A humorous poem and the logic behind it

[stickygirl]

I chased a polar bear (Ursus Maritimus) away, but I had a gun. Well it wasn't actually me but Hannah in Under the Ice

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

If attacked by a polar bear, confuse it with interpretive dance while braying like a donkey.

Or offer it your Coke...

 

[lovecraft68]

I'm curious why people in this forum feel the need to defend everything from their stories to their posts?

You wrote-or posted-whatever it is you felt you wanted/needed to, and that should be that.

regardless of what you say, people are going to interpret however they choose to, and that's just how it is.

The running it back to try to explain it because maybe someone could have taken it the wrong way, just cheapens whatever intent was behind what you posted.

There was a thread recently about what we owe the readers, myself and several others posted along the lines of nothing. By the same logic, we don't owe anyone here any explanations of apologies for what we say.

You said it, own it. Pretty simple.

 

[lovecraft68]

So the Bear Debate thread got locked for some reason.

Partly it was just devolving into the usual mansplaining by the forum 'real men', second verse same as the first etc... partly I feel it was reported by someone afraid of where it was going to go after a certain post was made.

 

[stickygirl]

I'm curious why people in this forum feel the need to defend everything from their stories to their posts?

You wrote-or posted-whatever it is you felt you wanted/needed to, and that should be that.

regardless of what you say, people are going to interpret however they choose to, and that's just how it is.

The running it back to try to explain it because maybe someone could have taken it the wrong way, just cheapens whatever intent was behind what you posted.

There was a thread recently about what we owe the readers, myself and several others posted along the lines of nothing. By the same logic, we don't owe anyone here any explanations of apologies for what we say.

You said it, own it. Pretty simple.

I can see what you mean, but your experience may not be the same as other people - life would be dull if it were so. Maybe the person is a bit OCD and feels driven to tidy up the edges, or maybe they realise they simply didn't express their thoughts properly the first time. No one is writing a peer-reviewed book - it's just chat, nothing more.

 

[lovecraft68]

I can see what you mean, but your experience may not be the same as other people - life would be dull if it were so. Maybe the person is a bit OCD and feels driven to tidy up the edges, or maybe they realise they simply didn't express their thoughts properly the first time. No one is writing a peer-reviewed book - it's just chat, nothing more.

Fair point, but the closing words "Its just chat, that's all," sort of goes back to mine. Why bring it up again?

Because if, for whatever reason, it rubbed someone wrong, now we're going to rehash it, it can blow it up more...if you felt there was something blown up in the first place.

Like the old adage goes, its best to let sleeping dogs lie.

I should add that if there's a specific person you felt you wronged somehow a PM to that person could be helpful.

 

[stickygirl]

Whatevs

 

[Bamagan]

Or offer it your Coke...

"Hey there, snow bear... wanna do some blow?"
Cocaine Bear II: Do You Wanna Make a Snowman? Coming soon to a desperate theater near you.




Oh, you might have meant the soda.

 

[Zootonius]

 

[StillStunned]

There's a Far Side for almost every thread.

 

[MediocreAuthor]

I'm curious why people in this forum feel the need to defend everything from their stories to their posts?

You wrote-or posted-whatever it is you felt you wanted/needed to, and that should be that.

regardless of what you say, people are going to interpret however they choose to, and that's just how it is.

The running it back to try to explain it because maybe someone could have taken it the wrong way, just cheapens whatever intent was behind what you posted.

There was a thread recently about what we owe the readers, myself and several others posted along the lines of nothing. By the same logic, we don't owe anyone here any explanations of apologies for what we say.

You said it, own it. Pretty simple.

I quoted the poem without explaining it, and because I didn't elaborate, Erozetta thought that the poem was awful advice on how to act if you see a bear.

I wanted to clarify that it is good advice on how to behave once a bear attack has begun.

I don't like being misunderstood, so I clarified myself. Is that hard to understand?

 

[Rob_Royale]

That can mean only one thing: you're the bear.

The avatar/profile pic is a bit of a spoiler, isn't it?

Thanks for the laugh guys, that made my morning.

 

[enbiji]

So the Bear Debate thread got locked for some reason, but I don't really care. However, I quoted a poem within it, and I feel the need to elaborate on it to @Erozetta .

"If it's black, fight back,
If it's brown, lie down,
If it's white, good night."

The poem is not advice on how to behave when you see a bear. It is a reminder of the basic principles to follow once a bear attack has begun, if getting away is not an option.

In the case of a black bear, you should indeed "fight back". From the National Park Service: "If escape is not possible, try to fight back using any object available. Concentrate your kicks and blows on the bear's face and muzzle."

However, if you are attacked by a grizzly bear, according to the National Park Service: "If a grizzly/brown bear charges and attacks you, PLAY DEAD. Do not fight back! Cover your head and neck with your hands and arms. Lay flat on your stomach, and spread your legs apart. Keep your pack on, it will help protect you during an attack. Stay still and don’t make any noise—you’re trying to convince the bear that you aren’t a threat to it or its cubs."

And as we previously mentioned, if attacked by a Polar bear, you're fucked. I mean the official NPS advice is to fight back, (because why not?) but we all know it's basically a waste of time.

If it's kodiak, go bear back
If it's panda, do something that rhymes with panda
If it's koala...holla!

 

[enbiji]

So the Bear Debate thread got locked for some reason, but I don't really care. However, I quoted a poem within it, and I feel the need to elaborate on it to @Erozetta .

"If it's black, fight back,
If it's brown, lie down,
If it's white, good night."

The poem is not advice on how to behave when you see a bear. It is a reminder of the basic principles to follow once a bear attack has begun, if getting away is not an option.

In the case of a black bear, you should indeed "fight back". From the National Park Service: "If escape is not possible, try to fight back using any object available. Concentrate your kicks and blows on the bear's face and muzzle."

However, if you are attacked by a grizzly bear, according to the National Park Service: "If a grizzly/brown bear charges and attacks you, PLAY DEAD. Do not fight back! Cover your head and neck with your hands and arms. Lay flat on your stomach, and spread your legs apart. Keep your pack on, it will help protect you during an attack. Stay still and don’t make any noise—you’re trying to convince the bear that you aren’t a threat to it or its cubs."

And as we previously mentioned, if attacked by a Polar bear, you're fucked. I mean the official NPS advice is to fight back, (because why not?) but we all know it's basically a waste of time.

They really shut down the bear vs man thread? Yeah god forbid we have a meaningful discussion on lit

 

[Voboy]

Personal observation - you haven’t felt basic, primal fear until you’ve watched a polar bear deliberately stalking another human being.

I once watched as a tank inched up a hill toward my position.

The dread I felt in that moment really shook me up. Still does, years later, especially since it was a training exercise and I wasn't really in danger. And still it made me want to wet my pants.

I imagine a bear would feel similar, but with an added note of fatalism.

 

[Voboy]

They really shut down the bear vs man thread? Yeah god forbid we have a meaningful discussion on lit

I agree, but the discussion stopped being meaningful fairly rapidly. On-topic discussion was at a premium, with lots of braying on both sides. I liked the OP's intent, but I reckoned it would go poorly.

 

[nice90sguy]

They really shut down the bear vs man thread? Yeah god forbid we have a meaningful discussion on lit

You needed to be here back in 2005. half of the threads were more like the Playground

 

[Comshaw]

So the Bear Debate thread got locked for some reason, but I don't really care. However, I quoted a poem within it, and I feel the need to elaborate on it to @Erozetta .

"If it's black, fight back,
If it's brown, lie down,
If it's white, good night."

The poem is not advice on how to behave when you see a bear. It is a reminder of the basic principles to follow once a bear attack has begun, if getting away is not an option.

In the case of a black bear, you should indeed "fight back". From the National Park Service: "If escape is not possible, try to fight back using any object available. Concentrate your kicks and blows on the bear's face and muzzle."

However, if you are attacked by a grizzly bear, according to the National Park Service: "If a grizzly/brown bear charges and attacks you, PLAY DEAD. Do not fight back! Cover your head and neck with your hands and arms. Lay flat on your stomach, and spread your legs apart. Keep your pack on, it will help protect you during an attack. Stay still and don’t make any noise—you’re trying to convince the bear that you aren’t a threat to it or its cubs."

And as we previously mentioned, if attacked by a Polar bear, you're fucked. I mean the official NPS advice is to fight back, (because why not?) but we all know it's basically a waste of time.

Pretty good advice actually.

A black bear is small enough that fighting back is an option.

a Grizzly on the other hand fighting back is like using a fly swatter to repel an elephant and would only piss the mountain of bear off more.

And a Polar Bear? The Polar Bear is the ONLY carnivore that will consistently stalk, kill and eat a human as food. Yeah there are a lot of "man killer" Wolves, Lions, Leopords, Tigers and such. But they are anomalies, they will not do so consistently over the species. On the other hand, EVERY Polar Bear will do so. if you are in their territory you are food and fair game no matter what you are.

Another little-known factoid: there are more fatalities from Black Bear attacks (even though those attacks are quite rare) than from Grizzly attacks. Most of the time Grizzlies attack because they are annoyed or angry and will stop when they realize you aren't a threat, or they have vented their anger. The Black Bear on the other hand rarely attacks, but when they do they do not stop until the object of their attack is dead.

Edited to add: The best action if you are attacked by a Polar Bear, bend over, put your head between your knees and kiss your ass goodbye.


Comshaw

 

[Bramblethorn]

And a Polar Bear? The Polar Bear is the ONLY carnivore that will consistently stalk, kill and eat a human as food.

Erm.

 

[Comshaw]

Erm.

View attachment 2344896

My bad. The only mammalian carnivore. Better?

Comshaw

 

[Bramblethorn]

My bad. The only mammalian carnivore. Better?

Comshaw

Just as long as nobody gets eaten by a croc, I'm happy

 

[ElectricBlue]

My bad. The only mammalian carnivore. Better?

Comshaw

Lions, tigers?

 

[MediocreAuthor]

Lions, tigers?

As stated somewhere else in this thread, lions, tigers, grizzly bears (oh my), etc WILL occasionally hunt humans, but it is surprisingly uncommon. Most of the time they try to avoid us. They will only hunt us in unusual circumstances

Except polar bears. Every single polar bear you ever see in the wild will consider you a food source.

 

[ElectricBlue]

As stated somewhere else in this thread, lions, tigers, grizzly bears (oh my), etc WILL occasionally hunt humans, but it is surprisingly uncommon. Most of the time they try to avoid us. They will only hunt us in unusual circumstances

Except polar bears. Every single polar bear you ever see in the wild will consider you a food source.

According to this wiki, tiger attacks aren't that "uncommon". When a critter "attacks or kills" in the high tens each year**, that's a good enough reason to stay out of the jungle.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tiger_attack

** that's higher than the numbers who die from diacritics each year, so you're okay .

 

[Comshaw]

According to this wiki, tiger attacks aren't that "uncommon". When a critter "attacks or kills" in the high tens each year**, that's a good enough reason to stay out of the jungle.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tiger_attack

** that's higher than the numbers who die from diacritics each year, so you're okay .

Yes, Tigers do kill a lot of people. There is no argument there. But as stated, for the most part they try to avoid humans.

I can state from personal experience that the part of the article you cited that talks about Tigers associating gunfire and war with bodies is absolutely true. A friend of mine has a Tiger rug he acquired when he killed it with a Claymore mine while it was perusing his position after a firefight. We figured it was looking for fresh bodies.

But Tigers don't CONSISTENTLY hunt, kill and EAT humans. If that were so, because Tiger live in one of the most populated countries in the world (India) you'd see a lot more people Tiger snacks. As noted in the article, SOME Tigers will, however, ALL Polar Bears will. That's the difference. Every living thing in a Polar Bear's hunting range is considered food, EVERY LIVING THING. Even whales. Mostly Beluga and Nar Whales.

Comshaw