Writing Challenge ~ February 2011 ~ Reviews and Comments

[Ausus_girl13]

Crap, Part II. Its in the first person in that this is the narrative going on in her head, talking about herself in the third person.
OK, this didn't work.
Oh well.

Stop. It worked. Which is why my reaction was so harsh and quick. Still love you.

 

[Last_Rider]

DM

I liked this, there was much unsaid and it helped the story a great deal. I wasn't sure how the physical structure played in, if it was poetic or deliberately set up that way but in the end it didn't detract at all from the story. Very well done.

Vail

This was hard for me in many ways, because I suffer from depression and self blame is a big part of it. But, I think it's more of a testament to your skills that it evoked such a response. Being in her head helped this, as many of these stories told from the outside don't strike quite the same emotional chord. As always, very awesome work.

 

[Vail_Indigo]

Stop. It worked. Which is why my reaction was so harsh and quick. Still love you.

No, if I have to explain it, it means it doesn't work. Not yet at least. Thats almost the definition of "doesn't work".
This is the kind of thing I need to hear. This is a first draft, and if the tone, intent, and voice are not clear, then they aren't clear. Thats EXACTLY what I need to hear if I'm going to make it better (note: this was all said in an IM, but I felt it was worth posting here)

 

[Vail_Indigo]

Vail[/B]

This was hard for me in many ways, because I suffer from depression and self blame is a big part of it. But, I think it's more of a testament to your skills that it evoked such a response. Being in her head helped this, as many of these stories told from the outside don't strike quite the same emotional chord. As always, very awesome work.

It was painful to write, for a slew of reasons, but all related to self-blame.

 

[DeliciousMaiden]

Thanks for the comments.

There was something about the picture that suggested a story to me.

I had my own ideas as to what had caused him to lose emotional control and what their relationship was, but I left that deliberately ambiguous.

The structure, kinda wrote itself: a cross between prose and poetry,
a link between that photograph and their emotions.

Given the calibre of writing here, I was a bit apprehensive of how my lil' contribution would stand in comparison, but I felt I just had to put my idea into words.

Thank you for being kind.. x DM

 

[wideeyedone]

Ausus_girl

I really liked the hope in your piece.

 

[Last_Rider]

Wideeyedone

I like a lot of this, the early descriptions of their differences and the ways they got along. The story of how they met was cute and fit much of the overall tone. I might have added a few more interactions between them to flesh out the relationship a bit, but I enjoyed this on the whole.

 

[Alana_]

Lilly, I loved your piece. Unfortunately it reminded me too much of a similar relationship in my family. I liked what you wrote. It was short and snappy and captured his unreasonable anger perfectly. Thank for posting it.

DM. I found your language just beautiful. The structure threw me for the first few lines, but then my structure is always questionable. But the writing was wonderful. The mystery of the 'goodbye' in question adds a something to the sadness that wouldn't be so effective if it were too clearly understood. Thank you also.


I've one or two more to read, sorry I can't get to them all now. But I will.

 

[Vail_Indigo]

Pen -LOVED this. Simple, fun, interesting, different.
Plus:
“You don't know that. It's something you'll have to risk.” The man closed his eyes and silently cursed himself as soon as he said the words.

I groaned at exactly the same time he did, which always makes me smile

 

[PenIsMightier1]

Pen -LOVED this. Simple, fun, interesting, different.
Plus:
“You don't know that. It's something you'll have to risk.” The man closed his eyes and silently cursed himself as soon as he said the words.

I groaned at exactly the same time he did, which always makes me smile

I'm really glad you enjoyed it.

And if I can make you groan just like the characters, then I suppose that makes the story a success.

Sweet

 

[Vail_Indigo]

I'm really glad you enjoyed it.

And if I can make you groan just like the characters, then I suppose that makes the story a success.

Sweet

you can almost here him say 'shit...I was THAT close...'

 

[PenIsMightier1]

you can almost here him say 'shit...I was THAT close...'

I am so stoked that it came through so well

 

[Emerald_Lilly]

Emerald Lilly
I liked this by and large. The story starts out where you almost sympathize with the man, but his internal dialouge quickly makes it clear he's not at all sympathetic. I felt a few bits were a bit too broadly drawn and stereotypical, but then again most people like that are far from unique, sadly. I enjoyed it, very well written.

Thanks L_R! Unfortunately, although it may seem broadly drawn and stereotypical it is essentially non-fiction. (but hey, stereotypes come from somewhere, don't they?)

EL- good job, I really hated your char. But then I've never been a fan of alcoholics, well written btw.

Thanks Ausus! Glad you hated him

Lilly, I loved your piece. Unfortunately it reminded me too much of a similar relationship in my family. I liked what you wrote. It was short and snappy and captured his unreasonable anger perfectly. Thank for posting it.

Thanks Alana; unreasonable anger is a perfect way of describing it.

 

[Alana_]

Vail, that piece has left me uneasy, but only because you captured the moment so well. I saw a movie years ago about snuff porn murders, and this reminded me of it. Graphic without the details given, but you just know whats going to happen. Very well done.

 

[Last_Rider]

Last Call - Pen

This worked very well, the dialouge was accurate and unforced, the descriptions and imagery were well placed and added to the whole piece. Much was left in mystery, but there was more than enough implied to make up for it. Very well done.

 

[Britwitch]

Ok, time to catch up with comments for this month’s awesome submissions so far

Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow ~ sallythescorpian
Really enjoyed this, very intimate. Felt like I was watching something I shouldn’t be intruding upon. You used some really nice imagery and this line “As the sun slid lower, her heart sank with it, taking with it not only the light of the day, but the love of her life. Her eyes hurt from looking toward the sun for so long, but she couldn’t bring herself to look away.” was one that stood out for me! Really conveyed her despair.

SeaUrchin_STG_M
I’ll admit I was a little confused the first time I read this, felt like I’d missed something out but I do really like the idea behind it. Mermaids and cowboys in the same piece, has to be a first I think with a little work, as has been said before, this could be an awesome story.

The_PG
Short but not too sweet. I really enjoyed this and love how each time you read it, you get something else from it.

fr33ksfr33k
Gorgeous. This was a simply beautiful little piece and I liked that it was just about the sunset itself. I love the depth behind your writing. It felt almost like the prologue to something…grand and awe-inspiring. Loved it!

Solar Soliloquy ~ Cosmic Knight
Such an emotional piece, beautifully written too. I really did feel so much for the speaker, such sadness but such joy at the love gone by.

To Feel Alive ~ fuckmeat
Wow. This certainly stands out among the other pieces this month I know the subject matter might not be to everyone’s tastes but the writing itself is amazing! And, in reference to the subject matter, I really did feel a strange sense of understanding at the end which is testament to your storytelling abilities! (And I’m really sorry if the word count was an issue. I almost kept it at 2,500 but felt I should maybe change it every month, just to keep it a challenge )

The Oman of a Good Life ~ Niriate
Yay for a happy piece! Such a sweet, tender little scene and really nicely written too.

Just Another Day ~ marauder13
I am in awe of you and your skills. It was such a real scene, the conversation, the description, all of it. I could almost hear the water lapping and smell his egg and toast!

The Perfect Sunrise ~ Alana_
I loved the idea behind this and I loved that the ‘prompt’ didn’t become your main character or directly linked with her. Made it so much more effective for me than if they’d struck up conversation after she’d taken the shot. You’re brilliant!

Emerald_Lilly
This was a very real story, almost too real for comfort. Yes, there was the odd element of cliché, but as you said, clichés have to come from somewhere…

Goodbyes ~ DeliciousMaiden
I really enjoyed this but I must admit the layout did keep distracting me during the first couple of read throughs. That said, your language is gorgeous. Wasn’t sure about this line though “the tentative touch on his arm willing her to let him in”. Did you mean ‘willing him to let her in’?

Vail_Indigo
You’re amazing, lady! Very harsh, very real. Having been in a similar situation that sense of self blame felt very real. And I also liked that the ‘cowboy’ featured as a poignant element of a totally different kind in your piece!

wideeyedone
Short and sweet and your last line gets me every time I read it. Genius. Would love to read the rest of their love story

Last Call ~ PenIsMightier1
Awesome. Very tense, very mysterious and yet very smoothly written. I winced when I read that line too. Perfectly pitched!


Well, well, well…some awesome, awesome, pieces so far…and more to come I hope
Should probably kick my own rear into gear and work on my own piece too!

 

[DeliciousMaiden]

Oops!

Goodbyes ~ DeliciousMaiden
I really enjoyed this but I must admit the layout did keep distracting me during the first couple of read throughs. That said, your language is gorgeous. Wasn’t sure about this line though “the tentative touch on his arm willing her to let him in”. Did you mean ‘willing him to let her in’?

Opps, yes ... I did mean "willing him to let her in".

I did check and double check, but never spotted that error!

Apologies and thank you for the feedback!

DM

 

[Britwitch]

Opps, yes ... I did mean "willing him to let her in".

I did check and double check, but never spotted that error!

Apologies and thank you for the feedback!

DM

No worries, and thanks so much for joining in, really was a brilliant piece

 

[PenIsMightier1]

Well, well, well…some awesome, awesome, pieces so far…and more to come I hope
Should probably kick my own rear into gear and work on my own piece too!

C'mon Brit, we're waiting for your piece



And I'm really glad you also enjoyed my piece

 

[Britwitch]

Ahem, I have an announcement...

February's Challenge Is Now Closed!

No more pieces please!

March's Challenge Coming Soon!
​

Thanks so much to all who joined in, either by writing something or by reading and reviewing. Working on a prompt for next month, if you have something you think could be interesting to use, PM me

Feel free to keep reviewing pieces already submitted... shifts guiltily ...I had hoped to join in this month's challenge myself but found time and inspiration lacking...not good! But next month I have every intention of joining in with my own challenge!!

Once again, thanks so so much to everyone for making my little challenge such a success...

 

[Alana_]

I could do with one of these more than once a month. They're about the only thing that gets the electroids working in my head. The challenge feeds the hunger for something new.

It was a fantastic idea Brit. Well done.

 

[Vail_Indigo]

I'm with Alana. I think this is a great idea and I would think every two weeks, maybe?

I'll help find images for you, Brit, if you need it.

 

[Emerald_Lilly]

I could do with one of these more than once a month. They're about the only thing that gets the electroids working in my head. The challenge feeds the hunger for something new.

It was a fantastic idea Brit. Well done.

Alana, I agree completely! I logged on today hoping that sweet Brit might have posted the March challenge.

*soft sing-song voice* Brrriiiiiiitttttt, we need a new prompt ..... you have created a need in us

 

[Britwitch]

I was actually going to post the 'March' challenge up in a few hours as will be away from the computer for most of tomorrow

And doing them more often is absolutely fine with me, I have a fair few images and other things lined up but suggestions are always welcome...thanks Vail

So, I will make it a bi-weekly challenge!! Yay wooo!! Am just so happy my idea has caught on like it has

March Challenge ~ Part One ~ Coming very, very soon!!!​

 

[Alana_]

Punches air, and does silent little hakka, then tries to look all respectable and poised.