❓ Inquiring Minds Want To Know - Discussion Thread

[AlwaysFara]

#24

Kink Evolution (submitted)

How has your perception of kink / bdsm changed since you got involved in it? Do people in your life know you have a kinky streak? Do you think people in other forums think the BDSM forum is weird, scary?

My perception of kink and BDSM has changed in that, I see it as much less formal in the flesh than I did online. In our relationship there are no punishments, no titles, no tasks. There is tons of communication, a loving relationship, and kink in the sack. It’s not scary or forbidden or taboo. Okay, sometimes a little scary, but in a good way. When you trust someone, it falls into place.
I’m also much more open minded about others’ kinks.

Yes, most people know I’m kinky/subby, but only a couple know the extent of it. Most do not want to hear about it. It seems to make them uncomfortable. I’m a person who likes to talk, so this is why I have Lit. If I didn’t have my GFs here I would be struggling. My RL girls are much more conservative than I am.

Yes. It’s no secret on the other boards that we are the freaks, and that we belong here, or in Fetish. I don’t know if it’s fear, ignorance, or people being uptight. Maybe all of it. I guess if you are on Lit from 9-5 to cheat on your spouse while at work, BDSM may be a bit much.
Lots of kink shaming, just last week in a thread about choke fucking, in fact. We’ve been called boot kickers, or been dismissed as less than because we are submissive women. If I hear “The sub has all the power...” from one more wannabe asshat, I will lose my shit.
There’s also a misconception that, as a submissive woman who loves to suck cock, I want to suck all the cock, ever. I am submissive, but not to every choad who ends up in my Inbox.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

There’s also a misconception that, as a submissive woman who loves to suck cock, I want to suck all the cock, ever. I am submissive, but not to every choad who ends up in my Inbox.

☠☠☠
<does of laughter>
Totally agree!

 

[barefootgirl69]

If I hear “The sub has all the power...” from one more wannabe asshat, I will lose my shit.

This! ♡

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Staggy, I'm glad you keep coming back.

 

[AlwaysFara]

I shall endeavor to take that as a compliment.

I'm a little confused (as usual); I used the F word once; in the context of having sex.... Where does "all the" come from? My other posts?

I am often and unfairly grumpy on lit. It's comparatively safe to be grumpy here... that's probably it.

As for all the "hard players"... It's easy to miss all the posters of yesteryear, particularly so because I know very little of whatever falling out apparently drove them all away.

Most years I disappear from lit for a while. The board is never quite the same when I come back. One year I returned, and the change was disproportionate. The cafe felt desolate for a time

I suspect things had gotten very polarized and political, but it strikes me all the stranger that people from both sides of the arguments that drove me away for a season we're gone when I came back.

In anycase, I used to be one of those who talked about true dominance or true submission. A couple hard life lessons and a great many "soft lit lessons", and just a couple decades to simmer... No one would be the same.

Now I am occasionally disconcerted by my own rising contempt for such narrow mindsets. The 'stag' that just wants everyone to get along is pretty dead too.

Necro posted the F bombs.

 

[AlwaysFara]

While the whole point of power exchange may be to allow one partner to feel powerless, and the other to excercise power, from a legal stand point, "the sub has all the power" is only wrong in that it misses just how illegal BDSM has become.

Due to domestic violence laws; a sub has no agency to consent to being a sub. "All the power" is in the hands of literally ANYONE who knows about the power exchange, and chooses out of spite or obligation to report it as suspected abuse.

At that point (depending on where you are), everyone in the process has a free "my hands are tied" card to not drop the case and fuck both parties over. Coupes have been reported for abuse by the submissive's doctor, mother, sibling, and co-workers. Submissives have been threatened with charges for "conspiring to commit a crime" of abuse upon themselves in attempt to compel some level of cooperation.

What we talk about here is absolutely not safe legally, even if/when we're going out of our way to be as safe as we can be in every other aspect.

So I'm sorry Fara, but "the Sub has all the power" has validity.

Disagree. I surrender my power.
I’m not talking about consent. I’m talking about what happens after communication.
Without consent, it’s rape.

 

[AlwaysFara]

((Awww-honey))

Sorry your holidays are... doing whatever crumby thing is going on.

My older daughter started her period three days ago. I gave her the usual ration of M&Ms but I'm starting to realize that her grumpiness and whiny cramps are just the "canary in the coal mines" for my wife's worst bi-polar lows.

Her birth control is supposed to prevent her from PMSing... but I'm starting to be unconvinced.

And amidst all that bustle, I'm cramming for another certification test in spite of school being out.

As amusing as it is to be studying HIPS and NIPS... I feel absolutely out of my depth. Don't get me started on Fart Sniffing. Who the fuck names this stuff.

I like you here, too, Staggy.

 

[AlwaysFara]

I'm only talking about consent in terms of agency. No one is allowed to say yes to this. You have no power to surrender. Consent cannot be given, therefore it can be treated as always being abusive.

I keep saying abuse rather than rape only because this applies to amuch wider scope. Flogging isn't sex, and by itself has nothing to do with rape.

You cannot consent to your own abuse. You do not define abuse, the state does. From a legal standpoint communication become irrelevant or worse, a liability.

D/s contracts have been used as evidence for premeditation; that precedent is more than a decade old. The "explicit consent videos" that I hear are becoming popular might soon be used the same way.

"The sub has all the power" as long as they can pick up a phone. There's just no way around that.

You’re not talking about healthy BDSM, though, and there is so much of that. There is.

 

[Blue]

In the UK, we have this thing called the ?Spanner? case from a few decades ago which was the first legal precedent set on the topic of sadomasochism, 20 or 30 men were imprisoned for doing what at the time was considered 'extreme' abuse whilst it was acknowledge that the so-called abuse was consensual between all parties.

They were all imprisoned as a part of the same case and since the precedent has never been used to convict anybody else since (at least as far as I know), it's presumed that the judge made the sentences so harsh due to all the men being gay rather than because he had an issue with what they were doing.

A few years ago David Cameron's government expanded on that ruling and legislated as a part of a particularly stupid anti-porn ruling that any sex act which 'reddens the skin' is legally considered assault - and in UK law consent is largely irrelevant to 'assault'.

So even though I don't know of any instances of these rulings being successfully exploited or used to convict somebody, over here you could theoretically actually admit an injury, no matter how mild, was done to you through consensual sex and your 'attacker' could still be convicted for it.

 

[Feelfreetotouch]

#24
I would never have thought I'd get involved in or even entertain the thought of being in the lifestyle. Then I read a few stories. Then I found myself talking with women who wanted certain things from a man. The taboo nature of the lifestyle that once turned me off, had now taken control of my desires. But I struggled. The participation brought guilt. Why was I so turned on? Should I, as a sub, be so turned on by the things being ask of me? It was hard to let go and really commit to the lifestyle. Once I broke (as much as my real life would let me), I realized that it's just another aspect of sex and relationships, all be it different.

Do people in my life know? No, I drop hints to my wife, but she doesn't catch on or is just ignoring the signs.

If people in other forums are like the old me - yes, they think we are off. But, after one night of fun, I'm sure they'd change their minds.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Thanks for sharing FFTT! The male sub POV is so interesting to me. And completely underappreciated.

 

[Feelfreetotouch]

Thanks for sharing FFTT! The male sub POV is so interesting to me. And completely underappreciated.

My pleasure.

 

[AlwaysFara]

#24
I would never have thought I'd get involved in or even entertain the thought of being in the lifestyle. Then I read a few stories. Then I found myself talking with women who wanted certain things from a man. The taboo nature of the lifestyle that once turned me off, had now taken control of my desires. But I struggled. The participation brought guilt. Why was I so turned on? Should I, as a sub, be so turned on by the things being ask of me? It was hard to let go and really commit to the lifestyle. Once I broke (as much as my real life would let me), I realized that it's just another aspect of sex and relationships, all be it different.

Do people in my life know? No, I drop hints to my wife, but she doesn't catch on or is just ignoring the signs.

If people in other forums are like the old me - yes, they think we are off. But, after one night of fun, I'm sure they'd change their minds.

Thanks for sharing FFTT! The male sub POV is so interesting to me. And completely underappreciated.

I agree.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

My pleasure.

Thanks for speaking up.There are still so many who can't/won't.

 

[Feelfreetotouch]

Thanks for speaking up.There are still so many who can't/won't.

They just need a little guidance and coaxing.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

They just need a little guidance and coaxing.

I wish that was all it took. Or maybe I've lost my touch.

 

[Feelfreetotouch]

I wish that was all it took. Or maybe I've lost my touch.

I'm certain you still have your touch.

 

[AlwaysFara]

Sorry for the hijack.

Chalk it up to clashing pet peeves.

You didn’t hijack. This is discussion.

I was talking from an emotional and physical standpoint. In my post, I mean.

 

[AlwaysFara]

And I hope it's obvious now that the only emotional and physical side I was addressing was being incarcerated for something we here do not consider to be wrong depending on context and consent.

Consent can't be sacred if you're not allowed to give it. We should be aware of and fight for that too.

My phone's auto correct (which is supposed to be disabled) seems to think comsect is a word and consent is not.

WTF is comsect?

I don’t know, but when I text people, it often comes out as piezoelectric.

Because, that word is sweeping the nation.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I fucking love you BDSM freaks. You make my comsect go all piezoelectric.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

I fucking love you BDSM freaks. You make my comsect go all piezoelectric.

<squirm>
Keep talking....

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

PLP likes it when i talk dirty quartz.

 

[barefootgirl69]

Ohhhhh, dirty talk and big words... and BDSM.

It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Ohhhhh, dirty talk and big words... and BDSM.

It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas.

Corporal Punishment.

 

[gracie920101]

I guess you're probably feeling pressured then.

I can tell you have that kind of energy, I can feel it in my bones.

It's almost like you have power over her.

Omg the awful puns....

If I don't stop I'm gonna get it.... Probably right in the joules.

Can you hear me groaning from there?


Almost as bad as Dad jokes.