Your Hot Wife Conversation

[TonyF862]

You put your finger on it…



… but if you find a way to do it in spite of the thing you’re afraid of losing, you can have a great relationship: nothing hidden, no minefields, no resentments.

You also missed one possibility: something will be revealed that one partner will reject and perhaps deny the other partner. For example, one partner might be on this site, texting and sharing pictures with other people and their partner doesn’t know. It might be that their partner will tell them that they are “uncomfortable” with it and to stop. Or your partner might say they want to have sex with other people, which gives you anxiety, makes you afraid, or jealous. If you can listen and talk from a place of curiosity and understanding and not from a place of defensiveness or selfishness, then you have openness. What could be more important than that?

This applies across all levels/type of relationships Ie “listen and talk from a place of curiosity” aka a “learn it all” not “know it all” mentality

 

[lc69hunter]

There are several fairly recent surveys that claim that women get bored with monogamy far more often and far sooner than men. For those men looking for a hotwife relationship, that is a positive. For those men seeking and wanting and expecting a traditional marriage, it is a definitely a negative, as at some point in the marriage, she will probably have at least one random hookup if the opportunity allows, and probably more. You will never know, and no harm, no foul. You will not realize it, but it will probably make your sex life with your spouse better. Don't ask.

 

[TonyF862]

There are several fairly recent surveys that claim that women get bored with monogamy far more often and far sooner than men. For those men looking for a hotwife relationship, that is a positive. For those men seeking and wanting and expecting a traditional marriage, it is a definitely a negative, as at some point in the marriage, she will probably have at least one random hookup if the opportunity allows, and probably more.

Or - go through life frustrated, feeling unappreciated, resentful etc. I think more woman (and men) fall into this category simply because they do t know how to effectively and honestly communicate their feelings

You will never know, and no harm, no foul. You will not realize it, but it will probably make your sex life with your spouse better. Don't ask.

 

[Dreamer110]

My wife RAISED the subject with me.

Mind, I already knew that girlfriend/wife-sharing erotica turned her on, but one night she just flat-out (and with no introduction) asked, "Is it cheating if you know?"

Absolutely not.

 

[Rob_Royale]

I can tell you that it is not a universal reaction for a woman to lose respect for her husband for doing this. My wife's respect for me was not diminished one iota when I decided that after 35 years of sexual exclusivity, she was free to have occasional NSA sex with other men, so long as she told me beforehand, prioritized her safety, and was discreet.

I have no doubt of this and I'm very happy that you and you wife have found something that works for you.

 

[Rugburn349]

If I was to be honest, my wife losing respect/attraction for me is the main thing I’m scared about with continuing to pursue her becoming a Hotwife someday. Someone mention it isn’t universal, which I’m sure it’s not. But it is a worry because I’d much rather spent my life with my wife and NOT ever touch the Hotwife/cuck stuff rather than the inverse.

 

[LMWM321]

If I was to be honest, my wife losing respect/attraction for me is the main thing I’m scared about with continuing to pursue her becoming a Hotwife someday.

I think it is important to understand that allowing your wife to discreetly have NSA sex when the opportunity presents itself is very different than encouraging her to be “a Hot Wife," at least as it is portrayed in porn. In porn a Hot Wife is usually a hyper-sexual woman who delights in humiliating her husband when she openly fucks other men. If I encouraged my wife to do that… then, yes… she would lose respect for me. Or, encouraging her to have sex with other men because it turns me on… that, too, would upset her. That is not why I allow it. I allow it as a way to resurrect her libido which had begun to fall dramatically. So it was for her benefit and the benefit of our relationship. Maybe that is the big difference

 

[TonyF862]

I think it is important to understand that allowing your wife to have NSA sex when the opportunity presents itself is very different than encouraging her to be “a hot wife”. As it is portrayed in porn a hot wife is a hypersexual woman who delights in humiliating her husband by openly fucking other men. If I encouraged my wife to do that… then, yes… she would lose respect for me. Or encouraging her to have sex with other men just because it turns me on… that, too, would upset her. That is not why I allow it. I allow it for her benefit… Not mine. Maybe that is the big difference

I’d question your definition/characterization of “hot wife” as “hypersexual woman who delights in humiliating her husband”

I’ve played w multiple hot wives and consider my own wife to be a (part time?) hot wife. Neither situation has anything to do w humiliation.

Quite the opposite!

 

[jimmyturtleman]

I’d question your definition/characterization of “hot wife” as “hypersexual woman who delights in humiliating her husband”

I’ve played w multiple hot wives and consider my own wife to be a (part time?) hot wife. Neither situation has anything to do w humiliation.

Quite the opposite!

Exactly. The humiliation aspect has been added by many who have no real understanding of the cuckold lifestyle. My wife has "cuckolded" me on different occasions without any hint of humiliation.

 

[LMWM321]

I’d question your definition/characterization of “hot wife” as “hypersexual woman who delights in humiliating her husband”

I’ve played w multiple hot wives and consider my own wife to be a (part time?) hot wife. Neither situation has anything to do w humiliation.

Quite the opposite!

Ok, but peruse the “hot wife captions” thread here on Lit, or click on a handful of hot wife clips on porn hub. Humiliation is a big part of it.

And my other point stands… A husband asking his wife to have sex with other men because it turns him on is a VERY different thing than giving your wife permission because you think it is good for her libido and therefore your relationship

 

[policywank]

Lots of people attach humiliation to the term Hotwife. That doesn't mean we all have to accept it as a prerequisite to the usage of the term.

For couples who do want to explore this lifestyle (or any form of ENM whatever words you want to use) I think it is very important that the wife's pleasure and enjoyment be the primary objective. The husband may get turned on by it, but if she is mainly doing it because it turns him on that will probably not end well.

The question of whether she will lose respect for her husband lies in her mindset. Some people have a very difficult time internalizing the fallacy in many traditions gender stereotypes. It helps to explore some of those independent of the Hotwife discussion.

For instance, does she regard jealousy as evidence of her man's love. This one always struck me as silly. But in some cultures if a man approaches a woman she fully expects her man to come running to the rescue and challenge the guy. I personally find that insulting unless the guy is being overly aggressive. I am perfectly capable of shutting down a guy if his advances are unwanted. Running to intervene suggests I am weak or untrustworthy. Does she not respect a guy who isn't hung up on her bodycount? Does she think gay men are weak? Does she expect the guy to be head of the household?

All those things suggest a traditional view of gender roles. There is nothing wrong with that, but they do suggest a woman who will lose respect for a cuckold husband (with or without humiliation) because he doesn't fit a traditional mold. In my mind acting out of jealousy or insecurity is a sign of weakness, not strength, but that is not what society tells us. She must be strong enough to reject that.

If a woman can be more open-minded, she will see such a husband as a blessing. He can be a supportive partner without needing to limit her sexual pleasure. That is uncommon and requires a man who is mentally and emotionally strong enough not to be hung up on what other people think.

 

[LMWM321]

If a woman can be more open-minded, she will see such a husband as a blessing. He can be a supportive partner without needing to limit her sexual pleasure. That is uncommon and requires a man who is mentally and emotionally strong enough not to be hung up on what other people think.

I agree with your whole post but for the sake of discussion, I believe that most people who have ENM in the their marriage would argue that some mutually-agreed upon rules (ie., constraints) are necessary, if the marriage is to be protected. One easy example is to NOT have so much sex with others that you are consistently sexually unavailable for your partner.

 

[LMWM321]

There are several fairly recent surveys that claim that women get bored with monogamy far more often and far sooner than men.

This might lead some to conclude that women generally have a higher sex drive than men. ..I don't think that's true. Generally speaking, I think women's sex drive is lower. ..So when the newness of a sexual relationship is over, sex for a woman may go from highly pleasurable, to just 'ok', until eventually it becomes a one-sided activity she engages in mostly to please her partner on birthdays and anniversaries. Meanwhile, her husband is as horny as when they first married, and wants sex several times a week.

Future generations will have to figure out a way grapple with this dynamic. My hunch is that marriage in the future will mean a long period of sexual exclusivity - perhaps spanning decades. Then, once the cement of the marriage has fully cured, couples will loosen the reigns and allow outside sex - and do so without any jealousy. Indeed, NSA hookups will no longer be perceived as a symptom of an unhealthy marriage, but as something happy and secure couples do to maintain their own sexual health and to ensure the health of their marriage.

To me, sex is a life-affirming, life-extending activity that everyone should engage in until they draw their last breath. If women need a new partner once in a while to keep their interest up, then so be it.

 

[TonyF862]

.To me, sex is a life-affirming, life-extending activity that everyone should engage in until they draw their last breath. If women need a new partner once in a while to keep their interest up, then so be it.

This. My (and wife’s) biggest challenge is her hesitancy to admit how fully sexual she is. I’ve made some missteps along our swinging journey as I’m a “ never met a stranger” kind of guy. Any hesitancy she has about multiple partners stems from my quick step to try to make a situation more permanent. I think she would fuck a lot more guys if she was confident that that would be the end of it (and she wouldn’t have to see them again).

 

[lc69hunter]

There are several fairly recent surveys that claim that women get bored with monogamy far more often and far sooner than men. For those men looking for a hotwife relationship, that is a positive. For those men seeking and wanting and expecting a traditional marriage, it is a definitely a negative, as at some point in the marriage, she will probably have at least one random hookup if the opportunity allows, and probably more. You will never know, and no harm, no foul. You will not realize it, but it will probably make your sex life with your spouse better. Don't ask.

https://literotica.com/s/a-weekend-of-adultery is a perfect example of how it happens, and the women's discussion about it.

 

[policywank]

I agree with your whole post but for the sake of discussion, I believe that most people who have ENM in the their marriage would argue that some mutually-agreed upon rules (ie., constraints) are necessary, if the marriage is to be protected. One easy example is to NOT have so much sex with others that you are consistently sexually unavailable for your partner.

I think that boundaries are appropriate. Personally, I prefer them to be somewhat flexible with a focus on objectives rather than too many rules.

For instance, I agree that you don't want activity with extra-marital lovers result in being consistently unavailable to your partner. But that may be a question of degrees and may change based upon circumstances.

If I spend the afternoon or an evening with my sister or friend that makes me unavailable to my husband. The same occurs if I spend that time with a lover. I think that is appropriate as long as I have a sense of balance (i.e. don't do it too often) and am dialled in to how my husband feels overall or at any given time.

Similarly, whether my activities with friends or lovers is taking away from my time with him is substantially a function of whether he is available to be with me. If he is having a night with the boys' on Saturday I will try to organize my date for that night so that I can be with him on Friday. But if the boys' night was something decided after a round of golf on Saturday morning (i.e. so I didn't know to move my date around) I have no problem going on another date Saturday night and not worrying too much about when I get home (as I don't expect him home until late anyway.)

 

[policywank]

By the way, I do think it is appropriate that husbands be wary of whether their wives will lose respect for them.

First of all is the justified judgment. If this is all about a titillation thrill for the husband, I think that a lot of wives would perceive that as putting her in a compromising position for his stimulation (the 'his personal porn star' nonsense). That is selfish and risky. I am not saying it can't be a thrill for the husband - if that is the way he feels he can't turn that off. But the focus and priority should be her pleasure.

Judging him to be less of a man because he is open to the possibility of ENM and/or because the idea of her being with another man thrills him is not justified in my mind. But it will be the reality for a lot of women. I hate to say it but sometimes we can be more contradictory than men in this sense. We advocate acceptance of others, but may not have the same acceptance for our man to stray from traditional.

 

[UtilityCurve]

By the way, I do think it is appropriate that husbands be wary of whether their wives will lose respect for them.

First of all is the justified judgment. If this is all about a titillation thrill for the husband, I think that a lot of wives would perceive that as putting her in a compromising position for his stimulation (the 'his personal porn star' nonsense). That is selfish and risky. I am not saying it can't be a thrill for the husband - if that is the way he feels he can't turn that off. But the focus and priority should be her pleasure.

Judging him to be less of a man because he is open to the possibility of ENM and/or because the idea of her being with another man thrills him is not justified in my mind. But it will be the reality for a lot of women. I hate to say it but sometimes we can be more contradictory than men in this sense. We advocate acceptance of others, but may not have the same acceptance for our man to stray from traditional.

Do you think being "his personal porn star" is legit? That is the avenue my wife took.

 

[lc69hunter]

By the way, I do think it is appropriate that husbands be wary of whether their wives will lose respect for them.

First of all is the justified judgment. If this is all about a titillation thrill for the husband, I think that a lot of wives would perceive that as putting her in a compromising position for his stimulation (the 'his personal porn star' nonsense). That is selfish and risky. I am not saying it can't be a thrill for the husband - if that is the way he feels he can't turn that off. But the focus and priority should be her pleasure.

Judging him to be less of a man because he is open to the possibility of ENM and/or because the idea of her being with another man thrills him is not justified in my mind. But it will be the reality for a lot of women. I hate to say it but sometimes we can be more contradictory than men in this sense. We advocate acceptance of others, but may not have the same acceptance for our man to stray from traditional.

You know that I respect your wisdom, from a woman's perspective on these issues. Your last paragraph is sad, but sometimes true. As the other man in many of these relationships, I tried to avoid situations where I detected that, as I preferred couples walking this road together, as equals in the dynamic.

 

[LMWM321]

Put simply... it's fine to enjoy the idea of your wife being with other men, but it's a different thing altogether to push her in the direction of strange men who may not respect her boundaries.

Imagine if your "Hot Wife" gets beaten by some toxic woman-hating POS, all because you asked her to fuck him because it excites you.

 

[RDNTDGR]

participation must be consensual. When I first met my Kelly, I wanted no secrets. I told her I found her redhead friend hot and wanted to do them both @ the same time. That was shocking to her, Miss Goody 2 Shoes. But it was the truth. She asked, "What about me?" "I want you to have that experience if you want to." It was a year later, she said, "him". and that is how it started for us. She got #3 in her life, a new BF.

There was only plant the idea in her mind and let her think about it. She didn't even know when it was going to happen. One day on trail, a guy hit on her. She responded favorably for us all.

 

[policywank]

Do you think being "his personal porn star" is legit? That is the avenue my wife took.

I don't think it is my place to say what is legit for someone else. I enjoy showing off for my husband, but that comes after enjoying my sexual adventures with other men. Stimulating him is not the principal reason I pursue those adventures in the first place.

I think we all need to be the lead role in our own narrative and we need to support our partner in being the led in their own narrative. A hotwife should not be the supporting character in her cuckold's fantasy if she wouldn't otherwise enjoy engaging in these activities herself unless it is the showing off that makes it genuinely appealing to her (as opposed to appeasing him). And it is unhealthy for a man to push his wife in this direction primarily for his own selfish reasons.

But if she is enjoying herself and likes to show off for him or if the showing off is what makes it fun for her, then more power to her.

 

[Mike302]

I think it is important to understand that allowing your wife to discreetly have NSA sex when the opportunity presents itself is very different than encouraging her to be “a Hot Wife," at least as it is portrayed in porn. In porn a Hot Wife is usually a hyper-sexual woman who delights in humiliating her husband when she openly fucks other men. If I encouraged my wife to do that… then, yes… she would lose respect for me. Or, encouraging her to have sex with other men because it turns me on… that, too, would upset her. That is not why I allow it. I allow it as a way to resurrect her libido which had begun to fall dramatically. So it was for her benefit and the benefit of our relationship. Maybe that is the big difference

Sounds like my wife a bit. She appreciates and respects me and plans to continue doing so. She reserves the right to fool around with another guy if she wants to. We have great sex regularly and have a happy marriage. I'm fit and not ugly. The only reason she'd want to fuck another is if he was hot / handsome and interested. It would have nothing to do with me. Has she? I dunno. I really don't know. Would she tell me? I'm not sure about that, either. She knows it would be okay. I know she would certainly not bathe afterwards. She knows that would be my preference. I think she enjoys me not really knowing, but wondering.

Sometimes on a day I worked and she didn't and we make love late afternoon I know she showered in the morning. Sometimes her pussy seems very wet when she straddles my head and fucks my mouth, sometimes not. Could be her cycle or her mood. Our foreplay always takes about the same amount of time. One time as soon as she walked in the door she stood tall, basically, dipped me, and kissed me deeply with all of the tongue she could. It was very hot! But she'd been at work. Her mouth seemed moist, not dry like she'd been parched at work, or taste strongly of gum that she'll chew to avoid bad-breath from dry-mouth. It was so weird that she did that once in several years. Not bad breath, not dry, not minty gum...just wet. Was there cum flavor? Maybe? But what if it was an hour ago? Was it in my head? Had she just sucked a guy off? She always swallows me or gives it back to me to swallow, it's completely normal for us. The way she did it was the same way when she gives my cum back to me or splits it with me. I didn't ask. I never ask. She knows I like it whether real or fantasy.

What I recently learned while we were chatting was that while our relationship is FLR, I figured it would take a dominant man to pursue her and that would be part of the thrill, her being submissive to a man for a change. Nope! She always has to be the one in control.

 

[Experimentalist]

Wife here, and our situation was a little bit different but figured I would offer a different perspective.

My husband didn't necessarily have a fantasy of sharing me specifically; his curiosity stand from him knowing that I enjoyed group sex and had quite a bit of experience with it prior to us meeting. He would ask me about it from time to time until one day he said that he would love to experience it with me. My husband has always given me the queen treatment from the first day that we met so I never felt like he needed to reinforce his love for me. It never popped into my head that he didn't love me or that he didn't respect me just because he wanted to enjoy a threesome with me. If anything, I just wanted to be sure that it was something that he genuinely wanted, and not something that he proposed because he knew that I enjoyed it. We talked about it quite a bit and even when it came to picking the guy that was going to join us, I initially assumed that he would want a stranger but he preferred to invite a close friend of his because he trusted him. It was during that first threesome that he got his first glimpse and enjoyment of just sitting back and watching and that's why eventually developed into a hot wife relationship and also led to us dabbling in other dynamics like swinging and cuckolding. Almost 20 years later and it's still a huge part of our relationship

Sounds quite healthy