❓ Inquiring Minds Want To Know - Discussion Thread

[AnnieLit]

#40 (submitted)

When you encounter a Kink that you don't get, how do you react? Live and let live? Get away from me you perv? Please explain? Something else?

Something else: "Can't you read? I specifically listed in my info that I am NOT interested in XYZ, so why the fuck are you writing to me about it?!"

That is my reaction to any "I want to be your slave and worship the ground you walk on" PMs. Especially when they mention that they've read my profile. Well, if you can't comprehend basic English, then how are we supposed to communicate? To me "not into humiliation/degradation" does not leave much space for any slave ownership.

 

[AlwaysFara]

#40 (submitted)

When you encounter a Kink that you don't get, how do you react? Live and let live? Get away from me you perv? Please explain? Something else?

Something else: "Can't you read? I specifically listed in my info that I am NOT interested in XYZ, so why the fuck are you writing to me about it?!"

That is my reaction to any "I want to be your slave and worship the ground you walk on" PMs. Especially when they mention that they've read my profile. Well, if you can't comprehend basic English, then how are we supposed to communicate? To me "not into humiliation/degradation" does not leave much space for any slave ownership.

Pretty much what Annie said. If I say I don’t like it, and you specifically talk to me about it? Go away.
I’m talking to you, incest folks, those that insist on being called Sir, ticklers, bla bla bla...

If it doesn’t concern me, and it’s consenting adults? Meh.

I’ll tell you, though, if I was a server and some woman left her used panties on a table for me? I’d be pissed.

 

[Bramblethorn]

#40 (submitted)

When you encounter a Kink that you don't get, how do you react? Live and let live? Get away from me you perv? Please explain? Something else?

Depends what we mean by "encounter". If offered in person, I'd probably say something like "thanks, not for me".

But reading about it? Even if it isn't something that gets me off, I'm curious about what other people enjoy. I want to understand why people like the stuff they like - this isn't the same as me having to enjoy that thing myself and even if I don't quite get it, it's interesting to know the weird shit that others are into.

I mean balloons, there are people who get off on party balloons, and that's not me but I think it's fucking wonderful that somebody out there does. Vore fetish. Sounding. It's a testament to human creativity and horniness. Also I am strung out on cold syrup and sleep deprivation right now so I may be a little incoherent. But I love weirdness for its own sake even if the specific weirdness doesn't speak to me, is what I'm saying.

(This is all re. "I don't get the appeal" kink, as opposed to "this is unethical" kink. There's plenty of stuff I understand but disapprove of, whole different kettle of fish)

 

[cookiecat]

#40 (submitted)

When you encounter a Kink that you don't get, how do you react? Live and let live? Get away from me you perv? Please explain? Something else?

I used to be super judgemental. As in fuck off. It's one thing to encounter a kink I don't get and another to be approached over and over with something I've said I don't want. The latter deserves a fuck off.

Like Bramblethorn, I'm more curious about people's kinks, why they like it, how they live with their weirdness (LOL. judgey, I know), how a sick fuck kink gets started and sticks (haha! still judgey. gotta work on that) . I like getting in to people's heads for a minute or two.

I'll never really understand cuckolding but I enjoy hearing why someone likes it. I don't think I'll ever get wrapped up in saran wrap but I happen to have a whole giant human size roll of it here in my closet because mr. Cookie knew it freaked me out and wanted to try it - I'm curious. It scares me, I don't understand people who want to be mummified and totally restrained.

Some things - incest, cheating - maybe the moral things - are fuck offs. But other things, the stuff Kash brings up in Talk, a lot of the stuff on Sex/Fetish forum (women with saggy tits, gangbangs) - I get kinda curious. Not to try but to explore? Read about.

I was at a play party a few years ago - this couple did a ton of edge play. One scene was waterboarding. It was awful. He peed on her, on the cloth, too. They did another scene with leeches and snails. Like WTF? But it was interesting. Sexual. I can't say arousing but there was a sexual tension.

Something about curiousity killing the cat is rolling around in my head.

 

[Paul_Chance]

#40 (submitted)

When you encounter a Kink that you don't get, how do you react? Live and let live? Get away from me you perv? Please explain? Something else?

“I’ve never thought of that. Let’s give it a try? Where do we get that at this hour?”

I never imagined that I’ve explored the whole realm of sexuality, so most things I’m willing to give a try at least once. Since being a lover is about bringing your partner pleasure, if someone suggests something I’m game to give it a try.

 

[Blase]

I see a lot of stuff here on the boards that isn't for me. Generally I simply ignore it: Nothing good is going to come from jumping into somebody's thread just to say, "Your fetish makes me gag."

Of course as a male I very seldom have the problem of unsolicited offers of things I've specifically said I didn't want.

 

[Fragile_Rock]

#40 (submitted)

When you encounter a Kink that you don't get, how do you react? Live and let live? Get away from me you perv? Please explain? Something else?

As long as it isn't criminal...I am down. Weirdos unite.
https://media1.tenor.com/images/0b5e81654cacbe485d191e071a5874ef/tenor.gif?itemid=4912715

 

[surrenderedfaith]

#40 (submitted)

When you encounter a Kink that you don't get, how do you react? Live and let live? Get away from me you perv? Please explain? Something else?

I don't tend to seek out new kinks. The ones I have are quite enough. However, when I run across one I've never heard of i tend to get educated on what it means, just the bare bones, so I can speak intelligently on the matter and form an opinion. I do not go so far as trying to TRY it.

I did run across someone with a VERY interesting way of dealing with kink though. Person was of the life experience that to be truly free of anything you had to conquer it. In order to conquer a desire, you have to understand it, live it experience it, then consciously and intentionally let it go. So the person set about at one point in life to understand every possible kink they could be aware of, yes, even rather extreme ones. They would get involved in that thing as far as they could until it truly became a fetish for them, until they deeply understood it as a motivator and its effect and mentality, then as soon as it got to that point let it go.

I found that approach fascinating. I don't think I'll explain the two for instances I was given as they are very very out there for here, It is certainly a path I could never walk myself, but it gave the person an incredible depth and breadth of knowledge of the human mind as it relates to things kink. It was useful because once that person understood the motivation and effect of a kink on the self, they really had a huge window into the psyche of anyone they met who either overtly or discretely showed signs of interest in that kink. It was incredibly helpful to them in their future dealings with people. I'm of the impression it took about 12 years to actively work through most things, though new things do come down the pike still.

 

[Blase]

I did run across someone with a VERY interesting way of dealing with kink though. Person was of the life experience that to be truly free of anything you had to conquer it. In order to conquer a desire, you have to understand it, live it experience it, then consciously and intentionally let it go. So the person set about at one point in life to understand every possible kink they could be aware of, yes, even rather extreme ones. They would get involved in that thing as far as they could until it truly became a fetish for them, until they deeply understood it as a motivator and its effect and mentality, then as soon as it got to that point let it go.

WOW, that sounds quite Tantric.

It would be utterly beyond me, though.

 

[surrenderedfaith]

WOW, that sounds quite Tantric.

It would be utterly beyond me, though.

He was deep, I'll give him that. I agree, too deep for my ability. Plus we aren't talking run of the mill tie em up and tease em kinks here. We are talking the deep edgy stuff. Still, I understood his point. It's how he addressed everything in life, experience it to understand it, buy into it, see it for what it is, then let it go. Only in that way could you be truly "free".

To a degree it's almost religious. I actually HEARD of a religion at one point that followed that concept. I met a woman one time who practiced this religion that the basis was you spent a year and a day fully committed to learning accepting and understanding a religion; 12 or 16 in total. At the end the point was to TRULY understand something about the nature of divinity, faith, the self, belief, etc. I wish I remembered the name of it, because in this conversation with this person I was actually trying to make that comparison.

 

[AveryElle]

#40 (submitted)

When you encounter a Kink that you don't get, how do you react? Live and let live? Get away from me you perv? Please explain? Something else?

There are kinks I don’t get, but would be open minded enough to never rule them out as something I’d try (knife play, for example) and there are kinks I cannot get behind based on life experiences and beliefs (CNC, age play). Generally I’m live and let live, but when I learn someone is very much into CNC or age play, it does make me rethink my relationship with them.

So little bit of column a, little bit of column b, I guess...

 

[AnnieLit]

He was deep, I'll give him that. I agree, too deep for my ability. Plus we aren't talking run of the mill tie em up and tease em kinks here. We are talking the deep edgy stuff. Still, I understood his point. It's how he addressed everything in life, experience it to understand it, buy into it, see it for what it is, then let it go. Only in that way could you be truly "free".

To a degree it's almost religious. I actually HEARD of a religion at one point that followed that concept. I met a woman one time who practiced this religion that the basis was you spent a year and a day fully committed to learning accepting and understanding a religion; 12 or 16 in total. At the end the point was to TRULY understand something about the nature of divinity, faith, the self, belief, etc. I wish I remembered the name of it, because in this conversation with this person I was actually trying to make that comparison.

Not sure about kinks, but with religions it can't possibly work. Because as soon as you fully accept one religion, there is no way that you can let it go and start anew with another one. If you keep it in the back of your mind that you are here only for a year and a day, there is no "full commitment to acceptance" to speak off. If I fully believe that Jesus was a God on Earth, how can I all of a sudden stop believing it and switch to a religion that does not recognize him as such?

 

[surrenderedfaith]

Not sure about kinks, but with religions it can't possibly work. Because as soon as you fully accept one religion, there is no way that you can let it go and start anew with another one. If you keep it in the back of your mind that you are here only for a year and a day, there is no "full commitment to acceptance" to speak off. If I fully believe that Jesus was a God on Earth, how can I all of a sudden stop believing it and switch to a religion that does not recognize him as such?

To each his own love. I respect your beliefs, but to say it cant work is a bit narrow. It doesn't work **for you**. To commit does not necessitate "buy in". I can commit to plenty of things I'm not sold on. But the point is suspension of disbelief to gain a sincere understanding of the faith, the belief, and the people.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

#40 (submitted)

When you encounter a Kink that you don't get, how do you react? Live and let live? Get away from me you perv? Please explain? Something else?

I'm as curious as they come! So I will always ask and I will always make it clear that I don't quite get it but I want to know what they like about it. For the most part, I'm live and let live! If I can't find a place for myself within the kink, I'll politely decline but I'm the type of person who'll try anything once... ok twice...

The best example I can give is a friend I met in the chat (scandal) over a year ago. He was very into cuckolding and I just didn't get it. So, I asked and asked and asked and really learned a lot about what made him tick. There were parts of his kink that were so incredible hot (being watched, shared, being reclaimed, the ritual of it) and there were parts I could never get behind (public flashing, SPH, etc). The most interesting part was getting a peek in someone else's brain.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

#41

#41

Subversion

What about you subverts your kink's stereotype? Is it your gender, race, body type? In what areas in your kink do you wish you see more diversity break the stereotype?

 

[AlwaysFara]

I'm as curious as they come! So I will always ask and I will always make it clear that I don't quite get it but I want to know what they like about it. For the most part, I'm live and let live! If I can't find a place for myself within the kink, I'll politely decline but I'm the type of person who'll try anything once... ok twice...

The best example I can give is a friend I met in the chat (scandal) over a year ago. He was very into cuckolding and I just didn't get it. So, I asked and asked and asked and really learned a lot about what made him tick. There were parts of his kink that were so incredible hot (being watched, shared, being reclaimed, the ritual of it) and there were parts I could never get behind (public flashing, SPH, etc). The most interesting part was getting a peek in someone else's brain.

I could never be with a cuck. So, I just have no interest in them.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

I could never be with a cuck. So, I just have no interest in them.

We are just friends but I just find all people fascinating. I like to know what makes people tick.

 

[AlwaysFara]

We are just friends but I just find all people fascinating. I like to know what makes people tick.

I know. You’re good with that.

 

[barefootgirl69]

I'm as curious as they come! So I will always ask and I will always make it clear that I don't quite get it but I want to know what they like about it. For the most part, I'm live and let live! If I can't find a place for myself within the kink, I'll politely decline but I'm the type of person who'll try anything once... ok twice...

The best example I can give is a friend I met in the chat (scandal) over a year ago. He was very into cuckolding and I just didn't get it. So, I asked and asked and asked and really learned a lot about what made him tick. There were parts of his kink that were so incredible hot (being watched, shared, being reclaimed, the ritual of it) and there were parts I could never get behind (public flashing, SPH, etc). The most interesting part was getting a peek in someone else's brain.

I think this is the most interesting aspect of curiosity. You learn about the sensual part, the mindset, if you will.

It's easy to say 'oh, I'd never do that', but that's changed once or twice for me after learning that it's more than just the physical part that's arousing.

For me, sometimes my questions don't come out right, so I've learned to only ask privately.

 

[KamaKamaSutra]

#41

Subversion

What about you subverts your kink's stereotype? Is it your gender, race, body type? In what areas in your kink do you wish you see more diversity break the stereotype?

I'm not sure exactly what would be my kink's stereotype, sure the overall image of a dom has been crafted for porn and such. But even a gentle dip into the BDSM pool throws that out the window. All shapes and sizes are welcome, its more the person behind everything that determines their acceptance. That being said, I do feel that I would throw most people off in real life. I don't hold my demeanor the same as when I'm in a scene. I think most people would think shy nerd vs *SARCASM WARNING* king of the bedroom, master dominator and sex god. It's not till we start talking that little bits of that start slipping in, I've surprised more than a few people that way. I will say since I've grown my beard out the way people approach me is very different now, men and women have a very different vibe when coming up to me if I'm sitting behind the counter or outside the shop.

I think more diversity is always good, with BDSM in general being my main kink and all, I think a more healthy representation in media would be good for everyone.

 

[cookiecat]

I'm chubby. I'm needy. I'm awkward and shy. I'm passionate. I'm loyal. I'm a pleaser.

I think those all fall in line with submission. But I have a hard time calling it my kink. Those are just my traits.

I'd like to see more of the boring day-to-day parts of a dynamic. The little things that mean so much. Personally, I'm not into the bondage and S/M parts, so it really just is the words, actions and reactions that interest me but I don't see a lot of.

Hi indie -

Can you expand on your last sentence? As I read it, you're more interested in an emotional power dynamic between you and your partner vs having the "stuff" like being tied up, hurt define your D/s relationship.

One of the things I've always asked for from a partner is finding a way to tangle up D/s in to our day to day life. For me and Mr. cookie, it was the little things - he left before me for work so he wanted me to make him breakfast. I normally didn't cook, he would do dinners. But breakfast was a way I could do something for him, even when I wanted to sleep in. He especially appreciated it if I did it with no undies.

Those little things, the little moments are - for me - really the big things that create that D/s between two people. But really -- isn't that a good relationship in general? What makes a D/s relationship D/s???

 

[surrenderedfaith]

Hi indie -

Can you expand on your last sentence? As I read it, you're more interested in an emotional power dynamic between you and your partner vs having the "stuff" like being tied up, hurt define your D/s relationship.

One of the things I've always asked for from a partner is finding a way to tangle up D/s in to our day to day life. For me and Mr. cookie, it was the little things - he left before me for work so he wanted me to make him breakfast. I normally didn't cook, he would do dinners. But breakfast was a way I could do something for him, even when I wanted to sleep in. He especially appreciated it if I did it with no undies.

Those little things, the little moments are - for me - really the big things that create that D/s between two people. But really -- isn't that a good relationship in general? What makes a D/s relationship D/s???

Headed to bed, but this was the best way to end a terribly hard day. Thank you for sharing such beautiful memories and moments with us, cookie.

Bless.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

#41

Subversion

What about you subverts your kink's stereotype? Is it your gender, race, body type? In what areas in your kink do you wish you see more diversity break the stereotype?

What about me subverts my kink stereotype?
My size. I'm not waif-ish and easily thrown about. I don't have perfect alabaster skin and wide innocent eyes. I'm kind of the boss of my life in several areas and while I know this is true of a lot of subs, my silly, nerdy, competent, badassedness does not necessarily scream perfect little sub girl.

Where do I want to see more diversity?
Everywhere.
Even though it's not MY kink or situation I am incredibly aroused by seeing different ways others play. We need more vocal male subs and female dommes! I want to see that more! <stomps foot>
I recently read an article about race stereotypes preventing people from pursuing kink. (i.e. African American men not wanting to seem overly intimidating or aggressive and African American women sensitive to the cultural connotation that being someone's "slave" carries a lot of baggage. These people are often confined to vanilla sex). I can imagine this affects people of many races in many different ways.
I want to see more LGBT D/s. And people with disabilities not being fetishized but being allowed to be sexy just like anyone else, regardless of a wheelchair, etc.... etc... etc...

This doesn't mean I don't like what I do see just that the world is big and wide and I want to know about every part of it.

 

[cookiecat]

Well said, PLP!!

All of the above re: diversity. When I search out images for the glitter thread, I seek out something different than the cliched norm. Whether it's race, gender, body stuff, disability, age.

Someone once suggested I look more toward amateur porn. Even that is fairly stereotypical. The thing is, I still want pretty images - why does anything a little different have to be in the amateur category??

As to here on the BDSM board, it would be good to hear more diverse voices.

 

[midwestyankee]

Well said, PLP!!

All of the above re: diversity. When I search out images for the glitter thread, I seek out something different than the cliched norm. Whether it's race, gender, body stuff, disability, age.

Someone once suggested I look more toward amateur porn. Even that is fairly stereotypical. The thing is, I still want pretty images - why does anything a little different have to be in the amateur category??

As to here on the BDSM board, it would be good to hear more diverse voices.

I suspect the reason is largely about profit. The slick porn is surely made mostly for the widest common audience, and those people, it seems, mostly want "busty white models gone bad" porn. Even much of what is passed off as amateur is made on a lower budget for the same audience. It's a bit sad, really.