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10 Reasons.......smile

Last Week I threw out Worrying,
it was getting old and in the way.
It kept me from being me;
I couldn't do things my way.

I threw out those Inhibitions;
they were just crowding me out.
Made room for my New Growth,
got rid of my old dreams and doubts.

I threw out a book on MY PAST
(didn't have time to read it anyway).
Replaced it with New Goals,
started reading it today.

I threw out childhood toys
(remember how I treasured them so)?
Got me a NEW PHILOSOPHY too,
threw out the one from long ago.

Bought in some new books too,
called I CAN, I WILL, and I MUST.
Threw out I might, I think and I ought.
WOW, You should've seen the dust.

I ran across an OLD FRIEND,
haven't seen him in a while.
I believe his name is GOD,
Yes, I really like His style.

He helped me to do some cleaning
and added some thing's Himself.
Like PRAYER, HOPE and FAITH,
Yes I placed them right on the shelf.

I picked up this special thing
and placed it at the front door.
I FOUND IT - its called PEACE.
Nothing gets me down anymore.

Yes, I've got my house looking nice.
Looks good around the place.
For things like Worry and Trouble
there just isn't any place.

Its good to do a little house cleaning,
get rid of the old things on the shelf.
It sure makes things brighter;
maybe you should TRY IT YOURSELF.
Author Unknown
 
P3 said:
Last Week I threw out Worrying,
it was getting old and in the way.
It kept me from being me;
I couldn't do things my way.

I threw out those Inhibitions;
they were just crowding me out.
Made room for my New Growth,
got rid of my old dreams and doubts.

I threw out a book on MY PAST
(didn't have time to read it anyway).
Replaced it with New Goals,
started reading it today.

I threw out childhood toys
(remember how I treasured them so)?
Got me a NEW PHILOSOPHY too,
threw out the one from long ago.

Bought in some new books too,
called I CAN, I WILL, and I MUST.
Threw out I might, I think and I ought.
WOW, You should've seen the dust.

I ran across an OLD FRIEND,
haven't seen him in a while.
I believe his name is GOD,
Yes, I really like His style.

He helped me to do some cleaning
and added some thing's Himself.
Like PRAYER, HOPE and FAITH,
Yes I placed them right on the shelf.

I picked up this special thing
and placed it at the front door.
I FOUND IT - its called PEACE.
Nothing gets me down anymore.

Yes, I've got my house looking nice.
Looks good around the place.
For things like Worry and Trouble
there just isn't any place.

Its good to do a little house cleaning,
get rid of the old things on the shelf.
It sure makes things brighter;
maybe you should TRY IT YOURSELF.
Author Unknown
Click to expand...


That's beautiful E......hugs you....and really glad you have....:kiss:
 
Love: Before & After

Here are a few examples of before and after you fall in love:


BEFORE - You take my breath away
AFTER - I feel like I'm suffocating

BEFORE - Twice a night
AFTER - Twice a month

BEFORE - She says she loves the way I take control of a situation
AFTER - She called me a controlling, manipulative egomaniac

BEFORE - Saturday Night Fever
AFTER - Monday Night Football

BEFORE - Don't stop
AFTER - Don't start

BEFORE - Is that all you're having?
AFTER - Maybe you should have just a salad, honey

BEFORE - It's like I'm living in a dream
AFTER - It's like he lives in a dorm

BEFORE - $60/doz.
AFTER - $1.50/stem

BEFORE - Turbocharged
AFTER - Jumpstart

BEFORE - We agree on everything
AFTER - Doesn't she have a mind of her own?

BEFORE - Victoria's Secret
AFTER - Fruit-of-the-Loom

BEFORE - Charming and Noble
AFTER - Chernobyl

BEFORE - Feathers and handcuffs
AFTER - Ball and chain

BEFORE - Idol
AFTER - Idle

BEFORE - I love a woman with curves
AFTER - I never said you were fat

BEFORE - He's completely lost without me
AFTER - Why won't he ever ask for directions?

BEFORE - Time stood still
AFTER - This relationship is going nowhere

BEFORE - Croissant and cappuccino
AFTER - Bagel and instant

BEFORE - You look so seductive in black
AFTER - Your clothes are so depressing

BEFORE - Oysters
AFTER - Fishsticks

BEFORE - I can hardly believe we found each other
AFTER - I can't believe I ended up with someone like you

BEFORE - Passion
AFTER - Ration

BEFORE - Once upon a time
AFTER - The end
 
SexyWench said:
Love: Before & After

Here are a few examples of before and after you fall in love:


BEFORE - You take my breath away
AFTER - I feel like I'm suffocating

BEFORE - Twice a night
AFTER - Twice a month

BEFORE - She says she loves the way I take control of a situation
AFTER - She called me a controlling, manipulative egomaniac

BEFORE - Saturday Night Fever
AFTER - Monday Night Football

BEFORE - Don't stop
AFTER - Don't start

BEFORE - Is that all you're having?
AFTER - Maybe you should have just a salad, honey

BEFORE - It's like I'm living in a dream
AFTER - It's like he lives in a dorm

BEFORE - $60/doz.
AFTER - $1.50/stem

BEFORE - Turbocharged
AFTER - Jumpstart

BEFORE - We agree on everything
AFTER - Doesn't she have a mind of her own?

BEFORE - Victoria's Secret
AFTER - Fruit-of-the-Loom

BEFORE - Charming and Noble
AFTER - Chernobyl

BEFORE - Feathers and handcuffs
AFTER - Ball and chain

BEFORE - Idol
AFTER - Idle

BEFORE - I love a woman with curves
AFTER - I never said you were fat

BEFORE - He's completely lost without me
AFTER - Why won't he ever ask for directions?

BEFORE - Time stood still
AFTER - This relationship is going nowhere

BEFORE - Croissant and cappuccino
AFTER - Bagel and instant

BEFORE - You look so seductive in black
AFTER - Your clothes are so depressing

BEFORE - Oysters
AFTER - Fishsticks

BEFORE - I can hardly believe we found each other
AFTER - I can't believe I ended up with someone like you

BEFORE - Passion
AFTER - Ration

BEFORE - Once upon a time
AFTER - The end
Click to expand...


OMG!!!!!! LMAO......SOME SO TRUE......:kiss: :kiss: :kiss:
 
Hey there sunshine, what a kewel thread you have here, hope I haven't interrupted a private party LOL. Anyhow, take care of you, hope all goes well & keep the faith (it's free & non - taxable LOL)

<Hug, lick & caress>

Always being...
Julz

:rose: :catroar: :kiss: :heart:
 
EdibleEmmie said:
TGIF Stud and friends:kiss:

______________-

A man appears before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. "Have you ever done
anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asks. "Well, I can think of one
thing," the man offers. "Once, on a trip to the Black Hills, out in South
Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I
directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So I approached the
largest and most heavily tattooed biker. I smacked him on the head, kicked his
bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground, and told him,
'Leave her alone now or you'll answer to me.'"

St. Peter was impressed. "When did this happen?" "Just a couple of minutes
ago."
_____________

The National Poetry contest had come down to 2 finalists - a Yale graduate and a
redneck from Texas. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study
the word and come up with a poem that contained the word "Timbuktu".

First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone
and said:

Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan;
Men on camels, two by two,
Destination: Timbuktu.

The crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, he thought.


The Redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:

Me and Tim a huntin' went.
Met three whores in a pop-up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.

Rednecks - 1 Yale - 0


_____________-

An older lady was somewhat lonely and decided she needed a pet to keep her
company, so off to the pet shop she went. She searched and searched. Nothing
seemed to catch her eye, except this ugly frog. As she walked by the jar he was
in, she looked and he winked at her.
He whispered , "IM LONELY TOO. BUY ME AND YOU WONT BE SORRY." The old lady
figured, What the Heck. She hadn't found anything else.

She bought the frog and put him in the car. Driving down the road, the frog
whispered to her "KISS ME AND YOU WONT BE SORRY." So the old lady figured, What
the Heck, and kissed the frog. Immediately the frog turned into an absolutely
gorgeous, sexy, handsome young Prince. The Prince then kissed the Old Lady
back and GUESS what she TURNED INTO???

Keep on scrolling.........



SHE TURNED INTO THE FIRST MOTEL SHE COULD FIND!


:kiss: :kiss:
Click to expand...



Thanks Emmie...big hug sweetheart and thanks for the laughs:kiss:
 
Julz said:
Hey there sunshine, what a kewel thread you have here, hope I haven't interrupted a private party LOL. Anyhow, take care of you, hope all goes well & keep the faith (it's free & non - taxable LOL)

<Hug, lick & caress>

Always being...
Julz

:rose: :catroar: :kiss: :heart:
Click to expand...

Hey there Julz...big hug and kiss...always open for your smile...but you got to bring a joke or cartoon with you girl....
we make smiles here...or at least try..:D

keep smiling:kiss:
 
STUDDOG said:
Hey there Julz...big hug and kiss...always open for your smile...but you got to bring a joke or cartoon with you girl....
we make smiles here...or at least try..:D
keep smiling:kiss:
Click to expand...


Whoops, sorry....

An oldie but goodie I hope...

For all the animal lovers ...

Dear Dogs and Cats:

When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.

Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.

My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years, feline/canine attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs' butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.

To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door...

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.

3. I like my pet a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

5. Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell the results.




Amen!!!!!

Hugs, hope this is ok, they'll get better, also have to read the whole thread to ensure I don't post a duplicate LOL!

Have a gr8 weekend, I will be 1 away from the big 4 - 0 on Tuesday, so don't 4-get to send me a prezzie (you naked with a green bow would suffice, wonder if UPS delivers LOL)

Cheers,
Julz :D
 
Check out the following exercise, guaranteed to raise an eyebrow.



There's no trick or surprise.

Just follow these instructions, and answer the questions one at a time and as quickly as you can!

Again, as quickly as you can but don't advance until you've done each of them... really.

Now, arrow down (but not too fast, you might miss something).........





What is: 1+5













2+4















3+3

















4+2

















5+1







Now repeat saying the number 6 to yourself as fast as you can for 15 seconds. Then scroll down.













QUICK!!! THINK OF A VEGETABLE! Then arrow down.











Keep going.















You're thinking of a carrot, right?







If not, you're among the 2% of the population whose minds are different enough to think of something else. 98% of people will answer with carrot when given this exercise. Freaky, huh?
 
Julz said:
Whoops, sorry....

An oldie but goodie I hope...

For all the animal lovers ...

Dear Dogs and Cats:

When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.

Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.

My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years, feline/canine attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs' butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.

To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door...

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.

3. I like my pet a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

5. Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell the results.




Amen!!!!!

Hugs, hope this is ok, they'll get better, also have to read the whole thread to ensure I don't post a duplicate LOL!

Have a gr8 weekend, I will be 1 away from the big 4 - 0 on Tuesday, so don't 4-get to send me a prezzie (you naked with a green bow would suffice, wonder if UPS delivers LOL)

Cheers,
Julz :D
Click to expand...

Happy birthday girl a few days early....a big kiss and calling UPS now.....:p
 
Here is a letter written by a HR executive to his love:


Dearest Ms Juliet,

I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of October (Sunday). With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. at 1500 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.

Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.

The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.

I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.

Thanking you in anticipation,

Yours sincerely,

Romeo


:p
 
Mother Said !




MONA LISA'S MOTHER: "After all that money you father and I spent on braces, Mona, that's the biggest smile you can give us?'"



THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER: "Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb, dear. Now turn off that light and get to bed!"



SUPERMAN'S MOTHER: "Clark, your father and I have discussed it, and we've decided you can have your own cellphone. Now will you quit spending so much time in all those phone booths!"



ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTHER: "But, Albert, it's your senior picture. Can't you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something....?"



NAPOLEON'S MOTHER: "All right Napoleon. If you're not hiding your report card inside your jacket, then take your hand out of there and prove it!"



HUMPTY DUMPTY'S MOTHER: "Humpty, If I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times not to sit on the wall. But would you listen to me? Noooo!"



COLUMBUS'S MOTHER: "I don't care what you've discovered Christopher, you could have written!"



BABE RUTH'S MOTHER: "Babe, How many times have I told you--quit playing baseball in the house! that's the third window you've broken this week!"



MICHAELANGELO'S MOTHER: " Mike, can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?"



ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S MOTHER: "Again with the stovepipe hat, Abe? Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"



BARNEY'S MOTHER: "I realize strained plums are your favorite, Barney, but you're starting to look a little purple!"



MARY'S MOTHER: "I'm not upset the you lamb followed you to school, Mary, but I would like to know how he got a better grade than you!"



BATMAN'S MOTHER: "It's a nice car, Bruce, but do you realize how much the insurance will be!"



GOLDILOCK'S MOTHER: "I've got a bill here for a busted chair from the bear family. You know anything about this Goldie?"



LITTLE MISS MUFFET'S MOTHER: "Well, all I've got to say is if you don't get of your tuffet and start cleaning your room, there'll be a lot more spiders around here!"



GEORGE WASHINGTON'S MOTHER: "The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!"



JONAH'S MOTHER: "That's a nice story, but now tell me where you've really been for the past 3 days!"
 
FUNNY T SHIRT MESSAGES

"That's It! I'm Calling Grandma!" - (seen on an 8 year old)

"HARD WORK WILL PAY OFF LATER. LAZINESS PAYS OFF NOW!"

"Upon the Advice of My Attorney, My Shirt Bears No Message at This Time"

"Two rights do not make a wrong. They make an airplane." .........Wright brothers.

"Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up"

"Rehabilitation Is for Quitters"

"ALL MEN ARE IDIOTS, AND I MARRIED THEIR KING"

"FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. It comes bundled with the software."

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance"

"STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!"

"Where there's a will I want to be in it"

"How long is this Beta guy going to keep testing our stuff?"

"FOR SALE -- Iraqi rifle. Never fired. Dropped once."

"If the shoe fits, buy it.----Imelda Marcos"

"HECK IS WHERE PEOPLE GO WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN GOSH"

"A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS--But it uses up a thousand times the memory."

"Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana."

"The trouble with life is there's no background music."

"Automobile -A mechanical device that runs up hills and down people."

"Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research."



:p :p
 
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