10 clues he'll suck in bed....

[Liar]

7. Orders beer and a shot at the restaurant.

Sounds like my kinda girl.

 

[shereads]

If he talks you into coming home with him after your romantic dinner, gets you comfortable on the sofa, mixes you a perfect martini, and picks up the TV Guide, do not touch that drink.

Do not smoke the proferred joint.

Above all, do not let him kiss you if he waits for the commercial breaks.

Take a cab and get the hell out before it's too late. Otherwise - for reasons science cannot explain - you will end up married to him, Captain Kirk and Doctor Who.

 

[Just-Legal]

1. More interested in your car than in you.

2. Objects when you hold a door for her and gives lectures on sexual politics.

3. Wants to go where the crowd is.

4. Giggles when you kiss her, or resumes conversation where she left off.

5. Tells you it's her time of month.

6. Looks at her nails more than at you.

7. Orders beer and a shot at the restaurant.

8. Won't eat ethnic food. (Especially important if you're ethnic yourself)

9. No sense of humor. (Don't know why, but in my experience, a sense of humor is the single biggest factor in determing a woman's sexual abilities.) (Or maybe it's just that they need a sense of humor when I start making love.)

10.

1) But! But! I like cars! I watch Top Gear! Okay. Guy first. Car second.
2) You can hold the door for me. I don't mind
3) On a first date with someone I'm unsure of, I aint going somewhere secluded. But a nice resturant with other people in it is fine.
4) Depends how you kiss, and if you have a beard (sorry Mabs, beards tickle me!)
5) But it is! I'm sorry!
6) My varnish is chipping, and my nails are peeling, I am going to avoid looking at them at ALL costs. My job has ruined my nails.
7) Resturant no. Bar yes. I like a drink
8) Ethnic food rocks. Unless it has fish in it. I'm allergic
9) I laugh at a lot of things, including myself

 

[Guest]

Men’s guide to a good lay:

1. First and foremost in the heartland of America the number one rule is watch the women dancing….if they can’t dance they sure can’t fuck.

2. You can forgive lack of dancing ability if you are looking for a mate because once you get married….its no longer an issue.

3. If your date knows everyone in the bar and is constantly looking around to see who is there and watching her…..punt!

4. In spite of women claiming innocence and how they are not players……they are players like we wish we could be so don’t even try to compete.

5. The librarian looking shy girl alone in the corner of the bar while her so called “Hot” friends are working the crowd should be your number one priority.

6. Remember any woman that would sleep with you after the first meeting must have a problem…..avoid any girl who wants you that bad.

7. Any woman who questions you about what you do for a living is on the hunt for a husband……be careful.

8. Beware any woman who tells you that sleeping with her is “The Bomb” She is obviously suffering from delusions of grandeur.

9. Remember that the unobtainable “Hot” girl is probably just that unless you own a Ferrari dealership, and/or are a rich member of a drug cartel.

10. You must remember that even though you think you are the one in control and you are picking the girl you will be with…….that is crap! The woman always picks the man so why are you even reading this?

Jmt

 

[sophia jane]

5. The librarian looking shy girl alone in the corner of the bar while her so called “Hot” friends are working the crowd should be your number one priority.


Jmt

Excellent advice.

(I've been that girl)

SJ

 

[SensualUnseelie]

Writing Stroke

That's sexist...

If a woman says "I write stroke on Literotica..." I bet a guy would be impressed.

*sigh*

Sincerely,
ElSol

Yep. It usually works. Some guys are such pervs... Then again, I'm the one writing the stuff.


-Kaya

 

[SensualUnseelie]

6. Remember any woman that would sleep with you after the first meeting must have a problem…..avoid any girl who wants you that bad.

8. Beware any woman who tells you that sleeping with her is “The Bomb” She is obviously suffering from delusions of grandeur.

So true. I have a friend who fits these descriptions perfectly.

I also have an acquaintance who will sleep with anyone she can because she feels that she's been robbed of her sexuality because someone raped her and gave her an STD. She's trying to reclaim her sexuality by sleeping with any willing male or female she can find. THAT'S why you want to be wary of those girls.


-Kaya

 

[Svenskaflicka]

7. A cold breeze causes your nipples to perk up through your white T-shirt, he blushes and turns away.

I think that's kinda cute. I've always been a sucker for guys who can blush. Especially when it's ME making them blush.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

6. Remember any woman that would sleep with you after the first meeting must have a problem…..avoid any girl who wants you that bad.

...and vice versa.

 

[LadyJeanne]

I think that's kinda cute. I've always been a sucker for guys who can blush. Especially when it's ME making them blush.

I like to make them twitch. Well, certain parts of them.

 

[Belegon]

I like to make them twitch. Well, certain parts of them.

*Belushi eyebrow & smile*

 

[oggbashan]

Australian Version:

1. He's called Bruce.
2. He knows all the Australian Rules.
3. He has never asked a woman to dance.
4. He has gravel rash on his chest because he's crap at surfing.
5. He always has a tinny in his hand.
6. He thinks Kylie Minogue is a sex goddess.
7. He plays cricket.
8. He watches cricket.
9. He knows who was the umpire during the Bodyline series.
10. He's second or later generation Australian.

Og