🤪Bare it all...but not your skin...🤪

[BrendaBear]

…and seeing someone “liked” something I posted, I was curious what I said that someone agreed with somewhat… the post said “…old bikes…“ oh yeah, my post. One of my hobbies… so why did I read it as “old bitches…”????

 

[positiveflirt]

I once went out to get the newspaper in my boxers. Then for reasons I can’t explain - I then felt it a good idea to go to get some coffee from the bagel shop. I parked my car and took a few dollars from my car and walked to the front of the bagel shop when I realized I was in my boxers. I turned around really coolly and walked back to my car and drive home.

I have dreams like this and ohmygod

 

[BlackCaramelCreme]

I’ve done this on more than one occasion with the same car, unfortunately. After my niece drops my mom and I off at dialysis, I wheel her in and come back out to the car. I come to the first car I see that looks like my niece’s. It’s a dark color, black. My niece’s car is a dark blue, and could pass for black. I open the door, and begin to sit down. I notice things are different and I’m wondering why has the car changed so suddenly? I look at the person next to me, and it’s a guy looking at me as if I had the nerve to be in his car. I apologize profusely, get out the car and look around for my niece’s car and it’s up along the sidewalk in front of the facility, WHERE SHE REGULARLY IS.

Fast forward to the next week.

I walk over to the same car again, thinking it’s my niece’s and pull the door handle and the door is locked. This went on for 15 seconds, then feeling like a complete doofus, realize this isn’t her car. He’s looking at me again with his phone in his hand. I wouldn’t have been surprised if he was about to dial 911. Again, I apologize profusely and scurry over to where I find my niece parked farther up in a parking spot.

He probably thinks I have some form of disability by now. All I can do is put my head down when I see him and look in the other direction for my niece.

 

[BrendaBear]

I’ve done this on more than one occasion with the same car, unfortunately. After my niece drops my mom and I off at dialysis, I wheel her in and come back out to the car. I come to the first car I see that looks like my niece’s. It’s a dark color, black. My niece’s car is a dark blue, and could pass for black. I open the door, and begin to sit down. I notice things are different and I’m wondering why has the car changed so suddenly? I look at the person next to me, and it’s a guy looking at me as if I had the nerve to be in his car. I apologize profusely, get out the car and look around for my niece’s car and it’s up along the sidewalk in front of the facility, WHERE SHE REGULARLY IS.

Fast forward to the next week.

I walk over to the same car again, thinking it’s my niece’s and pull the door handle and the door is locked. This went on for 15 seconds, then feeling like a complete doofus, realize this isn’t her car. He’s looking at me again with his phone in his hand. I wouldn’t have been surprised if he was about to dial 911. Again, I apologize profusely and scurry over to where I find my niece parked farther up in a parking spot.

He probably thinks I have some form of disability by now. All I can do is put my head down when I see him and look in the other direction for my niece.

That is so cool!!!

 

[Paligirl]

Looking for the glasses that I have in my hand...ugh

 

[HarperValley]

Looking for the glasses that I have in my hand...ugh

Been there done that!

 

[lil_jenni]

I wrecked my home looking for the phone that I was playing Candy Crush on to make a phone call one day not too long ago. Derpy? I fit in quite well here.

I've panicked while driving because I was afraid I left my phone in a store despite the fact I was streaming music from it via Bluetooth...

 

[lil_jenni]

A couple of years back, I was running really late to get the Kiddo to daycare before I had to be at work. I ran out of the house, Kiddo in tow, without putting on my top. Luckily, I had put on a bra...

I'm was just opening the car door when the Kiddo asked if we were going swimming. I told him no because I had to go to work. He asked why I was wearing a kini (bikini). At that moment, I realized the problem...

Anyway, I started giggling and couldn't stop (I'll post more later about other times I've had inappropriate giggle fits...). I was late to work but did manage to get to my classroom right before class time started. However, several of my students told me I was almost tardy, and the administration noticed too... I, of course, did not give them the real reason I was running late...

 

[BlackCaramelCreme]

I've panicked while driving because I was afraid I left phone in a store despite the fact I was streaming music from it via Bluetooth...

You must be my sister from another mister, separated by some years!!!

 

[lil_jenni]

You must be my sister from another mister, separated by some years!!!

I do stuff like that all the time about my phone. Have you ever been on a call while searching for your phone? I have... I was telling my husband I couldn't find it, and he (gently) pointed out that I was talking to him on it...

 

[lil_jenni]

Before Hubby and I were married, when he was still in his first year as a lawyer, I went to watch a trial because it was the first time he was doing a cross exam of an opposing witness. Anyway, he asked a question that was an unintentional double entendre... It was supposed to be something like, "And that's when you came home, right?" But he asked, "And that's when you came, right?" I started giggling and couldn't stop. Hubby (well, boyfriend then) knew why I was giggling, and he got red faced too. The attorney who was first chair on the case (Hubby's immediate boss) glared at me. I ran out of the courtroom.

Hubby told me later that his boss asked if I was his girlfriend. When Hubby said yes, he told Hubby I was cute and all, and that girls like me were fun, but I did not need to visit the courtroom anymore if I was going to act so immature. He also advised Hubby to consider dating more 'appropriate' women...

 

[BlackCaramelCreme]

I was getting dressed for work one day and I didn’t do my hair. I was throwing stuff around looking for my wig (I didn’t do my hair). When I finally found it, I put it on, not looking at it. It just so happened that same day, I noticed things were really slow and thought, this is no holiday. After throwing it on, I ran to the bus stop 10 minutes away and waited. It seemed to be taking extra long for the bus to come and I was pissed because I was going to be late. I began walking to the metro station, and kept hearing singing. I said to myself, that’s odd for things to be happening like this during the week. By now, I’m in a pool of sweat, feeling like I need to take another shower when I got to the station. I just looked at my phone to see the time, and come to find out, it was Sunday. My days to work was, at that time, Tuesday through Saturday. I called my sister for a ride home. I still haven’t seen myself. When she got to the station to pick me up, she pursed her lips for a moment and said, “Did you look at yourself before leaving out?”. I said, “ No.” She pulled down the visor and said, “If you would, please look at yourself.” I looked and on top of going to work on an off day, I saw that my wig was on backwards.

 

[eric_erosfan]

The other day I sent a response to a group text and then started talking to my partner about one of the women in the group text. She is my partners younger cousin and i was saying what a dirty little slut I bet she is in bed then guessing how she keeps her pussy and how I wish she would sit on my face sometime. Just joking around then looked down at my phone and realized I had been recording a voice text message for the group text. It basically said hit send when ready to send voice message. I panicked and just rebooted my phone and prayed the recording would just be aborted which thankfully it did. Who the hell invented voice messages that can accidentally be recorded and sent? Sheesh.

 

[JessGabriel]

I do stuff like that all the time about my phone. Have you ever been on a call while searching for your phone? I have... I was telling my husband I couldn't find it, and he (gently) pointed out that I was talking to him on it...

Yes. Yes I have.

 

[Azuldrgon]

I have a boss who micro-manages. Earlier this week, I was waiting for him to finalize a schedule. When it was forty five minutes after we were supposed to meet, I called him on his cell. He answered. I asked him where he was and he said he just pulled into his driveway at home. He forgot all about me. I did the honorable thing and told the other Office people and only picked on him once the next day. He's been better since.

 

[BrendaBear]

When I was 20 I interned for a nonprofit and my boss expected perfection at all times (which I actually enjoy excelling at). He was tough, and I knew a deadline was a deadline and nothing should be missed. It was my job to make sure catering and meeting prep was done for the monthly board meetings. This particular meeting was also with the chamber of commerce to announce the creation of a new non-profit locally which I would be heading up during its infancy. I was dressed in a women’s tailored skirted business suit and heels and was headed from my office at the university to my vehicle. It was necessary for me to carry a bowl of ice, a cake, and a handful of balloons. To get to my car I had to walk down a fairly steep set of concrete stairs down the side of the building. Everything was balanced perfectly on the way down the steps… everything, that is, except me. I felt me lose my balance mid way down and all I could think about was “I can not drop this cake or these balloons, I can not drop this cake or these balloons.” Soooo I fell to my knees and slid down the remaining steps shredding my pantyhose and my legs, but keeping the balloons and cake perfectly balanced. My friend Herman saw me and (laughed his ass off, thank you very much); reached me at the bottom to help me up, and carry the items to my car. I stood and my legs were a bloody mess (not the English term either but that applies too, I suppose) and I had spilled half the ice down my white blouse. I had five minutes to reach my destination to get things ready in time. I didn’t have time to change. Made it to the meeting hall, set everything up with what Herman had now dubbed my “pizza legs” and when my boss got there he chided me for not being perfectly suitable for the meeting. After mentally calling him a jackass and relating what happened, I asked for a few minutes to properly clean myself up now that all was set up. I ran the meeting and pretended my legs weren’t in pain and a mess; it was a success. I couldn’t wear skirts or shorts for months afterward and still have scarring from my “pizza legs” but by golly I didn’t spill that damn cake or lose the balloons

OMG!!! You are incredible!!!!

 

[Beholders_Eye]

So there I was, 12 years old. Boy Scout camp. The cabin roof extended out from the entrance, held up by two posts and a crossbar. Guys always ran through the cabin, leapt and touched the crossbar on our way out. Not me. I decided I was tall and agile enough to leap up and grab the crossbar. Which I did. But I had not learned about that thing called momentum. I ran through the cabin, leapt to the crossbar, grabbed it with my hands. My feet, however, continued on forward, flipped up, causing me to lose my grip. Fell upside down, on my right arm. Broke it in two places: wrist and elbow. The wrist was set by a local doctor, but the elbow went unnoticed. Later, at home, continued pain in the elbow, family doctor said it had already begun to set incorrectly. Hospital. Surgically rebroke the elbow (under anesthesia, this is not a third world country), and reset it. Wore a cast from wrist to shoulder for several weeks. PT. Learned to eat with my left hand, which I still do today.

In Engineering college, I learned about momentum...sheesh...

 

[snexxer]

Sorry very long story...

Back in May 1998 I was the distribution manager of a chemical distribution company. On this particular day I was meant to finish work early as I had a dental appointment, but was running late. So I was dashing around trying to get the final order for the day ready. One of the items was on the top of a 15 foot high storage unit. The steps were already next to the unit so I just dashed up them. Little did I realise that these steps were faulty and had been placed there earlier in the day by another person. As I got to the top and started to reach for the item, the steps started to topple. I reached and grabbed for the unit so as not to fall head first onto concrete. I thought I'd missed but was suddenly jerked straight and landed on my feet. Hands on knees getting my breath and bearings I suddenly noticed there was blood on the floor. Checking myself as I felt no pain, thats when I noticed I had de-gloved my finger. When I reached out my hand had slapped the unit and an edge had hooked into the ring I wore on my wedding finger. I calmly walked into the break area, wrapped my hand in a towel and asked the receptionist to call an ambulance. I also asked one of the office girls (first aider) to find what was missing so I could take it to.hospital with me. When they arrived they started to take me to the local A&E however the clutch was faulty and broke down 3 times on the way. Finally in A&E, a nurse started to clean my wound with a purple liquid, however as I didn't have any pain previously I wasn't.given any pain relief. Well, wow it fucking hurt then. I launched the nurse across the ward with the instant reaction. So then the doctor comes around and tells me I need to go to a different hospital who have better surgical skills. When at this 2nd hospital, this is when they decided to look at what I'd brought with me. Well suffice to say it wasn't going back on. Plans were made to keep me comfy overnight and amputate under general anesthesia the next day. Well...
.. me being me, I wanted to go home ASAP. Didn't want to mess so asked can it be done by local anaesthetic? Yes but not recommended. So an hour later, I'm sat in a surgical suite, watching the surgeon cut what was left of my ring finger off.

 

[Kellie0829]

Is there something about yourself that you don't want others to know? Or have you done something derpy lately? I'll probably be able to fill this thread on my own over time...I can be exceptionally derpy, and we all get a good laugh at home. I'll start with one of each.

I only have gray hair in one place on my body...my chin. And it can come in like man whiskers. I shave it often. And I have been known to tease @GessoOfJess by rubbing my chin on him. I may have just made a few people click 'unfollow' with that one.

I once went to dinner with two different shoes on. This was not intentional, I assure you. There's a pic out there on a funny pictures thread if you want to dig for it.

So, don't be shy...make us laugh. And if you want to laugh AT me instead of WITH me, that's okay too.

Omg lmfao

 

[Kellie0829]

I joined the procrastinator’s club, just haven’t attended a meeting yet. (Old joke, still funny).

 

[Kellie0829]

Looking for the glasses that I have in my hand...ugh

Omg all the time

 

[cowboyup6977]

Omg all the time

Or on my head