A generalised rules For Submissive

[sweetheart97]

Unpopular opinion: a lot of “submissives” want the label without the discipline that should come with it.

In a perfect world, do you think there should be some bare-minimum standards for a submissive/slave, regardless of the specific dynamic? Not personalized rules from one Dom to one sub—I mean baseline expectations. Things like obedience, honesty, consistency, self-control, respect, accountability, initiative, etc.

So what should actually be considered the minimum? And should that list be different for male and female submissives, or not?

Drop your own rules/standards if you have them. I’m curious what people think a submissive should already bring to the table before a Dom ever starts building a dynamic around them.

No. A submissive should have the self respect to tell you where to shove your rules if they don't make sense for him. I already bring my awesome self to the table. A Dom should do the same. After all, what's the Dom offering?

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

In a perfect world, do you think there should be some bare-minimum standards for a submissive/slave, regardless of the specific dynamic?

This makes me laugh. Also chortle, guffaw and titter! What we need is a plastic photo ID card, with a bold LICENSED SUBMISSIVE emblazoned across the top. This is so long overdue.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

This makes me laugh. Also chortle, guffaw and titter! What we need is a plastic photo ID card, with a bold LICENSED SUBMISSIVE emblazoned across the top. This is so long overdue.

Then, THEN, people would know who is a TWUE submissive! It’s really the only way.

 

[Samantha47]

Then, THEN, people would know who is a TWUE submissive! It’s really the only way.

You they would i need that

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Then, THEN, people would know who is a TWUE submissive! It’s really the only way.

I’m so glad to see this common-sense solution to the “fake subs” problem getting such buy-in from the sub community.

You they would i need that

Your sweet, molten gibbercrazy makes me hard.

 

[Samantha47]

I’m so glad to see this common-sense solution to the “fake subs” problem getting such buy-in from the sub community.

Your sweet, molten gibbercrazy makes me hard.

I'm so glad honey

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

I'm so glad honey

Fffffuuuuuuuuuuckkkkkk

 

[Samantha47]

Fffffuuuuuuuuuuckkkkkk

Oh yes honey

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Oh yes honey

So few fully licensed, bonded and insured subs

 

[shy1049]

Some Doms really enjoy bratty behavior. Some detest it. BDSM really is a long continuum of different desires and practices. My guy tries to get me to be a brat occasionally, but I am soooo not a brat.

The folks in these threads who use adjectives like “true” and “real” to describe BDSM, PYLs, and pyls annoy me as there isn’t just one right way to do BDSM. Safe, sane, and consensual (SSC) play is what matters and Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK).

PYL - pick your label Dom type
pyl - pick your label sub type

There isn't just one right way to do BDSM. I completely agree with this statement. Every dominator or submissive has their own unique sexual fantasies about their perfect dominant relationship. It's a process of mutual adaptation and satisfaction. Nowadays, many people seem to use a rigid template to define BDSM and those who participate in it. I can only say that such people probably don't truly understand BDSM.

 

[Sissy_LoriLux]

I think a good rule for doms is to be kind and then as a sub it makes it much easier to open up and trust you won't be pushed past your limits

 

[Samantha47]

I think a good rule for doms is to be kind and then as a sub it makes it much easier to open up and trust you won't be pushed past your limits

So true

 

[OddLove]

Unpopular opinion: a lot of “submissives” want the label without the discipline that should come with it.

In a perfect world, do you think there should be some bare-minimum standards for a submissive/slave, regardless of the specific dynamic? Not personalized rules from one Dom to one sub—I mean baseline expectations. Things like obedience, honesty, consistency, self-control, respect, accountability, initiative, etc.

So what should actually be considered the minimum? And should that list be different for male and female submissives, or not?

Drop your own rules/standards if you have them. I’m curious what people think a submissive should already bring to the table before a Dom ever starts building a dynamic around them.

The problem with using trails like honest, consistent, disciplined, respectful, and accountable as "submissive" traits is...

Any self-identified "dominant" or "alpha" who doesn't contain those same traits is genuinely a horrible dating partner.

So they're not exclusively submissive traits, and they really have shit to do with a fun kinky D/s dynamic in terms of kink/sex. They're just traits of a decent human being.

As far as a bare-minimum standard for a submissive, I think the bare minimum would be that they enjoy role playing as a submissive.

I mean, I'm sorry to break the illusion for people who want to pretend D/s is always a lifestyle of it's own.

But in reality, a "submissive" is and always will be equal to a "dominant". They just pretend they're not because it makes them horny.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

I think a good rule for doms is to be kind and then as a sub it makes it much easier to open up and trust you won't be pushed past your limits

This is a good attribute for a dom for you (and for me, too, with my preferences). I at least need kindness in the talking and planning stages, but also I’m not looking for cruel (although tell that to my brain that crushes hard on a certain sadist, but that’s neither here nor there). But not everyone who is submissive is looking for kind. Many are, many aren’t. It’s a continuum.

 

[mistress_sophieandel]

There is no generalize rules for a Submissive, the dynamic of a Dom/sub is based on agreement on mutual and there is always room for adjustment of rules and regulations as the dynamic becomes stronger .

 

[Britva415]

Unpopular opinion: a lot of “submissives” want the label without the discipline that should come with it.

If you were to articulate what the problem is which you think happens because of this, you might get farther with this thread.

Any two people need to talk out loud in order to get on the same page, regardless of what labels are offered. If you're a dom who wants your sub to exercise discipline, talk about it with them. If you aren't on the same page, move on to someone else.

If you're a sub who just thinks you're better than other subs, well... Find the dom who agrees with you, and let everyone else call themselves whatever they want.

 

[Erosfan]

There isn't just one right way to do BDSM. I completely agree with this statement. Every dominator or submissive has their own unique sexual fantasies about their perfect dominant relationship. It's a process of mutual adaptation and satisfaction. Nowadays, many people seem to use a rigid template to define BDSM and those who participate in it. I can only say that such people probably don't truly understand BDSM.

I really like your take on this. In a loving relationship, there are many ways to make the Dom/Sub idea work. If the ones involved can have open, detailed discussions about their fantasies and desires, they can achieve their needs. When you love some one enough to give them your all, you don't need a strict set of rules.

 

[debbislut]

This makes me laugh. Also chortle, guffaw and titter! What we need is a plastic photo ID card, with a bold LICENSED SUBMISSIVE emblazoned across the top. This is so long overdue.

I might prefer it tattooed on one of my arse cheeks.

 

[Erosfan]

I think a good rule for doms is to be kind and then as a sub it makes it much easier to open up and trust you won't be pushed past your limits

I loved it when my wife would push me to my limits and occasionally a bit farther. We were so in tune and trusted each other completely. We had a number of incredible experiences.

 

[ShanahS]

Meh, no. I believe the relationship and dynamic between the participants dictates this in all situations. There is no one right or true way with regard to BDSM relationships. As long as those involved are practicing SSC/RACK, it’s all good.

I could not have phrased it better than this, thank you!

 

[MasterDarcy]

No.

Submission and discipline don't go hand-in-hand.

On the contrary, if a Dom/Domme can only receive submission through discipline then it's time to go back to school.

There are no rules and laws with regards to BDSM dynamics.

Generalisations aren't cool. They only serve to put people into cages (not the fun kind) and subdue creativity and individuality.

 

[average_red]

What does it for you about bratty subs? i've always viewed submission, generally, as willing to follow rules and do as desired (obviously with all the communication, consent, etc.). So, my head does not compute (yet, growth mindset!) the lack of obedience as something that would please the dominant one. How does that work? Hope this is OK to ask, here.

Not BDSM, but in vanilla dating, my "bratty" girlfriends just wanted to be re-assured that I wanted them so much that I would put up with bad behavior and wanted the attention. My friends who actually liked the "bratty" girlfriends just liked the conflict and constant need for interaction.

In vanilla dating it gets old and exhausting, but a sadistic Dom and a masochistic Sub probably would enjoy the near constant need to give and receive pain, while an... Insecure? Dom might enjoy being able to exercise dominance constantly, and an.... Insecure? Sub might enjoy the ability to frequently perform submission. I don't know how to phrase it, not insecurity or performative in the bad sense, just in the descriptive sense. Possibly anxious?

 

[average_red]

I think that in regards to the original post:

1) First and foremost, the Dom should be able to act, or negatively act, on anything that the sub tells them while negotiating the relationship as though it was the honest truth. The assumption that the Dom should just know what the sub REALLY wants, and know what the sub was lying about is a problem. (I.e. getting mad at me for respecting the boundaries you gave me, or being mad that I tried something that you said that I could try is unacceptable.)

2) as mentioned. A sub should have some desire to be submissive in some way. If you are "just" a masochist you don't offer much to a significant percent of Doms and would probably be happier looking for a sadist/Dom who was looking for a masochist.

Everything else is probably negotiable and should evolve with time, but you should be willing to live by your own words, and be honest with yourself and your playmate to let them know the rules of the game they are signing up for.

 

[AZMod]

As a natural sub, I have always worked out with the Dom using me what my hard limits are, a safe word and a physical signal if I am gagged or for any reason I can't speak. After care is also wanted by me. Maybe I am lucky, as it has given space for the Dom to maybe use me in ways I never thought of as well as stretch my ability to experience more than I ever thought I could.