dominated again from my boyfriend... with him I feel more comfortable as a submissive since that's the only D/s relationship we've had thus far.

My only issue I have to work out is figuring out WHAT I want and what I need to say to make a submissive comfortable and trusting towards me. As a sub (yes, part of me is still a sub, and always will be), I know and understand that submissives need loving care and attention, as well as dicipline. But deciding what orders I want to give is challenging as it's the part of the D/s rope that I haven't climbed before since I never had to come up with orders. What I wanted before was to submit, and be rewarded... now I am the one that has to figure out what I want from a sub, which is actually quite a challenge. It gives me a new respect for Doms/Masters on a completely different level.

Although now I'm rambling and I'm sorry. Anyway, that's my contribution.