❓ Inquiring Minds Want To Know - Discussion Thread

[Wild_Honey_66]

#30 (submitted) (I can't believe we made it to 30!)

Have you shared your fantasies or your porn with a partner?

Have done a lot of sharing porn with online partners. I loved it, they loved it, it was hot and a great jumping off point for an evening's conversation.

I'm much more reluctant about sharing my personal fantasies. So many men want to tweak my fantasy to suit their tastes and it just ruins it for me. The few who were good listeners and/or were really on the same page made sharing a lot of fun. I'd say the majority of my fantasies now are versions of those discussed with previous partners.

My offline partners have been much less receptive. Either they weren't interested in hearing about my fantasies, found them a turn off, or wanted to 'improve' them.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I've never given a handy.

I use my hands on him plenty all of the time, but if he's in front of me like that, and i get to do what i want, i want him in my mouth.

 

[AveryElle]

I've never given a handy.

I use my hands on him plenty all of the time, but if he's in front of me like that, and i get to do what i want, i want him in my mouth.

watching him in your hands, though...and then whenever he sees your hands, he can think about them around his cock.

it has its own charms.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

watching him in your hands, though...and then whenever he sees your hands, he can think about them around his cock.

it has its own charms.

Oh, I'm not opposed at all. It's definitely on my bucket list.

I just never think of it in the moment.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

From the Unpopular Opinions thread:

2. There is no better way to start a conversation than 'Hey you.' Preferably followed by 'Sit down, we're going to cyber, so get involved in my fantasy.'

Reading this was the first time that i realized that my fantasies were mine. i don't have to share them, and i certainly don't have to let some well-meaning but misguided partner go trampling through my carefully constructed fairy garden.

If i choose to share again in the future, they will be given strict instructions to listen, not to tamper, and to stay off the grass.

Being strict makes me tired. It's easier just not to share.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Yeah, I can understand this.

It's one thing to share a fun bit of porn, it's another beast entirely to open your self to vulnerability; to entrust someone with such privelege as to crack the cover of your lovingly crafted short story, only for them to suggest that they could help you edit it.

Lay that pen to my work and I'll pluck your eyeballs you ingrateful anti-fairy.

And so a million stories go unwritten.

Haha!

Or written, but unread...

 

[Paul_Chance]

Kind of aside but I know two excellent story-teller/writers with sizable bodies of work they've never shared beyond immediate friends and families. That fear of criticism is powerful. It reminds me of the story of the author who wrote a novel, worked on it for seven years, sharing it only with his neighbor, who was a published author. His neighbor kept telling him it was really good and offering to front it to his agent, but he always declined because he didn't think it was good. Eventually, when life events changed his circumstances he finally agreed - the novel was "The Legend of Bagger Vance" and the author was Stephen Pressfield, who has since gone on to a very successful career. (He shares the anecdote in his work "The War of Art", which is must reading for anyone in a creative profession.)

I share my fantasies with lovers, but I don't have the expectation that they won't influence it or change it, deliberately or unintentionally. If that influence is good, it then becomes Fantasy 2.0 and gets added to the library. I think a similar thing happens in phone sex - you bring in two people with their own fantasies and desires and they merge together. Sometimes they turn to diamonds. Sometimes they turn to mud. The alternative (that I enjoy with the right partner) is where one partner tells the story/fantasy and the other just listens and masturbates. That circles back around to whole thing of giving and receiving.

I've had some very structured phone sex over the years, verging on a live voice performance, complete with directors notes LOL. I enjoyed it and I saw it more as an "erotic performance art" challenge - but still sexy as hell. If you think of sex in general as an art, it can improve your sex life, but in the act itself and in the context and environment of the performance piece.

 

[midwestyankee]

#30 (submitted) (I can't believe we made it to 30!)

Masturbation
Have you masturbated in front of a partner? Have you masturbated a partner to the point of cumming (doing nothing else but masturbating)? Have you shared your fantasies or your porn with a partner? Have you ever tried mutual masturbation with no penetration?

Yes to all of the above.

Of course, you youngsters have it easy. When I was young, we had to share porn by telegraph in our long-distance-relationships. Once, I had a special friend in California and we had to do our cybering by Pony Express. Talk about a slow build-up!

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Yes to all of the above.

Of course, you youngsters have it easy. When I was young, we had to share porn by telegraph in our long-distance-relationships. Once, I had a special friend in California and we had to do our cybering by Pony Express. Talk about a slow build-up!

That does seem to be taking edging to an extreme.

 

[midwestyankee]

That does seem to be taking edging to an extreme.

I know.

 

[AveryElle]

Yes to all of the above.

Of course, you youngsters have it easy. When I was young, we had to share porn by telegraph in our long-distance-relationships. Once, I had a special friend in California and we had to do our cybering by Pony Express. Talk about a slow build-up!

Huh. I thought it was two coffee cans and some string. Go figure.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I know.

Fucking sadists.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Kind of aside but I know two excellent story-teller/writers with sizable bodies of work they've never shared beyond immediate friends and families. That fear of criticism is powerful. It reminds me of the story of the author who wrote a novel, worked on it for seven years, sharing it only with his neighbor, who was a published author. His neighbor kept telling him it was really good and offering to front it to his agent, but he always declined because he didn't think it was good. Eventually, when life events changed his circumstances he finally agreed - the novel was "The Legend of Bagger Vance" and the author was Stephen Pressfield, who has since gone on to a very successful career. (He shares the anecdote in his work "The War of Art", which is must reading for anyone in a creative profession.)

I share my fantasies with lovers, but I don't have the expectation that they won't influence it or change it, deliberately or unintentionally. If that influence is good, it then becomes Fantasy 2.0 and gets added to the library. I think a similar thing happens in phone sex - you bring in two people with their own fantasies and desires and they merge together. Sometimes they turn to diamonds. Sometimes they turn to mud. The alternative (that I enjoy with the right partner) is where one partner tells the story/fantasy and the other just listens and masturbates. That circles back around to whole thing of giving and receiving.

I've had some very structured phone sex over the years, verging on a live voice performance, complete with directors notes LOL. I enjoyed it and I saw it more as an "erotic performance art" challenge - but still sexy as hell. If you think of sex in general as an art, it can improve your sex life, but in the act itself and in the context and environment of the performance piece.

I'm giving this some more thought.

There have been a couple of partners who were great collaborators: sensitive to my comfort zone, careful about phrasing their suggestions in a way that allowed me to accept or decline, and willing to stop play immediately when i started to shut down. They were incredibly patient, reassuring, and never made me feel guilty for needing to stop, back up, or needing to stay in a safe place. There was a real sense of being in it together that has not been my typical experience.

Good times, good memories.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

#30 (submitted) (I can't believe we made it to 30!)

Masturbation
Have you masturbated in front of a partner? Have you masturbated a partner to the point of cumming (doing nothing else but masturbating)? Have you shared your fantasies or your porn with a partner? Have you ever tried mutual masturbation with no penetration?

Well it looks like I'm going to be the one dissenting voice on this question to many degrees.
I have never masturbating in front of my partner. I've lent a helping hand but I've never just been watched. That feel very intense and vulnerable and scary.
I have masturbated him, however. I will always prefer oral but using lots of lube and getting him super slippery and shiny is a lot of fun. Also, no on the mutual masturbation.

Now, sharing porn and fantasies - it's funny, I share a lot of porn here. All of which I find incredible erotic and hot but I can't imagine ever sending my SO my porn. Not because either of us disapprove of porn but what I find erotic is so so far down the kink hole compared to what he likes. The few times I've broached the idea of my fantasies I mostly got teased so I just don't anymore. As far as online partners, beyond what I post I've rarely shared porn. (It's weird how personal it is for me.) And while some fantasies I'm okay sharing, there are some that will probably never leave my brain and that's okay.

 

[seela]

Nope.

 

[KamaKamaSutra]

I'm generally not a very sharing person. More often than not I'm very willing to make other people's fantasies come true, but somehow it never occurs to me that I could or should share mine.

That said, I've blurted out fantasies I never thought I'd share with anybody, ever. It's really scary. But also good. And very unexpected and usually gradual.

As to masturbation, yes to all.

I hate hate hate masturbating in front of someone, it makes me very uncomfortable. It's a very vulnerable position to be in. (Although my sexuality revolves around "I fucking hate it, please make me do it", so God knows how to describe my feelings toward this topic. )

One reason I find it so uncomfortable besides being the center of attention is that I'm the least interesting person ever to watch masturbate. I jam my hand down my pants and that's it. 90% of the time I masturbate it's just my finger on my clit unless instructed otherwise, and there's absolutely nothing sexy about it. No moaning and writhing about, squeezing boobs or something like that. So, if I'm told to masturbate in front of someone, I immediately start to think I should put on a show to make it less boring, and then it gets really weird really fast.

And that moment when you see the person watching lose interest due to the most boring masturbation act in the world... Excellent humiliation material, but it needs to be treated accordingly. Otherwise it's just soul crushing. BTDT.

Honestly Seela, that is not uncommon. I think we over value the "act" of masturbation, and while some get into it, I think most of us simply want to reach the end so the simplest course is our go too more often than naught.

 

[AlwaysFara]

How about when you're ordered to masterbate and PYL immediately picks up a book. Slow down a little and you get "I didn't say you could stop," without an upward glance.

I don't know. Humiliation would obviously be part of the intended chemistry there. Might hang on how it's conclusion is handled. We talk about aftercare all the time; especially important for humiliation I think.

What's BTDT?

Been there done that.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Got it thx.

Can't keep track of acronyms at all anymore.

IKWYM.

 

[seela]

Nope.

 

[Jing83]

How about when you're ordered to masterbate and PYL immediately picks up a book. Slow down a little and you get "I didn't say you could stop," without an upward glance.

I don't know. Humiliation would obviously be part of the intended chemistry there. Might hang on how it's conclusion is handled. We talk about aftercare all the time; especially important for humiliation I think.

What's BTDT?

Men should order women to touch themselves more often.

 

[AlwaysFara]

Men should order women to touch themselves more often.

What if she’s a lesbian?

 

[Jing83]

What if she’s a lesbian?

I guess women don’t have as much as men to learn from watching a woman touch herself. But it could still be very watchable in and of itself.

 

[seela]

Yes to all of the above.

Of course, you youngsters have it easy. When I was young, we had to share porn by telegraph in our long-distance-relationships. Once, I had a special friend in California and we had to do our cybering by Pony Express. Talk about a slow build-up!

This reminded me of a time when I was a kid, and because clearly I had nothing better to do, I regularly checked out paper recycling for music magazines with posters still intact.

Once I was on a hunt with a friend and found a stash of really dirty letters there. I remember clearly one of the letters describing how a guy would squeeze "the orange-sized boobs". And I said to my friend that it doesn't make any sense, because oranges come in various sizes.

Oh man, I was such a stickler even as a kid.

 

[Threadbare42]

Empathetic Sadist.

The best kind; I know exactly how evil I'm being but I'm going to do it anyway...

 

[VikingDaddy]

Well it looks like I'm going to be the one dissenting voice on this question to many degrees.
I have never masturbating in front of my partner. I've lent a helping hand but I've never just been watched. That feel very intense and vulnerable and scary.
I have masturbated him, however. I will always prefer oral but using lots of lube and getting him super slippery and shiny is a lot of fun. Also, no on the mutual masturbation.

Now, sharing porn and fantasies - it's funny, I share a lot of porn here. All of which I find incredible erotic and hot but I can't imagine ever sending my SO my porn. Not because either of us disapprove of porn but what I find erotic is so so far down the kink hole compared to what he likes. The few times I've broached the idea of my fantasies I mostly got teased so I just don't anymore. As far as online partners, beyond what I post I've rarely shared porn. (It's weird how personal it is for me.) And while some fantasies I'm okay sharing, there are some that will probably never leave my brain and that's okay.

Mutual masturbation is my favorite reward for an online sub. If in person it is usually an every night thing. Masturbation in general is fun especially if she is watching. I also love to watch and will often tell my sub at the time to masturbate at random times. Yes to all.