❓ Inquiring Minds Want To Know - Discussion Thread

[AlwaysFara]

If you by chance shot a video of that cookie, would you mind posting it? should be entertaining.

Eewwwwwww!!!

 

[cookiecat]

If you by chance shot a video of that cookie, would you mind posting it? should be entertaining.

 

[Angedesoleil]

or done. I remember spanking myself. Now, I think what the heck?? At the time I felt so naughty.

Been there * hand raised* laughs at self. Felt ridiculous too.

Been at Fara's one too. Didn't safeword, just cried and said... I can't do that.... I'm sorry... too deep... too important. I won't out of respect to the term. You. Haven't. Earned. It.
..... did not go well.

All of this year's and years ago.

 

[seela]

There needs to be a whole thread on weird, awful, absurd, hilarious shit that has been said during phone sex.

You mean things like "I want to meet you irl tonight. If you don't agree to it, I'm going to have to rape my mother and that'll be your fault."

I hung up.

Yes, it really happened.

I've had phone sex maybe 6 times in my life and each one of them has been awkward.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

You mean things like "I want to meet you irl tonight. If you don't agree to it, I'm going to have to rape my mother and that'll be your fault."

I hung up.

Yes, it really happened.

I've had phone sex maybe 6 times in my life and each one of them has been awkward.

Holy shit!!
Yeah... someone start this thread...

 

[cookiecat]

You mean things like "I want to meet you irl tonight. If you don't agree to it, I'm going to have to rape my mother and that'll be your fault."

I hung up.

Yes, it really happened.

I've had phone sex maybe 6 times in my life and each one of them has been awkward.

Omg that's horrifying.

 

[ydahecnot]

For me, a good mindfuck means he took time to get to know me. He knows what buttons to push, how far he can take things, what I fear, what makes me wet.

It means he knows me.

Yeah, if you want your buttons pushed nicely, you have to seek out buttons yours of.

 

[AlwaysFara]

You mean things like "I want to meet you irl tonight. If you don't agree to it, I'm going to have to rape my mother and that'll be your fault."

I hung up.

Yes, it really happened.

I've had phone sex maybe 6 times in my life and each one of them has been awkward.

That’s not a sexy mindfuck.
That’s a sociopath incel fuck.

 

[cookiecat]

Yeah, if you want your buttons pushed nicely, you have to seek out buttons yours of.

I'm not sure what you mean.

 

[ydahecnot]

I mean, autocx sucks! Last word should be “yourself,” not “yours of”

 

[Angedesoleil]

You mean things like "I want to meet you irl tonight. If you don't agree to it, I'm going to have to rape my mother and that'll be your fault."

I hung up.

Yes, it really happened.

I've had phone sex maybe 6 times in my life and each one of them has been awkward.

well hello Clarice

 

[Ed27R]

Crazy ass mother fuckers.

I think this is being too kind.

 

[cookiecat]

I mean, autocx sucks! Last word should be “yourself,” not “yours of”

gotcha!

I'm nice to my buttons.

 

[cookiecat]

Getting back on track - re: bdsm terms

I'm going to a thing tonight - a class? seminar? on how to be a better "bottom."

Knowing the difference between Top / Dominant and bottom / submissive took me a while. For a long time, I thought they were the same.

A lot of people say they can't play or have a scene unless they have a solid connection with someone. In some cases, that connection needs to be a romantic relationship in order to ________ (fill in the blank: get spanked, flogged, caned, do electrical play, etc).

That's fine. But I realized back in my single days, it could be a long long time before I had kinky experiences if I waited until I was in a relationship. And dang it! I wanted to do kinky stuff!!

I sought out people in the local community who were good at the stuff - the spanking, the single-tail stuff, fire play, whatever seemed interesting. I got to know them, watched them play, asked if I could play too.

I learned that being a bottom didn't mean I had to submit/serve someone. I also learned that some people enjoy "topping" to someone who enjoys bottoming. It's just a moment in time, an experience. It doesn't have to be this insanely meaningful, connecting experience. It can be. But it doesn't have to be.

Allowing my brain to wrap around the term of Top / bottom vs. Dom/sub helped me to get out of my romantic bdsm shell and get out and have kinky fun.

DISCLAIMER: Some kind of connection is always wise. Friendship, mentor/student, hey! I'm interested in trying that violet wand I saw you use - you need to know who you're talking with. I'm trying to differentiate between thinking I needed to be in a submissive mind-set in order to get 1/2 naked, tied up and paddled. I could just be in a let's have fun, let's do this interesting, kinky thing tonight. Negotiations are good.

 

[barefootgirl69]

Getting back on track - re: bdsm terms

I'm going to a thing tonight - a class? seminar? on how to be a better "bottom."

Knowing the difference between Top / Dominant and bottom / submissive took me a while. For a long time, I thought they were the same.

A lot of people say they can't play or have a scene unless they have a solid connection with someone. In some cases, that connection needs to be a romantic relationship in order to ________ (fill in the blank: get spanked, flogged, caned, do electrical play, etc).

That's fine. But I realized back in my single days, it could be a long long time before I had kinky experiences if I waited until I was in a relationship. And dang it! I wanted to do kinky stuff!!

I sought out people in the local community who were good at the stuff - the spanking, the single-tail stuff, fire play, whatever seemed interesting. I got to know them, watched them play, asked if I could play too.

I learned that being a bottom didn't mean I had to submit/serve someone. I also learned that some people enjoy "topping" to someone who enjoys bottoming. It's just a moment in time, an experience. It doesn't have to be this insanely meaningful, connecting experience. It can be. But it doesn't have to be.

Allowing my brain to wrap around the term of Top / bottom vs. Dom/sub helped me to get out of my romantic bdsm shell and get out and have kinky fun.

DISCLAIMER: Some kind of connection is always wise. Friendship, mentor/student, hey! I'm interested in trying that violet wand I saw you use - you need to know who you're talking with. I'm trying to differentiate between thinking I needed to be in a submissive mind-set in order to get 1/2 naked, tied up and paddled. I could just be in a let's have fun, let's do this interesting, kinky thing tonight. Negotiations are good.

I've seen the violet wand and wax play at one of those "classes". I would definitely bottom for that experience!

 

[AlwaysFara]

That’s not my thing.
Maybe if I was younger. I don’t know.

The one time I tried to have a one night stand, I ended up in a relationship for 10 months.
I don’t want kink for the sake of kink.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Hmm. Here's my very naive opinion. I think respect can be more important than "love" for me in regards to kink. I love someone that I sometimes have a problem respecting. I actually have a harder time respecting someone than anything else. (A totally personal struggle i know).
So those "scenes' or "play" or whatever where I fully get lost in the moment are always the best. Full submission = respect? I don't know... I like what cookie said about the mentor - that appeals to me very much.

 

[barefootgirl69]

That’s not my thing.
Maybe if I was younger. I don’t know.

The one time I tried to have a one night stand, I ended up in a relationship for 10 months.
I don’t want kink for the sake of kink.

I don't think bottoming necessarily involves sex during these 'scenes'.

But, I get where you're coming from.

 

[AlwaysFara]

I don't think bottoming necessarily involves sex during these 'scenes'.

But, I get where you're coming from.

I know. I knew someone here who would top a friend of his to get his knots perfect.

I don’t know...

 

[Angedesoleil]

That’s not my thing.
Maybe if I was younger. I don’t know.

The one time I tried to have a one night stand, I ended up in a relationship for 10 months.
I don’t want kink for the sake of kink.

This is where I am too. But I think that's partly because I'm grey romantic. I cant get... anything... out of it if I'm not romantically interested in the person and it is HARD to do for me.

Interestingly I have bottomed for experience including at a convention once... but I didnt get anything out of it EXCEPT for the fact my Dtype at the time was really pleased I did that so there was that. *smile* Ironically it was a violet wand demo.

I agree the terms top/bottom dom and sub are important to differentiate.

 

[cookiecat]

I'll sitting here at the event. I usually know one or two people but it's been a while. I have a handout. Lol. Thank goodness for phones or I'd have to engage.

When I bottom, it's not to feel sexual or get off. It does happen - I do get aroused because that stuff turns me on.

But how else would I know what I like if I don't have the chance to try it? I'd like to try suspension. It's like taking ski lessons. I'm not going to smooch anyone.

Mr. cookie and I went to this kink party where areas were set up to try try different things. He got to try cupping/cutting me with someone who was experienced guiding him. There were areas for flogging, canes, different paddles, needle play. I thought it was a great idea to be able to experiment without a huge commitment of time and energy.

 

[WrongVerb]

There needs to be a whole thread on weird, awful, absurd, hilarious shit that has been said during phone sex.

I laugh when I'm a bit nervous, and having phone sex with someone for the first time makes me a little nervous, so that initial conversation, and even the phone sex, will be sprinkled with my nervous laughter. It can be a bit disconcerting for my partner.

 

[Ed27R]

Hmm. Here's my very naive opinion. I think respect can be more important than "love" for me in regards to kink. I love someone that I sometimes have a problem respecting. I actually have a harder time respecting someone than anything else. (A totally personal struggle i know).
So those "scenes' or "play" or whatever where I fully get lost in the moment are always the best. Full submission = respect? I don't know... I like what cookie said about the mentor - that appeals to me very much.

I like this ^. Something about love being blind or unbounded. We let and do shitty, disrecptful things to those we love all the time. Well maybe not all the time but you get my point. Where as respect feels much more bounded. It is good gauge for the things you can trust a person do or do to another person. And, it has very clear “rules” about when respect is lost. Thanks for this.... given me a lot to think about.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Just A Repost Of The Questions So Far

Just reposting the questions so far for easy reference -

Thursday Question:
#1
What are your top 3 Do's and Don'ts of kink?
How would you best describe your personal philosophy/style of BDSM and why? I'm not looking for the rules we should all know (i.e. consent, communication, etc.) but your individual outlook, lessons learned etc.

Do -
1.
2.
3.

Do Not -
1.
2.
3.

Do these include your limits? How did you learn these things about yourself? Do you wish you'd had these guideposts earlier?

Monday Question:
#2
Experience!
How important is it in a partner? Do you prefer someone with lots of experience with different types of play, partners, etc? Or do you like "training" someone for the first time? Have you ever been someone's first foray into BDSM? (Feel free to share your first experience - within the rules) How does your partner's experience level or the way you identify (Dom, sub, swith) factor in to your play?

Thursday Question:
#3
(Submitted)
Negotiations and Aftercare - The Before and After
Can you give examples of how you and your partners navigate both negotiations and aftercare? Do you include them in online play?

Monday Question:
#4
How critical is your kink to your overall life satisfaction?
Could you be happy in a relationship that does not include kink? Is it just sex for you or an important part of how you see yourself?

New Question:
#5
There seems to be a spectrum from 'humiliation' to 'ego-stroking'. Do you have experience from either end of the scale? Where do you prefer your interactions/scenes/play? Is one more natural for you?

New Week, New Question!
#6
Something a little lighter?
Let's talk terminology - What BDSM term or phrase seems to perfectly summarize an idea or action for you? What term or phrase do you just not understand? Is there one that makes you laugh? Is there a kink or idea that you WISH had a term?

I think we may all learn some new words!

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Just reposting the questions so far for easy reference -

Thanks!